Sherrielock Holmes vs. Jack The Ripper: A Poem

June 11, 2017 at 3:42 pm (Crime, Culture, Detective story, History, Horror, Literature, Mystery, Mystery/horror, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

It was London in the year 1888
a place and a year of great ill-fate
in which ladies of the night in the streets of London
were approached by an evil man and done in.

He wore black hat and cloak, black gloves and cane
he was Jekyll’s Hyde come to life in an evil reign
and Sherlock Holmes was naturally called in to solve the case
as Scotland Yard’s Inspector Lestrade was tired of losing face

But even the great Sherlock Holmes could not catch the Ripper
instead Sherlock ended up ripping his pants and breaking his zipper
and he hurried back to 221B Baker Street in shame
said he to Watson, “In no article, mention my name.”

And Sherlock’s little known twin sister Sherrielock heard of her brother’s failure
as well as the Great Detective’s little known nocturnal flight to London tailor
Now Sherrielock was a brothel owning dominatrix by trade
one who always managed to avoid a Scotland Yard raid

Said she, I’ll capture the Ripper and put an end to his Reign of Terror
I”ll do what no one else in London has dreamed to dare
and I’ll do it keeping in place my shampooed hair

So she put on her undercover dominatrix outfit and walked the East End’s Whitechapel streets
Sherrielock Holmes
and she heard in the approaching distance the sound of fancy carriage horses’ hoof beats

A tall dark stranger dressed entirely in black
exited the cab saying, “Just call me Jack”.
“I’ll certainly do that, Jack dear,
if you let me whip your rear”
said Sherrielock pulling out a cat o’ nine tails
and before Jack knew it, he got a fist full of nails.

He was down on the ground, his pants all around
his buttocks were turning a fiery red
his ass no longer filled with Plutonian lead

But by the time the night was over, Jack The Ripper was no more
his ass had positively melted on London’s paved cobblestone floor
Scotland Yard never revealed how the Ripper had died
what was the successful antidote to this Jekyll’s poisoned Hyde.
But the cause was really rather simple in the end
a bright spot on a black and blue covered rear end
Food poisoning had done in the Ripper under dominatrix’s nylon runs
Food poisoning brought on by red tomatoed buns.

-A Sherrielock Holmes poem
written by Christopher
Sunday June 11th
2017.

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6 Comments

  1. Madame Vintage said,

    You never cease to amaze me with your wonderful, highly intrguing poems. Such a witty, gothic and captivating one at best. I love both Sherlock Holmes and Jack the Ripper, so to see such a chase was thrilling.Who would have thought a somewhat femme fatale character would emerge as a hero. Cleverly written Christopher.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Thanks very much, Sonea. 🙂

      Sherrielock Holmes (Sherlock Holmes’ lesser known twin sister) was a character I created in a series of witty comment exchanges I had with a good writer and fellow blogger friend who lives In Germany.

  2. doesitevenmatter3 said,

    AH! Finally, now we know!
    and YAY, Sherrielock Holmes!

    Great poem, Christopher!
    HUGS!!! 🙂

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Thanks very much, Carolyn. 🙂

      And yes now we know what happened to Jack the Ripper.

      He met his match in Sherrielock Holmes. 😀

  3. hocuspocus13 said,

    Reblogged this on hocuspocus13 and commented:
    jinxx♦xoxo

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