On The Beach
The great London stage actor Sir Carlton Hardisty sat on the North Sea beach on Norfolk’s coast.
He had spent a quiet summer with his daughter and grandchildren down in Cornwall.
And was now looking forward to the start of the West London theatre season this autumn.
Although he hadn’t quite escaped from his acting career over the summer.
They had wanted him to perform a murder in the Jamaica Inn one weekend down at that famous pub in Bodmin Moor which was the subject of Daphne du Maurier’s 1936 novel and Alfred Hitchcock’s 1939 film.
He found out that talking like Charles Laughton and not Johnny Depp didn’t make such a big hit with the younger crowd while playing the role of a Cornish cutthroat pirate.
Still he enjoyed eating the Cornish pasties after his performance.
Now that summer was winding down, he found the need to be alone.
As Greta Garbo once said, “I want to be alone.”
So he had left the Cornish coast and went in a straight northeasterly direction to the Norfolk coast.
Now he was sitting on a beach overlooking the North Sea.
He sat there wondering if he was too old to play James Bond.
It was damned inconsiderate of Daniel Craig to sign on to do another Bond picture thus robbing him of the chance to play the coveted secret agent.
Oh well, maybe he’ll end up playing an aging Captain Kirk who cries at Mr. Spock’s deathbed before he had the chance to ask Spock to march in a Gay Pride parade with him.
Hardisty looked down at the object in his hand.
It was a ship in a bottle.
Or more precisely Captain Nemo’s submarine Nautilus from Jules Verne’s novel 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea.
His grandson had made it and asked his grandfather to cast the bottle adrift in the North Sea.
Inside the Nautilus submarine itself was a note written in Latin, his grandson had explained.
A message in a ship in a bottle.
Written in Latin.
Oh well, maybe Julius Caesar’s ghost will find it, Sir Carlton reflected as he threw it into the North Sea.
Otherwise the Latin message would be Greek to most people especially a Novus Ordo Catholic priest.
After he threw the bottle into the sea, a seagull circled around him flying metres above his head.
Then the seagull landed on the beach and circled around him walking in the sand.
Then it flew away squawking.
The whole scene reminded him of Nina’s line from Anton Chekhov’s play The Sea Gull, “You speak in symbols.”
Speaking of Chekhov, maybe he could ask the Starship Enterprise’s navigator to march in a Gay Pride parade with him now that Spock was dead, Sir Carlton Hardisty thought aloud reverting to character as an aging Captain James Tiberius Kirk with emphasis on his middle name.
30 metres from shore, the Greek god of the sea Poseidon stood with his head just above the waves picking his nose with his trident.
“Puck was right,” Poseidon puckered as he picked, “What fools these mortals be.”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday August 31st
2017.
A Missile Fired, Sir Paul Reflects
Sir Paul sat in his hotel room and watched the television showing the North Korean missile launch over Japan.
It seemed the world was getting to be a more and more dangerous place all the time.
All over the world it seemed to be a summer of violence, hatred and terror.
Sir Paul picked up his guitar and played a song he hadn’t played in a long time.
A song he had written so many years ago.
When I find myself in times of trouble
Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom
Let it be
And in my hour of darkness
She is standing right in front of me
Speaking words of wisdom
Let it be
Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom
Let it be
And when the broken-hearted people
Living in the world agree
There will be an answer
Let it be
For though they may be parted there is
Still a chance that they will see
There will be an answer
Let it be
Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be
Yeah, there will be an answer
Let it be
Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom
Let it be
Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom
Let it be
And when the night is cloudy
There is still a light that shines on me
Shine until tomorrow
Let it be
I wake up to the sound of music
Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom
Let it be
Let it be, let it be, let it be, yeah, let it be
There will be an answer
Let it be
Let it be, let it be, let it be, yeah, let it be
There will be an answer
Let it be
Let it be, let it be, let it be, yeah, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom
Let it be
His critics often wondered what that song meant.
He wondered often what that song meant.
He had dreamed about his own mother Mary (who died of cancer when he was 14) coming to him in dreams when he was going through a rough time recording a particular album.
Others thought that the Mother Mary referred to in the poem was the mother of Jesus.
But, Sir Paul reflected, it was possible for a song or any work of art for that matter to have more than one meaning, even a meaning that the original artist hadn’t foreseen when he/she created his/her work.
Sir Paul looked at the North Korean missile flying over Japan.
He saw the terrified faces of people in the streets looking up.
Then he looked at the painting over one of the chairs in his hotel room- a painting he had just noted for the first time.
This is what he saw.
When I find myself in times of trouble
Mother Mary comes to me…
-A short story
written by Christopher
August 30th 2017.
Haiku About The Beheading of Saint John The Baptist
Haiku About The Beheading of Saint John The Baptist
Young Salome danced
in one of her veils Death lurked
so Herod killed John
Haiku About The Portrait of Dorian Gray
Haiku About The Portrait of Dorian Gray
Portrait figure old
its subject eternal youth
free from sin’s karma
Boxing and The Supernatural
Boxing and The Supernatural
Dracul Van Helsing was sitting in a London sports bar with the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec and the Venezuelan vampiress Francesca Chavez.
Renfield R. Renfield MP had come into the bar to watch the Conor McGregor vs. Floyd Mayweather Fight.
When he saw Dracul with the two elegantly dressed vampiresses, he turned around and left.
“I refuse to be around any ménage a trois where I’m not part of the ménage or the trois,” Renfield remarked bitterly as he walked out the door.
Dracul meanwhile was reading up about Conor McGregor’s sudden breakthrough into UFC fighting on a night in Sweden back in 2013.
And now here McGregor was in his first professional boxing 🥊 match.
He looked at McGregor’s picture and then thought of an email that Peter Whitstable the Fox Mulder of Interpol had sent him 8 years ago.
Here’s the background to that Whitstable email 8 years ago:
http://thevampiresamurai.blogspot.ca/2009/07/gordon-black-donnelly.html?m=1
Dracul told Qonzilqointec and Francesca about that email.
“So, what do you think?” Qonzilqointec asked Dracul, “Do you think this McGregor is Donelly?”.
“Yes, do you?” Francesca asked, “and if he is, that means he has boxed before.”
“I don’t know,” Van Helsing shrugged, “but it makes for an interesting story.”
Unbeknownst to the ménage a trois trio, French President Emmanuel Macron (on a private incognito visit to London) was sitting in the booth behind them listening to what they were saying.
He quickly exited and ran from the sports bar back to his hotel to pour some Grecian Formula on his hair as his hair had suddenly turned gray.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday August 26th
2017.
Emmanuel Macron’s Make-up
Emmanuel Macron’s Make-up
Amadeus Emanon was sitting in the living room of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s colossal west London mansion.
Sitting across from him was the world famous London dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes who was now the new Chief of Security 🚨 and Intelligence Gathering for Set Enterprises having replaced Renfield R. Renfield (who had recently been elected MP to the British Parliament).
Sherrielock was dressed in a white blouse, black leather mini skirt, black fishnet pantyhose and red spiked stiletto high-heeled shoes 👠 expecting a client for her dominatrix services.
She had told Amadeus that the anonymous client was a recently fired member of the Trump White House so Amadeus figured that the person could be any number of a 1000 people.
Renfield himself was still down at Westminster having told Amadeus that he was busy doing work on behalf of his constituents.
Amadeus figured that it was more likely that Renfield was cavorting with high price London call girls down in his Parliamentary office and charging it to his Parliamentary expense account.
Renfield being the unique politician he was had found a way of screwing the British taxpayer in more ways than one at the same time.
Amadeus, reading the newspaper, remarked to Sherrielock Holmes, “I see Emmanuel Macron since he became President of France 🇫🇷 has spent more than 26,000 Euros (£24,000) on make-up since he took office in May of this year.”
At that moment the ghost of the late American writer Truman Capote entered the room (Capote’s ghost being one of many now wandering the earth since the ancient Egyptian god Thoth’s entry into this current spatial/temporal dimension).
Commented Capote on the news story Amadeus had just been reading, “I gueth President Macron wanted to look pretty for when Donald Trump held his hand at the Bastille Day Parade.”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday August 25th
2017.
The Venezuelan Vampiress Francesca Chavez
The Venezuelan vampiress Francesca Chavez sat in her hotel room in Caracas Venezuela.
To live in a five-star hotel in Caracas was the only place worth living in Venezuela ever since the disastrous Nicolas Maduro assumed power as President of the country back in 2013.
Francesca Chavez herself was a 1st cousin 3 x removed of the late former Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez.
She herself had supported Chavez but had thought Maduro would turn out to be a Venezuelan Stalin.
And currently Maduro was well on his way to becoming one.
Francesca Chavez had become a vampiress back in April of this year after a night of erotic lesbian lovemaking with the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec.
Unbeknownst to either woman, the encounter had been filmed by Renfield R. Renfield (“strictly for sociological purposes” as Renfield explained to his friend Amadeus Emanon when he caught him watching the video).
Renfield and the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec had been in Venezuela at the time plotting a coup to overthrow Nicolas Maduro.
The trip and coup planning were cut short when British Prime Minister Theresa May called a snap UK General Election and Renfield returned home to run as a candidate for the British Transhumanist Party.
Now Britain’s MI-6 had sent Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing to Caracas Venezuela on a fact finding mission to determine just how bad the political situation in Venezuela currently was.
Van Helsing entered the hotel room and saw the Venezuelan vampiress Francesca Chavez sitting there:
Van Helsing stood there totally transfixed.
“Hello there,” Francesca threw back her blonde hair and smiled at him, “how shall we start?”.
“Well,” said Van Helsing, “you can start by taking me across your lap and giving me a bare bottom spanking.”
“All right,” she said somewhat taken aback, “if that’s how MI-6 conducts business these days.”
“It is under my watch,” Van Helsing answered.
So that is what then happened.
. . .
British Transhumanist MP Renfield R. Renfield was trying to contact Dracul Van Helsing on his mobile phone to get an update on the political situation in Venezuela prior to Renfield giving a speech to the UK Parliamentary House Committee On Foreign Affairs.
But he couldn’t get a hold of him.
“I imagine he’s up to something kinky with the Venezuelan vampiress Francesca Chavez,” Renfield remarked angrily to Amadeus.
“And you’re naturally jealous because it isn’t you instead,” Amadeus remarked quietly while munching on potato chips.
“That’s besides the point,” Renfield harrumphed.
Renfield went down to the Committee meeting and instead of speaking on Venezuela, he spoke on the removal of Confederate statues in the U.S. instead.
Said Renfield,
Pat Buchanan has called the groups wanting to remove Confederate statues in the U.S. the Secular Socialistic Taliban (the Taliban of course blew up ancient statues of Buddha in Afghanistan and ISIS destroyed an ancient Temple at Palmyra). The Secular Socialistic Taliban operate under the delusion that the sole reason for the Civil War was slavery (ignoring Lincoln’s own statement that he himself would preserve slavery if it would preserve the Union- he only sought to openly abolish slavery after the Southern states voted to secede anyways)- conveniently forgetting that another reason for the Civil War was the huge tariffs northern states were slapping on products of southern states.
Now the Secular Socialistic Taliban are opening up their stupid brainless mouths up in Canada wanting to remove the name Sir John A. MacDonald from all schools in Ontario (Sir John A. MacDonald was Canada’s first Prime Minister) claiming MacDonald practiced genocide against Canada’s indigenous people- a lie of course. But then groups like Antifa and their Secular Socialistic Taliban allies believe lies as much as the Ku Klux Klan and Neo-Nazis do.
The remarks did not go over well with the rest of the MPs on the committee who like most politicians were gutless and spineless when it came to political correctness.
Renfield received an angry phone call from Canada’s liberal progressive cultural Marxist Prime Minister Justin Trudeau who did not like what was said in the remarks to the UK Foreign Affairs Committee.
Renfield told Mr. Trudeau, “Go fuck yourself.”
To which a stunned Justin Trudeau said, “I don’t think that’s physically possible.”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday August 24th
2017.
The New Nazi-Russian Pact
The New Nazi-Russian Pact
At the suggestion of the grey wolf formerly known as Adolf, Lilith asked the Norse god Thor to go to Hades for her and request the release of Rasputin’s spirit from the Underworld to go up to Russia and again create havoc like he had done for the Czarist government in the previous century.
Rasputin’s spirit promptly entered the body of a Russian Eurasian brown bear and possessed it.
The grey wolf possessed by the spirit of Adolf Hitler and the Russian Eurasian brown bear possessed by the spirit of Grigori Rasputin then signed a treaty today agreeing to someday mutually attack a certain country in the Middle East.
The treaty was signed aboard a Jules Verne visualized helicopter airship that bore the name Albatross II and was owned by the mysterious enigmatic individual known as Robur The Conquerer II.
The witnesses to the treaty were the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith, the little green frog Nimrod and the cigarette smoking demon Asmodeus.
The treaty was signed on this the 78th Anniversary of the original Nazi-Soviet Pact.
. . .
Hillary Clinton sat at the table drinking her glass of lemonade.
She was angry about what a Fox News commentator said about her this morning.
The Fox News commentator had said that she had lost her marbles.
Imagine that, Hillary harrumphed.
She, Hillary Clinton, had lost her marbles.
Sheesh.
What would they say next?
Hillary looked at her guest sitting across the table from her- Dr. Harvey Nash the world’s greatest bunny rabbit mathematician- 6 ft. 6 in height, pinkish coloured fur, jade green eyes wearing an extremely large pair of spectacles 👓 on his pinkish bunny rabbit nose and whiskers and who, when he spoke, had a voice that sounded a lot like the late Hollywood actor Jimmy Stewart.
Hillary had recently started seeing Dr. Harvey Nash the world’s greatest bunny rabbit mathematician and had hired him to mathematically examine the tweets of Donald Trump to see if Trump was sending coded messages to Russian President Vladimir Putin through his tweets.
She had informed the editorial boards of The Washington Post and The New York Times about Dr. Harvey Nash’s assignment and they told her that they eagerly awaited the results of the investigation with editors from both papers sincerely saying maybe Dr. Nash’s inquiries should be the subject of a Congressional inquiry.
To be fair, she had also contacted Fox News about bunny rabbit mathematician Dr. Harvey Nash’s investigation.
But she never heard back from them.
The only thing she got was some nasty Fox News commentator saying that she Hillary had lost her marbles.
“Would you like another glass of lemonade, dear?” Bill called from the kitchen.
“No thanks,” Hillary said.
“But you had originally asked for 2 glasses of lemonade,” Bill pointed out.
“Well,” said Hillary, “I was originally wanting a glass for our guest but you didn’t bring him one.”
“What guest would that be, dear?” Bill asked.
Hillary shook her head and smiled at Dr. Harvey Nash the world’s greatest bunny mathematician as he mathematically found a coded message to President Putin in a single 3-letter tweet of Trump that said, WTF?.
“I think Bill is the one losing his marbles around here,” Hillary laughed.
“So no second glass of lemonade then, dear?” Bill asked again.
“No, but do bring some carrots 🥕,” Hillary said when she noticed how famished Dr. Harvey Nash looked.
“Did you say carrots?” Bill’s voice sounded quizzical from the kitchen.
“Yes, I said carrots,” Hillary sounded exasperated, “and really big ones too.”
“Chelsea,” Bill’s voice rang out, “will you go dig some carrots out of the garden? I’ve eaten carrots but I’ve never dug.”
“The carrots will be along shortly,” Hillary smiled at Dr. Harvey Nash the world’s greatest bunny rabbit mathematician.
. . .
Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan was modelling the robes he would wear when he proclaimed himself the new Sultan of the revived Ottoman Empire (after he had held a national referendum rigged in his favour of course).
The designer of the robes was none other than the great Milan fashion designer 👩🎨 Fabius Faberge.
Erdogan had hired Fabius Faberge to design his Ottoman Sultan robes on the recommendation of British singer Sir Elton John.
“How do they look?” Erdogan asked Fabius Faberge as the Turkish leader twirled around in his robes.
“Fabulous,” Fabius Faberge answered.
August 23rd 2017 was indeed an inauspicious beginning to future geopolitical events on the world stage.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday August 23rd
2017.
Lilith Takes The Crown
Lilith Takes The Crown
Lilith was being crowned Queen of the Universe at a ceremony in a chapel at the Vatican in Rome.
The cardinal doing the crowning was the Zeus and Apollo worshipping Cardinal JM (JM stood for his secret society moniker Judas Manasseh).
He was assisted in this by his secretary Father Oliver Thomas Wardenclyffe.
The ancient Babylonian vampiress was wearing a beautiful scarlet red evening dress as she was being crowned.
Also present at the ceremony was Nimrod a little green frog.
Nimrod was supposed to be in charge of carrying the flowers for the ceremony but, being a frog, he ate them instead.
As Nimrod was busy hiccoughing rose petals from his mouth, the demon Asmodeus was busy filling up the chapel with his cigarette smoke from his irritatingly bad cigarette smoking habit.
His demonic acquaintances tried to talk him into wearing a nicotine patch which he did but it didn’t seem to work for him.
Coughing on Asmodeus’ cigarette smoke was the grey wolf formerly known as Adolf (a grey wolf whose body had been possessed by the spirit of Adolf Hitler after it had been granted permission by Hades and Persephone to leave the Underworld and wander the Earth for awhile at the Germanic god Wotan’s request which he asked of the Greek chthonic deities through his emissary Thor).
Adolf hadn’t liked cigarette smoke in his previous life and didn’t think much of it in this one either.
But seeing as how he was no longer the Fuhrer of Germany, he could no longer order that Asmodeus be shot by firing squad.
Not that demons were prone to death by firing squad anyways.
When the ceremony was over, they walked outside to enjoy the sunset over Rome.
The grey wolf formerly known as Adolf then started howling that he had an idea on how to cause trouble for Russia.
Since no one in the party understood lupine, they ignored the grey wolf’s howling.
The psychic seer Cassandra Sibylline walked by and she could understand the lupine language.
She said, “The wolf is saying that if you want to destabilize Russia, then go to Hades and Persephone and request that the spirit of Grigori Rasputin be allowed to leave the Underworld and return to Russia for a while.”
A party strategist for the U.S. Democratic National Committee (DNC) walked by and thought that was an excellent suggestion.
He would report back to Hillary Clinton with that suggestion since she was still wanting revenge against Russia for costing her (in her opinion) the last U.S. Presidential election.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday August 22nd
2017.
Dracul Van Helsing 
Renfield’s Video, The Secular Socialist Taliban and The Coming Antichrist
August 28, 2017 at 2:00 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (Renfield R. Renfield, The Secular Socialist Taliban)
Renfield R. Renfield was showing a video to the UK Parliamentary Foreign Affairs Committee which was tied in to the same theme he had spoken on a couple of days earlier.
The video showed Nazi German soldiers knocking Soviet red stars off buildings in Ukraine following the June 22nd 1941 invasion of the USSR in Operation Barbarossa.
“It’s always been the habit of an emerging totalitarian order to knock down and destroy the symbols of the old previous order,” Renfield R. Renfield spoke.
He then showed Antifa and anarchist thugs tearing down and stomping on the statue of a Confederate soldier in Durham North Carolina.
“Notice the sheer look of stupidity and brainless violent emotions on the faces of those who are tearing down the statue,” Renfield said, ‘such mindlessness leads one to accept whatever emerging totalitarian order is on the horizon.”
Renfield then showed the hypnotized looking faces of the Nazi youth at the 1934 Nuremberg rally from a clip from Leni Riefenstahl’s film Triumph of the Will.
“Faces showing the expression of lack of thought en masse always advertise the advent of an emerging totalitarian order,” Renfield explained.
He then showed Black Lives Matter protesters tearing down Christmas lights off the Christmas tree in Chicago’s Millennium Park back in November 2015 shouting F**K France (because the Paris terrorist attacks of that time had taken the international news spotlight off of them- the black militant anarchists and hoodlums) and exclaiming at the Christmas tree and lights “This is part of the problem” prior to trying to tear down the Christmas tree itself.
Renfield continued, “Roughly about the same time the cultural Marxist living in the Vatican Pope Francis said when that city’s Christmas tree was lit, “We are close to Christmas. There will be lights, there will be parties, bright trees… it’s all a charade.”
Renfield paused and poured himself 1/10th of water from a pitcher into a glass.
He then brought from underneath the table a bottle of Glenlivet single malt Scotch whisky and poured the liquid into the glass making up the other 9/10ths.
“So,” Renfield continued after downing the glass of whisky, “we have the head of the Catholic Church calling the Birth of Christ a charade and anarchist thugs in the Black Lives Matter movement saying of Christmas trees, “This is part of the problem.” But when we realize that Pope Francis, Antifa, Black Lives Matter and their allies in what Pat Buchanan calls the Secular Socialist Taliban are just the vanguard of the emerging totalitarian ideology, all of this makes sense. They want to tear down all of the symbols of the past. Thus they want to tear down Confederate statues, they want to tear down Christmas trees and lights, Pope Francis wants to remove all vestiges of the old Latin Tridentine Mass and the brainless teachers of the Ontario Teachers’ Federation want to remove the name of Sir John A. MacDonald (Canada’s 1st Prime Minister) from all public schools in the Canadian province of Ontario. The Orpheum Theater in Memphis Tennessee is going to stop showing the 1939 classic film Gone With The Wind because it’s considered racially insensitive (although racially insensitive to whom I don’t know as I thought Hattie McDaniel’s character of Mammy the maid was the only one with brains in the entire motion picture). And the Mayor of New York City is seriously considering taking down statues of Christopher Columbus in the city. The emerging totalitarian ideology behind the Secular Socialist Taliban has no shortage of adherents or “useful idiots” for the cause.”
“And what is this emerging totalitarian ideology?” asked the Chairman of the UK Parliamentary Foreign Affairs Committee who was starting to feel thirsty for a glass of whisky for some reason.
“Marxism,” Renfield answered, “although in the 21st Century, it has become the ideology that dare not speak its name. The Fall of the Berlin Wall gave it a bad name. But it has come back. It has emerged again. And it’s in North America ironically where this emerging neo-Marxism has been born. As my friend Dracul Van Helsing noted, in Charlottesville Virginia you had the idiots who still worshiped the 20th Century Antichrist Adolf Hilter (those belonging to the White Nationalist Movement, the Neo-Nazis and the Ku Klux Klan) battling off against those idiots who will worship the 21st Century Antichrist- those people belonging to Antifa, Black Lives Matter, various syndicalist-anarchist groups and their allies in the emerging Secular Socialist Taliban. Dracul says these people will be the first in line to receive the Mark of the Beast. And following close behind will be most politicians.”
One MP on the committee stopped looking at his recently acquired tattoo when he heard Renfield make his last statement.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday August 26th
2017.
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