Agamemnon and Putin

February 27, 2018 at 11:00 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Agamemnon and Putin

King Agamemnon of Mycenae was well aware that his brother Menelaus the king of Sparta was pissed.

That horny young Trojan stud Paris had run off with Menelaus’ wife Helen and had taken her back to Troy with him.

Menelaus was anxious to wage war on the Trojans.

Agamemnon wasn’t sure whether it was right to sack an entire city over the loss of one woman.

Possibly negotiations could be done with Troy and Helen could be sent back to Sparta peacefully to receive her punishment.

Ares the god of war however had different ideas.

He thought it was about time for a major global war which would result in bloodshed and great loss of life.

Ares decided to tempt Agamemnon into war.

He presented Agamemnon with visions of the immense treasures that Troy possessed.

“If you wage war on the Trojans and sack this city, all these treasures will be yours,” Ares tempted, “make unreasonable demands on the Trojans in your peace offerings. Besides the return of Helen, demand these things…”

Ares gave him a list.

“The Trojans will naturally refuse,” Ares smiled, “and then you can wage war on them. And take all their treasures for yourself.”

“And will you support me in this war?” Agamemnon asked.

“Of course,” Ares promised.

Later of course, Ares would change his mind after Aphrodite the goddess of love gave him an out of this world blow job.

He switched his support to the Trojans as a result of Aphrodite’s oral persuasion.

But in the meantime, Agamemnon was hooked on Ares’ offer.

All those hidden treasures of the Trojans went through his mind.

His mind made up, he decided to go on a deer 🦌 hunt and then make his final decision.

. . .

Russian President Vladimir Putin was reading a report on the situation in Syria.

He had been informed that the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith was siding with the Turks in northern Syria while the medieval vampire Dracula was siding with the Kurds (against the Transylvanian-Wallachian nobleman’s old enemy the Turks).

Putin rubbed his head.

He had certainly come a long way from being a spy for a state based on atheistic dialectical materialism.

He had been getting loads of supernatural visitors the past few years as well as reading numerous reports of supernatural occurrences in various war zones.

“You should attack Israel 🇮🇱,” said Ares the Greek god of war who was standing in Putin’s office.

“Speak of the devil,” thought Putin who returned back to the present from his musings on the supernatural.

At one time he would have been surprised by the sudden appearance of the Greek god of war in his office but not anymore.

Ares meanwhile had just been given an out of this world blow job by Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal.

He had been promised a lot more if he could get Putin to attack Israel.

So Ares had promptly left Allatallahbel’s boudoir and hurried to Putin’s office.

“Why should I invade Israel?” Putin bit into his kosher smoked meat on rye sandwich.

“To take control of Israel’s hidden treasures,” Ares smiled temptingly.

“What hidden treasures?” Putin asked.

Ares then filled Putin’s mind with visions of Israel’s hidden treasures.

“I didn’t know Israel had such treasures,” Putin finished his kosher smoked meat on rye sandwich.

“It does,” said Ares whose smart phone suddenly went off.

He received a text message from his lover Aphrodite who was busy servicing an 84-year-old man with an inexhaustible mojo who lived in a small fishing 🎣 village in Italy.

“What an unfaithful floozy,” Ares said aloud before heading back to Allatallahbel’s boudoir.

Meanwhile Putin was thinking 🤔 about Ares’ visions of Israel’s hidden treasures.

He would go on a deer 🦌 hunt and then make up his mind.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday February 27th


  1. David Redpath said,

    The Caliph don’t like it …
    A breathing Armenia
    to the north.
    A freedom loving Kurdistan
    to the south.
    Send in the Otto Man.
    The West don’t care,
    and Putin don’t mind.
    They think they see
    the big picture …
    but Ares has them blind.
    ( luv your work Chris )

  2. ortensia said,

    What a homage you made me in this one😊u deserve a blowing kiss💋

  3. Orvillewrong said,

    Oh Dear, more wiling at the wall!

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yes, more writing on the wall and nobody seems to be able to read it – in particular, world leaders.

  4. velvetscreams said,

    Lovely write-up😄😄

  5. George F. said,

    “Agamemnon wasn’t sure whether it was right to sack an entire city over the loss of one woman.” That’s an easy one! Depends on the size of her breasts!

  6. George F. said,

    And…hook me up with one of those “out of the world” things you mentioned twice…

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      All right, I’ll see what I can do about getting Aphrodite or Allatallahbel to visit your place. 😉

  7. George F. said,

    You continue to leave me in stitches….

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Which is more than can be said for the U.S. health care system- particularly if you actually require them in an emergency. 💔🤪

  8. David Redpath said,

    Keep rocking the Casbah,
    good friend in poetry,
    and Christ … Christopher.

  9. kevinashton said,

    I really enjoy how you weave mythology and stories from our ancient past into the present and remind us that evil and ambition is still very alive.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Thanks very much, Kevin. 🙂

      Connecting mythological figures and history with what is happening in the present has been a staple of mine ever since I started writing this series of vampire novels.

  10. Aak fictionspawn said,

    War lusted world leaders… Some things just never seem to change.Good one.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Thanks. 🙂

      Yes it’s like that old saying, “The more things change, the more they stay the same.”

  11. Kevin Adkins said,

    My declared papers show Putin better rebuild the EUROPEAN wall!!!!!!!!!!

  12. Kevin Adkins said,

    My site shows declared papers ,advising need for modern post cold war EUROPEAN wall!!!

  13. Kevin Adkins said,

    Putin if your watching,you see clear war crimes!!!!

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