On Donald Trump and Losing One’s Sanity and Virginity At The Same Time
On Donald Trump and Losing One’s Sanity and Virginity At The Same Time
DARPA contract assassin and satyr serial killer Pan Goatee was being interviewed on a PBS talk show.
He was asked as a serial killer whose specialty was killing ugly looking women where was it that he found the greatest number of ugly looking women to kill.
Pan Goatee replied, “At feminist marches and parades.”
Not watching the PBS talk show (or any program found on PBS for that matter) was U.S. President Donald Trump.
Trump was sitting at his desk in the Oval Office twiddling his thumbs wondering what he should tweet about next.
Trump had a new employee working for him- a British born, raised and trained butler and valet named Lexington that his daughter Ivanka had hired for him.
Ivanka had hired Lexington in the hopes that this perfect British gentleman’s gentleman would be able to teach her father proper etiquette and good manners.
Lexington took the job but inwardly he thought to himself, “To teach your father proper etiquette and good manners is an absolutely impossible task even for someone like myself.”
Lexington came from a long line of impeccably good butlers and valets in his family.
In fact, Lexington’s first cousin Athelstan was butler and valet to the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set.
Trump sat there playing solitaire at his desk when he realized that the deck of cards he was playing with didn’t have all the cards.
“Hey, Lexington,” Trump called out as the butler dusted around the office, “I’m not playing with a full deck.”
“Why don’t you tweet about it, sir?” Lexington suggested.
“An excellent idea ๐ก,” Trump agreed.
He immediately tweeted,
@realDonaldTrump
I’m not playing with a full deck.
Donald Trump then started playing with a bag of marbles on his desk (a present to him from a visiting school kid) when suddenly all the marbles slid off his desk and into the waste paper basket.
“Hey Lexington, I seem to have lost all my marbles,” Trump called out.
“Again, sir,” Lexington suggested, “why don’t you tweet about it?”.
“Another excellent suggestion, Lexington,” Trump smiled.
He then tweeted,
@realDonaldTrump
I seem to have lost all my marbles.
Trump decided maybe he should really get around to doing some Presidential work so he read a National Security Intelligence report (jointly put together by DARPA and the NSA) on a wiretap they had on a 3-way text messaging chat between a group of people who called themselves The 3 Blogoteers.
One of the Blogoteers Sherry asked the other 2 Blogoteers Hyperion and Dracul whether they had lost both their virginity and sanity at one and the same time.
“That’s actually a very good question,” Trump reflected out loud after reading the question to Lexington.
“And did you, sir,” Lexington inquired, “lose your sanity at the exact same time you lost your virginity?”.
“I can’t remember when I lost my virginity,” Trump stroked his chin thoughtfully.
“Or probably when you lost your sanity either,” Lexington said under his breath.
“I think I’ll play golf and eat at McDonald’s tomorrow,” Trump mused aloud.
“I believe tomorrow, sir, you’ll be attending the World Economic Forum in Davos, Switzerland ๐จ๐ญ,” Lexington reminded him.
“Oh,” Trump looked disappointed, “I guess that means I’ll have to eat Swiss cheese instead of good old American cheddar.”
“Look on the positive side, sir,” Lexington pointed out, “at least you’ll get to look at a mirror image of yourself when the cuckoo bird comes out of the cuckoo clock each hour.”
“Yes, always best to stay positive,” Trump nodded.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday January 24th
2018.
ortensia said,
January 25, 2018 at 12:56 am
I am still laughing my head off.Nearly chocked with my coffe.
Just one problem:I have a small cuckoo clock that I bought for my daughters……now Iโll be terrified to pass it in case trump s head pop out๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐
Dracul Van Helsing said,
January 25, 2018 at 4:34 pm
That would be a scary scenario if Trump’s head popped out of a cuckoo clock. ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐
shัrrรญั dั vฮฑlัrรญฮฑ said,
January 25, 2018 at 3:15 am
LOL wahahaha … I thought he had lost a 1 Million painting of Maize behind his desk and tweet it as well! Can imagine that as well!
As always Pan Goatee is an excellent assassin when it comes to get off the world of the Uglies! Poor Uglies clans out there … they better watch out and hide in some dark caves.
I wonder if Trump has a lobster tank in his office???
But the tank never get explode, right?
Poor fish! Poor lobster!
LOL
Dracul Van Helsing said,
January 25, 2018 at 4:46 pm
It would certainly be torture for the poor lobster if he had to live in a lobster tank in Trump’s office. ๐
And of course a $1 million painting of some maize corn ๐ฝ called Hell Toupee that hangs on the wall in the Oval Office may be one reason why the lobster tank has never exploded.
On the other hand, if a Modigliani painting of a nude Sherrielock Holmes hung on the wall, Trump would be screaming, “Lexington, get in here and clean up this mess. There’s water and lobster all over the floor.”
“A very nouveau art interpretation of the movie The Shape of Water if I do say so myself, sir,” Lexington would reply.
shัrrรญั dั vฮฑlัrรญฮฑ said,
January 26, 2018 at 3:34 am
LOL wah hahaha …
Love that butler.
One of my fav character right now because he always said, “Perhaps you should Twitter it, sir!”
All the time! LOL
_ใธ__(โพโกโ )>
Dracul Van Helsing said,
January 26, 2018 at 3:06 pm
LOL !
Yes every time Trump says something as he puts his foot in his mouth yet again, Lexington says, “Perhaps you should Twitter about it, sir.” ๐๐คฃ
shัrrรญั dั vฮฑlัrรญฮฑ said,
January 31, 2018 at 1:16 am
Yes, and if he poops in his golden empire toilet and he would announced it to the world using Tweeter. LOL
Dracul Van Helsing said,
January 31, 2018 at 3:18 pm
Yes using those golden poop ๐ฉ icons they now have.
LOL !
shัrrรญั dั vฮฑlัrรญฮฑ said,
February 1, 2018 at 3:07 am
That golden poop icon is the BOOM!
Will brings in profit by the millions!
Tweet it, please!
LOL
Dracul Van Helsing said,
February 1, 2018 at 3:22 pm
LOL !
Yes the golden poop ๐ฉ will become emblematic of the Trump Presidency. ๐
Aak fictionspawn said,
January 25, 2018 at 11:04 am
Hey! He said something smart! ๐
Dracul Van Helsing said,
January 25, 2018 at 4:50 pm
Yes, Lexington managed to get Trump to tweet some smart tweets although Trump had no idea of the context in which those tweeted expressions might take. ๐
Orvillewrong said,
January 25, 2018 at 11:32 am
I really do worry about Trumps sanity, whenever I see him on tv he appears like a petulant baby that has lost its dummy!
Dracul Van Helsing said,
January 25, 2018 at 4:52 pm
Very much so!
Yes, I’ve always wondered about Trump’s sanity.