Pan Goatee’s DARPA Experiment

January 2, 2018 at 8:55 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) (, , , )

Pan Goatee’s DARPA Experiment

The head of DARPA who went by the code name of Enigma was reading a report written by DARPA’s most preeminent contract assassin the genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee.

In it, Pan Goatee was making a proposal to raise the collective intelligence of the human race.

In it, Pan Goatee argued that ugly looking women should be eliminated because not only were such creatures ugly but they were generally quite stupid as well.

Pan Goatee also submitted an expense deduction to be sent to DARPA accounting.

Pan Goatee had hired and flown into the U.S. a pot smoking Vancouverite from Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada.

What, Enigma wondered, did Pan Goatee want with a pot smoking Vancouverite?

The answer became clear later in the day when a TV news story surfaced that a marijuana toking individual was manning a sidewalk booth where he was handing out free samples of a drink called Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s Nanite Earl Grey Tea.

The one catch was the drink would be handed out to ugly looking women only.

After drinking the tea, each ugly looking woman’s head would explode.

Enigma figured that the reason Pan Goatee hired a pot smoking Vancouverite to hand out the tea samples was because only someone who was stoned out of his mind would be able to handle the sight of so many ugly looking women approaching him at once.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday January 2nd


  1. George F. said,

    I never went to bed with an ugly woman…but I woke up with quite a few. Must have been that damn nanite tea messin’ with my perception…or was it the pot…I don’t remember…

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,


      To paraphrase an old saying “It was either a case of tea or get off the pot.”

      • George F. said,

        Glad you liked that one….

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        That’s happened to a few people I know.

        They don’t go to bed with ugly women but they’ve woke up with a few.

        Although in those cases, it was a result of having one drink too many in a bar.

  2. ortensia said,

    I’ll make sure to drink my tea always with impeccable make up .😉

  3. Orvillewrong said,

    It make admirable sense put that way!

  4. shєrríє dє vαlєríα said,

    I drank all kind of herbal teas and fruits, but never saw anyone exploded after drinking it. LOL
    Probably something else exploded then.

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