“Kiss Me, Kate” “Bite Me!”

January 27, 2018 at 11:30 pm (Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel, western) (, , , , , , , , )

“Kiss Me, Kate” “Bite Me!”

Dracula was in a second floor saloon bedroom at The Wild Tomatoes and Mushroom Saloon in the Wild West town of Hayden, Colorado making out with one of the saloon dancers πŸ’ƒπŸ»- a woman named Katherine Van Dusen.

Sherrielock Holmes had told the Wallachian prince and Transylvanian nobleman (he held the title of Count of the Carpathians in the latter country) that he could make out with the saloon dancers πŸ’ƒπŸ» if he chose but she had put her spiked stiletto high-heeled foot down at the idea of turning any of them into vampiresses.

The Count was indeed getting it on with the red dress wearing Katherine Van Dusen whose red dress and black silk nylons were almost off at the moment.

“Kiss me, Kate!” Dracula shouted in the only line he knew from Shakespeare’s The Taming of The Shrew.

“Bite me!” Kate answered.

“What?” Dracula looked puzzled.

“Turn me into a vampiress!” Kate demanded.

“But do you know what your boss Sherrielock will do to me if I turn you into a vampiress?” Dracula raised one of his dark eyebrows.

“What are you?” Kate mocked him, “A vampire lord or a mouse 🐭?”.

“Well some people call bats πŸ¦‡ flying mice,” Dracula reflected.

“Shut up and bite me!” Kate showed the count her ivory white neck.

Dracula finally gave in and bit her on the neck.

“Suck me! Suck me! Suck me!” Kate screamed.

A phonetics and linguistics analysis professor who was in the next bedroom with another saloon dancer πŸ’ƒπŸ» remarked to his nocturnal companion, “I think that poor woman next door is unable to distinguish between an s and an f.”

Dracula had soon sucked Kate’s blood and then opened one of his veins and allowed Kate to suck his own.

Sherrielock, concerned by the shouting in Kate’s bedroom, had opened the door.

Miss Holmes’ face soon turned as white as the evening dress she was wearing.

“Dracula, you’ve turned one of my saloon girls into a vampiress,” Sherrielock hissed.

She ran to her office and pulled a whip and a cat o’ nine tails out of her desk drawer.

She then ran back into the room and said to the Count, “I’m going to tomato πŸ… your buttocks until they’re as red as the glistening liquid substance on your fangs.”

Dracula quickly turned into a bat πŸ¦‡ and got the Hell out of there.

“Meatloaf is ready!” The saloon cook shouted from downstairs.

Sherrielock looked out the room’s open window and shouted in the direction of the flying bat πŸ¦‡, “You can rest assured, Dracula, that someday the two of us will meet again. And when we do, there will be Hell to pay.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday January 27th


  1. Shreya Sukrity said,


  2. ortensia said,

    The best chapter ever so far.suspance is raising here about the next encounter.
    The confusion between the β€œs” and the β€œf” I m still laughing at it.
    Did I tell u we had a rescue bat for two days last summer?i wonder…..

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Thank you, Ortensia. πŸ™‚

      And the rescue bat πŸ¦‡ last summer, was that perhaps Dracula? πŸ‘Ή

      • ortensia said,

        I should have broken her other wing and kept itπŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚or notπŸ™„

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        No, that would have been a nasty thing to do.

        So she was a female bat πŸ¦‡ eh?

        I wonder if she was the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec or maybe the Paris based Egyptian Vampiress Isis (who’s the goddess from ancient Egyptian mythology) or maybe my new vampiress character Katherine Van Dusen aka Klondike Kate.

      • ortensia said,

        Actually it was a typo mistakeπŸ™„I assumed it was a male 😊but…may be….
        They are fascinating creaturesβ€οΈπŸ¦‡

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Very fascinating creatures.

  3. manoloprofe said,

    Β‘SEN-SA-CIO-NAL…! Β‘MUY BUENO! πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

  4. Orvillewrong said,

    I loved the subtle reference to Meatloaf!

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      I thought as a musician, Malkie, that you would pick up the reference to Meatloaf. πŸ˜‰

  5. Aak fictionspawn said,

    Seems he’s created a monster πŸ˜€

  6. doesitevenmatter3 said,

    HA! πŸ˜€
    I can’t wait until they meet again! πŸ™‚
    HUGS!!! πŸ™‚

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