Dracul and Morgana, Renfield and Demi Lovato
Dracul and Morgana, Renfield and Demi Lovato
The Welsh vampiress Morgana (British Member of Parliament for the constituency of Newbridge in Wales) was walking through Sherwood Forest in Nottinghamshire.
The reason being that she heard the Celtic horned stag god Cernunnos used Sherwood Forest for target ๐ฏ practice for his archery ๐น skills firing his arrow and crossbow at deer ๐ฆ hunters and various animal poachers.
She had always wanted to meet this famous Celtic god.
Thanks to a special sunblock invented for her by Set Enterprisesโ chief scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher, she was now able to walk around in the daylight without being quite literally fried to a crisp.
Somewhat tired from walking, Morgana sat down on an old leaf ๐ clustered tree stump:
Dracul Van Helsing (also walking through the forest) spotted her and took note of what she was wearing.
โHello, Morgana,โ he smiled, โhow are you?โ.
โDracul,โ Morgana flashed him a warm smile and raised the hem of her already short skirt, โwhat are you doing here?โ.
โIโm walking through Sherwood Forest contemplating that this was the spot where Robin Hood used to make out with Maid Marian,โ Dracul stated.
Morgana lay back on the soft clustered leaves ๐ and held out her arms to embrace Dracul, โAnd should I be your Marian to your Robin?โ.
Dracul mounted her, โWeโll show Errol Flynn and Olivia de Havilland how it was done.โ
As Dracul and Morgana made out in Sherwood Forest in an orgiastic celebration of May Day (known as the Festival of Beltane on the old Celtic calendar), a voyeuristically inclined photographer tried to take shots of the Welsh MP and the Canadian vampire hunter making out.
He found himself being shot himself- by an arrow fired from the crossbow of Cernunnos.
The voyeur paparazzi was killed instantly.
โIโll probably be dying for a cigarette several hours from now,โ Morgana moaned in ecstasy.
. . .
Donald Trump held his hand under his suit vest in Napoleonic fashion and remarked to his valet Lexington โI canโt believe there are some psychiatrists out there who are starting to question my sanity.โ
โIt definitely boggles the mind, sir,โ Lexington admitted, โI know it certainly boggles mine.โ
โOn the positive side,โ Trump took off all his clothes leaving on only a pair of leopard skin briefs and proceeding to swing on the branch of an artificial African jungle tree in the Oval Office, โSouth Korean President Moon Jae-in thinks I deserve the Nobel Peace Prize.โ
โAnd are psychiatrists starting to question Moon Jae-inโs sanity?โ Lexington asked.
โI donโt know,โ Trump shrugged while still swinging, โAnd what about you, Lexington? Do YOU think I deserve the Nobel Peace Prize?โ.
โWell, sir,โ Lexington remarked, โSeeing as how you received the Stormy Daniels Piece Prize, perhaps it might be a good thing if you went after a more noble peace prize.โ
. . .
Renfield R. Renfield was dreaming about singer Demi Lovato.
Before bedtime, he had watched the Demi Lovato and Luis Fonzi music video Echame La Culpa.
He had developed such a hard on after seeing Demi Lovato wearing a red mini dress and black silk fishnet pantyhose that he had to massage his erection down with a sledge hammer.
Little did he realize that this action would save his life.
A group of Japanese ninja assassins who had been hired by Russian President Vladimir Putin and Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan to assassinate the thorn in their side troublesome British MP watched the spectacle outside Renfieldโs bedroom window.
They were so taken aback ๐ฎ by the sight of a man hitting his most sensitive private part that way that they turned and fled and quickly jumped over the high fence of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Setโs colossal London estate.
Meanwhile Renfieldโs blanket took on the shape of a pole tent โบ๏ธ as the MP dreamed of Demi Lovato wearing that red mini dress and black silk fishnet pantyhose.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday May 1st
2018.
ortensia said,
May 2, 2018 at 12:06 am
So much happening…..and I m late again reading๐just hope the image of Trump in leopard skin brief wonโt hunt me for the rest of the day๐ฑIโll try to focus on Morgana and Dracul in the forest๐
Dracul Van Helsing said,
May 2, 2018 at 12:24 am
Yes, the image of Donald Trump in leopard skin briefs would be a ghastly image to have in your mind all day.
Best to visualize Dracul and Morgana in the forest. ๐
You’ll notice that the women in short skirts in both the Pinterest photo and the video are brunette.๐
ortensia said,
May 2, 2018 at 12:59 am
More then brunettes, real black dark hair like me.so I canโt even give out today only send you a kiss ๐
P.s
Next time dark eyes too please๐
Dracul Van Helsing said,
May 2, 2018 at 1:27 am
They didn’t have dark eyes?
I guess I wasn’t looking at their eyes. ๐
ortensia said,
May 2, 2018 at 2:18 am
Were you not???๐have a good day my friend
Dracul Van Helsing said,
May 2, 2018 at 2:26 pm
Thanks. ๐
You as well.
velvetscreams said,
May 2, 2018 at 12:31 am
Oh my!๐๐๐๐๐๐….i cant stop laughing….i guess reinfield would have a problem standing up๐๐….guess being horny saved his life oh my!….and morgana and dracul can enjoy their makeout session for thw whole day withput giving attention to the dead paprazzi…how wicked๐๐๐๐๐……i loved this dracul…..
I love demi levato so i guess i have to watch this vid๐
Dracul Van Helsing said,
May 2, 2018 at 12:49 am
Thanks very much, Velvet. โค๐๐
Glad you enjoyed it and got several good laughs for the day. ๐๐๐๐๐๐
Thst’s right Renfield’s being horny saved his life. ๐๐๐
And Renfield is the type of person that something like that would happen to- where being horny saved his life. ๐๐๐๐
I think you’ll enjoy the Demi Lovato vid. โบ
George F. said,
May 2, 2018 at 8:02 am
Mind boggling fit of laughter you caused me….OMG!
Dracul Van Helsing said,
May 2, 2018 at 2:36 pm
Yes, you can get down on your knees and thank God (who may or may not exist) that I discovered Pinterest images as well as the Demi Lovato video that gave me the inspiration to write fresh material again. ๐
From living here in the wasteland that T. S. Elliot wrote about in one of his famous poems.
Eliot was definitely right when he wrote โApril is the cruelest monthโ as all the fat ugly blimps come out of hibernation in Calgary and thoroughly ruin the transition from winter to spring.
Aak fictionspawn said,
May 2, 2018 at 9:06 am
You’re back! And with Celtic gods… I like that.
Dracul Van Helsing said,
May 2, 2018 at 2:44 pm
Thanks very much. ๐
Yes, Iโm honouring my Irish ancestry by bringing in a few Celtic gods and goddesses. โ๏ธ
Aak fictionspawn said,
May 2, 2018 at 2:55 pm
I’ll be reading.
Dracul Van Helsing said,
May 2, 2018 at 3:56 pm
๐
Hyperion said,
May 2, 2018 at 9:22 am
LMFAOROFL! I want to be like Renfield when I grow up. Great bit of entertainment. The visuals I got on the Trumpulator were hilariously traumatizing. It was so realistic, I had to check the news to see if there were any reports of Chief Orange Cheeks taking Tarzan lessons.
Dracul Van Helsing said,
May 2, 2018 at 2:57 pm
Yes,Chief Orange ๐ Cheeks taking Tarzan lessons. ๐คฃ
Ortensia was also wondering if the trauma inducing visual images of the Trumpulator in leopard skin briefs would give her nightmares for the rest of the day. ๐
Undoubtedly Renfield has installed surveillance equipment in the Oval Office of the White House (after his parliamentary party caucus colleague the Welsh Vampiress Morgana distracted the Secret Service) and heโs Intending to use those images projected on the walls of dark cells in his torture sessions involving Turkish, Russian and radical Islamist prisoners.
The end result of the sessions on the interrogatees will be this: ๐คช
Hyperion said,
May 2, 2018 at 5:25 pm
Waaa haaa haaaa! And its all a work of espionagical mastery not to be missed.
Orvillewrong said,
May 2, 2018 at 10:56 am
Intriguing as always!
Dracul Van Helsing said,
May 2, 2018 at 3:03 pm
Thanks very much, Malkie my friend. ๐
Aquileana said,
May 2, 2018 at 11:25 am
Ha!!!… Too funny… and so many special charecters… And “action”, if you know what I mean… Trump wearing leopard skin briefs is a good counterpoint to Demiยดs mini skirt…. (and its uplifting consequences ๐ )
I looved that you included Cernunnos: I have always liked that Celtic God… Great installment dear Dracul. Love & best wishes ๐
Dracul Van Helsing said,
May 2, 2018 at 3:18 pm
Thanks very much, Aquileana. ๐
LOL ! ๐ @ Trump wearing leopard skin briefs being a good counterpoint to Demiโs mini skirt. ๐คฃ
Yes that would certainly provide radically downlifting consequences to follow the radically uplifting consequences of viewing Demi in her red mini dress and black silk fishnet pantyhose.
The only good result to come out of this is they might stop selling leopard skin briefs in stores much to the relief of animal rights activists and wildlife conservationists (to say nothing of the rest of the worldโs global population).
And Iโve always liked the Celtic god Cernunnos myself. ๐
Thank you for your lovely comment. ๐
Love and best wishes to you as well. ๐
Apple Rae said,
May 2, 2018 at 3:59 pm
This chapter has totally blown me awayโlaughing out loud! No dull moment, love all the scenes especially Draculโs and Morganaโs. Was fantasizing about the Aztec princess witnessing them making out and eventually joined them lol jk. ๐คฃ I agree with Ortensia, the image of Trump in Leopard brief swinging is too vivid it might hunt me too ๐๐
Dracul Van Helsing said,
May 2, 2018 at 4:20 pm
Thanks very much, Apple. ๐
Glad you loved all the scenes particularly that of Dracul and Morgana. ๐
I once wrote a vampire novel chapter last year where I had the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec involved in a mรฉnage a trois with Dracul and the Venezuelan Vampiress Francesca Chavez.
Ostensibly they were supposed to be planning the overthrow of Venezuelaโs Stalinist President Nicolas Maduro but they wound up watching the Conor McGregor vs. Floyd Mayweather boxing ๐ฅ match instead and then made out afterwards. ๐
Yes, the image of Trump wearing leopard skin briefs is a nightmare from which one might never recover. ๐คฃ
Ankush pathania said,
May 2, 2018 at 9:50 pm
Mind blowing perfect
Dracul Van Helsing said,
May 2, 2018 at 10:38 pm
Thanks very much. ๐
David Redpath said,
May 3, 2018 at 3:45 am
Chris, after this voyeuristic
piece of excellence, I’m
suspecting some vicarious
impetus,
with Dracul Van the focus?
Dracul Van Helsing said,
May 3, 2018 at 4:15 pm
Yes, I guess Iโm not like the debonair bearded gentleman in those old โI donโt always drink beer but when I do, I prefer Dos Equisโ beer commercials (did you get those down in Australia?), I have to live vicariously through someone else.
David Redpath said,
May 3, 2018 at 4:37 pm
Your vicarious is hilarious.
And much safer …
contraceptively speaking.
Sleep with vamps, and your
wake up dead, walking, and
scratching.
Dracul Van Helsing said,
May 3, 2018 at 8:43 pm
You avoid the vampiric infectious diseases clinic that way
and you can walk not only at night but during the day
and your body wonโt end up on fire ๐ฅ like a flaming flambรฉ.
David Redpath said,
May 3, 2018 at 8:50 pm
I find the antiviral
made from fermented garlic
hemlock and abstinence
with just a dash of absinthe
does the trick
But Chris
If you keep posting
Vampiric pics
that dam may soon bust!
Dracul Van Helsing said,
May 3, 2018 at 9:01 pm
Verily, verily that dam will burst
as Lilithโs vixens do their worst
a slug of absinthe kept Oscar wild
but he did not have a vampire child
just a portrait painted in dorian gray
but its creator avoided both vamp and fay
he did not fall for a Sirenโs call on the rocks
just in his whisky soda while giving his talks.
David Redpath said,
May 3, 2018 at 9:08 pm
I never go oscar wilde
for my complextion
would go all dorian gray
But to succumb
to Vampiric seduction
I fear I would never again
see the light of day
Dracul Van Helsing said,
May 3, 2018 at 10:17 pm
LOL !
Silent Hour said,
May 3, 2018 at 9:23 am
You never fail to amaze and make me laugh
Dracul Van Helsing said,
May 3, 2018 at 4:17 pm
Thank you very much. ๐
Thatโs good to hear. ๐
doesitevenmatter3 said,
May 5, 2018 at 11:34 pm
Whew! And YAY Renfield! As always…he is in fine form! ๐ ๐
Great chapter!
HUGS!!! ๐
Dracul Van Helsing said,
May 6, 2018 at 4:29 pm
Thanks very much, Carolyn. ๐
Yes, Renfield is always in fine form.
๐
thebookwormdrinketh said,
May 6, 2018 at 8:32 pm
…. I can’t get the image of Trump in Leaopard skin briefs out of my head…. Forever ingrained swinging from that branch… The stuff of nightmares, it is…
Dracul Van Helsing said,
May 6, 2018 at 9:51 pm
Stephen King, eat your heart out. ๐