Kim Jong-un and The Deity Behind The VX Nerve Agent

March 22, 2017 at 4:35 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

U.S. President Donald Trump was hard at work in the Oval Office.

He was busy tweeting, “@realDonaldTrump Barack Obama not only wiretapped me. He also used drones to spray my hair and change my hair colour so people would think I’m wearing a toupee.”

An aide entered his office, “Mr. President, we’ve found out who’s been manufacturing VX nerve agent for Kim Jong-un. The same VX nerve agent that was used in the assassination of the despot’s half-brother Kim Jong-nam at Kuala Lumpur International Airport in Malaysia.”

President Trump responded, “This is probably a good thing that you’ve found out who’s responsible.”

Meanwhile at the Presidential Palace in Pyongyang, North Korea, KIm Jong-un addressed the Greek deity Hephaestus (known to the Ancient Romans as Vulcan), “Well, Heph baby… say I hope you don’t mind me calling you Heph… I rather like the name Hef… reminds me of Playboy bunnies for some reason… anyhow I just used the VX nerve agent you’ve been making for me to exterminate the incompetents who’ve been in charge of my missile development program. All these missile launch failures start to get embarrassing after a while. Leaves me with egg on my face. I’ve often killed my top chefs and waiters at the palace here for the same reason.”

“Heph is all right,” the Greek god of fire and the forge responded.

“Anyhow after I watched them die from my window while I was enjoying my breakfast of scrambled eggs and egg foo yung, the thought occurred to me maybe I should get you to forge my missiles for me,” Kim Jong-un smiled like a beatific Buddha.

“That can be arranged,” said Hephaestus, “but I’m going to need an awfully big forge.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday March 22nd


  1. Hyperion said,

    Next time Baby Kim launches a missile, whip over to Google earth and take note of the ships off shore in international waters. As long as they are there Baby Kim’s missiles will continue to fail and he will continue to eliminate his reluctant band of missile scientists and engineers. Strangely enough, those ships have things on them named for Greek Gods. Also, if you zoom in on the bridge of the larger ship, you’ll see Renfield R. Renfield on the bridge. That rascal. 😎

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Unfortunately the Calgary Public Library won’t let me use Google Maps for spotting ships in international waters off North Korea’s coast.

      They’re obviously working for somebody sinister- something I’ve suspected since arriving in Calgary a year ago.

      I wish my sister would get off her bloody ass and mail me her old iPhone 4.

      She promised to do after my old one was stolen back on January 3rd but so far she hasn’t done so and it’s been 3 months now.

      • Hyperion said,

        In that case just watch the news and take note of any missile that escapes gravity. Those are the ones to look out for. As near as I can tell, you may be closer to NK than I am so keep your earloop dust mask handy. Those things are great for filtering blast debree and elevator farts which can happen simultaneously under certain unfortunate circumstances.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        I’ll keep that in mind. 😀

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