Ding Dong! The Witch Is Dead!

March 10, 2017 at 6:13 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Horror, Mystery/horror, Mythology, Science-Fiction, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

Big Ben just happened to chime in London the moment Hecate was beheaded in New York City.

Apollo gathered up Hecate’s head and had it cryogenically frozen.

Who of course could bring the deity back to life?

First bets fell on Dr. Cadbury Rocher the resident mad scientist at Set Enterprises in London who had brought Apollo back from the dead, had restored Medusa to life (minus her atrocious snake hair style) and who also had managed to clone several Greek mythological creatures including Pan and Pegasus.

However Dr. Rocher was fearful of reprisals from satyr serial killer Pan Goatee if he brought Hecate back from the dead so he declined.

South African witch doctor Sterling Makabo declined for the same reason.

As did the Russian FSB’s (former East German Stasi) mad scientist Dr. Nicht Werhoffen although Dr. Werhoffen did have the added burden of his boss Russian President Vladimir Putin’s dislike for witches (hence his dislike for Hillary).

Former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton released the following statement upon hearing of Hecate’s death:

I’m so sorry to hear of the sudden and tragic demise of the Greek goddess I always considered my personal mentor Hecate the goddess of witchcraft, sorcery and necromancy. I know me and my supporters as well as the CEOs of all Planned Parenthood clinics across the land are absolutely devastated by news of our mentor’s death. I am personally proud of being a witch although I do know being a witch spelled with both a “w” and a “b” probably cost me the U.S. election as many people seemed to prefer even voting for Donald Trump as opposed to voting for me.

Weepingly yours in Hecate,
Hillary.

The Greek goddess Demeter (goddess of the harvest and agriculture) was very concerned over the death of Hecate.

She turned to Artemis the goddess of the hunt for help in bringing Hecate back to life.

Asclepius the Greek god of medicine and healing was sadly being held a prisoner in the Himalayas by a mysterious Golden cobra serpent figure who called himself Maitreya so he could not do it.

Artemis went for a walk in the woods in upstate New York to collect her thoughts.

There she ran into the ET gray Gali-Gula (whose ET gray body was possessed by the spirit of the Roman Emperor Caligula).whose Niburuan UFO ship The Gunterpunter had run out of metallic hydrogen since Gali-Gula had neglected to fill up at the closest Nonpetro Galaxia metallic hydrogen filling station.

Gali-Gula was aware that world-famous Earthling dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes would probably tomato his buns for such a major blunder to say nothing of Pope Francis excommunicating him (if he had been Catholic) as well as being hit by a major carbon tax surcharge by Alberta Premier Rachel Notley’s NDP government in Canada for making such a major environmental non-green non-renewable energy blunder.

Artemis told Gali-Gula her dilemma.

Gali-Gula told Artemis his.

Artemis text messaged Hephaestus the Greek god of the forge to see what he could do.

In return, Gali-Gula text messaged his ET grayish home planet Nibiru’s top scientist Dr. Whenever Wherever.

Dr. Whenever Wherever was in fact a Nibiruan scientist from the future who had traveled back in time to the current century.

Due to a mishap involving a drunken Niburuan otter called Jeffery which resulted in sustainable head injuries to Dr. Whenever Wherever after he tripped over the well intoxicated otter lying on the floor, Dr. Whenever Wherever’s portion of his ET gray brain dedicated to time travel had been overtaken by amnesia. (Nibiruan science had suffered several setbacks over the millenia due to the folly of drunken Nibiruan otters- please see

https://draculvanhelsing.wordpress.com/2016/08/12/gali-gula-from-roman-emperor-to-et/ )

In the future, Dr. Whenever Wherever had been born to Nibiruan parents who were big fans of the earthling BBC series Dr. Who watching them on Ultra-Violet Ray Video Discs (with infinitely better picture quality than our decade’s Blu-Ray discs). Unfortunately the idiot recording them on the Discs had pushed the wrong button and so the only soundtrack that showed up in the background of the Dr. Who episodes was a constant refrain of Shakira’s 2001 hit song Whenever Wherever.

That episode of Dr. Who where the stone angels came to life was infinitely more terrifying when you heard the words Whenever Wherever to their suddenly and eerily coming to life.

As such, the young ET gray’s parents had named the child Whenever Wherever after the dialogue in the episodes of Dr. Who they watched on the unknown idiot’s Ultra-Violet Ray video discs of Dr. Who.

Dr. Whenever Wherever of Nibiru after speaking to Artemis on Gali-Gula’s Infinitely Celestial Smart Phone agreed to help in the case of Hecate’s severed head seeing if it could be brought back to life.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday March 10th
2017.

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