The Awesome Blogger Award

January 23, 2018 at 10:16 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Romance, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

The Awesome Blogger Award

Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing was making out with the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec in a luxurious hotel room in Bucharest, Romania.

Downstairs in the lobby, Dr. Cadbury Rocher was giving Vlad III Tepes the Impaler Dracula a history lesson on what’s been happening in the world throughout the entire 20th Century and the 1st 17 years of the 21st.

By all accounts, Dracul Van Helsing and Qonzilqointec were having the more enjoyable time.

“I hear you’ve been nominated for the Awesome Blogger Award, Dracul,” Qonzilqointec gasped in ecstasy as she climaxed yet again.

“That’s right, I have been nominated for the Awesome Blogger Award,” Dracul answered as he moved in for the Kama Sutra Lifetime Achievement Award.

“I would have to agree, you are an awesome blogger!” Qonzilqointec admitted as she orgasmed for the 69th time in this lovemaking session.

“Thank you,” Dracul thought that his childhood hero Captain James T. Kirk of the USS Enterprise would be so proud of him right now.

“Who nominated you?” The sexy Aztec vampiress asked.

“A fellow blogger Ortensia72 who lives in Dublin, Ireland ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡ช,” Dracul replied.

“Isn’t Dublin the home of Guinness Draught?” Qonzilqointec queried as she underwent a volcanic eruption ๐ŸŒ‹.

“It is,” Dracul re-enacted Robin Hood hitting the bull’s eye at a Nottingham archery tournament, “Drinking a Guinness draught and reading a Van Helsing blog post seem to go well together.”

“Well, I currently like where a Van Helsing is posting now,” the Aztec vampire princess gasped, “so all I need is a Guinness draught.”

“We can order some from room service,” Dracul suggested.

“What question were you asked in getting nominated for the award?” Qonzilqointec purred like a kitten.

“Savoury or sweets?” Dracul remembered the question.

“And what was your answer?” She came as Dracul entered new terrain.

“Savoury of course,” Dracul replied, “I’ve always liked my sex extremely spicy ๐ŸŒถ.”

“And who do you nominate?” She pressed her lips against him.

“Every blog I read has an awesome blogger behind it,” said Dracul, “so I nominate them all.”

“And what question will you ask them?” Qonzilqointec waved a leopard skin tanga above her head.

“Where was the most unusual place you made love?” Dracul framed the question in Perry Mason like courtroom fashion.

“And where do you think was the most unusual place we made love?” Qonzilqointec started to hum that old song Thanks For The Memories.

“Probably when we made love in the clock tower of Big Ben at the Westminster Parliament just before they closed the tower down for several years as it undergoes construction ๐Ÿ”จ,” Dracul recalled.

Meanwhile in the lobby, Dracula had fallen asleep ๐Ÿ˜ด when Dr. Cadbury Rocher started reading aloud from the U. S. Congressional Record debating the federal budget for the U.S. Government fiscal year 1952-53.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday January 23rd


  1. George F. said,

    Hook me up with Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec and I’ll give you all the blogger awards you can hang on your wall. Promise.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      LOL !

      I think the last time I wrote a blog post featuring the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec, my friend Malcolm Marsh asked me to hook him up with her.

      She’s definitely one vampire novel character that a lot of my male readers want to meet. ๐Ÿ˜€

    • Hyperion said,

      Hi George. It seems your blog has lost all its posts. Was this intentional. DARPA is left hanging on several projects and needs to tap into Paul’s mind.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        George deletes his posts a few days after posting them.

        He wants to keep readers on their toes.

        This is one instance where DARPA is innocent of vanishing websites.

      • Hyperion said,

        Lol, he doesnโ€™t have anything up at the moment. Iโ€™ll have to be quicker on the draw.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, as quick as Quick Draw McGraw.

      • Hyperion said,

        Very true. Iโ€™m more El Kabong or bobaloo the little donky dude sidekick. My Quick Draw McGraw is slow as molasses.

      • George F. said,

        LOL! Intentional. New post will be up shortly. Thanks for noticing!!

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Jefferey the otter- DARPA’s otter mascot from the planet Nibiru enjoys reading your blog posts aloud to down river otter pole dancing girls on his home planet.

      • Hyperion said,

        Thanks for letting me know. Iโ€™m slow to get back and I know you mentioned deleting older posts but I didnโ€™t know you erased the chalk board at times. Iโ€™m relieved.

      • George F. said,

        I do it before the Gov’t does. LOL!

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes one should always do it oneself before the government does it for you.

      • Hyperion said,

        Waa haaa haaa! Without anyone to give us hints, we have to make stiff up on our own. ๐Ÿค”๐Ÿคซ

  2. ortensia said,

    Absolutely brilliant….๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜I m growing very fond of Aztec….we need more women like her๐Ÿ˜‰
    It might be my impression but as more I read your stories as more proud I get of my vampire tooth and my obsession for bats.๐Ÿง›โ€โ™€๏ธ๐Ÿง›โ€โ™‚๏ธ๐Ÿฆ‡๐Ÿคท๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธHave a good day
    That Kama Sutra lifetime achievement award sound interesting๐Ÿ˜œ

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Thanks very much, Ortensia. ๐Ÿ˜€

      I agree we need more women like the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec. โค๏ธ

      LOL ! at how my stories have made you proud of your vampire teeth and obsession for bats ๐Ÿฆ‡. ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

      Yes, as I was writing about Dracul getting the Awesome Blogger Award in his pillow talk with Qonzilqointec, the words Kama Sutra Lifetime Achievement Award suddenly entered my mind.

      They’re always handing out Lifetime Achievement Awards of some sort or other at the Golden Globes, Emmys or Academy Awards so the thought hit me- a Kama Sutra Lifetime Achievement Award.

      Now there would be an award worth going after. ๐Ÿ˜‚

  3. Orvillewrong said,

    I don’t know which achievement merits the most comment, your nomination or the 69th orgasm! Well done sir

  4. Hyperion said,

    A masterpiece. Erica Jong be damned. This is the place to read of daring Valentinoesque escapades of naughty daring do. The Tangas, oh my. Yes! Great post, Chris. Original, spicy, and a true Renfieldian accomplishment.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Thanks very much, Daniel. ๐Ÿ™‚

      That’s wonderful to hear.

      “daring Valentinoesque escapades of naughty daring do”

      “Original, spicy and a true Renfieldian accomplishment”.

      Words I very much love to hear.

      Glad I’m capable of writing a good spicy erotic love tale. ๐Ÿ˜‰

      • Hyperion said,

        This one is among your best work of which there are many.

  5. doesitevenmatter3 said,

    OH MY GOD!!! (*snort* ๐Ÿ˜€ )
    And Congrats to Dracul Van Helsing AND Princess Qonzilqointec! ๐Ÿ™‚
    HUGS!!! ๐Ÿ™‚

  6. shั”rrรญั” dั” vฮฑlั”rรญฮฑ said,

    And why the hell Dracula sleeps??? He is a freaking vampire lord and he knows no sleep! LOL
    He should go and find some sexy ladies out there in Paris, lurking in the dark together with Renfield as Renfield can find excuses to execute some uglies! hehehe …

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Even a vampire lord gets bored when someone reads aloud from a U.S. Congressional Record description of a budget debate. ๐Ÿ˜‚

      In fact, it’s a wonder Dracula didn’t run outside and impale himself through the heart on the nearest white picket fence (or any other coloured picket fence for that matter!) and end up ashes and dust again. ๐Ÿ˜€

      Yes Dracula should go and spend a night on the town with Renfield in Paris and find some lovely beauties to whom he can give a hickey. ๐Ÿฆ‡

      • shั”rrรญั” dั” vฮฑlั”rรญฮฑ said,

        He is condemned to live FOR EVER! That is for sure.
        And that SUCKS!
        Always to not have real death and be resurrected all the time too often.
        He got bored with politics.
        It is of no interest for him, anymore.
        He just want to impale uglies right now!

  7. said,

    Congrats on your award. It is well deserved. And thanks for following my blog.

  8. said,

    ps just had an idea. Your dracul is awesome, and the humor is awesome. I wonder what would happen if you chose, perhaps with a different character, a wider genre to work in?

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Thanks for thinking that my character of Dracul is awesome. ๐Ÿ˜€

      And thanks for thinking that my humour is awesome. ๐Ÿ˜€

      I have so many characters throughout my novels, I could really fit any genre.

      I obstensibly call it a vampire novel but it could fall under several genres.

      For in them, I satirize current world political trends as well as what is happening in the current entertainment industry.

      My novels are a world where the gods and goddesses of the Ancient Greek, Norse and Egyptian pantheons exist and operate simultaneously in this current spatial/temporal dimension.

      Science-fiction themes can be found throughout these novels as well as good old fashioned romance.

      I’ve even brought in Western stories of the American Wild West into my novels.

      I have a wide variety of characters in addition to Dracul Van Helsing and Qonzilqointec- Renfield R. Renfield (an eccentric and colourful British Member of Parliament), Amadeus Emanon (a concert pianist who was cloned from the DNA of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, British actor Alan Rickman and California mass murderer Charles Manson), Dr. Cadbury Rocher (a 21st Century version of those old mad scientists from the old horror movies of the 1930s and ’40s), Sherrielock Holmes (a quite literally immortal female dominatrix who is Sherlock Holmes’ lesser known twin sister), the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set (who is Set the god of darkness from ancient Egyptian mythology), Athelstan his faithful and keen witted butler, Magog Rhys Petley (a former Labour MP turned private eye who’s also a werewolf), Agathor Christie (his partner- a former Conservative MP turned private eye and also the great nephew by marriage of mystery writer Agatha Christie) and Belvedere (who’s the ghost of a ghost white salamander).

      My novels are somewhat like Tolkien’s Hobbit and Lord of The Rings novels in that they are an entire world – an entire mythology of their own- with a wide varied selection of characters.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      That’s okay. ๐Ÿ™‚

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