Agamemnon and Putin
Agamemnon and Putin
King Agamemnon of Mycenae was well aware that his brother Menelaus the king of Sparta was pissed.
That horny young Trojan stud Paris had run off with Menelaus’ wife Helen and had taken her back to Troy with him.
Menelaus was anxious to wage war on the Trojans.
Agamemnon wasn’t sure whether it was right to sack an entire city over the loss of one woman.
Possibly negotiations could be done with Troy and Helen could be sent back to Sparta peacefully to receive her punishment.
Ares the god of war however had different ideas.
He thought it was about time for a major global war which would result in bloodshed and great loss of life.
Ares decided to tempt Agamemnon into war.
He presented Agamemnon with visions of the immense treasures that Troy possessed.
“If you wage war on the Trojans and sack this city, all these treasures will be yours,” Ares tempted, “make unreasonable demands on the Trojans in your peace offerings. Besides the return of Helen, demand these things…”
Ares gave him a list.
“The Trojans will naturally refuse,” Ares smiled, “and then you can wage war on them. And take all their treasures for yourself.”
“And will you support me in this war?” Agamemnon asked.
“Of course,” Ares promised.
Later of course, Ares would change his mind after Aphrodite the goddess of love gave him an out of this world blow job.
He switched his support to the Trojans as a result of Aphrodite’s oral persuasion.
But in the meantime, Agamemnon was hooked on Ares’ offer.
All those hidden treasures of the Trojans went through his mind.
His mind made up, he decided to go on a deer 🦌 hunt and then make his final decision.
. . .
Russian President Vladimir Putin was reading a report on the situation in Syria.
He had been informed that the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith was siding with the Turks in northern Syria while the medieval vampire Dracula was siding with the Kurds (against the Transylvanian-Wallachian nobleman’s old enemy the Turks).
Putin rubbed his head.
He had certainly come a long way from being a spy for a state based on atheistic dialectical materialism.
He had been getting loads of supernatural visitors the past few years as well as reading numerous reports of supernatural occurrences in various war zones.
“You should attack Israel 🇮🇱,” said Ares the Greek god of war who was standing in Putin’s office.
“Speak of the devil,” thought Putin who returned back to the present from his musings on the supernatural.
At one time he would have been surprised by the sudden appearance of the Greek god of war in his office but not anymore.
Ares meanwhile had just been given an out of this world blow job by Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal.
He had been promised a lot more if he could get Putin to attack Israel.
So Ares had promptly left Allatallahbel’s boudoir and hurried to Putin’s office.
“Why should I invade Israel?” Putin bit into his kosher smoked meat on rye sandwich.
“To take control of Israel’s hidden treasures,” Ares smiled temptingly.
“What hidden treasures?” Putin asked.
Ares then filled Putin’s mind with visions of Israel’s hidden treasures.
“I didn’t know Israel had such treasures,” Putin finished his kosher smoked meat on rye sandwich.
“It does,” said Ares whose smart phone suddenly went off.
He received a text message from his lover Aphrodite who was busy servicing an 84-year-old man with an inexhaustible mojo who lived in a small fishing 🎣 village in Italy.
“What an unfaithful floozy,” Ares said aloud before heading back to Allatallahbel’s boudoir.
Meanwhile Putin was thinking 🤔 about Ares’ visions of Israel’s hidden treasures.
He would go on a deer 🦌 hunt and then make up his mind.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday February 27th
2018.
Pope Francis Meets The Kraken
Pope Francis Meets The Kraken
Pope Francis was in his bedroom reading a book when suddenly the door opened and in walked a kraken.
“You’re a kraken?” Said Pope Francis who was somewhat startled 😱.
“That I am,” said the Kraken as he bowed, “I am the Kraken known as Napoleon VI the self-proclaimed Emperor of the French.”
“It seems to me that no one else has accepted your proclamation,” Francis wiped his glasses with a tissue.
“Sadly that is true,” the Kraken admitted as he sprayed underarm deodorant under all 8 of his tentacled arms, “but after a few years of Emmanuel Macron, I’m sure the French will come around to my way of thinking.”
“What do you want with me?” Asked Francis who was still slightly taken aback by the fact that there was a Kraken in his room.
“I hear that you have the original manuscripts of the Sibylline Prophecies in the Vatican Archives,” the Kraken helped himself to cheese and crackers off the papal night table, “I was wondering if you could give me written permission to visit the Vatican Archives so I can examine them.”
Pope Francis reached for a pen and a sheet of paper and then looked at the Kraken, “If I give you such written permission, do you promise to leave here quietly?”.
“I do,” the Kraken reached into his knapsack and pulled out 8 pairs of slippers, “and just to show you I have good faith, I’ll put these on now.”
The Kraken started putting the slippers on his 8 tentacled arms, “With these on, you won’t hear a single peep as I walk away from this room.”
“Relieved to hear it,” the Pope used a handkerchief to wipe sweat off his brow, “What do you want with the Sibylline Prophecies?”.
“I was listening to Coast-To-Coast AM with George Noory on short-wave radio last night,” the Kraken explained, “and the guest mentioned that there was a reference in the Sibylline Prophecies to a Kraken arising in the last days.”
“Really?” Pope Francis bit the end of his pen, “Isn’t that the Kraken of whom Zeus says “Release the Kraken!” at the end of time.”
“Oh, it’s that Kraken,” the self-proclaimed Emperor Napoleon VI looked disappointed, “I hear Zeus is keeping that Kraken in one of the Set Enterprises laboratory aquariums under the monitoring of Dr. Cadbury Rocher.”
“You mean to say the Greek god Zeus actually exists?” Pope Francis’ jaw dropped.
“Yes,” the Kraken Napoleon VI nodded vigorously, “Didn’t you know that one of your own Cardinals- the Cardinal JM- actually worships him in secret and prays to him all the time instead of the Catholic God of whom you said that there is no Catholic God.”
Pope Francis shook his head, “No, I had no idea that Cardinal JM was a Zeus worshipper.”
The Pope bit the end of his glasses thoughtfully.
“What are you thinking about?” The Kraken asked as he took the Vatican Archives entry permission slip with papal signature on it.
“I was just thinking maybe I should name Cardinal JM to be in charge of Vatican Inter-Faith and Inter-Religious Dialogue,” the Pontiff mused aloud.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday February 26th
2018.
The City After Twilight: A Poem
The City 🌃 After Twilight: A Poem
And so the sun has set
tongue requires something wet
you head downtown to a nightspot
something cool to drink perhaps sex that’s hot
In the lounge cigarette smoke fills the air
the cushion is velvety at the back of the chair
You have martini 🍸 with a slice of lime
you ordered it for neither reason nor rhyme
you are the last of a kind- a private eye
accustomed to neon lights and starlit sky
The nighttime is your working day
clearing thugs and hooligans out of the way
They say the knights of old have come and gone
fairy tales told to child stifling a yawn
But for one such as yourself
a lance and steed might be on the shelf
but you have traded shining armour
for fedora and trench coat
an office with ceiling fan instead of castle with moat
But like those knights of old you walk alone
distress sounds not from blast of trumpets but from ring of phone
Those maidens in distress not in towers with long flowing hair
but walking the streets in heels
and tight skirts for wear
The dragons 🐉 today do not breathe fire
Instead they employ hit men for hire
And rulers turn not to ones like Merlin for advice
but lawyers, accountants and padded pockets on ice
You look at your watch and see that midnight 🕛 calls
your lunch hour is over served as the olive in your hour glass falls
You pick up your coat and head out the door
the streets and alleys call like the wild forests of yore.
-A private eye poem
written by Christopher
Sunday February 25th
2018.
Renfield Gives Speech To Clinton Foundation
Renfield Gives Speech To Clinton Foundation
British MP Renfield R. Renfield had been invited to give a speech in London to a visiting tour group made up of members from the Clinton Foundation branch in New York City.
At the swanky exclusive London hotel reception dinner where most guests were dressed in formal dinner attire (a great number of the men were wearing evening gowns and a great number of the women were wearing tuxedos and pant suits), Renfield R. Renfield was sitting at the head table dressed like actor Charlie Chaplin as the Little Tramp.
When invited to give his speech, Renfield began his speech by asking,
“Have you ever wondered why Joe McCarthy a conservative Republican senator of the 1950s who was worried about Soviet involvement in American politics was labelled as being paranoid and guilty of conducting a political witch hunt? While liberal Democrats in this 2nd decade of the 21st Century who are worried about Russian involvement in American politics aren’t?”.
Needless to say, Renfield’s speech didn’t go over so well with members of the Clinton Foundation.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday February 24th
2018.
Haiku About Johann Strauss
Haiku About Johann Strauss
In Vienna woods
we’ll watch the emperor waltz
by the Blue Danube
Renfield Defends Jennifer Lawrence Against Critics, Pan Goatee Even More So
Renfield Defends Jennifer Lawrence Against Critics, Pan Goatee Even More So
British MP Renfield R. Renfield had run into his former opponent former Conservative MP now turned London private eye Agathor Christie outside a sex toy and lingerie shop in London’s Soho district.
They were discussing the criticism that actress Jennifer Lawrence had recently received in social media for the dress she wore to an outdoor photo shoot with her male co-stars for an event to publicize the opening of her new film Red Sparrow at theatres in the City of London.
Various women had criticized her for wearing a dress with a slit up the side while her male co-stars wore long trousers and overcoats.
Jennifer Lawrence answered back against her critics, “This is not only utterly ridiculous, I am extremely offended. That Versace dress was fabulous, you think I’m going to cover that gorgeous dress up with a coat 🧥 and a scarf 🧣? I was outside for five minutes. I would have stood in the snow for that dress because I love fashion and that was my choice. This is sexist, this is ridiculous, this is not feminism.”
“How much do you want to bet,” Renfield asked Agathor Christie, “that all those female critics of Jennifer Lawrence and her dress are all quite repulsively ugly?”.
“I don’t want to bet you,” Agathor Christie answered, “because you’re most likely 100% right and I don’t want to lose any money to you the same way I lost the election for MP to you.”
Meanwhile Pan Goatee the genetically created satyr serial killer who could astral project had hacked into Twitter and tracked down all the IP and real life addresses of Miss Jennifer Lawrence’s female critics.
He astral projected into their homes and when he saw how ugly they indeed were, he immediately decapitated them with his astral Star Wars laser machete.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday February 22nd
2018.
Preparations For War
Preparations For War
The Spanish Civil War of 1936-39 had preceded the Nazi invasion of Poland and the outbreak of the Second World War.
In some ways, it served as a prelude to it.
The Spanish Republican side was supported by the Soviet Union, the Communist International and Mexico’s far left revolutionary government of the day.
The Spanish Nationalists were supported by Fascist Italy and Nazi Germany.
So Spain served as a backdrop for great foreign powers to conduct their proxy wars.
Far longer and bloodier than the Spanish Civil War has been the Syrian Civil War (from 2011 until the present) in which great foreign powers have likewise fought their proxy wars.
Saudi Arabia has backed Sunni Muslim militias against the Damascus led government of Syrian President Bashar al-Assad (which is supported by the government of Shiite Iran- Saudi Arabia’s arch enemy).
The U.S. supported the Kurds against the Islamist terrorist based Islamic State.
The victorious Kurds in parts of Syria now find themselves under attack by Turkish forces since the Kurds are seen as a threat to Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan’s desire to revive the Ottoman Empire with himself as Sultan.
Russia meanwhile is backing its ally Bashar al-Assad against any and all comers who would remove Assad from power.
The Lebanese Hezbollah movement (a Shiite ally of Iran) supports Assad.
Israel is now becoming involved in the Syrian conflict because it sees its arch enemy Iran as using a victorious Assad led Syria as a launching pad to attack Israel.
So the Syrian people now find themselves being used as quite literally sacrificial pawns in proxy wars fought between outside great powers.
It was upon this landscape of blood that ancient vampiress and medieval vampire now surveyed with their eyes.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday February 21st
2018.
Haiku About Ludwig Van Beethoven
Haiku About Ludwig Van Beethoven
The deaf composer
who gave the world of music
most beautiful sounds
Ice Dance: A Poem
Ice Dance: A Poem
Two separate people
become as one
holding hands
touching
embracing
and then apart
twirl in unison
lift woman upon shoulders
woman spins around her partner
sometimes her head only inches from the ice
flash of blades
and glitter of ice
enchanting smiles
and moments of intimacy
in public in the arena
tender sweet sweet moments of intimacy
that magically allow the audience in
to see what they’re seeing and feeling
such moments are truly golden
-A poem written by Christopher
after watching Tessa Virtue’s
and Scott Moir’s gold medal
winning performance
in the ice dance
competition
of figure skating
at the 2018
Winter Olympics
Pyeongchang, South Korea
Monday February 19th
2018.
Dracul Van Helsing 
Dracula and The 95 Theses of Martin Luther
February 28, 2018 at 11:48 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Religion, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (Alexander VI, Borgia Pope, Cumaean Sibyl, Dracula, Lilith, Martin Luther, Ninety-Five Theses, Pope Alexander VI, Pope Francis, Prophecies of The Cumaean Sibyl, Rome, The Kraken, The Vatican, Vampiress Lilith, Vatican)
Dracula and The 95 Theses of Martin Luther
Pope Alexander VI (Rodrigo Borgia) was walking incognito among the people in the streets of Rome on October 13th 1497.
He suddenly noticed a very very beautiful woman in an elegantly styled red dress walking the street.
The Borgia Pope (as he was called by his enemies) was definitely not immune to the charms of beautiful women despite his professed vows of priestly celibacy which he never really followed.
He walked over in her direction when he saw her.
The woman who noticed his approach smiled him a very warm and sensuous smile.
“Good evening, your Holiness,” she said in a voice as sultry as the warm autumn night over Rome.
“You know me?” The Pope was temporarily startled.
“I am the Cumaean Sibyl,” the woman replied, “There currently are and there will be many more in the future who say you definitely do not deserve the title Holiness. In fact, it will be your reign that will be held as most responsible for the thunderbolt that will strike the Church and the Papacy 20 years hence.”
“Thunderbolt? Twenty years hence?” Alexander VI was taken aback.
“Of course nothing to the foundations that will be shaken when a kraken meets the Pope over 520 years from now during the time of a rare snowstorm in Rome,” the Sibyl replied with a knowing smile prior to vanishing in the Roman night.
. . .
It was the evening of October 31st 1517 and the vampire Dracula was walking the streets of Wittenberg, Germany with some personal business he had to attend to.
He suddenly stopped in his tracks when he noticed a hooded monk running down the street carrying a huge leather bound bundle of papers in his arms along with a hammer and a very long nail.
He noticed the monk run up to the doors of All Saints’ Church ⛪ in Wittenberg and nail the volume of papers to the door.
The monk then looked around and not seeing anybody (for Dracula had turned himself into a black vaporous fog) immediately ran back to his monastery from which he came.
Dracula was innately curious as to what was in the documents.
He approached the door when he started feeling physically sick.
He had forgotten about the Cross on top of the Church ⛪.
Ever since he had asked the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith to bite him on the neck and turn him into a vampire as he lay dying on a January evening in the year 1477, the condition of Lilith granting his request was that he must sell his soul to the Devil.
Dracula had agreed and he had become deathly afraid of a Cross or a Crucifix ever since.
Despite the agony he felt as he approached the door underneath the Cross of Christ, curiosity was getting the better of him.
Was this what they meant when they said curiosity killed the cat?
Would curiosity now kill the bat 🦇?
He lumbered over and reached to grab the document.
Despite the most intense sensation of heartburn 💔 he had ever felt in his life, Dracula read through the entire document.
“Well,” Dracula said to himself as he limped away from the door beneath the Cross of Christ, “this is really going to rock the boat. Maybe even cause the Barque of Peter to sink some day.”
. . .
Peter Whitstable the man they call the Fox Mulder of Interpol was reading an English translation of the Prophecies of the Cumaean Sibyl done by a Classics and Latin scholar at Cambridge University.
He had come across an interesting passage, “When a rare snowfall comes to Rome and a kraken meets with the Pope, know that…”
And then the rest of the passage wasn’t translated.
Whitstable cursed silently.
Snow had fallen in Rome Italy this past Monday.
And yesterday an anonymous source had sent him video footage from the Vatican showing a kraken entering Pope Francis’ apartment this past Monday night.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday February 28th
2018.
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