On Donald Trump and Losing One’s Sanity and Virginity At The Same Time

January 24, 2018 at 10:38 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , , )

On Donald Trump and Losing One’s Sanity and Virginity At The Same Time

DARPA contract assassin and satyr serial killer Pan Goatee was being interviewed on a PBS talk show.

He was asked as a serial killer whose specialty was killing ugly looking women where was it that he found the greatest number of ugly looking women to kill.

Pan Goatee replied, “At feminist marches and parades.”

Not watching the PBS talk show (or any program found on PBS for that matter) was U.S. President Donald Trump.

Trump was sitting at his desk in the Oval Office twiddling his thumbs wondering what he should tweet about next.

Trump had a new employee working for him- a British born, raised and trained butler and valet named Lexington that his daughter Ivanka had hired for him.

Ivanka had hired Lexington in the hopes that this perfect British gentleman’s gentleman would be able to teach her father proper etiquette and good manners.

Lexington took the job but inwardly he thought to himself, “To teach your father proper etiquette and good manners is an absolutely impossible task even for someone like myself.”

Lexington came from a long line of impeccably good butlers and valets in his family.

In fact, Lexington’s first cousin Athelstan was butler and valet to the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set.

Trump sat there playing solitaire at his desk when he realized that the deck of cards he was playing with didn’t have all the cards.

“Hey, Lexington,” Trump called out as the butler dusted around the office, “I’m not playing with a full deck.”

“Why don’t you tweet about it, sir?” Lexington suggested.

“An excellent idea ๐Ÿ’ก,” Trump agreed.

He immediately tweeted,

@realDonaldTrump
I’m not playing with a full deck.

Donald Trump then started playing with a bag of marbles on his desk (a present to him from a visiting school kid) when suddenly all the marbles slid off his desk and into the waste paper basket.

“Hey Lexington, I seem to have lost all my marbles,” Trump called out.

“Again, sir,” Lexington suggested, “why don’t you tweet about it?”.

“Another excellent suggestion, Lexington,” Trump smiled.

He then tweeted,

@realDonaldTrump
I seem to have lost all my marbles.

Trump decided maybe he should really get around to doing some Presidential work so he read a National Security Intelligence report (jointly put together by DARPA and the NSA) on a wiretap they had on a 3-way text messaging chat between a group of people who called themselves The 3 Blogoteers.

One of the Blogoteers Sherry asked the other 2 Blogoteers Hyperion and Dracul whether they had lost both their virginity and sanity at one and the same time.

“That’s actually a very good question,” Trump reflected out loud after reading the question to Lexington.

“And did you, sir,” Lexington inquired, “lose your sanity at the exact same time you lost your virginity?”.

“I can’t remember when I lost my virginity,” Trump stroked his chin thoughtfully.

“Or probably when you lost your sanity either,” Lexington said under his breath.

“I think I’ll play golf and eat at McDonald’s tomorrow,” Trump mused aloud.

“I believe tomorrow, sir, you’ll be attending the World Economic Forum in Davos, Switzerland ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ญ,” Lexington reminded him.

“Oh,” Trump looked disappointed, “I guess that means I’ll have to eat Swiss cheese instead of good old American cheddar.”

“Look on the positive side, sir,” Lexington pointed out, “at least you’ll get to look at a mirror image of yourself when the cuckoo bird comes out of the cuckoo clock each hour.”

“Yes, always best to stay positive,” Trump nodded.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday January 24th
2018.

14 Comments

  1. ortensia said,

    I am still laughing my head off.Nearly chocked with my coffe.
    Just one problem:I have a small cuckoo clock that I bought for my daughters……now Iโ€™ll be terrified to pass it in case trump s head pop out๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      That would be a scary scenario if Trump’s head popped out of a cuckoo clock. ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

  2. shั”rrรญั” dั” vฮฑlั”rรญฮฑ said,

    LOL wahahaha … I thought he had lost a 1 Million painting of Maize behind his desk and tweet it as well! Can imagine that as well!

    As always Pan Goatee is an excellent assassin when it comes to get off the world of the Uglies! Poor Uglies clans out there … they better watch out and hide in some dark caves.

    I wonder if Trump has a lobster tank in his office???
    But the tank never get explode, right?
    Poor fish! Poor lobster!
    LOL

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      It would certainly be torture for the poor lobster if he had to live in a lobster tank in Trump’s office. ๐Ÿ˜‚

      And of course a $1 million painting of some maize corn ๐ŸŒฝ called Hell Toupee that hangs on the wall in the Oval Office may be one reason why the lobster tank has never exploded.

      On the other hand, if a Modigliani painting of a nude Sherrielock Holmes hung on the wall, Trump would be screaming, “Lexington, get in here and clean up this mess. There’s water and lobster all over the floor.”

      “A very nouveau art interpretation of the movie The Shape of Water if I do say so myself, sir,” Lexington would reply.

  3. Aak fictionspawn said,

    Hey! He said something smart! ๐Ÿ˜€

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yes, Lexington managed to get Trump to tweet some smart tweets although Trump had no idea of the context in which those tweeted expressions might take. ๐Ÿ˜‚

  4. Orvillewrong said,

    I really do worry about Trumps sanity, whenever I see him on tv he appears like a petulant baby that has lost its dummy!

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