Renfield’s Facebook Video

December 11, 2017 at 8:46 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Renfield’s Facebook Video

“What’s with the large supply of cut and peeled onions on the kitchen table?” Amadeus asked Renfield as he entered the kitchen

“I used them to make my eyes water and look like I’m crying 😭,” Renfield explained.

“Why would you want to do that?” Amadeus grabbed some onions and a slice of cheese 🧀 and put them on his toast.

“I was just reading in the paper about this boy in Tennessee named Keaton Jones who was being bullied,” said Renfield, “his mother made a video of him talking about his experiences and put it on Facebook last Friday. It has since gone viral and racked up 22 million views.”

“What does this have to do with peeling onions and making your eyes water?” Amadeus asked.

“Well a whole bunch of celebrities have offered to be friends with him and have invited him to various events,” Renfield pointed out, “including one very hot looking babe the young actress and singer Hailee Steinfeld who asked him to be her date for the premiere of the movie Pitch Perfect 3.”

“I see,” Amadeus was indeed starting to see where this was going.

“So I just made a video about me being bullied,” Renfield went on, “that I’ve posted to Facebook. Peeling the onions made it look like I’ve been crying. I also posted a link to that video on Miss Steinfeld’s Twitter feed in hopes that she’ll invite me on a date with her.”

“When have you ever been bullied?” Amadeus asked.

“I haven’t,” Renfield grinned, “but Miss Steinfeld doesn’t know that. Besides I put on a very realistic performance. The peeled onions made it look like I’ve been crying heavily and then squeezing my balls with a pair of pliers underneath the kitchen table gave me the right intense look of agony.”

“Where and by whom have you been bullied in this bullying incident that never happened?” Amadeus queried.

“I claimed I was being bullied by my fellow MPs in the British House of Commons parliamentary cafeteria for eating tuna fish sandwiches,” Renfield feigned fake tears again, “they laughed at me and called me names and said that since I didn’t have a red nose, I wouldn’t be guiding Santa Claus’ sleigh on Christmas Eve. They told me that a real Brit would eat one of Britain’s national dishes like a roast beef sandwich for lunch or at least Britain’s other national dish which is curried lentils wrapped in naan bread. Only a total loser would eat tuna fish sandwiches every day they said to me.”

Renfield was getting so caught up in his own rhetoric about this bullying incident that never happened, he was giving quite the salt water performance.

Amadeus buried his head in his hands. This would probably be yet another Renfieldian dating ploy that would backfire.

. . .

Meanwhile in Ankara Turkey, that country’s bully Recep Tayyip Erdogan was meeting with Russian President President Vladimir Putin to discuss their new moves for the Middle East in the wake of Donald Trump’s recognition of Jerusalem as the capital of Israel 🇮🇱.

Hours earlier Putin had met with Syrian President Bashar al-Assad at the Russian Hmeimim Air Base near the Syrian port city of Lattakia.

Meanwhile in the port city of Lattakia itself, a beautiful young woman giantess (who days before had been a statue of the Palmyrene Empire Queen Zenobia in the middle of the Mediterranean Sea waters off the coast of Lattakia) was walking through the town.

She laughed heartedly when she saw someone holding an android tablet where a Facebook video of some British Member of Parliament who said he was being bullied for eating tuna fish sandwiches was being played.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday December 11th
2017.

14 Comments

  1. George F. said,

    Now…this…is…effing…hysterically funny!

  2. Orvillewrong said,

    Nothing like jumping on the bandwagon!

  3. doesitevenmatter3 said,

    Dear Renfield…I am not as young as Hailee Steinfeld, but if she is not available, I’d take you on a date…my treat. 😀
    HUGS!!! 🙂
    PS…excellent chapter, C!!! 😀

  4. nildamacedopaulino said,

    Nice!!!

  5. janowrite said,

    Amusing as always – ever a treat to follow Renfield et al!

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Thanks very much, Jan. 🙂

      Renfield is probably my most popular character.

      He’s probably my favourite character as well.

      He’s like that one character in most TV situation comedies that is always getting himself into a mess that he can’t get himself out of. 😀

  6. Egyptian Adventures.wordpress.com said,

    They just get better.

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