Dracula and The 95 Theses of Martin Luther

February 28, 2018 at 11:48 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Religion, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Dracula and The 95 Theses of Martin Luther

Pope Alexander VI (Rodrigo Borgia) was walking incognito among the people in the streets of Rome on October 13th 1497.

He suddenly noticed a very very beautiful woman in an elegantly styled red dress walking the street.

The Borgia Pope (as he was called by his enemies) was definitely not immune to the charms of beautiful women despite his professed vows of priestly celibacy which he never really followed.

He walked over in her direction when he saw her.

The woman who noticed his approach smiled him a very warm and sensuous smile.

“Good evening, your Holiness,” she said in a voice as sultry as the warm autumn night over Rome.

“You know me?” The Pope was temporarily startled.

“I am the Cumaean Sibyl,” the woman replied, “There currently are and there will be many more in the future who say you definitely do not deserve the title Holiness. In fact, it will be your reign that will be held as most responsible for the thunderbolt that will strike the Church and the Papacy 20 years hence.”

“Thunderbolt? Twenty years hence?” Alexander VI was taken aback.

“Of course nothing to the foundations that will be shaken when a kraken meets the Pope over 520 years from now during the time of a rare snowstorm in Rome,” the Sibyl replied with a knowing smile prior to vanishing in the Roman night.

. . .

It was the evening of October 31st 1517 and the vampire Dracula was walking the streets of Wittenberg, Germany with some personal business he had to attend to.

He suddenly stopped in his tracks when he noticed a hooded monk running down the street carrying a huge leather bound bundle of papers in his arms along with a hammer and a very long nail.

He noticed the monk run up to the doors of All Saints’ Church ⛪ in Wittenberg and nail the volume of papers to the door.

The monk then looked around and not seeing anybody (for Dracula had turned himself into a black vaporous fog) immediately ran back to his monastery from which he came.

Dracula was innately curious as to what was in the documents.

He approached the door when he started feeling physically sick.

He had forgotten about the Cross on top of the Church ⛪.

Ever since he had asked the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith to bite him on the neck and turn him into a vampire as he lay dying on a January evening in the year 1477, the condition of Lilith granting his request was that he must sell his soul to the Devil.

Dracula had agreed and he had become deathly afraid of a Cross or a Crucifix ever since.

Despite the agony he felt as he approached the door underneath the Cross of Christ, curiosity was getting the better of him.

Was this what they meant when they said curiosity killed the cat?

Would curiosity now kill the bat 🦇?

He lumbered over and reached to grab the document.

Despite the most intense sensation of heartburn 💔 he had ever felt in his life, Dracula read through the entire document.

“Well,” Dracula said to himself as he limped away from the door beneath the Cross of Christ, “this is really going to rock the boat. Maybe even cause the Barque of Peter to sink some day.”

. . .

Peter Whitstable the man they call the Fox Mulder of Interpol was reading an English translation of the Prophecies of the Cumaean Sibyl done by a Classics and Latin scholar at Cambridge University.

He had come across an interesting passage, “When a rare snowfall comes to Rome and a kraken meets with the Pope, know that…”

And then the rest of the passage wasn’t translated.

Whitstable cursed silently.

Snow had fallen in Rome Italy this past Monday.

And yesterday an anonymous source had sent him video footage from the Vatican showing a kraken entering Pope Francis’ apartment this past Monday night.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday February 28th


  1. David Redpath said,

    may curiosity get the better

  2. velvetscreams said,

    Great write-up….but did the pope sleep with the kraken?😊

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      No, the Pope did not sleep with the Kraken. 😂

      He just gave permission for the Kraken to visit the Vatican Archives. ☺

      • velvetscreams said,

        😂😂😂because i was getting confused as to why a pope will do that hahaha

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Here’s the link to the chapter where the Pope meets the Kraken:


        I don’t think you read it because you didn’t like or comment on it.

        Unless of course you didn’t like it and that’s the reason you didn’t comment on it. 😂

      • velvetscreams said,

        Ohhh my!!!!!😖😖😖…im sooo sorry dracul…..i dont think i saw it…sometimes I’m not really online and when i do many notifications pop in. Im sorry…i will check it out😚😚😚😚😚😚

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        I think you you’ll enjoy it as I wrote it in a very humourous vein- this particular vampire novel chapter. 😊😊😊😊😊

  3. ortensia said,

    The Cumaean Sybil ,wow.curiosity does not kill the bat😉🦇it makes it stronger😂

  4. David Redpath said,

    With the greatest respect,
    ‘Velvet Scream’
    Da Pope don’t sleep with
    the fishes.
    Well, perhaps only
    . . . only on fridays,
    after a chianti.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yes, fish on Friday.

      Unless of course you are Pope Alexander VI the Borgia Pope.

      In which case, you probably go around singing that song those 2 Shakespearean characters sing in the opening scenes of Romeo and Juliet

      “An old hawd hoar
      and an old hawd hoar
      is very good meat in lent.”

  5. George F. said,

    The Cumaean Sybil…his Holiness, had he had his wits about him, could have sent the Vatican assassins to track her down, and bring her back to him. It is only after you peer under the red dress do you know if she is truly human. I will raise my hand to join the assassins for this mission…

  6. Orvillewrong said,

    The downfall of the papacy, longing for the next instalment!

  7. Fragilistic said,

    Lovely read

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: