Renfield and Amadeus At An Irish Karaoke Party

November 12, 2016 at 6:52 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Renfield and Amadeus At An Irish Karaoke Party

The billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set had his entire mansion to himself tonight.

His butler and valet Athelstan had been called away to bail his mother out of jail for being drunk and disorderly. Apparently Athelstan’s mother had been drinking too much gin in a northern England pub and had gotten into a violent argument with another patron about who was England’s greatest rugby player.

Amadeus and Renfield were out of the house to meet the New Orleans songstress and vampiress Angelique Dumont in a London karaoke bar in a tribute night to The Greatest Hits of Tommy Makem and The Clancy Brothers.

So Set was doing what any male would do when he had the entire house to himself- he was drinking a bottle of beer (albeit in Set’s case with a side of blood) and watching television.

He was watching a BBC World News story about more anti-Trump rioting and protests in post-election America.

BBC Reporter (with a huge riot going on in the background): In the weeks running up to this Presidential election the big fear was that Donald Trump supporters would not accept the reality of a Hillary Clinton victory and would riot and cause general mayhem and chaos following the election. Now that the shoe is on the other foot and America has to face the reality of a Donald Trump victory, some of Hillary Clinton’s supporters are rioting and creating general mayhem and chaos themselves.

(Behind the BBC reporter, bottles are being thrown and American flags are being burnt. Signs saying TRUMP NOT MY PRESIDENT are being waved and cries of “Fuck You America” are being shouted)

BBC Reporter (calling to a protestor carrying a Molotov cocktail): Excuse me, sir. Can I talk to you for a minute?

Protestor (with Molotov cocktail): Sure. Cool, man.

BBC Reporter: Why are you doing this?

Protestor: Because Trump won and Hillary lost. This is an affront to democracy and the will of the people, man.

BBC Reporter: What do you think would have happened had Hillary won and Trump lost?

Protestor: All those white Neo-Nazi Ku Klux Klansmen who supported Trump would have rioted. Because Trump supporters have no class.

Topless Tattooed Blonde (burning her Stars and Stripes coloured brassiere in front of the camera): That’s right, Trump supporters have no class. Unlike us, we have class. Fuck you, America! (holds up her middle finger)

Meanwhile down at the Karaoke bar where Irish Music Appreciation Night was being held, Amadeus Emanon and Angelique Dumont were waiting for Renfield R. Renfield to show up.

“How long do you suppose Renfield is going to be at that massage parlour in Soho?” Angelique asked Amadeus.

“That will depend on whether or not Renfield ordered the Dozen For One special,” Amadeus replied.

“Do you think Renfield will keep his promise and not sing any karaoke tonight?” Angelique asked with a shudder as she recalled the riot that had ensued the last time Renfield had sung karaoke.

“I believe he will,” Amadeus nodded, “I wonder if Renfield will remember what door to come in.”

It turned out that Renfield did not.

For he wound up on stage just as the crowd was starting to chant The Old Orange Flute! The Old Orange Flute! The Old Orange Flute!

The karaoke M.C. asked Renfield, “Are you the gentleman who signed up to sing The Old Orange Flute?”.

“Um, no,” Renfield replied, “I thought when the crowd was uttering cries of The Old Orange Flute, they were calling on some Chinaman to introduce an elderly Protestant pansy from Northern Ireland.”

Amadeus winced and buried his head in his hands.

He thought to himself that Renfield with his sense of audacious political incorrectness – that if the media had given Renfield as much coverage at the start of this year’s Presidential election campaign as they had Donald Trump- that it would be Renfield and not Trump who was the President-elect of the United States.

Proving the truth of Oscar Wilde’s dictum, “It’s better to be talked about than not talked about.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday November 12th
2016.

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4 Comments

  1. shєrríє dє vαlєríα said,

    LOL hahahaha … I really like that! ” … Renfield with his sense of audacious political incorrectness …” Genius, really, Chris! Absolutely brilliant! Literally!

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Thank you very much, Sherrie. 🙂

      I’m glad to hear that this chapter with the audaciously politically incorrect Renfield is a stroke of genius. 🙂

      • shєrríє dє vαlєríα said,

        Love Renfield.
        I wish someone Genius can make a drawing of him – an existence of a real Renfield.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, I wonder what Renfield would look like?

        That’s an interesting thought. 🙂

        You draw don’t you, Sherrie?

        I’d like to see a drawing of what Renfield looks like when you imagine him in your mind as you’re reading about him.

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