Homeless and Suicidal In Calgary

February 17, 2017 at 7:50 pm (Personal essays) ()

My regular readers will notice that I haven’t updated for a couple of days.

I do not often talk about personal matters in this blog.

I mostly like to concentrate on my vampire novel chapters, my short stories and my poems.

I try to live on a housing and medical benefits income (which amounts to a little over $750 a month) since I was diagnosed by my doctor last summer as being medically unable to work.

I did move into a place of my own last October but unfortunately my landlady/roommate had an OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) when it comes to excessive bathroom cleanliness and I didn’t keep the bathroom clean enough for her liking even though I tried my best.

I was handed an eviction notice this past December 1st which meant I had to be out on New Year’s Day this year.

Since I was unable to find a new place to move into, I had to go into a homeless shelter.

I decided to try a homeless shelter closer to the Church I attend rather than the homeless shelter I lived in from July until October last year (where I wound up after being evicted from my Vancouver apartment last July due to my inability to pay the exorbitant rents that Vancouver landlords now charge).

I entered this particular shelter at 2 PM New Year’s Day and by 9 PM, I had picked up my belongings and ran out of the shelter.and to the house of a woman who attended my Church.

I asked if she would drive me to the homeless shelter I had been in from July until October of last year.

The reason?

This shelter closer to my Church- 95% of its clientele were crackheads I could discern.

The shelter I had been in from July until October last year had maybe 2% crackheads.

This shelter promised on its signs A Safe and Sober Environment.

Although the shelter had changed somewhat since my return this past January.

Now I discovered they had a client population of about 5 to 10% crackhead.

Of course they won’t let you into the shelter if you’re stoned (I didn’t have to worry about that since I neither smoked, drank nor took drugs all my life) but for crackheads of course, the chemicals will stay in their brains long after they’ve been on their trips which makes them the irrational pharmaceutical and chemically created psychopaths that they are.

I discovered how the clientele had changed back on January 3rd when I had only been in the shelter two days and had my iPhone stolen from my left pants pocket while I slept with my pants on on my mat.

There was also a lot more aggressive behaviour among the shelter’s inhabitants as a result of the increase in crackheads at the shelter.

I tried to avoid the crackheads as best as I could.

I did observe their behaviour but at a safe distance.

Then this past Tuesday night- Valentine’s Day- of all nights this crackhead asshole attacked me on my mat claiming that I had stolen his drugs.

I told him, “I don’t do drugs, asshole” as I fought him off

We finally got up in our struggle and I punched him in the face.

He must have been more aware than I am of how the cameras operated at the shelter because he immediately started carrying on like a big sniveling crybaby, “Waaaaugh! Staff, help me! This guy hit me!”.

Because the cameras do not look directly down on the mats, they can only see what people do standing.

So of course since the only punch that showed up on the camera was the one I had thrown while we were standing, I was the one who ended being suspended instead of the crackhead asshole who started it all.

And then the really ironic thing was that while I waited in the waiting room for the staff to bring me my belongings from my locker in a bag, the crackhead asshole’s ex-girlfriend had a drug overdose (I remember when she was his girlfriend, he treated her really badly and she’d always run crying to her father who also stayed in the shelter) and so was also brought down to the shelter entrance waiting room.

When I left the shelter with my plastic bag containing my belongings to walk to the bus stop across the street, I looked back and a fire truck with a respirator unit and an ambulance were pulling up to the shelter.

The whole scene almost struck me as being a metaphor for Western society today. I was the one being forced to leave the shelter while the asshole crackhead who started the whole fracas was allowed to stay- the same asshole crackhead whose abused ex-girlfriend was being rushed to hospital on a drug overdose.

There really doesn’t appear to be any justice in the world.

I had a Hell of a nightmare trying to find a place to stay this past Tuesday night.

I finally had to rent a hotel room (the cheapest turned out to be $97 a night which really isn’t cheap in my opinion) because I didn’t want to go to any other homeless shelter which has a higher percentage of crackheads than the one I had just left.

I’d rather throw myself into the Bow River than do that.

I’ve been suffering with severe clinical depression ever since my dad died from cancer 7 years ago.

I was finally diagnosed with this condition by a doctor in Calgary this past summer.

I have been seeing a mental health counselor the past few months.

I already had an appointment yesterday to see her at 2 PM and I thought this was timely because I’ve been feeling very suicidal ever since I was thrown out of my shelter this past Tuesday night. I’d rather die than wind up in a shelter with even more crackheads.

When I got there at the clinic at 1;45 PM to see my mental health counselor (15 minutes ahead of my 2 PM appointment), I was handed this piece of paper by the receptionist, “Dear friends, I am leaving the clinic. I have found new opportunities elsewhere. Yours truly,Nikki.” She had left the clinic’s employ 3 days earlier.

So with my usual on-going series of bad luck that has been going on continuously in my life ever since my dad died of cancer 7 years ago, my mental health counselor had up and left her job just when I needed her the most.

So I checked out of my motel today.

I can’t really afford to stay there any more nights.

Sadly the people at my Church have lives and big families of their own and they don’t have the ability or means to let me stay at their places for awhile.

I don’t know where I shall spend tonight.

I have no idea.

I don’t really want to go to any other homeless shelter.

I’ve had it up to here with crackheads.

Maybe I will throw myself in the Bow River.

I don’t know.

This is not a work of fiction tonight like my other writings, my dear readers.

This is the grim God’s honest truth.

Although God seems to have walked out of my life at the moment.

And only the Devil remains.

If you’re a praying individual. please pray for me, my dear reader.

-A real-life personal essay
written by Christopher
Friday February 17th


  1. righteousbruin9 said,

    My prayers go out on your behalf, Christopher. Being 1,500 miles to the southwest, that is the best I can do. Stay safe, even if it means sitting in an all night diner, or riding the bus round and round.

  2. doesitevenmatter3 said,

    This all makes me so very sad, C. 😦
    You know I will pray for you.
    Please be safe. Please keep the faith and hope. Please find someone there you can talk to…someone you can look in the eyes and let them know how you are feeling. Or a number you can call to talk to someone. I know all the help that is available in the USA…but, I don’t know what is available where you are.
    Please let us know how you are doing.

  3. Dracul Van Helsing said,

    I’ll do that, Carolyn.
    Thanks for your prayers.
    I wish I could find someone in Calgary I could truly talk to.

  4. Mithai Mumblezz said,

    I’m so sorry to hear about this Christopher. You can go to Iskon…..I’ve seen many foreigners living there whole life happily there. They provide free lodging and meals through the day and a beautiful atmosphere as well, along with many spiritual classes and books…….I don’t exactly know in details about the admission process but many many foreigners live over there. You can go to the nearest iskon temple to know more, I hope this helps.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Thanks, Mithai.

      I’ll have to see if there’s an Iskcon temple in Calgary.

      I’ve noticed a very lovely Vietnamese Buddhist monastery here in Calgary and I’ve thought of possibly knocking on their doors to see if they accept guests.

      • Mithai Mumblezz said,

        I saw on Google, there’s one
        313 4 St NE, Calgary, AB T2E 3S3, Canada
        I hope this is the right address. Many foreigners spend all their life in Iskon, as I’ve seen in India…..even though I’m not sure what exactly is the process….. shouldn’t be very trusting though, even though the services offered is very comfortable.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, I’ve heard they’ve been accused of brainwashing some of their adherents.

      • Mithai Mumblezz said,

        Yes might be. No religious institution is ever clean!! Many things go on in the undercurrents that we don’t know about…..but apparently its a lively place where many people live for a long time or for a while till they can get over the tough times mainly coz the rooms and the meals are hygienic and free of cost.
        But if you are living with a friend, nothing can be better than it!! I wish you all the best, take care ☺☺

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Thank you very much, Mithai. πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

      • Mithai Mumblezz said,


      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

        btw- I notice I get notifications saying that you like my comments.

        I like all your comments too but for some reason I’m unable to click Like on comments on my own blog which is strange.

        And it’s been that way since I first started writing here.

        People are able to like Comments on my Blog except for me who is the Blog’s writer. LOL ! Strange!

      • Mithai Mumblezz said,

        Hi sorry for the late reply Chris, I was offline for the past few days!
        I always blog from my app so didn’t any such problem till now, even though the app comes with its own issues!
        Yeah I remember you told me about this problem initially when we were talking, I hope this change problem gets sorted soon lol😁😁

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        I hope so too. πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€

      • Mithai Mumblezz said,


      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        In the meantime, The Life and Reflections of A Vampire Hunter blog goes on. πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

      • Mithai Mumblezz said,

        And we all love visiting your blog and talk with you. You are always wonderful to talk to☺

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Thanks, Mithai. πŸ™‚

        That’s nice to hear.

      • Mithai Mumblezz said,

        Have a good day! My best wishes with you☺

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,


        May you have a wonderful day as well. πŸ™‚

      • Mithai Mumblezz said,

        Thank you☺

  5. rachelrain1980 said,

    This was so sad to read. Sending you prayers and hugs all the way from Perth, Australia. Rachel xx

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Thanks very much for your prayers, Rachel.

      They are greatly appreciated.

      I am currently living in a transitional housing building for single homeless men.

      Hopefully this will turn out to be a stepping stone in the right direction and I’ll finally get my life back on track.

  6. Orwell’s 1984 Has Arrived In 2017 | Dracul Van Helsing said,

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