Pegasus Unveiled

November 19, 2016 at 6:19 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Politics, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Pegasus Unveiled

Set Enterprises’ resident mad scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher had invited former British Prime Minister David Cameron on a tour of Set Enterprises’ Laboratories.

The sanity challenged scientist had run into the former British PM in a tea shop.

Mr. Cameron was looking depressed as a result of the fact he was no longer Prime Minister of the United Kingdom and as a result of the fact that the British people had voted for BREXIT even though he had personally campaigned for the United Kingdom to remain within the European Union.

To cheer Mr. Cameron up, Dr. Rocher invited him on a tour of his laboratories.

Rocher introduced Cameron to Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster who was wearing sunglasses and lying on the sand at the bottom of the aquarium reading a water proof copy of the magazine The Hot Looking Babes In Donald Trump’s Life.

“I think Michelangelo has been spending too much time with Renfield,” Dr. Rocher thought to himself when he noticed his genetically created psychic lobster’s choice of reading material.

David Cameron suddenly noticed a measuring gauge that said 30 trillion below zero.

“This gauge here,” David Cameron pointed to it, “that says 30 trillion below zero. What is it measuring?”.

“The collective IQ of the editors, columnists and reporters at the Washington Post newspaper,” Dr. Rocher replied.

“Really?” David Cameron was shocked, “how long has the gauge been showing that?”.

“Well it had hit a trillion below zero by the end of U.S. Election Night November 8th 2016,” Dr. Rocher replied, “and it’s been going down hill ever since.”

“I see they’re now saying,” Cameron stated referring to the pundits at The Washington Post, “that Trump won’t be bringing real change to Washington DC.”

“Yes,” Dr. Cameron smiled and nodded, “the same geniuses who had been saying all year that Trump would never win the Presidency.”

“You think Trump will bring real change to Washington DC?” Cameron queried.

“Yes,” Dr. Rocher answered in the affirmative, “Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster has been showing me visions of what America and the world will look like under a Trump Presidency. There’s real change a-coming.”

Cracks started to emerge in Michelangelo’s aquarium as the Psychic Lobster got a vision of well known London dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes showing up on the floor of Congress during Trump’s 1st State of the Union Address.

As Dr. Cadbury Rocher led David Cameron through the maze of laboratories at Set Enterprises, they passed through the office of Renfield R. Renfield the Chief of Security and Intelligence Gathering for Set Enterprises.

Renfield wasn’t in his office at the moment. He was coaching an attractive young female Drama student at the University of London. He was playing the part of President Bill Clinton to her Monica Lewinsky.

“It’s a shame we have to ruin such a beautiful blue dress,” Renfield told her, “but nevertheless the Stanislavski method calls for realism.”

As Renfield was busy producing an unpatented brand of mouthwash, Dr. Rocher used Renfield’s absence in the office to briefly watch BBC World News on Renfield’s high-definition television screen.

BBC Reporter: Hello, this is Nigel Roberts reporting for BBC News in New York City. At tonight’s impromptu anti-Trump rally in Central Park, something unusual is occurring. There are reports of a moustached man with a British accent appearing to ugly looking women at the rally and saying to them, “My God, but you’re ugly.” The ugly looking women are then beheaded by another man who is wearing Bermuda shorts here on this cold mid-November night in New York City and who is reported to have hairy goats’ legs as well as hooves for feet.

BBC News Anchorwoman Geeta Guru-Murthy (interjecting from BBC Central Studios in London):

Nigel, we’re getting reports that the entire New York City membership of the Facebook group Pantsuit Nation has been wiped out. Is that correct?

Nigel Roberts: That is correct, Geeta. The entire membership was decapitated just within the past hour by the said individual with Bermuda shorts and hairy goats’ legs. Wait a minute, I think I can see that machete wielding individual now. Yes… it’s… I do believe it’s Pan Goatee the famous serial killer whose specialty is killing ugly looking women in what he has called his “one man crusade to make the world a more beautiful place in which to live.”

Geeta Guru-Murthy: Nigel, can you get an interview with him?

Nigel Roberts: Pan Goatee is within range of the camera now. Pan, Pan, Pan, can you say a word to our audience here on BBC World News?

Pan Goatee (grinning): Sure, Nigel, I’ve always got plenty of time to talk to the media.

Nigel Roberts: Now, Pan, one mystery has been solved at this anti-Trump rally in Central Park tonight. You’re obviously the individual who’s been seen beheading ugly looking women at this rally…

Pan Goatee: That’s correct, Nigel. As Seinfeld’s Cosmo Kramer might well put it, “There aren’t as many Hillary Clinton supporters as there used to be.”

Nigel Roberts: And Pantsuit Nation is gone?

Pan Goatee (grinning): Pantsuit Nation is gone. Only headless corpses in pantsuits will be seen walking the fashion runways and catwalks in New York this autumn.

Nigel Roberts: But the one question I do have is, if you’re the one doing the beheadings, then who is the moustached gentleman with the British accent saying to these ugly women, “My God, but you’re ugly” just before you decapitate them?

Pan Goatee: Well, as you know, Nigel, I’ve been working on developing my psychic abilities. As you know, I can astral project and I can also create an astral laser beam machete with my mind. I’ve also been working on producing holographic images with my mind.

Nigel Roberts: Really?

Pan Goatee: Yes and Donald Trump’s lovely daughters, particularly the lovely Ivanka, have been helping me with my cultural development. And part of that cultural development has been watching the popular 1970s British comedy Fawlty Towers with John Cleese as Basil Fawlty.

Nigel Roberts: I loved that show.

Pan Goatee: Anyways you may recall that episode where John Cleese as Basil Fawlty is in an hospital room and he says to some nurse, “My God, but you’re ugly”.

Nigel Roberts: Oh yes, I remember that episode very well.

Pan Goatee: I laughed for hours when I heard that line. That’s what gave me the inspiration to produce with my mind a holographic image of John Cleese as Basil Fawlty saying to these ugly women, “My God, but you’re ugly” just before I behead them. It’s sort of a unique comedic dramatic way of adding insult to injury.

Nigel Roberts (smiling at the camera): Well mystery solved, Geeta.
It’s Pan Goatee beheading the ugly looking women at these anti-Trump rallies. And it’s a holographic image of John Cleese as Basil Fawlty saying to these ugly women, “My God, but you’re ugly” just before they’re beheaded.

Geeta Guru-Murthy: So your report there from the anti-Trump rally in Central Park, Nigel, is ugly women are dead and Pantsuit Nation is gone.

Nigel Roberts (grinning): That’s correct, Geeta.

Geeta Guru-Murthy (smiling at the camera) : Well with that in mind, it makes me glad that I’m beautiful and glad that I’m wearing a skirt this evening.

Former British Prime Minister David Cameron looked at the TV screen in total shock.

Said Cameron, “It’s like a combination of a slasher horror film and one of those futuristic science-fiction movies. A satyr serial killer beheading ugly women. And a holographic image of John Cleese as Basil Fawlty saying to them, “My God, but you’re ugly” just before they’re beheaded. It’s incredible.”

“It is and of course being female,” Dr. Rocher pointed out, “they’re probably more upset by the words thrown at them in the last moment of their mortal life than they are about being beheaded.”

“Undoubtedly,” David Cameron wholeheartedly agreed.

Dr. Rocher then led Cameron to his next laboratory where there was a screen in front of a large glass enclosure.

“And now, Mr. Cameron, I present to you my greatest creation, the creature I’ve spent the past dozen years trying to genetically re-create,” the scientist pushed a button.

“Good God,” David Cameron gasped, “It’s Pegasus the winged horse of Greek mythology.”

Meanwhile in his aquarium, Michelangelo was ripping off a piece of waterproof masking tape trying to repair the crack on his aquarium glass.

As he did so, the psychic lobster recalled a comment that an American pundit had made earlier this year, “There’s about as much chance of Donald Trump being elected President as there is of the winged horse Pegasus being re-created.”

Meanwhile Renfield R. Renfield was returning to his office after finally collecting and picking up his recently won baseball winnings from a British bookie. He was recalling a statement that another pundit had made at the start of the year, “There’s about much chance of Donald Trump winning the Presidency as there is of the Chicago Cubs winning the World Series after 108 years.”

It was as Dr. Cadbury Rocher had said (and as the folk songs of the 1960s had said 50 years previously), “The times, they are a-changing.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday November 17th
2016.

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28 Comments

  1. Hyperion said,

    Hi Chris, I wrote a very clever comment and suddenly your website exploded and all was lost. I better not try my luck again. But, I did find this one very dark and hilarious. Pan Goatee has done us a great service by removing the Starbucks Bolsheviks. And now Pegasus is ready to mount them in a very equine way.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Sorry to hear your comment was lost, Daniel.

      I don’t know what’s up with WP.

      Too many gremlins at large I guess.

      Speaking of Gremlins, I always thought the property development tycoon in the movie Gremlins 2 was modeled on Donald Trump.

      Yes, Pegasus may prove to be a real pain in the ass to the Starbucks Bolsheviks. 😀

      • Hyperion said,

        Gremlins are the only logical explanation. I was a bit scared when my scathing rhetoric suddenly blew up and disappeared. I knew it wasn’t anyone associated with Set Enterprises so that only left one of the many subjects popular over there at wikileaks. LOL! Go Pegasus! 😀

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, I noticed Hillary has been bitching about Wikileaks recently.

        As well as bitching about the Director of the FBI.

        Hillary’s blaming everyone but Hillary for her loss.

        Starbucks Bolsheviks indeed! This is what happens when gargoyles drink too much caffeine.

      • Hyperion said,

        Even the heaven sent coffee bean has it’s dark side along with it’s dark roast. Get a bunch of Bolsheviks all coffeed up and the next thing you know they’re wanting to revolt against good common sense and decency.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, those Bolsheviks have always been quite a revolting bunch. 😉

      • Hyperion said,

        It’s true. Abuse of good coffee or vodka can have a revolting effect on good order and discipline. Now this legalization of weed means we’ll have wide awake drunken Bolsheviks eating every pastry in sight causing a global shortage of Twinkies and soda pop. The zombie apocalypse is upon us.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        It is indeed.

        And only Pan Goatee can save us. 😀

      • Hyperion said,

        My money and our future lies in the hands of Set Enterprises and a handful of the ancient Egyptian’s employees.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Indeed it does.

        As Tiny Tim (the Dickens character and not the 1960s singer) would say if he was alive today, “God bless Set Enterprises employees, everyone.”

      • Hyperion said,

        LOL! Who knew Set Enterprises and Putin would be our only hope. 😉

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Only Michelangelo. 🙂

        Which explains why your cousin Ana has such a crush on him. 😉

      • Hyperion said,

        Bwaa haaa haaa! Yes, Ana did fancy Michelangelo. I thought he blew up his tank for all the right reasons. Gotta respect a lobster for that. 😀

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster gets a lot of respect.

        He’s no Rodney Dangerfield when it comes to that. 😀

      • Hyperion said,

        Yes, he is quite reliable and entertaining without trying.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes unlike the Cable Television Comedy Network’s so-called comedians who try so hard to be entertaining but fail miserably.

      • Hyperion said,

        It’s amazing. Just the mere blowing out the electrical circuits in the lab is hilarious when Michelangelo does it. But if I did that, I just get a serious kick in the pants from disgruntled light seekers.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, what’s good for the lobster isn’t good for the gander.

      • Hyperion said,

        The only thing we would have in common is a bright red carapace.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        ROTFLMFAO !

      • Hyperion said,

        😂😂

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        😀

  2. shєrríє dє vαlєríα said,

    And where is Sherrielock Holmes when she is needed for the most important Job as to do whipping and tomatoing Butts, polished ’em and hang ’em up as her trophies on her walls.

    Her next Mission would be … waiting for the carrot head Boy … and Gali-Gula are watching from afar … with a cunning smile on his face … enjoying the Moment of waiting of which thrills him … He wet his pants! LOL

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      LOL !

      Yes, Gali-Gula will be having one heck of an extraterrestrial wet dream when he watches Sherrielock Holmes tomatoing Trumpy boy’s buttocks. 😀

      • shєrríє dє vαlєríα said,

        Yes, Gali-Gula has always and will be forever a pervert, you know. It has no cure for such, unless Sherrielock Holmes continued whipping and tomatoed his butt for good!

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, the only lasting cure for Gali-Gula’s perversion is Sherrielock Holmes perpetually whipping and tomatoing his buttocks. LOL !

        What would be Hell for most is Heaven for Gali-Gula. LOL !

      • shєrríє dє vαlєríα said,

        Maybe I should punish him the way the Praetorian guards did! The hell that will make Gali-Gula gone very, very mad with me! LOL

        That will, indeed, make Julius Caesar simply gone crazy down there in the Underworld and said … “Damn! Gali-Gula’s death copied mine. What the hell! The People on earth will definitely mixed up who died being stabbed! Have they know ideas on how to make history here???”

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        LOL !

        Yes, Julius Caesar would definitely say that all right. 😀

        Meanwhile the Emperor Claudius would say, “I definitely don’t recommend the mushroom soup in the Rome Forum Cafeteria.”

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