Renfield Rescued By Norse Valkyrie and Then Discusses Putin With Churchill’s Ghost

March 6, 2018 at 11:50 pm (Detective story, Espionage, Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Espionage, International Intrigue, Mystery, Mythology, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Renfield Rescued By Norse Valkyrie and Then Discusses Putin With Churchill’s Ghost

Last night Sir Renfield R. Renfield MP had been saved from drowning in the Thames River by the Norse Valkyrie Svipul who had been flying overhead at the time.

Mr. Renfield had found himself caught up in an avalanche of snow and a wave of rainwater while singing badly performed renditions of old Rod Stewart and Glen Campbell songs.

The combined avalanche/wave pushed Mr. Renfield into the icy Thames River where Mr. Renfield could not extricate himself from such a predicament unless he was wearing a pair of snow flippers which he wasn’t (namely because such an unusual pair of foot apparel – a combination of snow shoes and scuba flippers- hasn’t been invented yet).

Fortunately for Mr. Renfield, the Norse Valkyrie Svipul had been flying overhead at the time.

Also fortunately for Mr. Renfield, the Norse Valkyrie Svipul did not recognize him as the individual who had butchered the lyrics and melody of the Liebestod from Richard Wagner’s opera Tristan und Isolde while performing a filibuster on a Brexit bill in the Westminster House of Commons a couple of months earlier.

Otherwise she’d have probably let the shapeshifting hamster/human British Transhumanist MP drown.

Mr. Renfield was much warmer now having put on a dry pair of clothes and also having received a thorough bottom blistering spanking from the Norse Valkyrie Svipul (who it turns out was a good dominatrix friend of the immortal dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes).

Mr. Renfield was now seated in his parliamentary office on an extra extra extra comfortable cushion on his chair at his desk seated across from the ghost of Sir Winston Churchill.

“So according to the Foreign Secretary Mr. Johnson’s speech in the Commons earlier today,” Churchill sipped on his ghostly brandy, “a certain foreign power may be responsible for the unknown substance attack on former Russian spy Sergei Skripal and his daughter Yulia Skripal in what is now being called the Salisbury Incident.”

“Yes,” Renfield nodded, “the Russians will probably stonewall high enough around Salisbury that they’ll erect a Russian Stonehenge to match the Druidic one.”

“No doubt the invisible hand of Mr. Putin is behind this,” Churchill rubbed his ghostly chin thoughtfully with his ghostly fingers.

“Undoubtedly,” Renfield sipped his non-ghostly and definitely non-ghastly brandy.

“If these ghastly events continue,” Churchill bit his ghostly lip, “Vladimir Putin may have to be bumped off.”

“Yes, I’ll probably have to bump Vladimir Putin off,” Renfield agreed as he accepted the Raymond Red Reddington Award that had been given him by an admiring fellow blogger.

“Well,” Churchill peered at Renfield over his ghostly spectacles 👓, “If any person in the world is capable of bumping off the notorious Mr. Putin, it would be you, Mr. Renfield.”

“Well, it certainly wouldn’t be Donald Trump,” Renfield agreed.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday March 6th


  1. David Redpath said,

    Great Blistering Barnacles,
    Batman … What’s going to
    happen next?

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Well you know Robin, I’ve never seen a blistering barnacle before.

      Perhaps millionaire Bruce Wayne can give his youthful ward Dick Grayson some blistering barnacles to allow the Batman to conduct an empirical study.

      Robin: Unholy Kevin Spacey wannabe, Batman. I had no idea you were such a pervert.

      Batman: Oh come on, Robin. I have us going around wearing these shorts and tights. It’s time for you to wake up and smell the Bat Cave.

  2. David Redpath said,

    The same Bat Cave that
    Sherrielock redecorated
    in 50 shades of grey?
    And what she’s done to
    the Sankmobile, with Berlusconi Sherlocked in the boot!

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yes, Berlusconi has been definitely Sherlocked in the boot by Miss Holmes.

      Or Sherrielocked by the boot.

  3. ortensia said,

    Reinfield is a “lucky bastardized”indeed and excuse the language.

  4. David Redpath said,

    I would have said ‘Spankmobile’
    … but Berlusconi has good
    libel lawyers.
    He borrows them from his
    Mother, the countess Ma Fia.

  5. David Redpath said,

    It has been pointed out to me, by the Porn Actors
    Guild, that the Bat Cat has
    in fact, been done out in Fifty Shade of Dick Grayson.

  6. fragglerocking said,

    I would be more inclined to have Mr.Renfield bump off Trump.

  7. George F. said,

    Mr Renfield can bump off both off all them: let humanity rule itself. Are we ready for self rule? We have voted ourselves into Monarchy as Plato predicted. We most definitely need a new drug to suck on to tolerate this. Just Random thoughts here.

  8. Orvillewrong said,

    Given the option Trump might be the lesser evil!

  9. thebookwormdrinketh said,

    So please tell me you’ve put the copy-write on those snow flipper! You don’t want anyone stealing that money maker!

  10. doesitevenmatter3 said,

    WHEW! I’m so glad Renfield didn’t drown!!! I can breathe again now! 🙂
    HUGS!!! 🙂
    HA! I accidentally typed “JIGS!!!” and had to change it! 😛
    OOH, maybe Renfield could dance a dance for me…I’ve got the dollar bills ready! 😉 😀

  11. Hyperion said,

    Whew! Renfield was saved by a Norse Valkyrie and ends up with Churchil’s ghost? Poor Renfield, his charms are slipping. This should have been an epic Valkyrian love saga and instead we get a James Bondian thriller. I suppose a little viagra in the brandy should help stiffen up the plot a bit. 😁

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