Pan Goatee Wins Jack The Ripper Feminist Award

January 11, 2018 at 8:44 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Pan Goatee Wins Jack The Ripper Feminist Award

The Cosmic Horror Writers Association of America had voted unanimously to make satyr serial killer Pan Goatee (whose serial killing specialty was killing ugly women) the winner of this past year’s Jack The Ripper Feminist Award given to the serial killer whose actions were most at variance with the precepts of the National Organization For Women.

As Pan Goatee was about to get off the bus at the auditorium where he was to receive his award, he noticed a fat ugly looking blimp of a woman getting on at the front of the bus.

Pan immediately rushed up to the front of the bus and beheaded the woman with his machete.

He then turned back to the bus’s back door before getting off- but not before posing with a thumbs up sign for photos taken by Japanese tourists sitting at the back of the bus.

Later inside the auditorium, Pan Goatee received a standing ovation as he accepted the award.

When Donald Trump read about tonight’s awards ceremony in this evening’s National Security Intel report, the Tweeter-In-Chief (who had proclaimed himself an “awesome genius” in his most recent Twitter tweet) asked one of his aides, “Who was Jack the Ripper?”.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday January 11th


  1. George F. said,


  2. Orvillewrong said,

    A genius obviously would know nothing about the worlds first serial killer but then does this particular genius know his own name!

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      He seemed to have forgotten the words to the National Anthem (of the country he’s President of) when he showed up at the U. S. National College Football Championships earlier this week. πŸ˜€

  3. Hyperion said,

    The Japanese tourists on the bus were a nice touch. Don’t be so hard on Trump. He’s traumatized after pictures of Merkle’s coup de gracious senior with Pootin was provided by DARPA agents embedded in the table legs. Ivanka refuses to help turn the tide of Merkle’s win. So the Trumptastic is a bit overwhelmed and just not his usual Twitter master.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yes, Pan Goatee seems to enjoy Michael Jackson like popularity among the Japanese.

      • Hyperion said,

        I wonder if Pan bro gets much action in Japan. The girls seem quite petite there.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        No, I don’t imagine Pan Goatee ever has to unleash his machete over in Japan.

        After all, Japanese porn films are so much classier and more artistic and aesthetically inclined than American porn.

        Or at least so I’ve been told by Renfield. πŸ˜‰

      • Hyperion said,

        Yes, Renfield told me the same thing and he seemed sincere.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Renfield has such an acute eye for those things. πŸ˜‚

      • Hyperion said,

        I rely heavily on Renfield’s guidance in this area. He is a pro. Sherrielock has had a big influence on him

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, between the two of them, the best of East and West are being brought together.

        Just like with the Trumpster and Little Rocketman, the worst of East and West are locking horns.

      • Hyperion said,

        Somebody is going to get an @$$ whoppin’ and Sherrielock isn’t going to be playing when that happens.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        It will be the end of the world as we know it.

      • Hyperion said,

        RagnarΓΆk is upon us. Gather up your freeze dried beer and pizza and head for the hills.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Nothing like entering Valhalla with acute indigestion and heartburn.

      • Hyperion said,

        They say the ground rules are no thunder created with beans and beer.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        I guess that will see you and Jefferey kicked out of Valhalla rather quickly. πŸ˜‚

      • Hyperion said,

        Me and Jefferey are Hellheimr bound

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, that’s probably what will happen.

        Helheimer Bound.

        That’s sound like a great name for a very kinky kind of chapter in a novel.

        Or the title of a porn film watched by Renfield. πŸ˜‚

      • Hyperion said,

        Waaa haaa haa! You gotta slip that one into you vampire stories

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        I think I shall. πŸ˜†

      • Hyperion said,

        nervously awaiting to learn the facts. πŸ™‚

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        The facts come in Sherrielock’s cat o’ nine tails. πŸ…

      • Hyperion said,

        Ooo, La-La! This is that whackity, whackity, Whack-Whack thing isn’t it.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes. πŸ˜‚

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