Renfield Receives A Knighthood

December 30, 2017 at 11:47 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Renfield Receives A Knighthood

The billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set looked somewhat perplexed as he sat in his chair in the living room of his colossal West London mansion and tried to read his copy of The Times of London.

For every time his former employee and current tenant the British MP Renfield R. Renfield entered the living room, Amadeus Emanon would play Sir Edward Elgar’s musical piece Land of Hope and Glory on the piano.

Finally exasperated beyond all point of vampiric endurance, Set asked his butler and valet Athelstan who was busy pouring tea, “Why is it that every time Renfield enters the room, Amadeus starts playing Sir Edward Elgar’s Land of Hope and Glory on the piano?”.

“Beg your pardon, sir,” Athelstan handed Set his cup of Earl Grey tea, “but Mr. Renfield requested that Amadeus do so.”

“Why in the name of God (who doesn’t exist),” Set added honey, sugar, lemon, milk and brain expanding nanites to his tea, “did Renfield make such a request?”.

“Because Mr. Renfield has been named to the Queen’s New Year’s Honours list,” Athelstan answered.

“What?” Set spewed out a mouthful of tea which was a good thing because the sight of a vampire’s head exploding is not a pretty thing to see.

“Yes, he’s been awarded a knighthood,” Athelstan calmly wiped up the tea stain with Miss Sherrielock Holmes’ Bavarian Wild Mushroom Cleaner Stain Remover.

“In heaven’s name (even though Heaven doesn’t exist),” Set spewed out the remainder of his tea out of his mouth, “why?”.

“Ostensibly for planning that British Brigade of Gurkhas raid on that ISIS Islamic State training camp in Libya back on June 6th of this year in which Renfield had the Gurkhas tie nails and explosives to the ISIS members’ tiny testicles and which Renfield then detonated simultaneously at the push of a button – a raid Renfield planned and executed in retaliation for the Manchester and London terrorist attacks,” Athelstan answered.

“Is there another reason Renfield might have been awarded the knighthood?” Set asked.

“He dove in and saved one of the Queen’s corgis from drowning in a swimming pool earlier this year,” Athelstan remarked.

“Good God,” Set went into another relapse of Judeo-Christian terminology, “Renfield is conceited enough as it is. Imagine what he’ll be like once we have to call him Sir Renfield.”

“The whole thing fills me with chills, sir,” Athelstan dumped the tea outside which was then drunk by a rat whose head exploded after doing so.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday December 30th
2017.

20 Comments

  1. George F. said,

    A vampire’s endurance is eternal…is it not?

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      A vampire’s endurance will last until he gets a stake sandwich before sunrise.

      In which case he’ll die of heartburn or sunburn whichever comes first.

  2. George F. said,

    I need to borrow that damn rat for my blog as well…head exploding…I need to examine that head…

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yes, that rat and his exploding head would be well worth examining.

      The cat that is often at the top of your page of a lot of your chapters would probably be interested in that rat as well. πŸ˜€

  3. George F. said,

    Okay, I’m still laughing over that rat…you are funnier, it seems, out of character!!!

  4. George F. said,

    If you bring the rat…bring the tea….LOOOOOL

  5. ortensia72 said,

    Will I look at my tea in the same way from now on?..?lol.

  6. Hyperion said,

    Hmmmm this nannite tea sounds a lot like the tea we developed for our Russian allies during the Klintoon administration. Hellderbeast probably got it from Set. I wonder where Set got it? Oh, the nannite webs we weave. Tea with a nannite kicker. Brilliant don’t you think?

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      I imagine nanite tea was developed by Dr. Cadbury Rocher the great grandson of the quite literally immortal dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes (Sherlock Holmes’ lesser known twin sister).

      Of course Dr. Cadbury Rocher was the great grandson of the Lingzhi Supernatural mushroom experimenting Dr. Louis Rocher (Sherrielock Holmes’ husband and the illegitimate son of Prof. James Moriarty).

      Thus with both Holmes and Moriarty DNA flowing in his veins and brains, he’s just the sort of man to develop mind expanding brain nanite tea.

      • Hyperion said,

        It’s all very clear now. The nanite tea doesn’t fall far from the tree.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Indeed it doesn’t. πŸ˜€

  7. doesitevenmatter3 said,

    YAY, Renfield! I’d be honored to call you Sir! πŸ˜‰ πŸ™‚
    HUGS!!! πŸ™‚
    PS…Oh, gosh…poor rat! :-/

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yes, the poor rat. 😦

      Renfield looks forward to being called Sir by you, Carolyn. 😊

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