Rowan Atkinson Meets Brad Pitt

October 17, 2016 at 2:37 pm (Celebrities, Culture, Entertainment, Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, Humour, International Espionage, International Intrigue, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Rowan Atkinson Meets Brad Pitt

Brad Pitt entered The George and Dragon Pub wearing the same suit he wore in the film Meet Joe Black.

At a table was seated Rowan Atkinson wearing the same suit he wore in episodes of Mr. Bean.

Rowan was drinking a glass of brown ale.

“You wish to see me, Rowan?” Pitt sounded irritated.

“Do you know where we are?” Rowan Atkinson tied his tie into the shape of a daffodil flower.

“Some fucking pub,” Pitt ordered a whisky sour from the barmaid.

“No, you’re wrong,” Atkinson seemed delighted in telling the American superstar, “the fucking pub is located down the back alley- The Caligula and Orgy.”

“All right, the George and Dragon then,” Pitt threw back the whisky sour down his throat.

“Exactly,” Atkinson smiled, “where a couple of days ago, an Israeli Mossad agent died after drinking a Scotch laced with Polonium-210.”

“He deserved to die doing that,” Pitt frowned, “what an awful thing to add to good whisky.”

“The Polonium-210 was put there by a vampiress who is a staunch ally of Russia in the Middle East,” Atkinson put some vodka in his tea.

“What does any of this have to do with me?” Pitt helped himself to the bottle of Russian vodka.

“You’re a Russian spy aren’t you?” Atkinson asked the middle-aged blonde Adonis.

Pitt spit the Russian vodka out of his mouth all over Atkinson’s face.

“Thanks,” Atkinson wiped his face, “I needed that. I forgot to use aftershave this morning.”

“What makes you think I’m a Russian spy?” Pitt queried.

“A little bird told me,” Atkinson answered.

“I find that very hard to believe,” Pitt answered with the skepticism of a KAOS agent addressing Maxwell Smart.

“Would you believe Teddy told me?” Atkinson brought out his Mr. Bean teddy bear from underneath his suit jacket.

“I still find that hard to believe,” Pitt started smoking a joint of Canadian marijuana that had been personally autographed by Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau.

Teddy whispered in Atkinson’s ear, pointed in Pitt’s direction and held up a small sign that said HE’S A RUSSIAN SPY with the arrow pointed directly in Pitt’s direction.

“I’m leaving,” Pitt stood up to leave.

He was suddenly blinded by a flash of light from a camera shot by Renfield R. Renfield who was sitting at the next table.

“I’ve caught you with your pants down, Pitt,” Renfield pulled the shocked superstar’s pants down and noticed that he was wearing jockey briefs that showed the white, blue and red tricolours of the Russian Federation.

Amadeus Emanon started playing the Russian National Anthem (which under Putin was set to the tune of the old Soviet national anthem) on his accordion and Pitt immediately had an erection.

“I see you’re standing at attention as well,” Renfield beamed, “proof positive you’re a Russian spy.”

Renfield did not take into account the sexy voluptuous barmaid in the tight fitting short skirt who was bending over to clean up a table.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday October 14th



  1. Hyperion said,

    Bwaaaa haaaa haaaaa! This was great, Chris. Brad Pitt done in by a woody unceremoniously blamed on the playing of the Russian National Anthem. I’m sure the young voluptuous barmaid was a convenient coincidence.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yes, no doubt the voluptuous barmaid was a convenient coincidence.

      Mr. Bean, Teddy, Renfield, Amadeus and his accordion have shown Brad Pitt’s true colours. 😀

      • Hyperion said,

        Undoubtedly, Pitt is in for a serious tomatoing. Every day of the week.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, he certainly deserves it.

        He’ll be saying Sherrielock’s name every day of the week.

      • Hyperion said,

        Whackity-Whack. Don’t talk back, Whack-Whack!

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Sherrie’s back!
        Dressed in black!

      • Hyperion said,

        Ready to give that naughty bootie a whack

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        She’ll aim for your buns
        and not your crack!

      • Hyperion said,

        Sometimes she’s on target and sometimes she’s not,
        Either way, you get the smack
        And those cracked buns get mighty hot
        Eh, whot?

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        It stings, Holmes, it stings!
        Buns are red, the bell rings!

      • Hyperion said,

        And when the whack does swiftly arrive,
        The tomatoed buns come alive.
        Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! the buns do cry,
        Tears of joy fill Sherrielock’s eyes.
        She love’s her work and so do I.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        LOL !

      • Hyperion said,


      • Dracul Van Helsing said,


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