A Stag Party Like No Other

April 17, 2018 at 10:42 pm (Avatar Speaks, Geopolitics and International Relations, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

A Stag Party Like No Other

Russian soldiers at a base in Syria were nervous.

They had heard reports that a deer 🦌 stag of all things was massacring Turkish soldiers in the Afrin region of northwestern Syria by standing up on its hind legs and firing a rapidly moving crossbow with poisonous arrows at them.

The arrows would paralyze the soldiers and then take 24 hours for the poison to work to eventually kill them.

In the meantime, the soldiers would die a painfully agonizing death as the organs in their bodies gradually shut down.

The government of Recep Tayyip Erdogan in Ankara tried to keep the deaths secret from the Turkish public.

But someone had hacked into the Turkish television newsfeed and was reporting the deaths live to the Turkish people.

The news reports were read aloud by a talking robot 🤖 who called himself Hans.

The reports would begin with the robot singing (to the tune of an old 1950s Danny Kaye song), “I’m Hans Pagan Henderson… that’s me.”

After showing some speeded up video of Turkish soldiers dying a long lasting slow horrible agonizing death, film footage was then shown of the deer stag standing on its hind legs and shooting the soldiers with its rapidly firing cross bow.

As the footage of the stag and its cross bow was being shown, Hans the robot 🤖 sang (also to the tune of an old 1950s Danny Kaye song):

Wonderful, wonderful poisoned 🤢 arrow
fired by a beautiful stag
you hit your mark
sends a fiery spark ⚡️
through the body part
a fatal stinging dart 🎯
that sends one screaming “No more”
yet hours ‘til you reach death’s door.

No one was sure who it was that was hacking into the Turkish television feed.

Although there were suspicions.

After Hans’ news broadcasts, British MP Renfield R. Renfield was seen in an elegant armchair by a fireplace holding a glass of cognac and doing an introduction to a TV series he called Forgotten Disney Animated Cartoons.

“On tonight’s episode,” Renfield smiled, “Bambi’s father (killed in an automobile accident) comes back from the dead. The name of the cartoon: Bambi II- Thumper Recites The Necronomicon Resurrection Invocation.”

The Russian base was on edge when a soldier turned on the TV and Thumper was seen reciting a weird invocation in a strange and sinister sounding language.

And then suddenly what sounded like an arrow hit the door of the barracks.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday April 17th
2018.

25 Comments

  1. David Redpath said,

    Christopher, a musical overture of splendor.
    Worthy of Rodgers & Philistine.
    I can see the crowd,
    cheering for an encore,
    from the Crimea to Armenia.
    Does Hans look anything
    like Hymie from Get Smart?
    Anyway, when you finish
    the final act, and if there
    are any survivors,
    you’re sure to have a hit
    on your deserving hands.
    👏 👏 👏

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yes, a different sort of musical where almost the whole cast is killed off.

      Produced by Kim Jong-un, Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Oh, I forgot to add, I suppose Hans could look like Hymie the robot from Get Smart. 🤗

      It would certainly make the scene funnier. 😀

      Thanks for saying I’d have a hit on my hands. 😊

  2. velvetscreams said,

    The end was enthralling 😌

  3. fragglerocking said,

    That Renfield is a card 🙂

  4. George F. said,

    Death was welcome after such agony. As it should be.

  5. thebookwormdrinketh said,

    Now I want to know WHICH Danny Kaye song Hans was singing to!!

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Both were from the 1952 movie Hans Christian Andersen that starred Danny Kaye.

      I’m Hans Pagan Henderson was robot 🤖 Han’s adaptation of the Danny Kaye song I’m Hans Christian Andersen.

      Wonderful Poisoned Arrow was robot 🤖 Hans’ adaptation of the Danny Kaye song Wonderful Copenhagen.

  6. ortensia said,

    It sounded like an arrow but I wonder will it be really?

  7. Orvillewrong said,

    Wonderfully current!

  8. righteousbruin9 said,

    I love the monikers given to the robot and to the composers- “Rodgers and Philistine” is a hoot!

  9. Apple Rae said,

    This is brilliant and beautiful. I just couldn’t relate to Danny Kaye and his songs 😫

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Thank you very much, Apple. 🙂

      No, Danny Kaye definitely had a different style of singing compared with today’s singers.

      Those who have grown up on music in the early 21st Century don’t really fancy his style of singing today which is way over 60 years old.

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