Renfield’s Analysis of The French Presidential Election

May 8, 2017 at 4:19 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Renfield R. Renfield was staying in the town of Tewkesbury where he was running as the British Transhumanist Techno-Progressive Anti-Bio Conservative Party candidate in the constituency of Tewkesbury In The Cotswolds.

His friend Amadeus Emanon was up from London visiting him to see how the campaign was going.

“It’s an exciting dynamic campaign all around,” said Renfield as he sat next to the pub dog in the Nottingham Arms Pub in Tewkesbury. The dog yawned and fell asleep next to Renfield.

“What do you think of yesterday’s French Presidential election results?” Amadeus asked referring to centrist candidate Emmanuel Macron’s overwhelming victory in the Sunday May 7th 2017 French Presidential election.

“Well,” said Renfield while eating his tuna fish and scallop omelette, “it appears that the French people have elected a brown nosed butt kisser for the New World Order to be their new President.”

“I take it you don’t approve of the result,” Amadeus remarked with his usual sense of classic understatement.

“No,” Renfield broke wind sending the pub dog fleeing out the pub door, “it would have been much better if the French Aquarian Age Bonapartist Party candidate the Kraken Napoleon VI had come in first instead of 12th and last in last month’s !st Presidential round of voting. And then won the Presidential election yesterday. But the French people were too stupid to do that. A pity really. The Kraken Napoleon VI could have declared himself Emperor of France and his wife the ex-Gorgon Medusa would have become Empress. With a 3rd French Empire and Imperial Court, we could have gotten rid of the inherent stupidity of French democracy once and for all.”

“French democracy is inherently stupid?” Amadeus asked as he ate his escargots.

“Yes,” Renfield nodded as he dug into his British steak and kidney pie, “you see there’s one inherent major underlying problem with French democracy.”

“And what’s the one inherent major underlying problem with French democracy?” Amadeus asked as he bit into his camembert loaded croissant.

“The one inherent major underlying problem with French democracy,” Renfield explained, “is that it’s French people who are involved in the voting and decision making process. No wonder you have such disastrous results and major screw-ups.”

At that moment, a woman wearing a French maid outfit walked through the door.

Renfield immediately rushed up to her and said, “I love it when women wear French maid outfits.”

“That’s good, monsieur,” she replied in a sexy French accent, “because I am French and I do happen to be a maid.”

“Wonderful,” Renfield used every ounce of self-control he had to prevent his tongue from hanging out and panting, “I love the French people.”

“You should have just heard what he was saying about the French people a moment ago,” Amadeus quipped as he ate a raspberry parfait.

Renfield’s face immediately turned Bolshevik red.

“And what was that, Monsieur?” The French maid turned towards Amadeus.

Amadeus repeated Renfield’s statement verbatim and with terminological exactitude.

The kick the French maid delivered Renfield with one of her spiked stiletto high-heeled shoes sent Renfield flying into the liquor cabinet behind the bar.

It was an unforgettable start to his own personal election campaign.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday May 8th 2017.

Simone The French Maid
Simone the French Maid: Not impressed with Renfield R. Renfield’s analysis of what is the major underlying problem with French democracy.

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