Hephaestus and The Hwasong-15 Missile

November 29, 2017 at 8:28 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Hephaestus and The Hwasong-15 Missile

Hephaestus the Greek god of the forge was in his lodgings in Pyongyang the North Korean capital.

He had spent the day building missiles for North Korea’s leader Kim Jong-un.

His latest missile was the Hwasong-15 which had just been tested overnight.

Hephaestus had promised his wife Aphrodite a few months ago that he’d stop building missiles for Little Rocket Man Kim but he couldn’t keep his promise.

The problem was Hephaestus had become addicted to drinking a Korean distilled liquor called Munbaeju.

Munbaeju is a traditional distilled liquor made of malted millet, sorghum, wheat, rice and nuruk with a strength of 40% alcohol by volume.

The drink originates in the Pyongyang region of North Korea 🇰🇵 and is noted for its fragrance which is said to resemble the fragrance of the munbae tree (similar to a pear 🍐).

In fact, the name of the drink itself Munbaeju consists of two words munbae (which means “wild pear”) and ju (meaning “alcohol”).

The origins of Munbaeju are traced to the Goryeo Dynasty (Goryeo also spelled Koryo was a kingdom established in 918 AD by King Taejo. This kingdom of Koryo later gave rise to the modern name Korea).

The water used to produce Munbaeju comes from the Taedong River that runs through the North Korean capital of Pyongyang.

Seeing as how living in Pyongyang made Hephaestus close to the source of his beloved Munbaeju drink, he decided to continue building missiles for Kim Jong-un since by doing so, Kim gave the Greek god of the forge all the free Munbaeju he desired.

As for the Hwasong-15 missile Hephaestus had built, it had reached an altitude of 4475 kilometres (2780 miles) and flew 950 kilometres in 53 minutes in its overnight test.

In an analysis, the U.S. based Union of Concerned Scientists concluded that the Hwasong-15 could travel more than 13,000 kilometres thus reaching any part of the continental United States 🇺🇸 including the eastern seaboard or even Washington DC itself.

The conclusion caused a few hairs in Donald Trump’s toupee to turn grey and led him in such a rage that he retweeted a few of the ultra nationalist far-right Britain First videos.

Of course what the overnight test of the Hwasong-15 missile had to do with Muslim immigrants in Britain would only make sense to Trump’s uniquely personal form of reasoning.

As Hephaestus drank some of the Munbaeju, a barking otter soon joined him.

The barking otter was named Jefferey and came from the planet Nibiru (a planet that yes had otters similar to earthling otters).

Jefferey in fact used Munbaeju in the making of his own Otterbury Green Minnow Ale beer.

As the minnows in the Taedong River were quite fond of drinking Munbaeju and turned green after doing so.

Any geopolitical analyst worth his salt (as well as his unwasted margaritas in Margaritaville) would deduce that the alcoholic proclivities of Greek deities, Nibiruan otters and Taedong River minnows could spell unprecedented nuclear disaster for the world.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday November 29th


  1. George F. said,

    Yeah, but if there’s going to be a nuclear disaster, I’m going to be drinking so much Munbaeju I’ll die laughing before it detonates…

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      That’s the way to go out of this world… with a drink and a bang.

      Munbaeju will provide the drink.

      And as for the bang 💥… well.. if Paul would give you Akira’s phone number…

  2. Hyperion said,

    LOL! Why am I not surprised Jefferey would team up with a Greek God for some drinking and carousing. The more I think about it, the more Jefferey does see, to have a lineage to those dieties of the fermented fruit. This is where the Christians messed up. It was Fermented Fruit, not Forbidden Fruit, Adam and Eve were supposed to go after. A small mistake of eternal consequence.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Actually it’s the Baptists and the Mormons being the teetotalers they are who got it wrong not Christians in general.

      Jesus after all turned water into wine 🍷 not lemonade.

      But I can see Jeffrey whooping it up with Dionysus the Greek god of the vine. 🎉

      • Hyperion said,

        You have a point. It might well have been the absence of the water of life that later created the original misunderstanding. After all, God gave Adam and Eve plenty of fermentable things in the Garden of Eden. After they failed to produce a palatable wine, they were driven from the orchard leaving Jefferey’s forefather unsupervised. The rest is Biblical history. Thankfully, the Greeks and Romans kept the greatness of grapes alive.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Then came the ultimate wine connoisseur – Orson Welles.

        After his death, both wine and movies started going down hill.

      • Hyperion said,

        I’ve tried my best to keep up with His Immenseness, The Right Honorable Orson Welles, but after the first glass of wine, I’m ready for a nap. Thus to wit and forsooth, I’m not very immense.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        And then after you wake up from your nap, you’ve discovered another one of your granddaughters has created another masterpiece of art on the sidewalk using multicoloured pieces of chalk. 😀

      • Hyperion said,

        You are indeed clairvoyant. That is precisely what happens. I think the girls have met Jefferey the otter and it was he that suggested sidewalk art.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, Jeffery serving as a muse for the creation of art. 🙂

      • Hyperion said,

        I think Dali and Picasso also drank Otterberry Green Minnow Beer.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        A beer for the ages.

  3. Samantha Rose said,

    “The conclusion caused a few hairs in Donald Trump’s toupee to turn grey and led him in such a rage that he retweeted a few of the ultra nationalist far-right Britain First videos.”

    Yep, pretty much. Thank you for your brilliant (and much needed) political analysis.

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