The Ayatollah and The Satanic Verses

April 2, 2017 at 3:48 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

It was February 14th 1989.

Saint Valentine’s Day.

Although Valentine’s Day was not officially celebrated in the despotic theocratic state that was the Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini’s Islamic Republic of Iran in 1989.

A cleric knocked on the door of the Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini’s room.

“Just a minute,” the Ayatollah Khomeini hid the copy of the decadent western Playboy magazine (November 1976 issue with playmate Patti McGuire on the cover and the lustful heart opening interview with Jimmy Carter that the Ayatollah never once got around to reading) under his mattress and quickly reached for his copy of the Quran (which was more than an arm’s reach away).

“Come in,” the Ayatollah quickly pulled up his robes.

“Your eminence,” the cleric bowed, “our school of imams have just finished reading that book The Satanic Verses by the infidel apostate Salman Rushdie. They have been forced to render and tear their clothes at such blasphemy. While they await delivery of fresh clothes from our exclusive tailor shop in downtown Tehran which as you know is quite the distance by camel from our Holy City of Qom…”

“Why don’t the idiots just send the clothes by taxi?” The Ayatollah inquired.

“Of course, your Eminence, we’ll do that,” the cleric bowed again, “they’re wondering what should be done about the said infidel apostate Salman Rushdie?”.

“What does Rushdie say exactly?” The Ayatollah reached for a wet towel to wipe his hands.

“He mentions that our Prophet (peace be upon him) succumbed to the temptations of Satan and put in the original edition of the Quran that Allah had 3 daughters al-Lat, al-Uzza and Manat and that it is perfectly acceptable to pray to them the 3 daughters of Allah. Of course our Prophet (peace be upon him) repented and removed these verses from the Quran (found in an-Najm 53: 19-22),” the cleric trembled.

“He mentions this?” The Ayatollah raised one of his satanically Mephistopheles black eyebrows.

Ayatollah Khomeini

“Yes, your Eminence,” the cleric bowed again.

“Blasphemy,” the Ayatollah rents his robes that had been covered in a sticky creamy white substance, “I issue a fatwa (death sentence) on the blaspheming apostate Rushdie’s head.”

A few days later in London, England, the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set was reading in The Times of London about the Ayatollah Khomein’s Valentine’s Day fatwa on Salman Rushdie author of The Satanic Verses.

“The 3 daughters mentioned in The Satanic Verses… al-Lat, al-Uzza and Manat?” The billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set rubbed his chin, “I remember them from the days when I visited the Arabian peninsula millenia ago. They were the most delightful vampiresses. In fact, al-Lat, she was called Lilith in ancient Babylon and the Babylonian Talmud. In fact, she rescued me from that dungeon in Cairo back in 1939 where I was held by British commandos so I wouldn’t object at the wedding of Her Highness Princess Fawzia Fuad of Egypt to Crown Prince Mohammad Reza Pahlavi of Iran. Although as it turns out an Islamic wedding ceremony doesn’t have that Church of England Book of Common Prayer bit about “If any man (or vampire) knoweth of any reasons why these two may not be wed, let him speak now or forever hold his peace.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday April 2nd
2017.

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