Nibiru Is Coming

September 2, 2016 at 2:42 pm (Film, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, Science-Fiction, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Dr. Wilfrid Avonmore was Chief Astronomer at the Royal Astronomical Observatory just outside London.

He had as a guest the U.S. Air Force’s chief expert on stealth technology Major Mark Mason.

“What is so important that President Barack Obama actually interrupted my golf game to send me over here?” asked Major Mason angrily as he had blown his only chance to finally score par in life.

“You’ve got a complaint,” Dr. Avonmore fumed but was too embarrassed to announce that he had lost his chance to finally lose his virginity in life when the Royal Astronomical Laboratory had called him the night before.

“What’s so important?” Major Mason growled like Smoky Bear with his pants on fire.

“How big can an object be and still be invisible to radar as well as everything else for that matter?” Dr. Avonmore asked the stealth technology expert.

“I have no idea,” Major Mason answered, “and besides the biggest object we do have under stealth technology is classified top secret at the moment. That is until Edward Snowden leaks it to the Russians.”

“Look through this telescope,” Dr. Avonmore invited him.

“I see nothing,” Major Mason harrumphed like Major Hoople when he looked through the telescope, “nothing but darkness.”

“Now notice what happens when I play this old 78 record album,” Dr. Avonmore said, “a song recorded by a Dr. Kasper Geist in Berlin Germany back on May 14th 1948- a song sung in ancient Tibetan called A Hymn To Chaos with musical accompaniment by a theremin.”

When Dr. Avonmore played the album, Major Mason could see a huge huge huge x infinity huge planet through the telescope.

“Jesus Christ,” Major Mason peed his pants, “that’s the biggest planet I’ve seen in my life.”

“And would you believe this planet is currently in the location of our solar system’s asteroid belt and is heading straight for flyby our earth?” Dr. Avonmore spoke with the solemnity of a scientist in one of those old 1950s end of the world science-fiction films.

“And you mean to say no telescope or any piece of equipment has been able to spot a planet this size so close to Earth unless this song A Hymn To Chaos is played with musical accompaniment by a theremin?” Major Mason asked in incredulous fashion.

“That is correct,” Dr. Avonmore nodded.

“Holy cow,” Major Mason sipped from his bottle of chocolate milk.

“And if you think the planet is big,” Dr. Avonmore spoke with the passion of a used car salesman, “you should see the size of the sun the planet is orbiting around. Something you’ll see when I play this 78 record album backwards. But put on your special protection goggles first.”

“Jesus Christ,” Major Mason said as he looked through the telescope and promptly did a number 2 in his pants.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday September 2nd


  1. Natasha Pea said,

    haha! This: “Holy cow,” Major Mason sipped from his bottle of chocolate milk. really made me laugh out loud. The play of words is great:)))

  2. Dracul Van Helsing said,

    Thanks very much, Natasha. 🙂

  3. Hyperion said,

    You are on a roll, my friend. These last few posts are classics of your great wit and humor. I laughed so hard I had to go get the air freshener to get that over-laugh odor out of the room.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Thanks very much, Daniel.

      LOL ! at air freshener getting rid of over laugh-odor.

      That gives me an idea.

      Johnson and Johnson those great makers of household products should come out with a can of Tomatoed Buns Air Freshener for those who like the smell of a dominatrix and her clients around the house. 😉

      • Hyperion said,

        Ha ha ha ha ha! When your study gets a little musty, spray Dominatrix every day of the week. It will add that freshly tomatoed bun smell to an otherwise uneventful room. Somebody will makes millions on that product. I have an idea what the label looks like.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        LOL !

        I can visualize in my mind the label for Dominatrix Air Freshener too. 😉

      • Hyperion said,

        Great minds do think alike 😀

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,


  4. shєrríє dє vαlєríα said,

    Alright! I’ll send them my Super Extra Natural Mushroom Cleaner for the pants. Extra Charge then – the aftermath of the XXL Planetary Annihilation. LOL

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yes, it will definitely need extra strength mushroom cleaner to clean up those pants. LOL !

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