Dashwood Forrest and Mulligan The Irish Zombie On O’ Connell Street In Dublin

March 18, 2018 at 10:55 pm (Comedy, Entertainment, Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Humour, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

Dashwood Forrest and Mulligan The Irish Zombie On O’ Connell Street In Dublin

Dashwood Forrest and his manservant Mulligan the Irish ☘️ Zombie 🧟‍♂️ were having breakfast 🥞 🍳 in a restaurant at a hotel on O’ Connell Street in Dublin.

Mulligan was nursing a king sized hangover having drank too many glasses of Kilkenny Irish Cream Ale on the Hill of Tara in County Meath for Saint Patrick’s Day yesterday.

He did give away one of his glasses of Kilkenny to a golden cobra named Maitreya who was undergoing an old Celtic Pagan ritual to make the snake the High King of Ireland.

But he did so in a hypnotic state (which would be the only possible state in which Mulligan the Irish Zombie 🧟‍♂️ would give away an alcoholic beverage that happened to be in his possession).

“If you don’t mind my saying so, you look to be in awfully bad shape,” the waiter said to Mulligan.

“That’s because I’ve got a hangover,” Mulligan answered while drinking tomato juice laced with three raw eggs 🥚 and Worcestershire sauce.

“You also look to be dead,” the waiter remarked as some of Mulligan’s decomposing flesh fell on his breakfast plate of kipper and poached eggs.

“I am,” Mulligan started leaking tomato juice and Worcestershire sauce from his armpits, “I’m a zombie.”

“If you’re a zombie, then why aren’t you sitting in the Dail (Irish Parliament)?” The waiter asked.

“There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t ask myself that very question,” Mulligan was debating with himself on whether or not he should order a Guinness as he noticed the old antique clock on the hotel restaurant wall was only 1 minute away from 12 noon.

“Who raised you from the dead?” The waiter asked.

“It was a South African witch doctor called Dr. Sterling Makabo who raised me from the dead,” Mulligan cut himself a slice of kipper and put it on his fork, “although he had actually been hired to raise my neighbour who was buried next to me in the cemetery from the dead but his corpse was still at his wake. A wake that apparently went on for fourteen days I might add. So when my neighbour did not answer Doctor Makabo’s call, I decided to do so. With the result that I’m now living the life of Riley.”

“Riley was the name of the man in the grave next to him,” Dashwood Forrest explained, “the fellow that Dr. Makabo was supposed to raise from the dead but his body was still at his wake as his buddies had been drinking so much, they forgot to take him to both his funeral and burial services.”

“Only in Ireland 🇮🇪 would this happen,” the waiter shook his head.

“I would have to agree,” Dashwood Forrest smelled the rose in his lapel.

At that moment on the television in the restaurant, the image of British MP Renfield R. Renfield appeared to comment on Vladimir Putin’s landslide Presidential election 🗳 victory in Russia 🇷🇺.

As Renfield pointed to a photo of Putin and made Freemasonic death by disembowelling gestures with his hands that would send YouTube conspiracy theory channel hosts into a whirlwind of frenzy, Mulligan remarked to Dashwood Forrest, “There’s the fellow who saved me from drowning in a bowl of punch at your mermaid 🧜‍♀️ painting art exhibit in London last year.”

“Was that before or after you became a zombie 🧟‍♂️?” The waiter asked.

“After,” Mulligan replied, “My mortal pre-zombie life came to an end when I drowned in a vat of Guinness.”

And speaking of Guinness, the antique clock in the restaurant struck 12 noon.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday March 18th
2018.

21 Comments

  1. George F. said,

    “My mortal pre-zombie life came to an end when I drowned in a vat of Guinness.” ( ) !!! Please…the entire segment here has me laughing so hard I won’t be able to sleep! I’m suppose to read you in the AM to WAKE UP….LOL! Here’s another good one: “…(which would be the only possible state in which Mulligan the Irish Zombie 🧟‍♂️ would give away an alcoholic beverage that happened to be in his possession). You have got this Irish drinking thing down…pat! Oh!! LOL! ( )

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Thanks very much, George. 🙂

      So you read this before bedtime instead of when you’re supposed to awaken eh?

      Yeah, Daniel and Sherry made that mistake a few times when they first started reading my work.

      But not anymore.

      Just like they learned to stop sipping on any liquids while reading my work otherwise it ended up on their smartphone or computer screen. 😂

  2. David Redpath said,

    Dracul, the ghost of
    Cecil B. De Mille has just made enquiries regarding the movie right’s to the
    Golden Cobra saga. I’ve informed him, via LSD psychosis ( the same way
    we get in touch with Steve Jobs), that Harvey
    Weinstein has been granted the sole rights
    (as long the final product
    is rated ‘R’… for R-sole)
    as a reward for a small
    job( not with Steve) he did in Russia (a very small and boring job).
    With Richard Burton playing the the part of Dashwood Forrest
    (hoping to resurrect his career). Being both Welsh,
    and dead, he fears neither
    dragon, nor snake. Perfect
    for the role !?

  3. fragglerocking said,

    Keep taking the tablets! 🙂

  4. ortensia said,

    Mulligan got the nosiest waiter ever but,hey,this is Ireland too🇨🇮🍻

  5. RosemaryMarie said,

    Oh, I’m rolling! 😀 Of course, that’s how Mulligan died! 😀

  6. luttajeff said,

    Would most definitely be interested to read the whole novel, Damn

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      This is a chapter in my sixth vampire novel- Volume 6 of the Vampire Samurai Hunter Chronicles – which I’m still writing.

      My 1st vampire novel The Vampiress With Amnesia is available on Amazon:

  7. Aak fictionspawn said,

    Death by Guinness… A death an Irish soon to be zombie worthy.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yes, I guess if an Irishman had to choose the way he had to die, he’d probably choose Death By Guinness. 😂

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