Irish Leprechauns Slain By Serpent

May 27, 2018 at 10:58 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

Irish Leprechauns Slain By Serpent

Peter Whitstable the man they called the Fox Mulder of Interpol had arranged to meet British MP Renfield R. Renfield at London’s Highgate Cemetery the burial place of Karl Marx.

Whitstable had just come into possession of a shocking video shot by Alec O’ Connaught (the man they called the Irish Alex Jones) within the past 24 hours.

For his brave and gallant efforts in shooting the shocking video, Alec O’ Connaught found himself butchered and cut into tiny pieces by the Irish goddess Maeve the former Queen of Connaught and daughter of a High King of Ireland.

And as such, Alec O’ Connaught would no longer be broadcasting live from the basement of the Guinness brewery in Dublin on a program he called Infodraughtwars.

Instead he might be broadcasting dead from Purgatory in the realm of Hades provided that classical Greco-Roman god of the Underworld gave him permission.

Rather foolishly on his part, O’ Connaught gave the video directly to Whitstable rather than broadcasting it live on his Infodraughtwars program where it would have most likely enjoyed the greatest most viewed and most watched occultic conspiracy theory videos status in YouTube history.

But O’ Connaught decided to hand the video to Whitstable for viewing first and broadcast it later.

O’ Connaught had his throat slashed later that early morning in the Guinness brewery basement by the goddess Maeve the former Queen of Connaught.

His last words before dying were “Glug! Glug! Glug!” as he had his mouth attached to one of the kegs of Guinness draught in a ritual he always performed before going live on the air.

Whitstable when he saw the video in the Interpol office in London quite literally shit his pants when he saw it.

A week earlier he had run into Renfield buying 1500 grams of cheese 🧀 in the dairy 🥛 section of the neighbourhood grocery store and overheard Renfield complaining to the cashier about a recent bout of irregularity he had been having.

Whitstable figured that this video would help cure him of that problem.

Renfield agreed to view the video but didn’t want to view it in his office.

The British MP had recently heard that they were going to do a midnight Sunday evening showing of the 1942 classic Hollywood film Casablanca with Humphrey Bogart and Ingrid Bergman at an outdoor screen in London’s Highgate Cemetery and Renfield wanted to get there early to get a good picnic spot for his blanket.

Renfield had never seen Casablanca before and the film had come highly recommended to him by his friend the Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing.

So while Renfield found a good spot and set up his picnic basket (he had the food locked 🔒 away in a refrigerator under combination lock to keep it away from his friend and housemate Amadeus Emanon), Whitstable set down his projector 📽 and roll of film and began running it on the Cemetery outdoor screen while others were taking their seats on their respective picnic blankets.

The grisly video (shot by the late Alec O’ Connaught) showed the golden cobra serpent Maitreya the new High King of Ireland (recently crowned High King of Ireland 🇮🇪 on the Hill of Tara this past Saint Patrick’s Day March 17th) standing alongside his wife Cleopatra (the former Queen of Egypt resurrected from the dead by Maitreya earlier this year was Maitreya’s consort and the new High Queen of Ireland).

Dressed in gothic attire, the new High Queen of Ireland 🇮🇪 announced from the steps of a Dublin apartment building that the leprechauns unlike the majority of the Irish people had refused to recognize her consort the serpent Maitreya as the new High King of Ireland and now must pay the price.

Renfield on seeing Queen Cleopatra (dressed in gothic attire) immediately lifted his right hand and started singing his own paraphrased version of the Kylie Minogue song The Loco-Motion with accompanying gestures and movements (made popular by members of the Perilous Physicists’ Society).

Renfield ended up shooting a London policeman who wanted to arrest the MP for performing an act of public indecency.

Meanwhile on the screen, the Whitstable projector 📽 showed the Alec O’ Connaught film of Maitreya the serpent (who had grown a pair of reptilian arms and reptilian legs) with a golden sword and the Irish goddess Maeve the former Queen of Connaught with a silver sword going and slaughtering all the leprechauns of Ireland 🇮🇪.

The blood of the leprechauns soon reached as high as the top of the Lia Fail (Stone of Destiny) on the County Meath landmark of the Hill of Tara.

Billionaire investor George Soros (who was in Ireland having backed the winning side in a recent Irish referendum) broke into tears on the nearby hill of Rath Maeve saying, “Why didn’t you ask them where they had buried their pots of gold before killing them?”.

Meanwhile Renfield’s irregularity came to an abrupt end upon viewing the slaughter of the leprechauns in the O’ Connaught film.

As did the irregularity of all other moviegoers sitting upon their picnic blankets.

“Bloody Hell,” cried the cemetery caretaker (much to the shock of a nearby English Roman Catholic priest recently personally ordained by Pope Francis), “this is going to be one Hell of a mess to clean up tomorrow morning.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday May 27th


  1. David Redpath said,

    Fortunately we have a healthy Lepre Colony,
    hidden away where powers
    and vampiric principalities
    can never find them …
    attached to the Guinness
    I’ve had an update on the ‘Orson Welles out of
    situation. Apparently Hade’s wife, Persephone,
    had incriminating texts on
    her smart phone from a ‘Citizen Sugar Cane’ addressed to
    his ‘Rosebud’. Hades, being
    sure that it was Orson Welles conducting an affair
    with his wife, was happy to release
    him from purgatory, since
    the gates of hell have been
    temorarily closed. Hades’
    preferred option.
    I believe Orson is back directing a project titled, ‘Swordless Shadow’,
    a sequel to the Korean classic
    martial arts movie, ‘Shadowless Sword’.
    The story line is of two feuding
    brothers who end up joining
    forces to kick the rice noodles
    out of a domineering western
    devil with orange skin and
    demonic hair.
    It is a joint production financed
    by North and South Korea.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      That sounds very much like what my sources are telling me on this situation, David. 😀

      I hear Hades also found a lime with a toupee on it in Persephone’s room.

      The hairy lime was right next to a note that said “Love from the third man” and right next to a music box with a miniature Viennese horse carousel on it.

      I look forward to seeing the premiere of Welles’ Swordless Shadow.

      Maybe the tale will end with a VX nerve agent laced towel being thrown in the impotent western leader’s face by a mysterious lady from Shanghai who does it in a carnival hall of mirrors.

      • David Redpath said,

        Since Hades did kidnap Persephone prior to their
        ‘arranged’ marriage,
        ( I wonder perhaps what
        Zeus got out of it ? )
        he is reaping some just desserts.
        In fact I hear that, along with
        Morgan Freeman, Hades is
        the next target of #Me 2.
        Perhaps make it the #Me 3,
        and invite Donald Trump
        ( without his lawyer ).
        Then I’m sure Hades will
        find a way of reopening hell.
        With or without Papal

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        I’m surprised Zeus has never been hit with the #MeToo.

        If ever there was a god of adulterers and serial rapists, it was Zeus.

      • David Redpath said,

        Did Europa give implied
        consent by simply being highly desirable, as asserted
        by Zeus’ lawyer (the one
        Trump just sacked).

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        I’m sure a jury made up of Harvey Weinsteins, Bill Cosbys and even Bill Clintons would probably see it that way.

  2. Hyperion said,

    My word! Q’Patra has a run in her stocking. No more Leprechauns? My holy Buddha’s aunt Petunia. What’s next, Feegles? Fairies? Rainbowmancers?

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yes, the situation doesn’t look good for tiny supernatural creatures.

      There may be no Midsummer Night’s wet dreams presented by Puck at this coming June’s solar solistice if this dire situation continues.

      As for Q’ Patra’s run in her stockings, I hear the Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing was offering free tantric sex lessons to all non-potential victims of Pan Goatee in his Dublin hotel room this past weekend.

      Q’ Patra was first in line at the hotel room while Maitreya was busy getting his fangs whitened and cleaned by a Dublin dentist who uses a Guinness based fluoride- the most popular dentist in Ireland 🇮🇪 by all accounts.

      • Hyperion said,

        Oh, well in the case of tantric sex lessons one can always buy another pair of fishnet stockings instead missing valuable training.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        That’s very very true. 😀

  3. Apple Rae said,

    You should have posted the video! I’d like to see it! Lol. Are these characters new? I have to familiarise myself with them and I guess I have to see the Casablanca movie too (as recommended by Dracul) 🙂

    And oh, the High Queen of Ireland looks absolutely hot in that black fitted dress and ripped stockings! Damn!

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Maitreya the golden cobra serpent has been a regular character since my 1st vampire novel.

      This chapter you’re currently reading is part of my 6th.

      Maitreya doesn’t appear very often.

      Just once in a blue moon.

      He’s the hidden conspirator behind so many events.

      Now that the world has even become worse since I started writing this particular series of vampire novels back in 2009, that’s why he’s more out in the open.

      Peter Whitstable is likewise a regular albeit minor character in my novel.

      The resurrected Cleopatra was first introduced in a vampire novel chapter I wrote this past Saint Patrick’s Day March 17th.

      Yes, Cleo does look smoking hot doesn’t she? 😍

      And yes, you should watch Casablanca, Apple. 👍

      It’s my favourite movie of all time. ❤️

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