Cthulhu On The South China Sea

April 11, 2017 at 4:30 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

“Mr. President,” Trump’s aide was forced to interrupt him as he was writing yet another Twitter tweet, “ships are being attacked in the South China Sea.”

“Whose ships?” Trump looked up, “our ships? Who’s doing the attacking? The Chinese?”.

“All types of countries’ ships are being attacked in the South China Sea including China’s,” the aide replied, “and the attack is being carried out by a strange sea creature who stands hundreds of meters tall, has an octopus head for a head, the wings of a dragon on its back and has giant humanoid arms and legs with its hands and feet webbed.”

“Sounds like the preview trailer I saw for the latest Pirates of the Caribbean film with Johnny Depp as Captain Jack Sparrow,” Trump reflected.

“Nevertheless it’s real, Mr. President,” the aide said grimly, “The NSA believe that it’s the creature Cthulhu originally believed to have been a fictional character first mentioned in the works of an early 20th Century horror story writer called H.P. Lovecraft.”

Trump picked up the phone and dialed a number, “Hello, Ivanka? Get thee to a library and read up everything you can find about a fictional monster called Cthulhu mentioned in the works of a horror writer called H.P. Lovecraft.”

. . .

The Royal Australian Navy ship The H.M.S. Pirate Don Durk of Dowdee was the only one that survived the attack by the creature Cthulhu of all the ships attacked in the South China Sea that fateful day of April 11th 2017.

First Mate Gil Mebson asked Captain Haul Pogan how their ship The Dowdee managed to survive.

“Well when we left Mumbai,” Captain Pogan took off his alligator boot to scratch his foot, “that psychic I had gone to see in Mumbai Tantric Tanya advised me to cover the ship in garlic. When I asked why, she said, I’d know the reason when we sailed back to Australia. This must be the reason.”

“So this Cthulhu creature is allergic to garlic like vampires and certain demons are,” Gil Mebson said as he ate his butter chicken.

“Apparently,” Captain Pogan opened a can of beer, “and it’s a good thing too. Otherwise I might never have heard the song Waltzing Matilda sung ever again.”

“That ship there doesn’t seem to have been attacked either,” Gil Mebson pointed to a ship that suddenly appeared out of nowhere.

“It appears to be a North Korean ship judging from the flag,” Captain Pogan peered through his binoculars, “and it’s got a huge television screen atop the mass broadcasting a speech from North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un.”

“I wonder what he’s saying,” Gil Mebson drank some rum.

“Well, if my Korean serves me correctly,” Captain Pogan replied, “Korean which I learned from making love with beautiful female members of the Korean Dragon Sisterhood Warrioress Society back in my days in Seoul, Kim Jong-un is reciting passages from the Necronomicon in Korean. The Necronomicon was originally written in Arabic by Abdul Alhadrez in Damascus in 730 AD. I myself read the Latin edition of The Necronomicon as a young Jesuit seminarian until I decided I couldn’t accept celibacy after attending a Sean Connery James Bond Film Festival held in Melbourne. I believe the passages Kim Jong-un is reciting are those passages that call the Cthulhu to rise from his home at the bottom of the sea.”

. . .

Peter Whitstable the man they called the Fox Mulder of Interpol was surprised to receive a phone call from South Korean vampire huntress Hyung Grace Kwan.

He hadn’t talked to Hyung ever since she broke up with his friend the Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing.

Hyung had caught Dracul in bed in a menage a trois with the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec and the Egyptian vampiress Isis back on December 21st 2012 the day the world was supposed to end.

“Hyung, what’s up?” Whitstable asked.

“It’s Kim Jong-un,” Hyung replied, “last Christmas, he managed to get his hands on an ancient Korean copy of the book The Necronomicon. He’s now using that book to raise deadly occultic supernatural creatures from their resting places in the Underworld and at the bottom of the sea.”

“Wow,” said Whitstable, “too bad western intelligence hadn’t found about this earlier.”

Whitstable had on his desk a detailed report about today’s Cthulhu attacks in the South China Sea.

“Kim Jong-nam his half-brother found out about it and was going to reveal all after a gambling trip to Macau,” Hyung said, “but he got that fatal VX nerve agent towel in the face at Kuala Lumpur International Airport.”

“And now the young Stalinist brat Kim Jong-un has raised Cthulhu to attack shipping in the South China Sea by broadcasting Necronomicon pasages via satellite transmission to large screen TVs on North Korean ships,” Whitstable seethed.

“Who knows what other monsters he’s now going to raise?” Hyung looked over at her Samsung large screen TV.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday April 11th
2017.

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2 Comments

  1. Hyperion said,

    Brilliant dialog Chris! LOL, you even managed to slip the Dragon Sisters in there. Jolly good show as Ed Sullivan would say.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Thanks very much, Daniel. 🙂

      Yes, it’s always fun to bring the Dragon Sisters into my story. 😀

      Yes, I can just picture Ed Sullivan introducing this story,

      “Well, folks, we’ve got a really big shoo for you tonight… a really big shoo…”

      The camera then pans in on the Size 666 large waterproof shoe that Cthulhu is wearing. 😀

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