Dracul and Morgana, Renfield and Demi Lovato

May 1, 2018 at 10:44 pm (Avatar Speaks, Culture, Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, Humour, International Intrigue, love, Movies, Music, music videos, Mythology, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel, videos) (, , , , , , , , )

Dracul and Morgana, Renfield and Demi Lovato

The Welsh vampiress Morgana (British Member of Parliament for the constituency of Newbridge in Wales) was walking through Sherwood Forest in Nottinghamshire.

The reason being that she heard the Celtic horned stag god Cernunnos used Sherwood Forest for target 🎯 practice for his archery 🏹 skills firing his arrow and crossbow at deer 🦌 hunters and various animal poachers.

She had always wanted to meet this famous Celtic god.

Thanks to a special sunblock invented for her by Set Enterprises’ chief scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher, she was now able to walk around in the daylight without being quite literally fried to a crisp.

Somewhat tired from walking, Morgana sat down on an old leaf 🍃 clustered tree stump:

https://pin.it/lloi6gtopglhcg

Dracul Van Helsing (also walking through the forest) spotted her and took note of what she was wearing.

“Hello, Morgana,” he smiled, “how are you?”.

“Dracul,” Morgana flashed him a warm smile and raised the hem of her already short skirt, “what are you doing here?”.

“I’m walking through Sherwood Forest contemplating that this was the spot where Robin Hood used to make out with Maid Marian,” Dracul stated.

Morgana lay back on the soft clustered leaves 🍃 and held out her arms to embrace Dracul, “And should I be your Marian to your Robin?”.

Dracul mounted her, “We’ll show Errol Flynn and Olivia de Havilland how it was done.”

As Dracul and Morgana made out in Sherwood Forest in an orgiastic celebration of May Day (known as the Festival of Beltane on the old Celtic calendar), a voyeuristically inclined photographer tried to take shots of the Welsh MP and the Canadian vampire hunter making out.

He found himself being shot himself- by an arrow fired from the crossbow of Cernunnos.

The voyeur paparazzi was killed instantly.

“I’ll probably be dying for a cigarette several hours from now,” Morgana moaned in ecstasy.

. . .

Donald Trump held his hand under his suit vest in Napoleonic fashion and remarked to his valet Lexington “I can’t believe there are some psychiatrists out there who are starting to question my sanity.”

“It definitely boggles the mind, sir,” Lexington admitted, “I know it certainly boggles mine.”

“On the positive side,” Trump took off all his clothes leaving on only a pair of leopard skin briefs and proceeding to swing on the branch of an artificial African jungle tree in the Oval Office, “South Korean President Moon Jae-in thinks I deserve the Nobel Peace Prize.”

“And are psychiatrists starting to question Moon Jae-in’s sanity?” Lexington asked.

“I don’t know,” Trump shrugged while still swinging, “And what about you, Lexington? Do YOU think I deserve the Nobel Peace Prize?”.

“Well, sir,” Lexington remarked, “Seeing as how you received the Stormy Daniels Piece Prize, perhaps it might be a good thing if you went after a more noble peace prize.”

. . .

Renfield R. Renfield was dreaming about singer Demi Lovato.

Before bedtime, he had watched the Demi Lovato and Luis Fonzi music video Echame La Culpa.

He had developed such a hard on after seeing Demi Lovato wearing a red mini dress and black silk fishnet pantyhose that he had to massage his erection down with a sledge hammer.

Little did he realize that this action would save his life.

A group of Japanese ninja assassins who had been hired by Russian President Vladimir Putin and Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan to assassinate the thorn in their side troublesome British MP watched the spectacle outside Renfield’s bedroom window.

They were so taken aback 😮 by the sight of a man hitting his most sensitive private part that way that they turned and fled and quickly jumped over the high fence of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s colossal London estate.

Meanwhile Renfield’s blanket took on the shape of a pole tent ⛺️ as the MP dreamed of Demi Lovato wearing that red mini dress and black silk fishnet pantyhose.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday May 1st
2018.

39 Comments

  1. ortensia said,

    So much happening…..and I m late again reading🙄just hope the image of Trump in leopard skin brief won’t hunt me for the rest of the day😱I’ll try to focus on Morgana and Dracul in the forest😉

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yes, the image of Donald Trump in leopard skin briefs would be a ghastly image to have in your mind all day.

      Best to visualize Dracul and Morgana in the forest. 😆

      You’ll notice that the women in short skirts in both the Pinterest photo and the video are brunette.😉

      • ortensia said,

        More then brunettes, real black dark hair like me.so I can’t even give out today only send you a kiss 😘
        P.s
        Next time dark eyes too please😜

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        They didn’t have dark eyes?

        I guess I wasn’t looking at their eyes. 😂

      • ortensia said,

        Were you not???😂have a good day my friend

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Thanks. 😂

        You as well.

  2. velvetscreams said,

    Oh my!😂😂😂😂😂😂….i cant stop laughing….i guess reinfield would have a problem standing up😂😂….guess being horny saved his life oh my!….and morgana and dracul can enjoy their makeout session for thw whole day withput giving attention to the dead paprazzi…how wicked😂😂😂😂😂……i loved this dracul…..
    I love demi levato so i guess i have to watch this vid😌

  3. Dracul Van Helsing said,

    Thanks very much, Velvet. ❤💕💖

    Glad you enjoyed it and got several good laughs for the day. 😂😂😂😂😂😂

    Thst’s right Renfield’s being horny saved his life. 😂😂😂

    And Renfield is the type of person that something like that would happen to- where being horny saved his life. 😂😂😂😂

    I think you’ll enjoy the Demi Lovato vid. ☺

  4. George F. said,

    Mind boggling fit of laughter you caused me….OMG!

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yes, you can get down on your knees and thank God (who may or may not exist) that I discovered Pinterest images as well as the Demi Lovato video that gave me the inspiration to write fresh material again. 😂

      From living here in the wasteland that T. S. Elliot wrote about in one of his famous poems.

      Eliot was definitely right when he wrote “April is the cruelest month” as all the fat ugly blimps come out of hibernation in Calgary and thoroughly ruin the transition from winter to spring.

  5. Aak fictionspawn said,

    You’re back! And with Celtic gods… I like that.

  6. Hyperion said,

    LMFAOROFL! I want to be like Renfield when I grow up. Great bit of entertainment. The visuals I got on the Trumpulator were hilariously traumatizing. It was so realistic, I had to check the news to see if there were any reports of Chief Orange Cheeks taking Tarzan lessons.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yes,Chief Orange 🍊 Cheeks taking Tarzan lessons. 🤣

      Ortensia was also wondering if the trauma inducing visual images of the Trumpulator in leopard skin briefs would give her nightmares for the rest of the day. 😂

      Undoubtedly Renfield has installed surveillance equipment in the Oval Office of the White House (after his parliamentary party caucus colleague the Welsh Vampiress Morgana distracted the Secret Service) and he’s Intending to use those images projected on the walls of dark cells in his torture sessions involving Turkish, Russian and radical Islamist prisoners.

      The end result of the sessions on the interrogatees will be this: 🤪

      • Hyperion said,

        Waaa haaa haaaa! And its all a work of espionagical mastery not to be missed.

  7. Orvillewrong said,

    Intriguing as always!

  8. Aquileana said,

    Ha!!!… Too funny… and so many special charecters… And “action”, if you know what I mean… Trump wearing leopard skin briefs is a good counterpoint to Demi´s mini skirt…. (and its uplifting consequences 😀 )
    I looved that you included Cernunnos: I have always liked that Celtic God… Great installment dear Dracul. Love & best wishes 🙂

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Thanks very much, Aquileana. 🙂

      LOL ! 😂 @ Trump wearing leopard skin briefs being a good counterpoint to Demi’s mini skirt. 🤣

      Yes that would certainly provide radically downlifting consequences to follow the radically uplifting consequences of viewing Demi in her red mini dress and black silk fishnet pantyhose.

      The only good result to come out of this is they might stop selling leopard skin briefs in stores much to the relief of animal rights activists and wildlife conservationists (to say nothing of the rest of the world’s global population).

      And I’ve always liked the Celtic god Cernunnos myself. 😀

      Thank you for your lovely comment. 💕

      Love and best wishes to you as well. 🙂

  9. Apple Rae said,

    This chapter has totally blown me away—laughing out loud! No dull moment, love all the scenes especially Dracul’s and Morgana’s. Was fantasizing about the Aztec princess witnessing them making out and eventually joined them lol jk. 🤣 I agree with Ortensia, the image of Trump in Leopard brief swinging is too vivid it might hunt me too 😝😅

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Thanks very much, Apple. 🙂

      Glad you loved all the scenes particularly that of Dracul and Morgana. 😂

      I once wrote a vampire novel chapter last year where I had the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec involved in a ménage a trois with Dracul and the Venezuelan Vampiress Francesca Chavez.

      Ostensibly they were supposed to be planning the overthrow of Venezuela’s Stalinist President Nicolas Maduro but they wound up watching the Conor McGregor vs. Floyd Mayweather boxing 🥊 match instead and then made out afterwards. 😉

      Yes, the image of Trump wearing leopard skin briefs is a nightmare from which one might never recover. 🤣

  10. Ankush pathania said,

    Mind blowing perfect

  11. David Redpath said,

    Chris, after this voyeuristic
    piece of excellence, I’m
    suspecting some vicarious
    impetus,
    with Dracul Van the focus?

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yes, I guess I’m not like the debonair bearded gentleman in those old “I don’t always drink beer but when I do, I prefer Dos Equis” beer commercials (did you get those down in Australia?), I have to live vicariously through someone else.

      • David Redpath said,

        Your vicarious is hilarious.
        And much safer …
        contraceptively speaking.
        Sleep with vamps, and your
        wake up dead, walking, and
        scratching.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        You avoid the vampiric infectious diseases clinic that way
        and you can walk not only at night but during the day
        and your body won’t end up on fire 🔥 like a flaming flambé.

      • David Redpath said,

        I find the antiviral
        made from fermented garlic
        hemlock and abstinence
        with just a dash of absinthe
        does the trick
        But Chris
        If you keep posting
        Vampiric pics
        that dam may soon bust!

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Verily, verily that dam will burst
        as Lilith’s vixens do their worst
        a slug of absinthe kept Oscar wild
        but he did not have a vampire child
        just a portrait painted in dorian gray
        but its creator avoided both vamp and fay
        he did not fall for a Siren’s call on the rocks
        just in his whisky soda while giving his talks.

      • David Redpath said,

        I never go oscar wilde
        for my complextion
        would go all dorian gray
        But to succumb
        to Vampiric seduction
        I fear I would never again
        see the light of day

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        LOL !

  12. Silent Hour said,

    You never fail to amaze and make me laugh

  13. doesitevenmatter3 said,

    Whew! And YAY Renfield! As always…he is in fine form! 😉 😀
    Great chapter!
    HUGS!!! 🙂

  14. thebookwormdrinketh said,

    …. I can’t get the image of Trump in Leaopard skin briefs out of my head…. Forever ingrained swinging from that branch… The stuff of nightmares, it is…

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