Reblog of An Evening At The Mermaid Art Exhibit
A vampire novel chapter I wrote over a year ago about an evening at the mermaid art exhibit which turned out to be as riotous as the Marx Brothers’ night at the opera:
“Ladies and gentlemen,” Sir Nigel Blake-Lenin the curator of the Dashwood Forrest Art Gallery announced to those gathered at the Mermaid Art Exhibit’s opening night, “regrettably the artist Miss Charmaine Olivia will not be able to be with us this evening…”
The crowd moaned and groaned their disappointment.
“Yes,” Sir Nigel Blake-Lenin sighed in sympathy, “Miss Olivia ate some rather bad tuna fish sandwiches earlier this evening that she had thought had come from the Exhibit caterers but they turned out to have been brought in by a mysterious third party…”
“So she’s the one who ate all my tuna fish sandwiches that I had brought with me tonight,” Renfield seethed to Amadeus.
“Then you might have been the one who came down with food poisoning,” Amadeus pointed out.
“I guess every cloud has a silver lining,” Renfield grinned.
A dark cloud appeared over the gallery and an American silver…
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Reblog of The Moriarty-Rocher Romance: Sherrielock Holmes Off To The Mermaid Art Exhibit
Here’s a vampire novel chapter I wrote back in January 2017.
In it, the romance between Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s great great grandfather Prof. James Moriarty and Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s great great grandmother Isabelle Gabrielle Rocher is talked about:
“You look wonderful, great-grandmother,” Dr. Cadbury Rocher kissed Sherrielock Holmes on the cheek.
“Thank you, Cadbury,” Sherrielock smiled at the compliment.
“Have you seen the photos of my genetically created winged horse Pegasus that I have put up on Facebook?” Dr. Cadbury Rocher proudly asked.
“How can I not help but notice when you keep posting pics every two minutes,” Sherrielock sighed, “I finally had to cut off your news feed.”
“You cut off my Facebook news feed?” Dr. Cadbury Rocher looked horrified, “Great-Grandma,how could you do that?”.
“Oh stop pouting, Cadbury,” Sherrielock commanded, “or I’ll have to give you a spanking.”
Dr. Cadbury Rocher stopped pouting.
The resident mad scientist for Set Enterprises did have quite the evil side. Of course that was to be expected working for the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set (whose claim to fame was bodily dismembering his brother Osiris) and for being a co-employee…
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Reblog- A Day In The Life of Dr. Cadbury Rocher
Here’s a vampire novel chapter I wrote 3 years ago-
Day In The Life of Dr. Cadbury Rocher
The brilliant scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher (who some called “mad”, others called “insane” and the politically correct called “sanity challenged”) sat in his office overlooking the laboratory of Set Enterprises.
He looked down at the laboratory and noticed Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster sleeping peacefully in his lobster tank.
Which was a good thing.
The lobster tank had mysteriously exploded on 7 different occasions the past few weeks.
And the higher-ups on the Board of Directors of Set Enterprises were starting to take notice.
Especially the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s new personal chartered accountant Ayn Rand Nosferatu.
A strange woman. Not quite human. Not quite vampire.
And different from both in that x-rays showed that she had within her chest an ancient Chinese abacus in the place where her heart should have been.
Her office was quite intimidating.
She had a statue…
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Reblog- Sherrielock Holmes Invited To Mermaid Art Exhibit
Here’s a vampire novel chapter I wrote over a year ago:
Sherrielock Holmes was wearing an exquisite turquoise evening dress. She had been invited to an exhibition of paintings of mermaids done by artist Charmaine Olivia at a new London art gallery- The Dashwood Forrest Art Gallery.
Her escort for this evening would be her great-grandson Dr. Cadbury Rocher. Of course she would not be introduced as Cadbury’s great-grandmother at the Exhibit Opening Night Party. People might talk.
For Sherrielock Holmes (who was Sherlock Holmes’ lesser-known twin sister) had turned immortal one fine day back in the 1890s when she had eaten a special blend of Lingzhi Supernatural Mushrooms prepared for her by her boyfriend later husband Dr. Louis Rocher (who was Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s great-grandfather).
Sadly her love Dr. Louis Rocher did not prepare and eat a bunch of Lingzhi Supernatural Mushrooms for himself. For whatever reason, he decided to wait to eat the mushroom elixir of life. When the…
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When Terrorism Hits Close To Home
I don’t often write about myself because like a lot of writers of fiction, I’m actually quite shy and introverted and do not like revealing details about my personal life.
The only exception I’ve found is when something deeply traumatic happens to me.
About 45 minutes ago, I was on Facebook and I got a notification that Joanna one of my friends in Toronto had marked herself as safe in the Traffic-Pedestrian Collision at Yonge Street and Finch Avenue in North York, Toronto.
I thought “what’s this about?” and read it.
Apparently Joanna narrowly missed getting hit by a van that killed 9 people and injured 16 others.
It sounded to me like a terrorist attack.
And of course I got really angry like I do when I hear about most terrorist attacks.
Only this time it was more personal.
Joanna didn’t go into much details on it but I imagine she would have had her little baby girl Ellis in her arms at the time (as Joanna is a stay at home mom and Ellis is
less than a year old).
This image in my mind really got me angry.
Because Ellis is such a beautiful little girl and has such deeply expressive expressions on her face when Joanna posts pics on FB.
So in a world of increasing terrorist attacks, it was inevitable that someone I knew would either be directly affected by one or close to one.
I just thank God that neither Joanna nor Ellis was hurt or killed.
Please remember the victims of this tragedy and their family members and friends when you pray if you’re a praying person.
Reblog-Renfield’s Research On Sherrielock Holmes
Seeing as how yesterday April 21st 2018 was the 100th Anniversary of the death of the Red Baron Manfred von Richthofen, I thought I would re-post this vampire novel chapter I wrote almost 3 years ago which deals with the background of the immortal leather skirted dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes (who was Sherlock Holmes’ twin sister), her late husband Dr. Louis Rocher (who was shot down and killed by the Red Baron just the day before the Red Baron himself was shot down and killed) and the demise of the Red Baron himself.
Renfield’s Research On Sherrielock Holmes
Amadeus and Renfield were sitting in their favourite Fish and Chips shop in London.
Renfield was having the Deluxe Grilled Cheese and Tuna Fish Sandwich Special.
Amadeus was having the All You Can Eat Fish n’ Chips Special.
He was now on his 11th plate of fish and chips.
“I’ve noticed that for some reason I’m not able to fit into any of the clothes that people bought me as presents last Christmas,” Amadeus said as he bit into his monster piece of cod.
“I wonder why that is,” Renfield bit into his sandwich.
“I have no idea,” Amadeus ordered his 12th plate of fish and chips.
“Anyways I’ve been doing some research on Sherrielock Holmes,” Renfield sipped his Magic Mushroom and Marshmallow Laced Chocolate Latte.
“Your personal dominatrix?” Amadeus spoke in a loud voice.
“Shhh, quiet, not so loud,” Renfield whispered to Amadeus.
The…
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Rusalka and the Titanic
An excellent, original, unique and totally different short story about the sinking of that great and mighty “unsinkable” ship The Titanic.
I boarded the ship at Southampton, on England’s southern coast, a city they called Gateway to the World. It was appropriately named. New worlds would indeed open to those that dared sail on the Titanic’s maiden voyage.
Southampton was seafaring town of busy docks, commerce and fishermen who, given half the chance may have recognized me for what I was. Yet I went ably and quietly about my business, our custom being to operate in stealth. My disguise was well put together, a simple blue dress, lace up boots and one bag of luggage that contained only my combs, mirrors, candles and an ancient grimoire. For all the crew and passengers knew, I could have been any normal woman, a widow perhaps, traveling alone with a full purse and a certain destination.
My nature necessitated a room in first class, where I could have daily baths in the salt…
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Semi Rhyming Haiku About Poe’s The Pit and The Pendulum and Roger Corman Film With Vincent Price
Semi Rhyming Haiku About Poe’s The Pit and The Pendulum and Roger Corman Film With Vincent Price
Blade a real swinger
Will give your head a zinger
What a Price to pay
The Aztec Vampiress Qonzilqointec, Turkey’s Tyrant, Raúl Castro’s Successor and The Neo-Nazi Billionaire
The Aztec Vampiress Qonzilqointec, Turkey’s Tyrant, Raúl Castro’s Successor and A Neo-Nazi Billionaire
The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec was on her way to meet Raúl Castro’s handpicked successor Miguel Díaz-Canel in the Cuban 🇨🇺 capital of Havana.
Pic of Qonzilqointec on her way to meet Cuba’s next President Miguel Díaz-Canel:
She was meeting with the new leader to see if he was going to become a total despot like Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro who was Hugo Chavez’s successor (she was already plotting Maduro’s overthrow with Dracul Van Helsing, British MP Renfield R. Renfield and the ghost of Sir Winston Churchill).
On her way to meet Díaz-Canel, she ran into her lover Dracul Van Helsing who was in Havana to monitor the suspicious activities of the Neo-Nazi billionaire Robur Pike.
(For more on the background of Robur Pike, please read:
https://draculvanhelsing.wordpress.com/2017/02/02/robur-the-conquerer-ii-in-havana/
)
When Dracul saw the sexy and sensual Aztec vampiress wearing her topless gold mini dress, he asked her how much of a hurry she was in to meet Miguel Díaz-Canel.
She adjusted her skirt and replied that she might have a few hours to spare.
So she went to Dracul’s hotel room and spent the next several hours making wild passionate love to him.
. . .
Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan had left an extremely nasty comment on British MP Renfield R. Renfield’s Facebook page.
The comment was in retaliation for Renfield arranging the circumstances whereby the Celtic horned god Cernunnos was busy killing Turkish soldiers who were undertaking a genocidal campaign against the Kurds in the Afrin region of northwestern Syria 🇸🇾.
An hour later, Russian President Vladimir Putin likewise posted a nasty comment on Renfield’s Facebook page.
The remark was in retaliation for Cernunnos likewise killing Russian soldiers at a base in Syria.
“So,” Sir Winston Churchill’s ghost remarked as he chewed on the tip of his spectral cigar and sipped from his spectral glass of brandy, “I see the fascist despot Erdogan has brought forward the date of presidential and parliamentary elections in Turkey 🇹🇷 from November 2019 to this coming June 24th.”
“I guess considering the bad shape Turkey’s economy is in thanks to the fascist despot’s misrule and the defeat that Prince Vlad Dracula, Cernunnos, the Byzantine vampiress Theodora and the Israeli Controller of The Golem will soon inflict on Turkish forces in Syria, Erdogan figures he better call the election now so he can hurry up and pave the way to make himself Sultan of a revived Ottoman Empire,” Renfield remarked.
“I fear that’s very much the case,” Churchill frowned.
“If only I could find a way to convince Theresa May to start a campaign to get that bum kicked out of NATO,” Renfield rubbed his chin. 🤔
. . .
German Chancellor Angela Merkel was in her office when suddenly the ancient Egyptian frog 🐸 headed god Kek appeared to her.
“Sweet Jesus,” she said in language designed to offend any pagan deity, “did anyone ever tell you that you look a lot like that Internet meme Pepe the Frog 🐸?”.
“So I’ve been told,” Kek’s tongue wrestled with Mrs. Merkel’s Venus fly trap office plant for control of a fly to eat.
“What are you doing here in Germany?” Mrs. Merkel asked.
“Well having spent several days visiting the fascists and Neo-Nazis in the alt-right movement in the U.S., I’m now visiting the fascists and neo-Nazis in the anti-immigrant and anti-foreigner AfD (Alternative fur Deutschland),” Kek smiled as he licked his lips after eating both the Venus fly trap and the fly.
“Germany will never succumb to Naziism again,” said Mrs. Merkel.
“There is a man called Robur Pike who says otherwise,” Kek belched with the sound and fury of an Egyptian god of chaos.
“Who’s Robur Pike?” Mrs. Merkel asked.
Kek laughed and laughed until he had an amphibian bowel movement of massive proportions.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday April 18th
2018.
Dracul Van Helsing 