Tellington Blackstreet: A Poem

October 18, 2016 at 4:16 pm (Detective story, Film, Poetry) (, , , )

Tellington Blackstreet: A Poem

Tellington Blackstreet was a different sort of private eye
If trouble didn’t come to him, he’d go looking for trouble
He went into a library and the library sign said, This library is a safe zone
He wondered how safe it was
He went up to one of the librarians, pulled out a gun and shot him several times
He waited
The librarian died from multiple gunshot wounds
I guess the library wasn’t as safe as the sign made out to be
Tellington thought and walked away

He walked down the street and saw some irate female- no doubt a feminist- they were always irate about something or other- objecting to someone wearing a Donald Trump For President hat
“I feel uncomfortable and unsafe you wearing such a racist sexist homophobic hat” she whined.

“What a bitch,” Tellington thought to himself, “no doubt she’d really be bitching if someone shot her in the foot”
He decided to do just that to test the empirical results of his observation
Sure enough after he shot her in the foot, she really started bitching her head off
in between her screams of pain and agony.

Tellington decided to go back to the office
It had been a long time since a tight skirted hot looking babe femme fatale came into his office looking for help
Mind you in this city of quite a lot of ugly looking women that would be quite the unusual encounter
Where was that great fictional defender of the higher aesthetic values of civilization Pan Goatee around when you really need him?
Tellington wondered.
He turned to the Internet and read his favourite blog Dracul Van Helsing.

-A private eye poem
written by Christopher
Tuesday October 18th



  1. Hyperion said,

    I think Tellington Blackstreet and Renfield would make a Dynamic Duo unmatched even by Batman and Robin.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      I believe you’re correct, Daniel, my friend. 😀

      • Hyperion said,

        I’ve developed your sixth sense for predicition and irony. 😀

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Michelangelo’s telepathic energy is everywhere particularly among those who have images of Sherrielock Holmes stuck in their heads. 😀

      • Hyperion said,

        Bwaaa haaa haaaa! Ever since you planted that image in my head it’s always there. My head elves love it too.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        “They’re the happiest head elves in the whole USA” to paraphrase an old country music song.

      • Hyperion said,

        Totally mesmerized by the visions parading in my mind. Those head elves. Gotta love em!

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yep, you do! 😀

  2. shєrríє dє vαlєríα said,

    Tellington has quite an issue with his temper.
    Should send him off to Anger Management program by Charliee Sheen.
    Will done miracle then. lol

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