Gali-Gula Meets Amorous Laetitia
Gali-Gula Meets Amorous Laetitia
The ET gray Gali-Gula (who was possessed by the ghost of the ancient Roman Emperor Caligula) was once again back in Rome.
This time he got his directions wrong and found himself in the Vatican rather than the Colosseum.
While wandering through the Vatican, Gali-Gula saw a black cat strolling around.
Unbeknownst to Gali-Gula, the black cat was Amorous Laetitia who was the personal black cat and familiar to Hecate the Ancient Greek goddess of witchcraft.
Around her neck she had a collar with a medallion that said JESUS CHRIST IS NOT GOD INCARNATE.
Why, Gali-Gula wondered, was a black cat allowed to walk around the Vatican wearing a medallion carrying such a message?
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday January 31st
2018.
Dracula and Sherrielock Holmes Meet Again
Dracula and Sherrielock Holmes Meet Again
Dracula stood alongside the statue of Queen Boudicca (the queen of the Celtic Iceni tribe who led an uprising in 1st Century AD Roman Britain) near Big Ben and the Houses of Parliament.
He had turned down Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s offer to stay at the Rocher home when he found out that the Set Enterprises scientist was the great grandson of Sherrielock Holmes (the woman who had been called the Dominatrix of the Wild West back in the American west of the 1880s and was now called the Dominatrix of Europe in the 2nd decade of the 21st Century).
Dracula stood looking up at the blue moon in the London night sky.
He had his hands behind his back which was a stupid thing to do in retrospect.
Suddenly he found an extremely sharp stinging object around his hands which quickly tied them.
“When part of you is tied, you can’t turn yourself into a bat 🦇 or wolf 🐺 and try to escape,” said a familiar stern sounding voice.
Dracula quickly whirled around with his hands still tied behind his back.
He quickly discovered that what tied his hands was a long black whip.
And standing there was a familiar figure- Sherrielock Holmes.
She was dressed in a black leather mini skirt, black silk fishnet pantyhose and spiked stiletto boots.
Somewhat different from the attire she wore when he last saw her when she wore long elegant evening gowns as proprietress of The Wild Tomatoes and Mushroom Saloon in the town of Hayden Colorado.
“I want you to come to my dungeon where I’ll show you my etchings,” said Sherrielock, “that I’ll carve with my whip into your backside.”
Later in Sherrielock’s dungeon the Count begged, “Please don’t. I don’t like tomatoed buns.”
“But they’re such a delicacy,” Sherrielock laughed as she cracked the whip across the vampire’s naked backside.
The dungeon masked the screams of the Wallachian prince and Transylvanian nobleman.
So London slept undisturbed by Sherrielock’s act of revenge.
Meanwhile in the U.S. Congress in Washington D.C., Donald Trump was giving the State of the Union Address.
And sitting in the front row of the public gallery was a woman named Katherine Van Dusen known to her close confidantes as Klondike Kate (the woman that Dracula had turned into a vampiress when she worked as a saloon dancer 💃🏻 for Sherrielock Holmes at The Wild Tomatoes and Mushroom Saloon).
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday January 30th
2018.
Klondike Kate and The Pantages Film
Klondike Kate and The Pantages Film
Dracul Van Helsing was in London England where he had been asked to meet his friend Interpol agent Peter Whitstable the man they called the Fox Mulder of Interpol.
Dracul was to meet Whitstable in the old film projectionist’s room of an old movie 🎥 theatre.
“Hello, Dracul,” Whitstable was putting an old reel of film through an old film projector.
“Wow, this takes me back to my childhood days when all movie theatres were like this before the advent of the big multiplex cinemas,” Dracul looked around.
“I found this old film reel at an antique collectibles store in Paris,” Whitstable explained as he turned on the projector, “it’s most likely a copy of a copy of a copy that was shot way back but still in good condition.”
“How way back was it shot?” Dracul inquired who was wishing he had a carton of hot buttered popcorn 🍿 with him as he looked through the projectionist’s window and out on to the old classic theatre seats.
“1902,” Whitstable answered, “during the dying days of the Klondike Gold Rush.”
“Really?” Dracul was impressed.
He had been raised in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada during the days when they still had an interesting summer festival called Klondike Days when entire families would dress in Klondike attire and celebrate the days of the Klondike Gold Rush in the Yukon which hit its peak in 1897.
Klondike Days was later replaced by a boring summer festival called Capital Ex (which most Edmontonians called the Ex Lax Festival).
It was now called K-Days which gave the impression that the old Klondike Days theme had been restored but really it hadn’t.
“Yes, it shows an interesting encounter between the real Klondike Kate and Alexander Pantages,” Whitstable winked.
Dracul had heard about the famous Klondike Gold Rush love affair between saloon dancer/brothel keeper Kathleen “Kitty” Rockwell and Alexander Pantages then a struggling waiter and bartender (who went on to found the famous Pantages chain of vaudeville and movie theatres across the U.S. and Canada) in Dawson City, Yukon.
“Of course,” Whitstable smiled, “you’ve probably heard about the claim made by a TV show called The Canadians in which it was said that the real Klondike Kate was actually a woman called Katherine Ryan who lived the adventures that Kathleen Rockwell borrowed for her own use.”
“I’ve heard that, yes,” Dracul acknowledged.
“Well this film which I’ve had authenticated by various film experts shows us indeed who was the real Klondike Kate in action with future motion picture theatre mogul Alexander Pantages,” said Whitstable in dramatic fashion.
After watching the reel of film (which would probably be considered soft porn by today’s movie standards), Dracul turned to Whitstable and said, “The real Klondike Kate was a vampiress.”
“So it would appear,” Whitstable lit a cigarette in a manner more reminiscent of the Smoking Man than Fox Mulder.
“She certainly bit him with her fangs and sucked his blood but she doesn’t seemed to have killed him or turned him into a vampire,” Dracul reflected, “if Pantages had become a vampire, he might have been able to beat that phony rape charge that Joseph Patrick Kennedy Sr. orchestrated against him in 1929 in his effort to destroy a motion picture rival.”
“Yes, a vampire would have made minced meat out of a slime ball like Kennedy,” Whitstable agreed.
“Any idea who this vampiress is?” Dracul asked.
“I’ve determined that her name was Katherine Van Dusen and she was apparently turned into a vampiress at a Wild West saloon called The Wild Tomatoes and Mushroom Saloon in the town of Hayden Colorado back in the early 1880s,” Whitstable explained, “and the rumour which I’ve been unable to verify was that she was turned into a vampiress by Count Dracula himself.”
“The Wild Tomatoes and Mushroom Saloon?” Dracul recognized the name from conversations he had with Dr. Cadbury Rocher, “Do you happen to know the name of the proprietress of this saloon?”.
“Sherrielock Holmes,” Whitstable answered.
Meanwhile Dr. Cadbury Rocher was having dinner with Dracula at the Savoy Hotel in London.
“Did I ever tell you that my great-grandmother is still alive?” Dr. Rocher picked up sirloin steak on his fork, “She’s immortal but she isn’t a vampiress.”
“Really? What’s her name?” Dracula asked over his roast beef and Yorkshire pudding.
“Sherrielock Holmes,” Dr. Rocher answered.
Dracula’s face turned as white as the table cloth prior to his dumping gravy all over it at the mention of Sherrielock’s name.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday January 28th
2018.
“Kiss Me, Kate” “Bite Me!”
“Kiss Me, Kate” “Bite Me!”
Dracula was in a second floor saloon bedroom at The Wild Tomatoes and Mushroom Saloon in the Wild West town of Hayden, Colorado making out with one of the saloon dancers 💃🏻- a woman named Katherine Van Dusen.
Sherrielock Holmes had told the Wallachian prince and Transylvanian nobleman (he held the title of Count of the Carpathians in the latter country) that he could make out with the saloon dancers 💃🏻 if he chose but she had put her spiked stiletto high-heeled foot down at the idea of turning any of them into vampiresses.
The Count was indeed getting it on with the red dress wearing Katherine Van Dusen whose red dress and black silk nylons were almost off at the moment.
“Kiss me, Kate!” Dracula shouted in the only line he knew from Shakespeare’s The Taming of The Shrew.
“Bite me!” Kate answered.
“What?” Dracula looked puzzled.
“Turn me into a vampiress!” Kate demanded.
“But do you know what your boss Sherrielock will do to me if I turn you into a vampiress?” Dracula raised one of his dark eyebrows.
“What are you?” Kate mocked him, “A vampire lord or a mouse 🐭?”.
“Well some people call bats 🦇 flying mice,” Dracula reflected.
“Shut up and bite me!” Kate showed the count her ivory white neck.
Dracula finally gave in and bit her on the neck.
“Suck me! Suck me! Suck me!” Kate screamed.
A phonetics and linguistics analysis professor who was in the next bedroom with another saloon dancer 💃🏻 remarked to his nocturnal companion, “I think that poor woman next door is unable to distinguish between an s and an f.”
Dracula had soon sucked Kate’s blood and then opened one of his veins and allowed Kate to suck his own.
Sherrielock, concerned by the shouting in Kate’s bedroom, had opened the door.
Miss Holmes’ face soon turned as white as the evening dress she was wearing.
“Dracula, you’ve turned one of my saloon girls into a vampiress,” Sherrielock hissed.
She ran to her office and pulled a whip and a cat o’ nine tails out of her desk drawer.
She then ran back into the room and said to the Count, “I’m going to tomato 🍅 your buttocks until they’re as red as the glistening liquid substance on your fangs.”
Dracula quickly turned into a bat 🦇 and got the Hell out of there.
“Meatloaf is ready!” The saloon cook shouted from downstairs.
Sherrielock looked out the room’s open window and shouted in the direction of the flying bat 🦇, “You can rest assured, Dracula, that someday the two of us will meet again. And when we do, there will be Hell to pay.”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday January 27th
2018.
Dracula Meets Sherrielock Holmes
Dracula Meets Sherrielock Holmes
Sherrielock Holmes did come downstairs wearing a lovely black evening dress.
She asked Belvedere her bartender, “Where are the troublemakers?”.
“They’ve left,” said Belvedere.
“Who are you?” Sherrielock Holmes asked the elegant stranger standing at the bar.
“The name,” the stranger bowed courteously, “is Dracula.”
“Dracula,” Sherrielock smiled a knowing smile, “like Vlad III the medieval 15th Century prince of Wallachia.”
Dracula gasped.
He didn’t think anyone outside Eastern Europe had heard of him.
This, Dracula thought to himself, was one intelligent woman.
Which made her a force to be reckoned with.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday January 26th
2018.
A Mysterious Stranger In The Wild West
A Mysterious Stranger In The Wild West
It was a warm autumn evening in October of 1880 when a tall dark stranger arrived in the Wild West town of Hayden Colorado.
He did not arrive in town on horse or by stagecoach like most strangers did.
He just suddenly appeared in the night out of nowhere.
Although seconds before, a bat 🦇 had flown out of the night sky and landed on the main street in town in front of The Wild Tomatoes and Mushroom Saloon.
Where the bat had once flown, a tall distinguished man in elegant European style dress now stood.
The man with top hat and elegant cloak and coat with an elegant walking stick on whose top was the engraved carved head of a black wolf 🐺 entered through the swinging doors of the saloon.
The hustle and bustle of the saloon suddenly stopped when the stranger walked through the door.
All eyes turned on to the elegantly dressed stranger.
Every rough and tough rough and tumble cowboy looked upon the stranger with contempt.
The gunslinger with the meanest reputation in town walked up to the man and knocked off his top hat while laughing, “Well, well, what do we have here? A bit of a dandy eh?”.
The stranger gave the gunslinger a kick that sent the man flying out the door into the street.
The gunslinger’s best friend immediately pulled out his six shooter and fired all 6 bullets into the stranger.
The stranger did not even wince let alone keel over to the floor like any normal man would have done.
“Now, gentlemen,” Belvedere the bartender called out, “you know the Boss doesn’t like guns being fired in the saloon.”
Silence fell in the saloon.
The Boss was a breathtakingly beautiful Englishwoman with a fierce temper.
They didn’t call her the Dominatrix of the Wild West for nothing.
She’d quite literally whip any wrongdoer.
“What happened to the bullets?” Asked the startled 😱 man who fired the shots.
The elegantly dressed stranger calmly opened his right hand (which had been clenched into a fist) and dropped six bullets on to the floor one by one.
Everyone in the saloon immediately looked away from the stranger.
With the exception of Belvedere the bartender.
“Care for a drink, sir?” Belvedere was wondering if his boss Miss Sherrielock Holmes would come running down the stairs from her office wondering what the shots were about.
The elegant stranger took off his hat, cloak, coat and wolf’s head walking stick and laid them on the bar.
“I think I shall,” said the man as he took off his elegant black leather gloves.
“A glass of wine 🍷 perhaps?” Belvedere suggested.
“Yes,” said the man in a heavy Eastern European accent that sounded either Hungarian or Romanian, “I do drink wine 🍷 and I hope someday no one says otherwise.”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday January 25th
2018.
On Donald Trump and Losing One’s Sanity and Virginity At The Same Time
On Donald Trump and Losing One’s Sanity and Virginity At The Same Time
DARPA contract assassin and satyr serial killer Pan Goatee was being interviewed on a PBS talk show.
He was asked as a serial killer whose specialty was killing ugly looking women where was it that he found the greatest number of ugly looking women to kill.
Pan Goatee replied, “At feminist marches and parades.”
Not watching the PBS talk show (or any program found on PBS for that matter) was U.S. President Donald Trump.
Trump was sitting at his desk in the Oval Office twiddling his thumbs wondering what he should tweet about next.
Trump had a new employee working for him- a British born, raised and trained butler and valet named Lexington that his daughter Ivanka had hired for him.
Ivanka had hired Lexington in the hopes that this perfect British gentleman’s gentleman would be able to teach her father proper etiquette and good manners.
Lexington took the job but inwardly he thought to himself, “To teach your father proper etiquette and good manners is an absolutely impossible task even for someone like myself.”
Lexington came from a long line of impeccably good butlers and valets in his family.
In fact, Lexington’s first cousin Athelstan was butler and valet to the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set.
Trump sat there playing solitaire at his desk when he realized that the deck of cards he was playing with didn’t have all the cards.
“Hey, Lexington,” Trump called out as the butler dusted around the office, “I’m not playing with a full deck.”
“Why don’t you tweet about it, sir?” Lexington suggested.
“An excellent idea 💡,” Trump agreed.
He immediately tweeted,
@realDonaldTrump
I’m not playing with a full deck.
Donald Trump then started playing with a bag of marbles on his desk (a present to him from a visiting school kid) when suddenly all the marbles slid off his desk and into the waste paper basket.
“Hey Lexington, I seem to have lost all my marbles,” Trump called out.
“Again, sir,” Lexington suggested, “why don’t you tweet about it?”.
“Another excellent suggestion, Lexington,” Trump smiled.
He then tweeted,
@realDonaldTrump
I seem to have lost all my marbles.
Trump decided maybe he should really get around to doing some Presidential work so he read a National Security Intelligence report (jointly put together by DARPA and the NSA) on a wiretap they had on a 3-way text messaging chat between a group of people who called themselves The 3 Blogoteers.
One of the Blogoteers Sherry asked the other 2 Blogoteers Hyperion and Dracul whether they had lost both their virginity and sanity at one and the same time.
“That’s actually a very good question,” Trump reflected out loud after reading the question to Lexington.
“And did you, sir,” Lexington inquired, “lose your sanity at the exact same time you lost your virginity?”.
“I can’t remember when I lost my virginity,” Trump stroked his chin thoughtfully.
“Or probably when you lost your sanity either,” Lexington said under his breath.
“I think I’ll play golf and eat at McDonald’s tomorrow,” Trump mused aloud.
“I believe tomorrow, sir, you’ll be attending the World Economic Forum in Davos, Switzerland 🇨🇭,” Lexington reminded him.
“Oh,” Trump looked disappointed, “I guess that means I’ll have to eat Swiss cheese instead of good old American cheddar.”
“Look on the positive side, sir,” Lexington pointed out, “at least you’ll get to look at a mirror image of yourself when the cuckoo bird comes out of the cuckoo clock each hour.”
“Yes, always best to stay positive,” Trump nodded.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday January 24th
2018.
The Awesome Blogger Award
The Awesome Blogger Award
Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing was making out with the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec in a luxurious hotel room in Bucharest, Romania.
Downstairs in the lobby, Dr. Cadbury Rocher was giving Vlad III Tepes the Impaler Dracula a history lesson on what’s been happening in the world throughout the entire 20th Century and the 1st 17 years of the 21st.
By all accounts, Dracul Van Helsing and Qonzilqointec were having the more enjoyable time.
“I hear you’ve been nominated for the Awesome Blogger Award, Dracul,” Qonzilqointec gasped in ecstasy as she climaxed yet again.
“That’s right, I have been nominated for the Awesome Blogger Award,” Dracul answered as he moved in for the Kama Sutra Lifetime Achievement Award.
“I would have to agree, you are an awesome blogger!” Qonzilqointec admitted as she orgasmed for the 69th time in this lovemaking session.
“Thank you,” Dracul thought that his childhood hero Captain James T. Kirk of the USS Enterprise would be so proud of him right now.
“Who nominated you?” The sexy Aztec vampiress asked.
“A fellow blogger Ortensia72 who lives in Dublin, Ireland 🇮🇪,” Dracul replied.
“Isn’t Dublin the home of Guinness Draught?” Qonzilqointec queried as she underwent a volcanic eruption 🌋.
“It is,” Dracul re-enacted Robin Hood hitting the bull’s eye at a Nottingham archery tournament, “Drinking a Guinness draught and reading a Van Helsing blog post seem to go well together.”
“Well, I currently like where a Van Helsing is posting now,” the Aztec vampire princess gasped, “so all I need is a Guinness draught.”
“We can order some from room service,” Dracul suggested.
“What question were you asked in getting nominated for the award?” Qonzilqointec purred like a kitten.
“Savoury or sweets?” Dracul remembered the question.
“And what was your answer?” She came as Dracul entered new terrain.
“Savoury of course,” Dracul replied, “I’ve always liked my sex extremely spicy 🌶.”
“And who do you nominate?” She pressed her lips against him.
“Every blog I read has an awesome blogger behind it,” said Dracul, “so I nominate them all.”
“And what question will you ask them?” Qonzilqointec waved a leopard skin tanga above her head.
“Where was the most unusual place you made love?” Dracul framed the question in Perry Mason like courtroom fashion.
“And where do you think was the most unusual place we made love?” Qonzilqointec started to hum that old song Thanks For The Memories.
“Probably when we made love in the clock tower of Big Ben at the Westminster Parliament just before they closed the tower down for several years as it undergoes construction 🔨,” Dracul recalled.
Meanwhile in the lobby, Dracula had fallen asleep 😴 when Dr. Cadbury Rocher started reading aloud from the U. S. Congressional Record debating the federal budget for the U.S. Government fiscal year 1952-53.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday January 23rd
2018.
Dracul Van Helsing In Transylvania
Dracul Van Helsing In Transylvania
The great Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing was in Transylvania.
He was visiting the decaying ruins of Castle Dracula in the Carpathian Mountains near the Borgo Pass.
Accompanying him was Set Enterprises’ chief resident scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher.
The two were seeking the remains of the Wallachian voivode (or prince) Vlad III also known as Vlad Tepes also known as Vlad the Impaler but better known to Britain and the Western world as Vlad Dracula (the son of Vlad Dracul or Vlad the Dragon 🐉 who was Wallachian prince Vlad II).
Both Dracul and Dr. Rocher were in Transylvania on the advice of British MP Renfield R. Renfield who was being advised by the ghost of Sir Winston Churchill (Churchill’s ghost appeared to Renfield by leaving a painted portrait of himself in Renfield’s office whenever Renfield drank from the last bottle of brandy that Churchill ever owned).
According to Renfield and dear old Winnie’s ghost, the only way that Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan could be stopped from creating a revived Ottoman Empire thereby threatening world peace would be if Vlad the Impaler (who made a successful career out of impaling his Turkish enemies) was brought back from the dead.
Sadly for the world in the second decade of the 21st Century, Dracul Van Helsing’s great great grandfather Dr. Abraham Van Helsing had driven a stake through Dracula’s heart in the last decade of the 19th Century.
Ironically Dracul Van Helsing’s Romanian mother Nadja Draculescu was a direct descendant of Vlad Dracula.
Which made Dracul a direct descendant of Vlad Dracula as well.
So on his father’s side, he was a Van Helsing.
On his mother’s side, he was a Dracula.
When they found Dracula’s coffin in the dungeon of Castle Dracula, Dracul Van Helsing and Dr. Cadbury Rocher opened it.
Inside they found the dust that had been Dracula.
“Ashes to ashes, dust to dust,” Dracul quoted from the burial service in the Anglican Book of Common Prayer.
“Son of man, can these bones live?” Dr. Cadbury Rocher quoted Ezekiel Chapter 37 verse 3.
Dr. Rocher then zapped the dust and bones with his Tesla laser particle beam flashlight helmet wearing pink rabbit Energizer Bunny.
The atomic particles and sub-atomic particles of Dracula’s body re-assembled itself.
The Energizer Bunny kept going, saying in a TV commercial announcer style voice, “It keeps going and going…”
And going and going it did.
It kept going out the door of the Castle and kept going right over a cliff.
It wasn’t in any shape to keep going once it had made its landing however.
Meanwhile Dracula now had his head and heart attached.
Dracula had risen from the dead.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday January 22nd
2018.
Dracul Van Helsing 
Renfield Speaks Out On America’s Proposed Mandatory National Biometric ID Program
January 29, 2018 at 9:24 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (Amadeus Emanon, HR 4760, Renfield R. Renfield, Rep. Bob Goodlatte, Sir Winston Churchill, The Ghost of Sir Winston Churchill, The Union of Soviet States of America)
Renfield Speaks Out On America’s Proposed Mandatory National Biometric ID Program
British MP Renfield R. Renfield stood up in the House of Commons and said, “I’ve been alerted by one of my friends (Renfield did not bother mentioning to his Parliamentary colleagues that friend was the ghost of the late Sir Winston Churchill who appeared to Renfield every time Renfield drank from his Churchillian bottle of brandy) about the dangers inherent in U.S. Congressional Bill HR 4760 – the Securing America’s Future Act of 2018 that was introduced in Congress this past January 10th by Rep. Bob Goodlatte (R-VA.).
When you read what’s in the bill, it might inspire one to stop ordering lattes the next time one enters a coffee ☕️ shop saying to oneself, “Lattes bad.”
This sweeping bill entails everything from Education and the workforce to Homeland Security to the military.
But tucked away in this 400-page behemoth of a bill are the details of a new Biometric National ID card that could soon be compulsory for everyone (with the exception of DACA recipients that have been granted a 3-year renewable legal status).
Not surprisingly, there is almost no coverage whatsoever of this legislation in the U.S. media.
H.R. 4760 establishes a mandatory National Identification system that requires all Americans to carry a government-approved ID containing Biometric features.
Without this card, according to the legislation, you will not be able to work in the United States of America.
To quote my friend Amadeus Emanon quoting the Book of Revelation Ch. 13 v.17, “And that no man might buy or sell, save he that had the mark, or the name of the beast, or the number of his name.”
This legislation has been drafted under the auspices of providing a legislative solution for the current beneficiaries of the Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals (DACA) program.
This bill has already gained 70 co-sponsors. As with most police state promoting legislation in the U.S., fear of illegal immigration is being pushed to garner such support.
Under this latest National ID scheme promoted by the statists in both parties (Democrat and Republican), you’ll be forced to carry around your National ID card. Without this ID, you won’t be able to legally hold a job or open a bank account or even board a plane.
And we shall see the USA 🇺🇸 turned into the USSA (Union of Soviet States of America).”
-Renfield R. Renfield
British House of Commons
Monday January 29th
2018.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday January 29th
2018.
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