Pan Goatee’s Dorian Gray Friday

March 30, 2018 at 9:45 pm (Aesthetics, Entertainment, Literature, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) ()

Pan Goatee’s Dorian Gray Friday

Pan Goatee was not having a good Friday.

It seemed everywhere he turned, there was an ugly looking woman present.

He sat next to a beautiful looking woman on a commuter train and an ugly looking woman sat across from him.

He immediately decapitated the ugly looking woman with his astral laser machete.

From the look the beautiful looking woman gave him, he decided it might not be a good thing to ask her out on a date tonight like he was planning to do.

Damn how these ugly looking women always showed up to spoil any potential romantic encounters he might have.

These hideous daughters of Hecate had absolutely no consideration for others.

He took a seat further down the commuter train.

Another ugly looking woman boarded the commuter train at another station.

Pan Goatee immediately decapitated her.

“Nothing like frightening any potential tourists this city might have,” Pan Goatee said as he kicked the head down the aisle.

He then got off at the downtown station where he went to a Subway restaurant and was in the process of ordering a submarine sandwich when an ugly looking woman went up to the counter and asked for a packet of pepper.

“You ugly looking bitch,” Pan Goatee told off the obviously failed toad-human hybrid experiment, “why didn’t you remember to ask for pepper when you were first up here. Now you’ve thoroughly ruined my day by me having to look at your ugly looking face.”

Pan Goatee once again decapitated this particular failed degenerate abortion.

He then kicked the head down the floor, “There stick that in your pepper pipe and smoke it, bitch.”

A junkie smoking cracked cocaine at a table (and ignoring the place’s No Smoking 🚭 signs) said, “Wow, man. What’s your favourite work by Oscar Wilde?”.

“The Picture of Dorian Gray,” Pan replied.

“I thought it was Edgar Allan Poe who wrote that,” the man blinked like a neon sign on steroids.

“No, it was Wilde,” Goatee answered.

“Yeah, it must have been Wilde,” the man stared into space, “Really wild. What about the guy who wrote that poem about the ancient mariner who had that albatross around his neck that kept crying “Nevermore” when Pallas Athena knocked on Kublai Khan’s chamber door this other side of Xanadu because Donald Trump a wall he did decree.”

But Goatee like Elvis had already left the building.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday March 30th


  1. fragglerocking said,

    Someone’s got issues….

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yes, the dentist has got issues… of very boring magazines… with the articles 2 to 3 years out of date… in his office waiting room. 😂

      • fragglerocking said,

        Not sure where the dentist came in but hey ho rollin’ with that. 😊

  2. thebookwormdrinketh said,

    Ha ha ha!! I think Pan still should have asked for that date. Some people like a good decapitation! Maybe she was into it! 😂😂😉

  3. Orvillewrong said,

    Probably a very wise move!

  4. ortensia said,

    I would have loved to see how the date had gone🤔

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yes, that would have been an exceptionally different date all right. 😂

      • ortensia said,

        It would have been interesting…..😉

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        She might have written an article about it for Cosmopolitan magazine entitled How I Lost My Maidenhead To A Serial Decapitator. 🤣

      • ortensia said,

        Too seller😂

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, it will undoubtedly become a top seller, Ortensia. 😂

      • ortensia said,

        Damn what a miss chance ,I could have been the ghost writer😂😂😂

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, a missed opportunity. 😂😂😂

  5. shєrríє dє vαlєríα said,

    I wonder if Pan Goatee has once a love life?
    He seems to be too hard on himself on this not-so-merry Friday.
    He is more into decapitation most of the time.
    I wonder if in his sleep he cut heads off the uglies ghosts then?

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yes, that’s a very good question, Sherry.

      Does Pan Goatee have a love life? 🤔

      Yes and I imagine in his sleep 😴, he probably does cut off the uglies ghosts’ 👻 heads. LOL! 🤣

      • shєrríє dє vαlєríα said,

        You got write his LOVE STorY.
        You, in the GRIMM fairy tales, I mean the origins of their stories on the creature goat-like, they are one of the most powerful creature that the Grimm ever written or met.

        It was believed that the goat-like creature was one of the most lustful one among all others and they have this strange odour that attracted every creatures to him. He was then known as a devil of a sort because he lured women into the woods and some folks found them having orgies! LOL

        I bet GRIMM brothers did have a hell of an orgies parties as well and wrote that in their journals! LOL

        I bet Pan Goatee was that goat!
        hahahaha …

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Do you remember the name of that particular Grimms Fairy Tale, Sherrie?

        I read several of the Grimms fairy tales but I don’t think I ever remember one about a powerful goat like creature who emitted an odour that attracted other creatures to him and who had sex orgies with women in the woods. LOL !

        I suppose because most of the Grimm stories I read were in books for children and they didn’t include one about a goat who had sex orgies with women in the woods. LOL !

      • shєrríє dє vαlєríα said,

        Well, you can only find that original story in the original Grimm books, of course. The children version are simply harmless. This is why in some cultures goat-like creature are somehow connected to the devil …

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        I guess I’m going to have to look around for some unabridged unedited adult version of the Grimms Fairy Tales.

        You know I never knew the Grimms Fairy Tales were quite gruesome and bloodthirsty in the original version of the stories until I read a book called Adolf Hitler: The Psychopathic God when I was a teenager.

        The book was a psychoanalysis history of Hitler’s personality.

        But the book postulated that Hitler may have turned out the way he did because of the stories he read as a child.

        And then the author mentioned what went on in the original Grimm stories like Cinderella’s stepsisters cutting off their toes so their feet could fit in the Glass Slipper, another story about a father who cuts off his daughter’s hands because he was told to by the Devil.

        Very gruesome stories indeed.

      • shєrríє dє vαlєríα said,

        I have read quite a few of the originals ones at the university library years back, but I could not recall which were those. What to mention of the titles. I only know at that time it was the original records of Grimm’s Tales – not even very fairy, I tell ya.

        And it turned out that the Fairies are not cute creature, either. They one of the meanest and brutally evil creatures in the Grimm’s stories as well. So, one has to be careful when you have a walk in the deep woods.

        And I need to remind myself that the Grimm brothers are from Germany and they wrote stories that came mostly from Europe … Ugh! Many evil creatures besides humans! Duh!

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Your remarks have definitely inspired me to get a copy of an adult version of Grimm Tales.

        I think they’ll serve as excellent inspiration for my novels.

        Goat like creatures who are lusty and have sex orgies with women in the forest while worshipping the Devil.

        Fairies who are not cute creatures (like in Disney films) but evil.

        Definitely the stuff nightmares are made of.

        And your remark “Ugh! Many evil creatures besides humans. Duh!” should be posted in giant lettering on the inside of the Vatican the next time the Pope and his Cardinal advisors are meeting. 😂

      • shєrríє dє vαlєríα said,

        Not so-fairy-tale like we always thoughts when we were kids … later in our adult years that we suddenly know that the whole world had lied to you since infancy …

        What a world of evil we are living in …

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Indeed what a world of evil we are living in.

        Yes it’s interesting that the fairy tales that were found in folk tradition often featured evil creatures whereas the fairy tales written by individual authors such as Goldilocks written by the British poet Robert Southey, The Little Mermaid 🧜‍♀️ and other fairy tales written by Denmark’s Hans Christian Andersen and children’s stories like The Selfish Giant and also The Happy Prince written by Oscar Wilde did not feature overtly and blatantly evil creatures and monsters.

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