Haiku About Vampirella The Warren Magazine Vampire Superheroine

November 17, 2016 at 7:54 pm (Comic Books, Entertainment, Fantasy, Horror, Poetry, The Supernatural) (, , , , , )

Haiku About Vampirella The Warren Magazine Vampire Superheroine

Childhood heroine
Vampiress who inspired
Her influence lasts

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Haiku About Vincent Price

November 16, 2016 at 5:35 pm (Film, Movies, Poetry) (, , , , , )

Haiku About Vincent Price

From Shakespeare to Poe
Film noir to bloodcurdling horror
Thriller of a life

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Putin and The Polar Bear

November 15, 2016 at 5:30 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, News, Philosophy, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

Putin and The Polar Bear

Russian President Vladimir Putin had a polar bear teddy bear on his desk.

“Where did you get that, Comrade President?” His aide Yuri asked.

Putin smiled a rare smile for Putin, “A little girl in a town I visited last week gave it to me. She said to give it a hug whenever I feel stressed.”

“Nice,” Yuri nodded.

“And as President of Russia, I do feel stress,” Putin was in a reflective mood.

He looked at the globe of the world on his desk.

And looked at the map of Russia on the wall.

“I genuinely hope that we will be able to have good relations with the new Administration in Washington D.C.,” Putin touched his lips reflectively with his forefinger.

“I hope so too, Comrade President,” Yuri nodded.

Putin had a far away look in his eyes.

“Gold bullion for your thoughts, Mr. President,” said Yuri.

“What? Russian rubles are no longer good for you anymore, Yuri,” Putin laughed a rare laugh.

Yuri smiled, “What are you thinking about?”.

“About Shakespeare’s figure of MacBeth,” Putin answered philosophically, “about the 3 witches’ prophecy. Did MacBeth have to fulfill the prophecy or did he have free will? Could the witches have prophesied and then MacBeth decided not to do it? Not to kill Duncan? Did the fact that the witches prophesied mean he had to kill Duncan? Or was the prophecy just a warning of what might happen should Macbeth kill Duncan?”.

Yuri looked at his boss, “What brought this on?”.

“Oh, just something that I read that disturbed me lately,” Putin answered.

On another desk in his room, Putin’s Russian Bible was open to Ezekiel Chapters 38 and 39.

“I believe God gave us free will, Excellency,” his aide answered, “unlike what witches like those in MacBeth might tell us, there’s always the possibility of hope.”

Putin looked over at a statue of Our Lady of Fatima that a Catholic priest from Portugal had once given him.

“Yes, there is, isn’t there?” Putin thought, “Do you know where Hitler once served over in France in World War I, Yuri?”.

“No, Mr. President,” Yuri shook his head.

“At Vimy Ridge which was finally taken by the Canadians in April, 1917,” Putin said, “and it was the Vimy Ridge War Memorial to the Canadian dead that was the one Entente allied war memorial from World War I that Hitler ordered not destroyed after France fell in 1940. As if for one brief moment, Hitler felt a sense of humanity with people who had fought his nation as enemies. Sadly it was only one brief shining moment like King Arthur’s Camelot was in that song in the famous Broadway musical of the 1960s.”

“What is it you’re trying to say, Comrade President?” Yuri inquired.

Putin was silent.

He picked up the polar bear teddy bear that the little girl had given him.

“Maybe it’s not big actions that make all the difference,” Putin commented, “maybe it’s small acts of kindness, a little here, a little there, a little everywhere that truly move the world.”

Putin used the little toy teddy bear polar bear to give the globe of the world a spin.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday November 13th
2016.

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Haiku About Boris Karloff

November 14, 2016 at 5:16 pm (Film, Horror, Poetry) (, , , , )

Haiku About Boris Karloff

Gentleman in life
A conveyor of horror
in film and on stage

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Renfield and Amadeus At An Irish Karaoke Party

November 12, 2016 at 6:52 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Renfield and Amadeus At An Irish Karaoke Party

The billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set had his entire mansion to himself tonight.

His butler and valet Athelstan had been called away to bail his mother out of jail for being drunk and disorderly. Apparently Athelstan’s mother had been drinking too much gin in a northern England pub and had gotten into a violent argument with another patron about who was England’s greatest rugby player.

Amadeus and Renfield were out of the house to meet the New Orleans songstress and vampiress Angelique Dumont in a London karaoke bar in a tribute night to The Greatest Hits of Tommy Makem and The Clancy Brothers.

So Set was doing what any male would do when he had the entire house to himself- he was drinking a bottle of beer (albeit in Set’s case with a side of blood) and watching television.

He was watching a BBC World News story about more anti-Trump rioting and protests in post-election America.

BBC Reporter (with a huge riot going on in the background): In the weeks running up to this Presidential election the big fear was that Donald Trump supporters would not accept the reality of a Hillary Clinton victory and would riot and cause general mayhem and chaos following the election. Now that the shoe is on the other foot and America has to face the reality of a Donald Trump victory, some of Hillary Clinton’s supporters are rioting and creating general mayhem and chaos themselves.

(Behind the BBC reporter, bottles are being thrown and American flags are being burnt. Signs saying TRUMP NOT MY PRESIDENT are being waved and cries of “Fuck You America” are being shouted)

BBC Reporter (calling to a protestor carrying a Molotov cocktail): Excuse me, sir. Can I talk to you for a minute?

Protestor (with Molotov cocktail): Sure. Cool, man.

BBC Reporter: Why are you doing this?

Protestor: Because Trump won and Hillary lost. This is an affront to democracy and the will of the people, man.

BBC Reporter: What do you think would have happened had Hillary won and Trump lost?

Protestor: All those white Neo-Nazi Ku Klux Klansmen who supported Trump would have rioted. Because Trump supporters have no class.

Topless Tattooed Blonde (burning her Stars and Stripes coloured brassiere in front of the camera): That’s right, Trump supporters have no class. Unlike us, we have class. Fuck you, America! (holds up her middle finger)

Meanwhile down at the Karaoke bar where Irish Music Appreciation Night was being held, Amadeus Emanon and Angelique Dumont were waiting for Renfield R. Renfield to show up.

“How long do you suppose Renfield is going to be at that massage parlour in Soho?” Angelique asked Amadeus.

“That will depend on whether or not Renfield ordered the Dozen For One special,” Amadeus replied.

“Do you think Renfield will keep his promise and not sing any karaoke tonight?” Angelique asked with a shudder as she recalled the riot that had ensued the last time Renfield had sung karaoke.

“I believe he will,” Amadeus nodded, “I wonder if Renfield will remember what door to come in.”

It turned out that Renfield did not.

For he wound up on stage just as the crowd was starting to chant The Old Orange Flute! The Old Orange Flute! The Old Orange Flute!

The karaoke M.C. asked Renfield, “Are you the gentleman who signed up to sing The Old Orange Flute?”.

“Um, no,” Renfield replied, “I thought when the crowd was uttering cries of The Old Orange Flute, they were calling on some Chinaman to introduce an elderly Protestant pansy from Northern Ireland.”

Amadeus winced and buried his head in his hands.

He thought to himself that Renfield with his sense of audacious political incorrectness – that if the media had given Renfield as much coverage at the start of this year’s Presidential election campaign as they had Donald Trump- that it would be Renfield and not Trump who was the President-elect of the United States.

Proving the truth of Oscar Wilde’s dictum, “It’s better to be talked about than not talked about.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday November 12th
2016.

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Haiku About The Remembrance Day Poppy

November 11, 2016 at 5:18 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, News, Poetry) (, , , , , , , )

Haiku About The Remembrance Day Poppy

The poppy’s redness
Blood colour of sacrifice
Freedom’s price was high

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Haiku About Orson Welles

November 10, 2016 at 6:30 pm (Film, Movies, Poetry) (, , , , , )

Haiku About Orson Welles

From War of The Worlds
Foster Kane to The Third Man
His Shadow looms large

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Post-Election Aftermath: A Renfieldian Analysis

November 9, 2016 at 6:03 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

Post-Election Aftermath: A Renfieldian Analysis

In the editorial boardrooms of The Washington Post, The New York Times, CNN, NBC, CBS, ABC and the United Kingdom’s own The Economist newsmagazine, they sat there with totally stupefied and totally stupid looks on their faces.

Not one of these self-proclaimed geniuses had seen this coming.

Many of them began to think that Josef Stalin had it right after all, when every few years, he had slaughtered millions of the common people.

Perhaps if they, the western world’s global elite, had been doing the same thing the past several decades, yesterday’s election debacle might have been prevented.

Even BREXIT might have been stillborn.

Representing the members of the film, music and entertainment industry’s chattering classes, a female blonde moron wearing a t-shirt that said I USED TO BE HANNAH MONTANA sobbed, “Now everybody is going to think that we in the film, music and entertainment industries are a bunch of airheads” (totally oblivious to the fact that most American citizens and indeed most people across the world already thought so).

To confirm the former Miss Montana’s idiotic fears, most of those in the film, music and entertainment industries who had jumped on the losing side’s bandwagon were already using the hoses off bicycle tire air pumps to try to pump their heads up to what should be their proper cranial and cerebral size.

A defeated Presidential candidate in her campaign headquarters who had been forced to write a concession speech at the last moment (a speech she had never written throughout her entire election campaign) was now reflecting how the vast right-wing conspiracy was even more vast than she had originally thought in that TV interview she gave 20 years ago.

In the city of Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada,that metropolis’ vast conglomerate of pot-smoking potheads were trying desperately to get off the One Hell of A Nightmare stoner trip they were currently on about what had occurred south of the border.

. . .

As Amadeus Emanon watched Renfield R. Renfield type up his analysis of the U.S. Presidential election, he remarked, “So Michelangelo was right and the experts were wrong?”.

(Michelangelo the genetically created psychic lobster for Set Enterprises had correctly called the U.S. Election almost a month ago

https://draculvanhelsing.wordpress.com/2016/10/11/michelangelo-calls-u-s-election/

)

“That should come as no surprise, should it?” Renfield asked as he took a large swig from a bottle of Tennessee bourbon and struck his best Ernest Hemingway pose.

“No, I suppose not,” Amadeus reflected.

“After all, you know what an expert is, don’t you?” Renfield grinned as he lit a cigar before proceeding to bang away on his old antique Underwood typewriter.

“No, what is an expert?” Amadeus almost dreaded to ask Renfield.

“Well,” Renfield grinned as he chewed his cigar, “an ex is a has-been and a spurt is a drip of water under pressure.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday November 9th
2016.

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Haiku About Humphrey Bogart

November 7, 2016 at 5:22 pm (Film, Movies, Poetry) (, , , , , )

Haiku About Humphrey Bogart

Villain or hero
Bogie’s always got your eye
Here’s lookin’ at you

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Haiku About Mae West

November 5, 2016 at 3:50 pm (Comedy, Entertainment, Film, Poetry) (, , , , )

Haiku About Mae West

Gun in your pocket?
Or you just glad to see her?
Come see her sometime

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