Gali-Gula The ET Gray: A Song: A Poem

August 15, 2016 at 12:46 pm (Fantasy, Geopolitics and International Relations, Humour, International Intrigue, Poetry, Science-Fiction, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

When it comes to UFO abductions, there’s a fellow who’s a real pain in the rear
His name is Gali-Gula and he grins from ear to ear
He’s Gali-Gula who everyone should meet
Happy Gali-Gula keeps his UFO looking neat

A debauched Roman Emperor
who wound up devoid of klemperor
he’s Gali-Gula who everyone should meet
Happy Gali-Gula keeps his UFO looking neat

He took a pee in the corner one night
drinking martinis before flying- not so bright
when Sherrielock Holmes saw him in the nude
and finding this rather rude
to say nothing of being crude
she tomatoed him black and blued

Now his buns are aglow like a laser beam
his galaxial reputation come apart at the seam

But he still smiles by the dawn’s early light
although his tomatoed buns be a frightful sight
he was still smiling when he fell over unconscious
his buns as red as those old Bolsheviks obnoxious

Sherrielock Holmes left him lying there
but stopped at the mirror to brush her hair
and then the leather skirted dominatrix vanished out of sight
with the ET gray’s buttocks still glowing bright
NASA and DARPA got there in the dead of night
by which time the ETs took Gali out of sight

-An erotic BDSM science-fiction poem
(a la Anne Rice as A,N. Roquelaure meets Ray Bradbury)
written by Christopher
Sunday August 14th 2016.

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58 Comments

  1. shєrríє dє vαlєríα said,

  2. shєrríє dє vαlєríα said,

    What the …????
    wah ahahaha …
    I can’t stop laughing reading this!
    Geeezzzz … Chris!
    You are at best writing jokes like this.
    hahahaha …
    Can’t stop laughing now!
    LOL

    (⁀ᗢ⁀)

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      That’s good to hear, Sherrie. 😀

      • shєrríє dє vαlєríα said,

        And I am still laughing my ass off, dearest Christopher! My tears still comes out from my eyes and knocked my knee on the side of the table at the same! LOL

        I will get bruise there!
        Gosh … geeezzzzzz … Chris! Really!
        hahahahaa …
        I think I will laugh in my sleep as well.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        And people will ask you, how did you get that bruise on your knee?

        And you will say from laughing at Sherrielock Holmes tomatoing the buns out of an ET gray.

        And people will look at you and say, “Huh?”.

        And your six-year-old girl will say, “It’s because Mommy is ancient that she thinks the way she does.”

        And all your children’s friends will say to them, “Your mommy is so cool. Not like our boring parents.” LOL !

        Glad to hear that you will be laughing in your sleep. 😀

      • shєrríє dє vαlєríα said,

        My children think I am a crazy Mommy but they love it that I stay that way. Lately, I was kind of gloomy, silent and does not talk much like they used to know me. It had my children worried and I didn’t noticed of this myself.

        Not until my 12 years old son came to me one night while I was busy editing my second novel in my bed, he asked me if I am doing okay. He said that I had been different the past few months and the mommy who used to be quite loud and crazy, and laughing much is very silent lately. I am truly sorry that it did effected them in some way and I am trying my best to make my kids happy. But instead of that, it is THEM who are trying their BEST to make their Mommy happy again.

        I felt so deeply touched by him and he had me cried there with him. How much my kids love me as I do them, it is a tremendous feeling of all – a beautiful gift any mother could have and it is naturally wonderful treasure that God gave us. I am so grateful on that.

        Oh, yes, I am very ancient Mummy! LOL

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, your children love you very much as you do them.

        Nice of your son to ask you if you were all right. 🙂

      • shєrríє dє vαlєríα said,

        Yes, he is a very loving boy.
        Lately, he annoys me much.
        Looking up after me like I am a baby. LOL

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        He just wants to be there for you when you’re going through a bad time.

      • shєrríє dє vαlєríα said,

        And he don’t like me in bikini. He would stare at some men who are staring at me and mocking them. “What are you staring at??? I’ll tell my Dad!” LOL

        And he is really over protective from time to time with me and his sisters. He take care of me even at this young age of 12. He said he will karate anyone that would harm me.

        Yes, he is becoming the MAN at home. Really a very good hearted young boy.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        So if they ever did a remake of a Fabian or James Darren beach movie from the 1960s in your Bavarian village (produced by some pot-smoking Hollywood producer who can’t differentiate between a California beach and a Bavarian alpine setting), your son would be very upset if you auditioned for the role of one of the bikini wearing extras. 😀

      • shєrríє dє vαlєríα said,

        LOL I did teased him that he will love girls in bikinis when he is getting older. He could not understand it now, but sooner he will be. Boys will be boys!

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, boys will be boys all right. LOL !

  3. Hyperion said,

    Brilliant and funny, Chris. You keep cranking out the masterpieces. The sly wit here is just brimming over. Other than that, how the heck are you these days? 😀

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Maybe being in a homeless shelter is helping me overcome my shyness.

      I didn’t think I was becoming more extroverted in the real world than I am but maybe I am.

      The past few days all sorts of people have been talking to me and saying what an interesting person I am.

      Usually the only people who told me that I was an interesting person was people who read my stuff on-line.

      Nobody in the real world ever used to tell me that but that was because usually I never say anything in the real world.

      • Hyperion said,

        Maybe you are opening up a little. You do have a lot of knowledge to share and it’s all very interesting. I too am not much of a public talker. But with friends, I am an incessant yakker. I really should shut up and go away so the world could get some much needed rest but for some reason I can’t. Maybe I’m a curse put here to bedevil people with my Dragon Tales. 😉 You, on the other hand, are gifted and that is your ticket to your dream.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Thanks, Daniel. 🙂

      • Hyperion said,

        Yer gonna be just fine, Chris. I think you are seeing the world from a different view now and your journalistic mind will make good use of your experience.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, I’m certainly finding out that the economy isn’t as great as our politicians and our “experts” keep telling us judging from a lot of people’s stories of being thrown out of work the past year.

      • Hyperion said,

        I don’t know anyone that is comfortable anymore. The state I live in barely eeks buy because the tax base fell so drastically that all state services are either cut back or closed. The governor was even trying to close state parks because they could no longer be maintained.Why? because many don’t have a job or have a job that doesn’t pay the bills and so only a small percentage are paying taxes. The state can’t get better until it’s people are back on their feet as well.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, and that can probably be multiplied several times all over North America in numerous jurisdictions.

      • Hyperion said,

        Yes, I’m afraid so. I can remember going through several severe economic downturns in the past but we recovered fairly quick because we had the right mentality and mastery of life skills in great enough proportions to reinvent ourselves and drive new economies. I’m not sure that is the case anymore.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        No, I don’t think that’s the case anymore, Daniel.

        30 years ago when my dad retired from teaching, he said, school boards no longer want reasoning and logic and history and mathematics and true science taught in the schools anymore.

        Instead school boards insisted that children be taught to have high self-esteem.

        My dad said, “Maybe they should really work on having children develop skills so they’ll have something to have high self-esteem about.”

      • Hyperion said,

        Truer words were never spoken. Your father was a brilliant man. Two generations were lost to no child left behind. Now when they fail for a long list of reasons they’re given an award for best nose booger and told they are exceptional. Encouraged to fail in more dramatic ways, they arrive at adulthood expecting gross failure to earn them a living. Then, when that doesn’t work they get on social media and find out where the nearest riot is scheduled and join in. Looting is the best and easiest way to get that new widescreen TV.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yep, that’s about right.

      • shєrríє dє vαlєríα said,

        This is a new chapter in your life, Chris. Embrace it with an open heart. You’ll be surprise that the others are special people too, in some way … It helps you to open your mind to the unknown and along the way you will see more than you did before.

        I was down that road before in my past life and I have become who I am today because of that as well.

        Just do take care of yourself and be brave. Have faith & courage! And you shall be doing just fine.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Thanks, Sherrie. ❤

    • shєrríє dє vαlєríα said,

      Like I said, Christopher is one crazy guy. LOL

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        I remember when Steve Martin first broke on the scene as a comedian, people said of him, “Steve Martin… he’s one wild and crazy guy.”

        Steve Martin also had a B.A. in Philosophy like I did.

      • shєrríє dє vαlєríα said,

        And that confirms it!
        LOL Any philosophers are crazy and got the weirdest of all jokes. The best are yours, Chris!

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Glad to hear that my jokes are the best of all. 😀

      • shєrríє dє vαlєríα said,

        (⁀ᗢ⁀)

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        🙂

      • Hyperion said,

        LOL! He can make anything funny.

      • shєrríє dє vαlєríα said,

        I got an idea!
        Why Christopher can make his own Crazy Funny Bun Dictionary – with all the new words that we three created.
        It will be the New Cool, you know! LOL

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, and Sherrielock Holmes can be on the cover wearing a short leather micro mini skirt, black silk fishnet nylons and red super spiked stiletto high-heeled shoes.

        All the men (and women) out there who enjoy being spanked will be lining up to buy the book. 😀

      • shєrríє dє vαlєríα said,

        And sitting on the Metal Throne with a whip on the side, looking cunningly dangerous! Men and all transhumanist shaken even to see her posters hang somewhere in the city – they gave way to her when they see her and some has to hide in the nearby dustbin for fearing being tomatoes in PUBLIC! LOL

        Just like she did to Gali-Gula!

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        And the Terminator got his buns tomatoed by the whip wielding Tomatoenator.

        Now every time cyborg Arnold Schwarzeneggar sits down on his tomatoed buns, he has Total Recall of the experience.

      • Hyperion said,

        Ooooh! That is a great idea. The transhuminist hamster human dictionary of tomatoed bun terms. perfect! I’d buy two copies. One for home and one for work. 😀

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        And then Tiger Mom will be tomatoing your two buns when she finds your home copy. 😀

      • Hyperion said,

        Oh, maybe I’ll need to hide it amongst all the books on history and art. She’ll never bother it there. 😀

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Until the day some mischievous hamster knocks it off the shelf on to the floor.

        Amadeus: Why are you grinning, Renfield?

        Renfield: Oh, I just did an experiment to find out how Daniel likes having tomatoed buns a la mode with his bourbon and coffee. 😀

      • Hyperion said,

        That would be all I could hope for was to avoid spilling my coffee and bourbon while my buns are in the process of being tomatoed. 😀

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        That would make a great act to see on America’s Got Talent.

        You not spilling your coffee or bourbon in either hand as your buns get tomatoed. 😀

      • Hyperion said,

        I think the Maniacs Against Bourbon Abuse group would applaud such an accomplishment. Sacrificing my buns to avoid spillage is surely a laudable event. 😀

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        And Simon Cowell’s pronouncement will be, “I never expected I’d live to see the day where my secret fantasy was acted out on stage.” 😀

      • Hyperion said,

        Golden buzzer baaaabeeeeeeee!

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        LOL !

      • Hyperion said,

        😛 😀 😉

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        There’s now a new entry in the Gali-Gula and Sherrielock Holmes saga:

        https://draculvanhelsing.wordpress.com/2016/08/18/justin-trudeau-meets-gali-gula/

        😀

      • Hyperion said,

        Woot Woot! You’ve made my day, Chris!

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        🙂

      • shєrríє dє vαlєríα said,

        LOL
        Exactly!
        The Tomato, Mushroom & Wild West Thesaurus.

        Used only by Transhuminist and those alike. LOL

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        John Wayne: Well, my favourite book, pilgrim is The Tomato, Mushroom and Wild West Thesaurus. 😀

      • shєrríє dє vαlєríα said,

        The best seller ever! LOL

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Even the Donald’s hair is busy reading it while the Donald is giving a speech below.

      • Hyperion said,

        An excellent reference to go with Chris’ Vampire novel septology.

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