Kim Jong-un’s Strange Dream
North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un had had a busy day.
He spent part of it overseeing the executions of people he deemed his “enemies”.
That took more than half his day. Finally he had to leave the execution site and attend to his other chores.
The other part of the day he spent inspecting the milking of cows while he smiled benignly with dairy workers in photos taken and released to the international press to show the world what a nice happy go-lucky guy he was.
Kim did wonder though why it took North Korean Red Army soldiers pointing their guns at them to force the North Korean dairy workers to smile.
Of course those soldiers with pointed guns weren’t shown in the photos released to the international press.
Kim then went home to bed where he had another beautiful North Korean Red Army female soldier waiting for him to attend to his special needs.
Once again trying to raise a certain part of his anatomy went about as successfully as most of his missile launches.
What a pity.
He would have to have his beautiful female companion for this night executed.
He couldn’t risk stories about his poor bedroom performance leaking out.
Kim Jong-un then watched a video of his half-brother Kim Jong-nam keeling over in Kuala Lumpur International Airport and dying.
Laughing, he turned off the TV and then the lights and went to sleep.
He dreamed he was walking by the ruins of an ancient temple that locals called the “Red Basilica”.
A voice from the Red Basilica hearkened unto him.
“Enter,” said the voice.
He entered the temple and there above the ruined altar, he saw a vision magically appear above it.
The vision showed a scorpion attacking the testicles of a white bull.
Above the vision of a scorpion attacking the testicles of a white bull were these words, IN HOC SIGNO VINCES.
As Kim’s knowledge of Latin was non-existent, a voice after several moments spoke these words, “In this sign, conquer.”
Since Kim’s English wasn’t so great either, the voice then spoke the same words in Korean.
Kim stood there with a stupid looking expression on his face.
Finally a beautiful Korean woman in a white gown appeared over the altar and said, “It means, you idiot, you take this vision you saw of the scorpion attacking the white bull and you paint it on your missiles and they will rise and perform and do what it is that they’re supposed to do.”
“Oh,” Kim answered.
He then woke up.
He then phoned his missile launch center and told them to paint a picture of a scorpion attacking the testicles of a white bull and then place a painting of the image on each one of his missiles.
He hung up the phone.
He then wondered if he should get a Pyongyang tattoo artist to put a tattoo of the image (a scorpion attacking the testicles of a white bull) on a certain part of his anatomy and he might get a better performance out of it.
No, Kim shook his head.
He had a vision of a Korean George Costanza (the name of a character from the American TV show Seinfeld) saying to him, “That’s gotta hurt.”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday April 27th
2017.
Dracul Van Helsing 
crumpledpapercranes said,
April 27, 2017 at 8:44 pm
I’m beyond thrilled that I found your blog.
Dracul Van Helsing said,
April 28, 2017 at 1:01 pm
Thank you very much. 🙂
I’m always delighted to get an enthusiastic new reader.