The Aztec Vampiress Qonzilqointec, Turkey’s Tyrant, Raúl Castro’s Successor and The Neo-Nazi Billionaire

April 18, 2018 at 10:45 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

The Aztec Vampiress Qonzilqointec, Turkey’s Tyrant, Raúl Castro’s Successor and A Neo-Nazi Billionaire

The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec was on her way to meet Raúl Castro’s handpicked successor Miguel Díaz-Canel in the Cuban 🇨🇺 capital of Havana.

Pic of Qonzilqointec on her way to meet Cuba’s next President Miguel Díaz-Canel:

She was meeting with the new leader to see if he was going to become a total despot like Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro who was Hugo Chavez’s successor (she was already plotting Maduro’s overthrow with Dracul Van Helsing, British MP Renfield R. Renfield and the ghost of Sir Winston Churchill).

On her way to meet Díaz-Canel, she ran into her lover Dracul Van Helsing who was in Havana to monitor the suspicious activities of the Neo-Nazi billionaire Robur Pike.

(For more on the background of Robur Pike, please read:


When Dracul saw the sexy and sensual Aztec vampiress wearing her topless gold mini dress, he asked her how much of a hurry she was in to meet Miguel Díaz-Canel.

She adjusted her skirt and replied that she might have a few hours to spare.

So she went to Dracul’s hotel room and spent the next several hours making wild passionate love to him.

. . .

Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan had left an extremely nasty comment on British MP Renfield R. Renfield’s Facebook page.

The comment was in retaliation for Renfield arranging the circumstances whereby the Celtic horned god Cernunnos was busy killing Turkish soldiers who were undertaking a genocidal campaign against the Kurds in the Afrin region of northwestern Syria 🇸🇾.

An hour later, Russian President Vladimir Putin likewise posted a nasty comment on Renfield’s Facebook page.

The remark was in retaliation for Cernunnos likewise killing Russian soldiers at a base in Syria.

“So,” Sir Winston Churchill’s ghost remarked as he chewed on the tip of his spectral cigar and sipped from his spectral glass of brandy, “I see the fascist despot Erdogan has brought forward the date of presidential and parliamentary elections in Turkey 🇹🇷 from November 2019 to this coming June 24th.”

“I guess considering the bad shape Turkey’s economy is in thanks to the fascist despot’s misrule and the defeat that Prince Vlad Dracula, Cernunnos, the Byzantine vampiress Theodora and the Israeli Controller of The Golem will soon inflict on Turkish forces in Syria, Erdogan figures he better call the election now so he can hurry up and pave the way to make himself Sultan of a revived Ottoman Empire,” Renfield remarked.

“I fear that’s very much the case,” Churchill frowned.

“If only I could find a way to convince Theresa May to start a campaign to get that bum kicked out of NATO,” Renfield rubbed his chin. 🤔

. . .

German Chancellor Angela Merkel was in her office when suddenly the ancient Egyptian frog 🐸 headed god Kek appeared to her.

“Sweet Jesus,” she said in language designed to offend any pagan deity, “did anyone ever tell you that you look a lot like that Internet meme Pepe the Frog 🐸?”.

“So I’ve been told,” Kek’s tongue wrestled with Mrs. Merkel’s Venus fly trap office plant for control of a fly to eat.

“What are you doing here in Germany?” Mrs. Merkel asked.

“Well having spent several days visiting the fascists and Neo-Nazis in the alt-right movement in the U.S., I’m now visiting the fascists and neo-Nazis in the anti-immigrant and anti-foreigner AfD (Alternative fur Deutschland),” Kek smiled as he licked his lips after eating both the Venus fly trap and the fly.

“Germany will never succumb to Naziism again,” said Mrs. Merkel.

“There is a man called Robur Pike who says otherwise,” Kek belched with the sound and fury of an Egyptian god of chaos.

“Who’s Robur Pike?” Mrs. Merkel asked.

Kek laughed and laughed until he had an amphibian bowel movement of massive proportions.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday April 18th


  1. David Redpath said,

    Chrs, I would love to comment,
    but alas, I could not get past
    that Aztec Princess pic.
    It appears that nationalism,
    fascism, and genocide, ate

  2. David Redpath said,

    Sorry for the typos, Chris.
    I was simultaneously
    juggling two devices.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      ROTFL !

      Okay, well, that’s the first time I’ve ever heard it referred to as a device.

      But thanks for the explanation. 😀

  3. ortensia said,

    You put a lot on our plate this time.i got pleasantly lost in the tale.I had a vision of Dracul looking at the gold dress …..
    Amphibian bowel movement of massive proportion ?im still giggling

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yes, there’s a lot of food for thought in this particular chapter.

      As well as inspiration for juggling 🤹‍♂️ one’s balls if you’d like to take note of the comments above. 😉

  4. Anne J. said,

    Gosh! I don’t even think I have anything to contribute here. I need to read from the beginning. 😃

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yes, Anne, I guess there’s a lot of background to this particular chapter.😂

      • Anne J. said,

        I must pick up the novel. ☺

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Ah yes, The Vampiress With Amnesia.

        Then you’ll be introduced to all the central characters in my vampire novel. 🙂

  5. Hyperion said,

    I can’t view the links to Pinterest on my iPad which probably saves me a lot of cleaning cost and time. As Jessica so aptly stated in a previous post about male peculiar enjoyments, do you know how hard it is to clean that stuff off of an iPad? Very vivid prose, especially the amphibian bowel movement Madame Fuhrer’s office.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      No, Daniel, never having owned an iPad, I’ll take your word it’s quite hard to clean *ahem* certain stuff off an iPad. 🤣

      But thanks for letting me know in case I ever do get one. 😀

      • Hyperion said,

        We’ll need to talk to Sherrielock about some magic mushroom cleaner. Bleach just doesn’t cut it. 💦

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Sherrielock’s Bavarian Magic Mushroom Stain Remover…

        … guaranteed to whip the very life out of those nasty stains and sticky substances…

        … will make your PC, laptop, tablet or smartphone screen shiny and glowing like Donald Trump’s tomato 🍅 red buttocks. 😀

      • Hyperion said,

        Thats what I’m after. A shiny non-slip surface on my iPad and a good tomatoing of the Twat Squeezer in Chief’s orange marshmallowy buns. That should make the world go round again.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Then Sherrielock’s is the brand for you. 😀

        As it became the brand for various Wild West cowboys when they visited The Wild Tomatoes and Mushroom Saloon in the Wild West town of Hayden Colorado with its not so standard parking lot where only horses were allowed to parked.

        And when the cowboys went home, they got another tomatoing from their wives as their wife shouted, “Henry, who is this Sherrielock whose brand you’ve got tattooed on your buttocks?”.

        Things that were too hot to handle in the John Wayne and Gary Cooper western movies 🎥 back in the day so these scenes were never shown on the silver screen.

      • Hyperion said,

        Some things are better left in the upstairs bedroom where the wails of tomatoed buns are soon replaced by the sound of cloth and magic mushroom cleaner squeaking across the mirror and the polished wood floor.

  6. George F. said,

    “Kek belched with the sound and fury of an Egyptian god of chaos.” Favorite lane, hysterically funny and brilliant satire of the current political climate. I, too, got quite distracted by the pics! Thanks for those! Since you have nothing but fat uglies in Calgary, I can see why you migrate to a place like Pinterest!!

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yes, I like that line about Kek belching with the sound and fury of an Egyptian god of chaos myself. 😂

      Yes, thank God for Pinterest because if I hadn’t discovered them, I wouldn’t have written anything the entire past week. 🤣

      • George F. said,

        LOL! Keep staring…keep writing…

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        I will, George, I will. 😂

      • George F. said,

        New post up…somehow inspired by you…’cause you’ve entered my consciousness.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Okay, I’ll check it out. 😀

        Guess I must have been out-of-body experiencing. 🤗

        If only DARPA had known that staring at beautiful women on Pinterest (unlike staring at goats) leads to out-of-body experiences, they wouldn’t have had to spend billions on building nanite beds and mattresses.

  7. George F. said,

    If they ever make a movie out of your writings, cast me as Dracul. He’s always getting laid.

  8. fragglerocking said,

    I’m still trying to pronounce Qonzilqointec 🙄

  9. Orvillewrong said,

    I think you would have extreme difficulty getting either Madames Merkel or May to make a decision on anything!

  10. velvetscreams said,

    Okay…so right here i guess i should be making some moves….dracul and aztec vampire princess got me like😱…

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yes, Velvet, if my vampire novel were ever made into a movie, the scenes with Qonzilqointec and Dracul would definitely earn the movie an R-rating. 🤔

  11. Apple Rae said,

    Is this supposed to be funny? You cracked me up with the frog 🐸 lol so is this Aztec Princess and Dracul Van Helsing a love team?

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yes, it’s supposed to be funny, Apple. 🙂

      That’s why I call it a vampire novel rather than a horror novel.

      Because most of my chapters are generally written in a funny humourous fashion.

      Although I have written the occasional frightening and scary chapter in it.

      But even though there are vampires, vampiresses, werewolves, ghosts, zombies and various mythological and other supernatural figures in it, it’s mainly funny rather than scary. 😀

      Yes, Dracul and Qonzilqointec are an item.

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: