The U.S. Embassy Opens In Jerusalem On Israel’s 70th Anniversary As A Nation

May 14, 2018 at 11:55 pm (Avatar Speaks, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, Religion, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

The Egyptian vampiress Isis arriving at the opening of the U.S. Embassy in Jerusalem:

The U. S. Embassy Opens In Jerusalem On Israel’s 70th Anniversary As A Modern Nation

Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu got a huge erection when he saw her.

The Egyptian vampiress Isis arriving at the opening of the U.S. Embassy in Jerusalem.

Coincidentally at the same time as he called U.S. President Donald Trump the “reincarnation of the Persian king Cyrus.”

In Rome, Pope Francis (who didn’t have an erection as he watched the ceremony on television) retrieved the Handbook of Catholic Christian Dogma from his garbage can (where he had placed it since his election to the Papacy) as he couldn’t remember whether the Catholic Church believed in reincarnation or not.

If it did, it could be a dogma he could deny at some future date.

U. S. President Donald Trump (when he began his address via television) likewise got an erection when he saw Isis arrive at the U.S. Embassy Jerusalem opening on his television monitor.

“At this very moment, you have absolutely no idea how much I want to be there in person…” Trump began.

Rudy Giuliani was meanwhile thinking of a prophecy about storms in the (cheque) Book of Daniels.

Several Hamas operatives smashed their motor vehicles into one another (killing each other in the process) upon seeing Isis (the nice knockers in a see-through dress vampiress not the terrorist group) arrive at the Embassy opening.

The famous London art gallery owner Dashwood Forrest who was a personal friend of Ivanka Trump was also there along with his living dead manservant Mulligan the Irish zombie.

Even though Dashwood Forrest was gay, he too was overcome with an erection upon seeing the sensuously beautiful young looking vampiress Isis.

I hope my boyfriend isn’t watching this at home, Forrest thought to himself as the BBC World News camera panned in on him.

Katy Perry’s lyrics “I kissed a girl and I liked it…” kept running through his mind.

“I hereby declare the U. S. Embassy in Jerusalem officially open on this 14th day of May in the Year of Our Lord 2018- the 70th Anniversary of the birth of the modern State of Israel 🇮🇱,” Ivanka Trump pronounced as she unveiled the plaque next to the Embassy front door.

Both Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and Pope Francis winced when she used the term Year of Our Lord.

Ivanka Trump went over and hugged Dashwood Forrest after the plaque unveiling as soon as she saw him.

“Well,” Ivanka laughed a little taken aback after hugging the Oscar Wilde admiring London art gallery owner, “is that a paintbrush 🖌 in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?”.

She brushed off her white skirt.

“You’ve always had that effect on me, my dear,” Dashwood Forrest laughed.

“Suicide bomber,” Mulligan the Irish zombie shouted as soon as he saw him.

Mulligan landed on top of the Lebanese Hezbollah operative (who was wearing such dark sunglasses that he never noticed the extreme sunblock wearing vampiress Isis) just as he detonated the explosives.

As a result of Mulligan’s drunken heroic actions, the only ones injured in the explosion 💥 was the suicide bomber himself as well as Dashwood Forrest’s living dead Irish manservant who went totally to pieces as a result of the rescue.

Both Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan and Iran’s Supreme Leader the Ayatollah Ali Khameini cried in their beer 🍺 when they saw the death of the Hezbollah operative.

“I don’t think I’m quite dead yet,” the moving lips on the head of Mulligan the Irish zombie impersonated an Englishman believed to have succumbed to the bubonic plague in the movie Monty Python and The Holy Grail.

“Well,” Dashwood Forrest picked up one of Mulligan’s middle fingers, “this looks like a job for Dr. Cadbury Rocher.”

Meanwhile in London, Set Enterprises’ Dr. Cadbury Rocher put on his Superman costume as he headed out to a Costume Ball in London on a lovely May evening.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday May 14th


  1. Fiery said,

    And these people basically rule the world. Gods of the ancient world help us.
    I am quite enamoured with your mind, Mr.DVH.
    Placing a kiss on your talented cheek ❤️😘

  2. George F. said,

    I am in no condition to comment on this hysterical post because I, too, am walking around with a throbbing, painful erection.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      That might prove somewhat awkward if you have to go out somewhere in public today. 🤣

      Better wear pants that are loose and not too tight fitting. 😂

  3. Hyperion said,

    This is an interesting phenomena. While staring at Isis, I suddenly noticed the male in the background fondling himself. Naturally, he had a better view of Isis’ posterior charms and so it’s forgiveable. I, on the other hand, found it difficult to read after soiling my ipad screen with spurting envy of that hand so carefully guarding Isis’ well of desirous feminine charm. Good one my friend. In thirty minutes, I’ll have recuperated enough to try again.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Good thing the fellow in the background isn’t a Price Waterhouse Coopers chartered accountant at the Academy Awards.

      Faye Dunaway and Warren Beatty might never be able to work in Hollywood again.

      I imagine you’ll be putting in another order for Sherrielock’s Bavarian Magic Mushroom Cleaner For Stains from Sherry. 😉

      • Hyperion said,

        Yes, my poor iPad. It feels like a porn star stunt double at times.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        LOL !

  4. Apple Rae said,

    This Vampiress Iris got that undeniable charm even the gay had an erection! Wow!

    And Mulligan being a hero deserves a slow clap. Well done!

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yes, Isis had quite the effect on Dashwood Forrest. 😉

      And Mulligan certainly deserves much applause 👏 for being a hero. 🙂

  5. Orvillewrong said,

    Just plain wonderful!

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Thanks very much, Malkie. 🙂

      The Mayor of Littlehampton would probably love Isis to show up for their Zombies By The Sea weekend. 😉

  6. David Redpath said,

    Looks like the U.S. Embassy
    in Jerusalem
    is not the only thing that’ll be opened!
    Perhaps the carotid arteries
    of some invited dignitaries?

  7. geoffiswriting said,

    This is quite funny.

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: