The Vampiress Priestess of Baal and Pope Francis On Karl Marx’s 200th Birthday

May 5, 2018 at 11:39 pm (Avatar Speaks, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Religion, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

The Vampiress Priestess of Baal and Pope Francis On Karl Marx’s 200th Birthday

Pope Francis felt very regretful over the fact that he hadn’t been allowed to canonize Karl Marx today May 5th 2018 (Marx’s 200th birthday) as a birthday present to the philosopher who gave birth to atheistic Marxism.

He had felt so badly about it that he had wired some money to London gypsy fortune 🔮 teller and psychic Dulcinea Lucia asking her to place some flowers 💐 on Marx’s grave accompanied by a written note of papal apology for not being able to canonize him and admit him to the Catholic Communion of Saints.

The Modernist Jesuit Father Jorge Mario Bergoglio (stage name: Pope Francis) then thought about a statement he had made yesterday (Friday May 4th 2018) to a papal audience at which nuns, monks and priests were present.

The pontiff had told those who were consecrated to the religious life that “The Holy Spirit is a disaster because He never tires of being creative.”

Reflecting on this remark, the heretically inclined pontiff then hopped and skipped through the halls of the Vatican totally oblivious to a statement Christ had made 2000 years ago on this subject.

Christ had said that anyone who blasphemes the Son of Man, it could be forgiven him.

However he who commits blasphemy against the Holy Spirit, it would not be forgiven him.

This would no doubt just be the latest in an ongoing series of statements that Francis has been making since he was elected Pope in 2013.

Statements that had caused many Protestants and even many Catholics to seriously wonder if Pope Francis wasn’t the False Prophet prophesied in the Book of Revelation (called The Apocalypse in Catholic Bibles) Chapter 13 verse 11.

Of course both the world and the media loved Pope Francis (but hadn’t Christ warned, “Woe unto you, when all men speak well of you! for so did their fathers to the false prophets.” – Luke 6:26 KJV).

Then Francis remembered the phone conversation he had last night with the Egyptian Vampiress Isis and French President Emmanuel Macron.

The pair had called from Paris although the Macron who was present with Isis was in fact a holographic image (created by France’s top scientists) as the real President Macron was busy visiting the South Pacific French island of New Caledonia after a trip to Australia 🇦🇺 in which he had called the Australian Prime Minister’s wife Lucinda Turnbull delicious (causing British MP Renfield R. Renfield to quip that Macron was probably tired of eating the same old cougar pussy night after night and wanted to vary it up a little).

And speaking of Renfield R. Renfield, he was currently trying to breach the wall of the Vatican gardens on a mission for his former boss the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set.

Set had heard that the head of Hecate (the Greek goddess of witchcraft) was currently located somewhere in the Vatican and he thought it might be advantageous to have his chief scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher clone Hecate.

A genetic clone of Hecate might serve as a powerful ally for Set in his ongoing millennia long war against his brother and brother-in-law Osiris.

Renfield found himself down off the Vatican wall and on to the ground a little quicker than he would have liked.

“That’s gotta hurt as George Costanza from Seinfeld would say,” Renfield quipped as his testicles took a licking and kept on ticking.

Renfield looked around and was surprised to see that the Vatican gardens still looked like autumn rather than spring whose season it now was.

He was even more surprised by the vision of the beautiful woman who now approached him:

“Who are you?” Renfield asked somewhat taken aback by the heavenly apparition.

“I am Allatallahbel,” she gave him a warm enticing smile, “the Vampiress Priestess of Baal.”

“You’re one vampiress I’ve never heard of,” Renfield had to admit as his phallus came to life despite the soreness of his testicles.

“I’m not surprised,” she smiled seductively.

“So,” Renfield looked around, “do you know why the Vatican gardens still look like autumn when spring is in the air elsewhere in Rome?”.

“The Vatican gardens will soon be subject to the coming of an eternal winter,” the sensual Vampiress Priestess of Baal laughed a sinister film noir femme fatale laugh.

Renfield despite the passion and heat he was feeling at the moment was simultaneously starting to feel cold chills.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday May 5th


  1. Apple Rae said,

    I don’t know but this scene looked so real like it really happened today. The world you have created in your mind that you’re sharing to all of us is insanely awesome and hilariously exceptional. I’m curious tho, did Karl Marx care whether he becomes a saint or not? Do dead people in this world still have feelings? Lol. And will this Vampiress Princess of Baal be Renfield’s new love affair?

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Thank you very much, Apple. 💕

      I’m happy to hear that the world I have created in my mind is insanely awesome and hilariously exceptional. 😍

      I doubt very much whether Karl Marx cares whether he becomes a Saint or not.

      Pope Francis on the other hand being a Jesuit priest from Latin America is very influenced by Liberation Theology (which is an attempted synthesis of Christianity and atheistic Marxism) and as such would be stupid enough to think that Karl Marx should be a Catholic saint.

      In this satirical chapter, I was more making a point about Pope Francis’ lousy judgement than I was about whether or not Marx should be a Catholic Saint (I don’t think he should be. He was a practicing satanist and devil worshiper in his young adulthood prior to becoming an atheistic Hegelian philosopher).

      I don’t think Allatallahbel will be Renfield’s new romantic interest as she is more of a vampiress equivalent of a female black widow spider 🕷- she eats men and spits them out. LOL ! 😂

      • Apple Rae said,

        Ohhh tbh I didn’t know all these facts maybe bcos I’m not a Catholic nor an atheist and I have limited knowledge about the history of it so thank you! Lol Allatallahbel sounds scaryyyy haha

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        That’s right.

        Allatallahbel is very scary.

        Remember I was telling you that most of my vampire novel chapters are humourous, that’s why I call my books vampire novels rather than horror novels.

        But remember I was telling you that I have written a few vampire novel chapters that are scary in the horror story sense of that words.

        Well often my chapters with Allatallahbel in them are quite scary.

        For example I wrote a chapter a couple of weeks before Christmas in which Allatallahbel slaughtered a bus load of mentally handicapped adults.

  2. Hyperion said,

    I do admire Renfield’s ability to ferret out a new love affair in spite of a ruinous fall onto his testicles. I think Hecate is the perfect sinister film noir femme fatale to advise the Great Modernist Pontificator. It would do the Vatican a great service if the Papal Penis was resurrected from the dead and lifted up to the masses as a sign that the new modernist approach to religion is on the rise and quite welcomed. Just in time for the maypole celebration May 15th.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yes, Daniel, lol ! , will the Pope be able to get it up in time for the May 15th Maypole celebration? 😂

      • Hyperion said,

        He should avoid those testy testicle challenges and let Hecate help him up.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Hecate being a goddess is probably aware that it was a genetic creation of Dr. Cadbury Rocher – Pan Goatee (who as a baby adult escaped from the Set Enterprises lab and went and joined a rock band as their lead pan pipes player prior to heading to America and becoming a DARPA assassin and a serial killer of ugly women and then forgetting all about his early life as a creation of Dr. Rocher in a Set Enterprises laboratory giant test tube) who was the one who beheaded her when she was in her crone form mistaking her for your typical run of the mill ugly looking woman.

        Hecate would probably have nothing to do with Set (who hired Dr. Cadbury Rocher as chief scientist at Set Enterprises), Dr. Rocher himself (for understandable reasons) or Renfield (who is himself a creation of Dr. Rocher – a hybrid mixture of human and North Korean cannibalistic hamster cells).

        From the viewpoint of the Set Enterprises gang and human history, it was unfortunate that Pan Goatee did not encounter Hecate in her beautiful young maiden form.

        Then this tragedy would have never happened.

      • Hyperion said,

        Hecate has come a long way from her Greek origins. Greek girls have a significant load of fun genes.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Oh sorry, Daniel.

        I’m an idiot (it must have rubbed off from writing about Pope Francis 😂).

        I see now reading the above comments that it was Pope Francis (and not Renfield) to whom you’re referring that Hecate should help up.

        Yes, Hecate should definitely help Pope Francis up. 🤣

      • Hyperion said,

        The risen Papal Maypole is within the grasp of the Wise Woman of sorcery. Let the scepter of religious modernism blow strings of confetti upon the wicked orthodox hegemony.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Indeed it is.

        “She’s got the whole maypole in her hands, yeah, she’s got the whole maypole in her hands”…

        And her pet familiar black cat called Amourous Laetitia (who’s never mentioned in classical Greek mythology textbooks or Homer or Ovid or Virgil but it was revealed to me by the Greek goddess Athena who was wearing a slit white evening dress just before she spanked me to give me wisdom via my derriere) shall make confetti of Joseph Ratzinger’s document Dominus Iesus (released in 2002)) with its claws.

        Dominus Iesus was of course the document that summarized and affirmed the 5 basis truths of Catholic Christianity – the Virgin Birth, the Incarnate Deity, the Atonement for Sin, the literal Bodily Resuurection and the 2nd Coming of Christ (truths as they were considered before the advent of Pope Francis).

        Amourous Laetitia was of course the supernatural entity that had inspired Pope Francis to name his document on Marriage and the Family – Amoris Laetitia in which in footnote 8 in the document, Francis affirmed the holiness of perverted sexual relationships that had been condemned as sins and abominations in the Bible.

        Francis of course knows so much better than God.

      • Hyperion said,

        Who is that going round the mulberry bush so early in the morning? The Vatican has always belonged to Satin according to the various Protestant Southern Christian Churches so it would seem the Pope is acting on cue.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, Pope Francis is the answer to all the claims made by Martin Luther, John Calvin and the Southern Baptist preachers of old.

        Of course a 19th Century nun and mystic Sister Anne Catherine Emmerich prophecied that one day the Vatican would become the Whore of Babylon.

        Interestingly enough in her vision she said that this would happen in the day when two popes would be living in the Vatican at the same time- which is indeed the situation with Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI and Francis.

        She said that one of these Popes was a bad Pope who would try to open the gates of Hell on the Church.

        And then the Virgin Mary told a group of children at La Salette, France 🇫🇷 in 1846 that there would come a day when “Rome would lose the Faith and become the seat of Antichrist.”

      • Hyperion said,

        And there you have it. The prophecy is upon us. But, thankfully, there is no Hell and if there is no Hell, it stands to reason all those who dwell in Hell don’t really dwell at all. So, Satan needed a place to stay and the Vatican is a truly opulent place to hang out.

  3. George F. said,

    Just lovin’ it!

  4. doesitevenmatter3 said,

    Oh, my poor Renfield! 😦 I hope he is feeling better by now…and has no bruising! 😉
    And what a scary encounter…I hope Allatallahbel is nice to him!
    HUGS!!! 🙂
    PS…I wish there was a weekly TV show all about Renfield, his life, and his adventures!

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      No, he has no bruising, Carolyn. 😉

      Yes, that would be great.

      A weekly TV show about Renfield. 😀

  5. David Redpath said,

    “Let them eat opium”.
    ~ Carlo Marx
    South American dictator.
    Rumoured to be the love child
    of Karl Marx, and his housekeeper,
    Esmeralda, and the father of
    the Marx Brothers (except Zeppo,
    who obviouly had no talent).
    Yes Chris, Lucinda Turnbull
    much younger than Brigitte Macron. Lucy being only 60.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yes, the Marxist FARC guerilla group in Colombia 🇨🇴 certainly believed in the slogan, “Let them eat opium!” (as did the British Empire in 19th Century China).

      A rare instance where Marxists and colonial Imperialists were actually in agreement about something.

      Yes, I hear the World Wildlife Fund is thinking of giving Emmanuel Macron a lifetime achievement award for his efforts at cougar preservation.

      • David Redpath said,

        Brigitte Macron is the one
        deserving a Lifetime Achievement
        Award. Emmanuel has only
        achieved half as much …
        when it comes to a ‘Lifetime’.
        Jean-Michael Macron, Emmanuel’s
        father and renound french neurologist,
        specialised in ‘sneezing felines’.
        True … wirh published research.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        That’s really interesting, David.

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