Pope Francis Meets The Kraken

February 26, 2018 at 11:22 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Religion, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Pope Francis Meets The Kraken

Pope Francis was in his bedroom reading a book when suddenly the door opened and in walked a kraken.

“You’re a kraken?” Said Pope Francis who was somewhat startled 😱.

“That I am,” said the Kraken as he bowed, “I am the Kraken known as Napoleon VI the self-proclaimed Emperor of the French.”

“It seems to me that no one else has accepted your proclamation,” Francis wiped his glasses with a tissue.

“Sadly that is true,” the Kraken admitted as he sprayed underarm deodorant under all 8 of his tentacled arms, “but after a few years of Emmanuel Macron, I’m sure the French will come around to my way of thinking.”

“What do you want with me?” Asked Francis who was still slightly taken aback by the fact that there was a Kraken in his room.

“I hear that you have the original manuscripts of the Sibylline Prophecies in the Vatican Archives,” the Kraken helped himself to cheese and crackers off the papal night table, “I was wondering if you could give me written permission to visit the Vatican Archives so I can examine them.”

Pope Francis reached for a pen and a sheet of paper and then looked at the Kraken, “If I give you such written permission, do you promise to leave here quietly?”.

“I do,” the Kraken reached into his knapsack and pulled out 8 pairs of slippers, “and just to show you I have good faith, I’ll put these on now.”

The Kraken started putting the slippers on his 8 tentacled arms, “With these on, you won’t hear a single peep as I walk away from this room.”

“Relieved to hear it,” the Pope used a handkerchief to wipe sweat off his brow, “What do you want with the Sibylline Prophecies?”.

“I was listening to Coast-To-Coast AM with George Noory on short-wave radio last night,” the Kraken explained, “and the guest mentioned that there was a reference in the Sibylline Prophecies to a Kraken arising in the last days.”

“Really?” Pope Francis bit the end of his pen, “Isn’t that the Kraken of whom Zeus says “Release the Kraken!” at the end of time.”

“Oh, it’s that Kraken,” the self-proclaimed Emperor Napoleon VI looked disappointed, “I hear Zeus is keeping that Kraken in one of the Set Enterprises laboratory aquariums under the monitoring of Dr. Cadbury Rocher.”

“You mean to say the Greek god Zeus actually exists?” Pope Francis’ jaw dropped.

“Yes,” the Kraken Napoleon VI nodded vigorously, “Didn’t you know that one of your own Cardinals- the Cardinal JM- actually worships him in secret and prays to him all the time instead of the Catholic God of whom you said that there is no Catholic God.”

Pope Francis shook his head, “No, I had no idea that Cardinal JM was a Zeus worshipper.”

The Pope bit the end of his glasses thoughtfully.

“What are you thinking about?” The Kraken asked as he took the Vatican Archives entry permission slip with papal signature on it.

“I was just thinking maybe I should name Cardinal JM to be in charge of Vatican Inter-Faith and Inter-Religious Dialogue,” the Pontiff mused aloud.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday February 26th


  1. David Redpath said,

    A Kraken good read, Dracul.
    But I’ve heard that Emanuel

  2. shєrríє dє vαlєríα said,

    Kraken with Flip-Flops!
    How very sexy!
    I really want to see that.
    As always, you are so brilliant at this, Chris!
    Kraken with the Pope – what a hilarious scene to imagine.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Thanks very much, Sherry. 😊

      Yes, the Kraken with flip-flops will be voted the #1 sex symbol of 2018.😉

      And he’ll be invited by Calgary public librarians to give a speech in the Calgary Public Library while wearing his flip-flops. 😂

      • shєrríє dє vαlєríα said,

        Kraken is the new fashionita from over SEA! LOL
        Indeed, the librarians love him for his consideration of wearing the flip-flops so that no noise would during those time when the people are dreaming with their heads buried between the books! hehe …

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        LOL , Sherry. 😀

        Yes the newscasts will say, “The spring and fall fashion runways will be green this year but not with fashion envy from the other designers. The runways and catwalks will be pea green as the Kraken launches his To Pee Or Not To Pee fashion line of men’s, women’s and transgendered clothing. The name of his line To Pee Or Not To Pee was taken from a Shakespearean soliquy he delivered when he first met the Three Blogoteers Daniel, Christopher and Sherry on a tropical 🏝 island 🌴 in the South Pacific. 😂

      • shєrríє dє vαlєríα said,

        hahahaha …
        That Shakespearean version of mine …
        I don’t know what got to me on that day and somehow I wrote down the PEE or NOT to PEE, simply overtaken the TO BE OR TO BE from our beloved William. LOL

  3. fragglerocking said,

    Deliciously surreal.

  4. George F. said,

    The Kraken with all those extra “hands” would give a mean massage.

  5. Aak fictionspawn said,

    I’d like to have a peek in that library myself, really. Good one.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Thanks. 🙂

      Yes, I’d love to have a look around the Vatican Library and Archives. 😀

  6. Orvillewrong said,

    The pope is left bemused as usual!

  7. doesitevenmatter3 said,

    I know of some people who need a visit from The Kraken!
    HUGS!!! 🙂

  8. velvetscreams said,

    “he sprayed underarm deodorant under all 8 of his tentacled arms”😂😂😂😂😂😂….this part is really funny…..just as you said….great job dracul…i love the reaction of the pope when he is scared/confused😁

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Glad you enjoyed it, Velvet. 😊

      Yes the Kraken spraying underarm deodorant under all 8 of his tentacled🦑 arms is one of my favourite parts of this story as well. 😂😂😂😂😂

      And the Pope’s reaction is priceless. 😯

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