The Little Mermaid Hosts A Tea Party June 30th 2018

June 30, 2018 at 10:25 pm (Life, Personal essays) (, , )

The beautiful and lovely Little Mermaid the unofficial queen of the isle of Mauritius 🇲🇺 invites everyone here at WordPress to a tea party:

The Little Mermaid

“What better way to suggest friendliness – and to create it – than with a cup of tea?” -J. Grayson Luttrell

Aloha, charming WordPressers!

I’m delighted to announce you that The Little Mermaid is hosting her first ever monthly tea party on her website. What? A tea party? On WordPress? When? How? For whom? Alright..alright…take it easy. I’m coming on to your questions.

Classically, a ‘tea party’ makes one think of superiorly elegant and elaborate affairs of the Victorian times. It also conjures up images of fluffy scones, flavoursome muffins, Devonshire Cream and dainty sandwiches served on fine silver or deluxe bone china. Still, the elemental part of a tea party remains the affable exchange of dialogue among the invitees. Almost indistinguishably, the tea party that I am organizing is an online social event hosted in honour of bloggers, that is US! Blogging is most enjoyable when it is done…

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Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez: The Beginning of Donald Trump’s Downfall?

June 29, 2018 at 11:50 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , , )

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez: The Beginning of Donald Trump’s Downfall?

British MP Renfield R. Renfield sat riveted to the TV as he watched New York’s 14th Congressional District Democratic Primary winner Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez appear on The Late Show With Stephen Colbert.

This past Tuesday June 26th 2018, Miss Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez had defeated 10 term Democratic Congressman and the district’s incumbent the House of Representatives Democratic Caucus Chair Joseph Crowley in the biggest upset victory in the 2018 U.S. Mid-Term election.

She defeated Mr. Crowley by a margin of 57% to 42%.

The district (which is made up of Queens and the Bronx) if it decides to elect Miss Ocasio-Cortez next November will be sending to Washington the youngest Congresswoman in U.S. history (she is only 28).

Renfield sighed as he saw her appear on The Late Show With Stephen Colbert.

“I imagine,” Renfield said as he looked at her with the intensity of Romeo when he first saw Juliet, “that if Donald Trump ever tweets about her, he’ll have a hard on as he’s doing so.”

Amadeus Emanon who was about to eat a baby carrot 🥕 from his salad 🥗 put it down after Renfield made this remark.

“Well,” Amadeus winced, “I don’t often lose my appetite but your comment about Donald Trump having a hard on while he’s tweeting and twittering managed to do just that.”

“Sorry,” Renfield apologized.

He knew how much his friend loved food.

“It’s all right,” Amadeus said, “Angelique has been telling me for quite a while now that I should really lose weight.”

The New Orleans songstress and vampiress Angelique Dumont was Amadeus’ girlfriend.

“She may have something there,” Renfield remarked as he had discovered this morning that this was the 29th time in 29 days of June that the bathroom weigh scale had been broken.

“What’s different about Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez from her defeated Establishment opponent Rep. Joseph Crowley?” Amadeus asked.

“Well for one thing she’s a democratic socialist,” Renfield helped himself to some Swedish meatballs since Amadeus didn’t seem to be eating them at the moment.

“Isn’t that what the British Labour Party is?” Amadeus thought of Jeremy Corbyn.

“They are,” Renfield now ate some of Amadeus’ black pudding and poached eggs.

“And the New Democratic Party in Canada?” Amadeus queried.

“That’s right,” Renfield now started working on Amadeus’ maple syrup smothered pancakes 🥞 , “although Dracul Van Helsing’s father told him that quite a number of hard line Marxists, Leninists and Trotskyites did enter the party when the old farmer based CCF (Co-operative Commonwealth Federation) merged with the Ontario based CLC (Canadian Labour Congress) to form the NDP (New Democratic Party) back in 1961.”

“Wasn’t Dracul Van Helsing’s father the Provincial Co-ordinator of the Alberta CCF back in the 1950s?” Amadeus asked.

“He was,” Renfield started eating numerous strips of bacon 🥓 off Amadeus’ oversized plate.

“What else does Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez stand for?” Amadeus watched Renfield eating what had been his combined breakfast, lunch and dinner plate.

“She supports nationally publicly funded healthcare accessible to all,” Renfield proceeded to eat himself towards a major heart attack and cardiac arrest in the next 5 minutes.

“But we’ve got that in Britain 🇬🇧,” Amadeus pointed out.

“And in most countries of Western Europe and the British Commonwealth including Canada,” Renfield ate Amadeus’ steak and kidney pie 🥧.

“Anything else she stands for?” Amadeus was debating with himself if he should start feeling hungry again.

“Free tuition at public colleges, universities and trade schools,” Renfield devoured the cream cheese and cucumber sandwiches.

“Dracul Van Helsing supports that doesn’t he?” Amadeus asked.

“Yes,” Renfield helped himself to the ketchup smothered macaroni and cheese, “he points out that’s what made Ireland 🇮🇪 the Celtic Tiger economy of the 1990s. Having a vast highly educated young work force as a result of providing free tuition at publicly funded universities and trade schools caused many companies to set up shop in Ireland so they could employ this brilliant young work force crackling with ideas and high productivity.”

“Did they ever try that in Canada?” Amadeus watched the last of the dozen maple syrup covered pancakes 🥞 disappear.

“John Manley the man that Dracul Van Helsing supported for the leadership of the Canadian Federal Liberal Party back in 2003 advocated the idea,” Renfield lumberjacked his way through the Bavarian Black Forest cake, “but unfortunately for Mr. Manley, another leadership candidate called Paul Martin had already sown up over 50% of the delegates even before the leadership convention was called so Manley didn’t even bother running.”

“So this Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez who could probably easily be elected Prime Minister of Canada is considered a radical in American politics while Herr Hitler Lite (as opposed to Miller Lite or Coors Lite) aka Donald Trump is considered the great American patriot by the Tea Party which has now become the mainstream of the Republican Party,” Amadeus saw his German apple strudel disappear under the dinner fork 🍴like wand of Renfield the Magician.

“Yes,” Renfield washed his huge meal down with a one litre bottle of brandy.

Amadeus sighed as the Good Plate Amadeus had gone the way of Renfield.

Renfield rewound the video of Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s interview on The Late Show With Stephen Colbert.

He watched enthusiastically again.

He then stood up.

He walked over to the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s antique phone in the kitchen.

“I’m going to see if I can get this Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s phone number and offer her some political advice,” Renfield explained as he dialled the number.

“More likely you’re going to try to ask her for a date,” Amadeus sighed.

“Well that too,” Renfield grinned.

“Say,” Amadeus suddenly noticed that Renfield had left him one piece of dessert and also noticed something else, “what’s that huge bulge in the middle of your tight British tweed trousers?”.

“Well,” Renfield’s face started turning red.

“Never mind it just occurred to me,” Amadeus laid aside the giant banana 🍌 that he was about to eat but he had suddenly lost his appetite again.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday June 29th
2018.

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Italian Freemasonic Grandmaster Says Pope Francis Is Prototype of Enlightened Despot of The World

June 28, 2018 at 10:34 pm (Avatar Speaks, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, Religion, The Supernatural, Theology, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Italian Freemasonic Grandmaster Says Pope Francis Is Prototype of Enlightened Despot of The World

Peter Whitstable the man they call the Fox Mulder of Interpol was staring in disbelief at the two pieces of information he held in his hands.

One was an interview that the Italian Freemasonic Grandmaster Giuliano Di Bernardo had given to the Italian newspaper Libero.

Giuliano Di Bernardo was Grand Master of the Grand Orient of Italy from 1990 to 1993 and later the founder and first grandmaster of the Grand Lodge of Italy from 1993 until 2001.

In interviews, Di Bernardo said that “global society cannot be governed democratically but only through a community of Wise Men who embody the One – the Enlightened Tyrant”.

Libero asked Di Bernardo, “What is your prototype of an enlightened tyrant?”.

Di Bernardo replied, “If I really should name one, I would say, Pope Francis.”

The other bit of information that Peter Whitstable held in his hand was a letter he had received from a Catholic priest in France who was the pastor of a small rural parish.

The priest said that Jorge Mario Bergoglio (aka Pope Francis) concerned about the huge number of cardinals, bishops and priests who objected to his papal policies (his papal policies that generally consisted of rejecting the doctrines that had been believed in and taught by the Church for the past 2000 years) was going to enact and demand a personal oath of loyalty and fealty by every cardinal, bishop, priest and deacon to himself personally Jorge Mario Bergoglio or otherwise be excommunicated from the Catholic Church.

Peter Whitstable in his mind could hear Robin the Boy Wonder say to his fellow Caped Crusader, “Unholy Trinity, Batman. Can you say False Prophet and Antichrist?”.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday June 28th
2018.

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Herb Takes A Walk: A Short Short Story

June 27, 2018 at 9:20 pm (Short stories, Short Story) ()

Herb Takes A Walk: A Short Short Story

Herb decided to take a walk in the neighbourhood.

He decided to walk across a school field.

There was a sign warning him that the grass had recently been sprayed.

It didn’t bother Herb at all.

He walked across the field.

Halfway across the field, he keeled over and died.

Later the coroner explained the cause of death.

The sign had warned him Herbicide Application Applied Today.

Herb had ignored the sign at his peril.

-A short short story
Written by Christopher
Wednesday June 27th
2018.

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Allatallahbel and The Baptist Painting and Pan Goatee

June 26, 2018 at 10:59 pm (Avatar Speaks, Geopolitics and International Relations, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

Allatallahbel and The Baptist Painting and Pan Goatee

Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal and her army of 12 Vampiric Knights-Templar were in North America.

They were here to steal a previously unknown Leonardo Da Vinci painting that was in a private art collection.

The painting was of a shocking subject- Saint John the Baptist encountering the Greek goddess Aphrodite by the River Jordan.

Although the event was not mentioned in the New Testament, it was mentioned in an ancient copy of an Epistle written by Polycarp the Bishop of Smyrna that Allatallahbel found in the Vatican Archives and that had never been released or published by the Vatican.

Shortly after finding the Polycarp manuscript, Allatallahbel was eating a live parrot called Polly and a live carp (goldfish) called Goldie when she received a text message from one of her disciples – a book editor with a major New York City publishing company.

The editor was in possession of a yet to be published Dan Brown manuscript.

In the manuscript, Robert Langdon is called in to examine a previously unknown Leonardo Da Vinci painting in which Saint John the Baptist meets the Greek goddess Aphrodite by the River Jordan.

Apparently according to the Brown manuscript, the painting is in the private collection of a western Canadian rancher and cattle baron.

Brown said in the book that the incident of the meeting between the Baptist and Aphrodite is mentioned in an unpublished ancient manuscript of an Epistle of Polycarp the Bishop of Smyrna.

Allatallahbel wet her panties when she read the text message.

Then she remembered that she wasn’t wearing any panties.

She immediately took off the silver evening dress she was wearing (which now had gold coloured stains all over the front) and called for her valet Parsifal to take her dress to the nearest Chinese laundromat in Rome and get it cleaned.

She then sat there in her chair naked and contemplated the night sky from the window of her Vatican penthouse apartment.

She and the Vampiric Knights-Templar had seized control of the Vatican on October 13th of last year.

Priests entered the room to remove the parrot feathers and goldfish scales left on her plate.

They were undisturbed by the sight of Allatallahbel’s nudity as almost all the priests who worked here in the papal apartments under Pope Francis were gay.

Allatallahbel picked up her smart phone and called the book editor.

The book editor was shocked to hear that the Polycarp manuscript really did exist.

As Polly and the carp waged war in Allatallahbel’s stomach, the Vampiress Priestess of Baal mentioned that in all likelihood the Da Vinci painting existed as well.

She asked what was it in Brown’s manuscript that Robert Langdon had been asked to look for in the Da Vinci painting of the Baptist meeting Venus.

The editor replied that the painting contained clues to the whereabouts of Solomon’s hidden treasure.

Allatallahbel wet her panties again.

Then she remembered that she wasn’t wearing panties or even a dress for that matter.

She stood up and rang the bell 🛎 calling for one of the priest papal secretaries.

“Father Antonio, I think you better take this Alexander VI Rodrigo Borgia Renaissance upholstered chair down to Vatican maintenance and get it steam cleaned,” Allatallahbel directed.

“Very well, your priestlyness,” Father Antonio bowed.

Allatallahbel pulled up an old 1930s handcrafted arm chair for Benito Mussolini and sat down.

“I hope this doesn’t give me splinters,” Allatallahbel thought to herself as she sat down, “My buttocks are very sensitive.”

She asked the book editor to check into the whereabouts of this rancher’s private art collection and see if it actually existed.

This past May 17th, Allatallahbel got a call from the editor.

The Da Vinci painting formally entitled The Baptist Meets Venus did exist, the Western Canadian rancher existed as did his private art collection which contained the painting.

Allatallahbel wet her panties again on hearing this news but fortunately she was wearing panties this time.

A quick blow with her hair dryer should remove the wet stain on the front of her scarlet coloured evening dress that she’d be wearing while holding the gold plated and diamond and ruby and gem studded Renaissance Medici Communion chalice at Mass this evening.

. . .

Baphomet as he picked his nose at the King David Hotel in Jerusalem was quite pleased to hear that Allatallahbel had managed to track down the location of the Da Vinci Baptist Meets Venus painting.

Soon he’d learn the location of Solomon’s hidden treasure.

He ate some goat’s cheese as he stroked his large female breasts and fondled his male phallus.

. . .

Allatallahbel and the 12 Knights-Templar were in the largest city closest to the cattle rancher’s cattle ranch.

Apparently the rancher kept his private art collection not at his ranch house (where the cow hands were always setting fire 🔥 to the place as they drank whiskey and beer and toasted marshmallows and ate pork and beans and broke wind as they could not keep quiet 🤫 their gastronomic symphony) but in his maternal grandmother’s small inconspicuous looking house in the city.

Allatallahbel had gone to see the Vatican’s resident astrologer, spiritist medium and seer Cassandra Sibylline to get her horoscope done and find out what would be the most opportune date for her to steal the painting.

According to Cassandra Sibylline, the best date astrologically speaking was June 26th of this year – 5 days after the summer solstice and 2 days after the Feast of the Nativity of Saint John the Baptist (which was also International Fairy Day because it was also the Nativity of Puck Robin Goodfellow).

The seer and astrologer told Allatallahbel to have 13 people in the party of thieves.

That was no problem said the Vampiress Priestess of Baal.

She’d take all 12 of her Vampiric Knights-Templar with her.

She should also bring along half a goat as well said the seer-astrologer.

“Half a goat?” Allatallahbel was shocked.

Cassandra Sibylline nodded yes.

At first Allatallahbel was going to raid a nearby goat farm and cut up half a goat 🐐 to take along on the thieving expedition.

But then she had heard about the DARPA contract assassin and satyr serial killer Pan Goatee who was a genetically created satyr half-man and half-goat.

She’d bring him along on the mission.

Coincidentally Pan Goatee had recently assassinated the cattle rancher (who owned the Da Vinci painting) on orders of DARPA and the U.S. government.

So he was ideal.

Pan Goatee was to be picked up at his hotel while waiting for the thieving 13 to arrive.

Pan decided to take in the city’s transit system.

Big mistake.

He waited 45 minutes for his bus to arrive.

When they showed up, it was a student driver with two transit trainer officers with him.

Pan promptly beheaded all 3 carving the letter F into the student driver’s forehead.

A transit driver off work and sitting at the back then took over driving the bus.

At the next stop a whole bunch of people including an ugly looking woman got on.

Pan promptly beheaded the ugly looking woman and got off the bus.

He decided to go to McDonald’s and have a Big Mac.

He was then almost run over by an ugly looking girl riding a bike.

Pan Goatee promptly beheaded the girl and cut her up into tiny little pieces.

He then threw the bike into a trash bin and using nanites to pick up the small pieces of the ugly girl, he directed the grey goo spewing nanobots (that Prince Charles had once warned the world about in a speech years ago) to enter a pizza 🍕 take out and delivery place in the nearby mall and to deposit the pieces on the Vegan Vegetarian Pizza 🍕 Special of the day.

Pan Goatee then walked across the street to catch another bus.

There was a fat ugly blimp standing at the bus stop likewise waiting for a bus.

Pan Goatee promptly beheaded her saying, “Why can’t you fat ugly cows stay in the barn where you belong? Your milk is probably full of botulism causing bacteria anyways.”

Goatee then caught a bus on the other side of the street.

Returning to his hotel, he went into the hotel bar to have a drink only to discover that the bartender was an ugly looking woman.

He promptly beheaded her and put the head on top of a Harley-Davidson parked outside.

Finally Allatallahbel and her Knights-Templar arrived.

They immediately drove the van to the rancher’s grandmother’s house to pick up the painting.

After waterboarding the rancher’s grandmother in the basement, the elderly woman finally told Allatallahbel where the painting was located.

They then walked outside where they discovered the van had been stolen by one of the city’s numerous auto theft gangs.

They were forced to catch a transit bus.

However when an ugly looking woman got on the bus and Pan Goatee beheaded her, the bus driver kicked the whole lot of them off the bus.

They were then forced to wait for the next bus.

Allatallahbel was worried about getting to the airport on time to catch the plane ✈️.

As the next bus pulled up, a man in a wheelchair attempted to get off.

Because he was taking so long to get off the bus, Allatallahbel who was busy looking at the Rolex on her wrist immediately grabbed Pan Goatee’s astral laser machete and cut the man up into tiny pieces.

The bus driver who was also running behind schedule allowed the band of thieves to get on the bus.

When an ugly looking school girl attempted to get off at the back of the bus, Pan Goatee likewise beheaded her.

“You’ve got to start when they’re young as the teachers in the Jesuit order always used to say,” Pan Goatee smiled a knowing smile to Allatallahbel.

Just then, Pan Goatee got a text message on his smart phone from Dr. Faustus Imhotep the acting head of DARPA that orders had come down from the very top of the U.S. government for the satyr contract assassin to assassinate the entire Board of Directors of Harley Davidson.

“Duty calls,” Goatee again smiled at Allatallahbel and then dialled the number cancelling his hotel room for the night and booking a plane flight to Milwaukee Wisconsin.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday June 26th
2018.

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Miranda- Mermaid Turned Human

June 25, 2018 at 10:25 pm (Avatar Speaks, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Miranda- Mermaid Turned Human

The Controller of The Golem was deep in thought.

Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan had won both yesterday’s Presidential and Parliamentary elections.

Now Erdogan would head an Executive Presidency with virtually no limits on his powers (much like Xi Jinping recently achieved in the People’s Republic of China 🇨🇳 and Donald Trump hoped that someday, His Divine Self willing, would be able to achieve in the United States of America 🇺🇸).

What this meant for the future was that someday the entire Middle East might be under the rule of a revived Ottoman Empire with Erdogan as the omnipotent Sultan of Constantinople and Caliph of the Global Islamic Caliphate.

“It doesn’t bode too well for Central and Eastern Europe either,” remarked Prince Vlad Dracula of the situation where the nations of Central and Eastern Europe had been ruled by the Turks for centuries.

“If only General Belisarius were alive today to kick Erdogan’s ass,” the Byzantine vampiress Theodora remarked about her late husband Justinian’s general who reconquered much of the Western Roman Empire for Byzantine Constantinople.

“What will this portend for the future?” The Controller whose real first name was Nathan sighed.

The trio who were standing in a public park in Istanbul suddenly heard a soft feminine voice say, “It portends danger.”

The trio turned to look at the voice and this vision greeted them:

The Controller of The Golem recognized her as Miranda the mermaid.

Only now she had become human.

The reason being that Miranda had recently swum down the Thames River towards the Set Enterprises laboratory at Canary Wharf.

There she sang for Dr. Cadbury Rocher to come out to her.

Attracted by the lovely singing voice, Dr. Cadbury Rocher came out to see who it was.

Amadeus Emanon and Renfield R. Renfield followed.

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster likewise crawled out of his aquarium and outside to see who the lovely siren was with the voice of a nightingale singing at Canary Wharf.

Miranda asked Dr. Rocher to invent for her a potion which when she drank it would turn her temporarily fully human.

Dr. Rocher went inside his laboratory and came back half an hour later with the potion.

Just in time to stop Miranda from strangling Renfield with her fish tail as the British MP was serenading her with his own paraphrased version of those old Crystal Gayle lyrics, “… when I dream, I dream of you, maybe someday my dreams will come true”.

Miranda drank the potion and turned human much to Renfield’s relief and much to Michelangelo’s disappointment (as he covered his lobster ears with his claws and telepathically hummed the song It’s A Long Way To Tipperary to drown out the sound of Renfield’s singing).

“What is happening, Miranda?” Nathan asked his mermaid turned human friend.

“Atargatis has landed on the beaches of Tel Aviv with her harpoon carrying mermaid warrioresses ready to launch an all out assault on the land of Israel 🇮🇱,” said Miranda.

Meanwhile on the beaches of Tel Aviv, the ghost of Orson Welles stood in the sand and directed a ghostly film crew of ghostly cameramen and ghostly technicians to film the invasion.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday June 25th
2018.

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Orson Welles, Atargatis and Athena

June 24, 2018 at 11:51 pm (Avatar Speaks, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, Movies, Mythology, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

Orson Welles, Atargatis and Athena

Orson Welles ordered his 4th glass of wine 🍷 of the evening.

As he sampled it, he hoped he wasn’t turning into a lush.

Being a lush might be good enough for Sir John Falstaff but it wasn’t good enough for him Orson Welles.

He had too much he wanted to tell the world.

As Welles took another sip of the wine 🍷, he reflected on his failed marriage to Rita Hayworth whom he had formally divorced on November 10th of last year (the current evening in which he sat drinking wine in The Mermaid Wine Bistro and Lounge was June 24th 1948).

What had happened that caused his marriage to go wrong?

Probably many factors Welles thought as he gazed at his reflection in the blood red liquid of the glass.

He reflected back to the time he had considered making his own film version of Bram Stoker’s Dracula – one that he thought would be vastly superior to the 1931 Universal Pictures film version with Bela Lugosi.

Financing for the project had fell through but he had done several screen tests for it.

Including one with a beautiful Romanian brunette woman who interestingly enough called herself Draculina.

During the screen test, Welles who had been reading the role of Jonathan Harker to her playing the role of one of Dracula’s wives was very impressed by her extremely authentic vampiress like performance.

During the test, Draculina had gotten so into character (she must have been an avid student of Russian theatre practitioner Konstantin Stanislavsky), she had leaned over and given Welles a very passionate bite and hickey on the neck.

Unfortunately, Draculina did this just as Rita entered the studio.

That certainly didn’t help the relationship between husband and wife, Welles thought as he finished his glass and ordered a fifth.

The director turned his attention to other matters.

He thought about the peculiar dream he had had last night in which a lobster had appeared to him and communicated with him telepathically.

The lobster explained that his name was Michelangelo and he was a psychic lobster who was communicating with him from London in the year 2018.

Michelangelo explained to him that the Syro-Phoenician mermaid goddess Atargatis (who was the mother of Semiramis the 1st Babylonian Queen) was intending to destroy the State of Israel 🇮🇱 in that year of 2018.

It was at that moment that the phone rang waking Welles from his deep sleep.

It was a wrong number.

“No, this isn’t Floppety’s Flop House,” Welles slammed the receiver down angrily.

Welles finished his 5th glass of wine 🍷 and decided not to order another.

Otherwise he might really turn into a Sir John Falstaff.

He reached for his overcoat and hat.

He then stumbled out into the night and waved down a taxi that would drive him home.

When he arrived and fumbled around in his pocket for the keys to his room, Welles thought about the strange dream.

If this Atargatis woman of the sea was going to try to destroy Israel in 2018, that meant the nation would survive at least another 70 years.

Israeli independence had only been declared by Prime Minister David Ben-Gurion last month and already it was locked into a war of survival with its Arab neighbours.

Why had this psychic crustacean contacted him anyways, Welles wondered?

What could he a man of the theatre do about a Syro-Phoenician mermaid goddess planned invasion 70 years down the road?

“Oh Lord, send me wisdom,” Welles prayed aloud as he opened the door to his room.

Standing there waiting for him was Athena the Greek goddess of wisdom.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday June 24th
2018.

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Dracul and Draculina and Athena

June 23, 2018 at 10:54 pm (Avatar Speaks, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Dracul and Draculina and Athena

After Dracul Van Helsing went to the TV studio where the Countess Draculina had been broadcasting, he let her know that her father Dracula was back from the dead and was now one of the living Undead again.

The old Transylvanian Count and Wallachian Prince had been in Syria fighting alongside the Kurds against invading Turkish forces.

Now he was wandering the streets of Istanbul along with the Byzantine vampiress Theodora and the Israeli Mossad agent code named the Controller of The Golem.

They were campaigning for opposition political parties running against megalomaniac President Recep Tayyip Erdogan and his Islamist party which were intent on restoring the Ottoman Empire.

Both the Presidential and Parliamentary elections were being held tomorrow in Turkey.

Now on this Saturday night, the trio were taking a break from campaigning and were enjoying a dinner of lahmacun and drinking Turkish coffee in an Istanbul cafe while they watched a wrestling match going on outside in the street between Cerberus the 3 headed dog of The Underworld and the ghost of Saddam Hussein.

Saddam’s ghost lost.

His ghostly arms and legs had been bitten off by Cerberus’ 3 heads.

Cerberus belched 3 times- one for each head.

The 3 Furies (aka the Erinyes aka the Eumenides) showed up in leather skirted dominatrix outfits and driving a combination black hearse and ambulance.

They picked up the howling Saddam and his separated limbs and stuck them in the back of the hearse/ambulance and headed back to the Underworld of Hades.

“You don’t see that everyday,” Dracula remarked to Theodora and the Controller of the Golem.

Coincidentally Draculina said the same thing to Dracul Van Helsing as she orgasmed for the umpteenth time as the vampire hunter gave her a lesson in tantric sex from the Kama Sutra.

Dracul and the vampiress weather forecaster were back in Dracul’s room in the old Carpathian Mountain inn.

A horse and carriage then showed up at the inn to drive Draculina to Bucharest Airport where she’d catch the evening flight from Bucharest to Istanbul.

“I’ve been to Istanbul before you know,” Draculina remarked as she put her dress back on, “my mother was Turkish you know.”

“I didn’t know that,” Dracul adjusted his tie, “so your father was a Wallachian Prince who’s best known in history for impaling Turks and yet your mother was Turkish.”

“Yes but he impaled her with flesh and not wood,” Draculina put on her pantyhose, “and that instrument gave her pleasure unlike the stakes my father used on the Turkish warriors.”

“I understand the same could not be said for Isis and Osiris on the night they conjugally conceived Horus since Isis couldn’t find Osiris’ phallus after Set had cut him up into 14 pieces and so they were forced to use a phallus made of wood,” Dracul reflected aloud.

“Ouch,” Draculina winced.

“No wonder they’re always showing the Eye of Horus everywhere,” Dracul noted, “what is mistaken for Illuminati symbolism is actually the Egyptian deity advertising for a good ophthalmologist somewhere who can actually get the splinters out of his eye.”

Meanwhile in Damascus, Syria, Syrian President Bashar al-Assad received a phone call on his Hermes Trismegistus smart phone.

“Yes, I did study ophthalmology in London,” Bashar replied to the caller’s question.

“Splinters eh?” Bashar took notes.

In another one of the palace rooms, the head of the Syrian Orthodox Church was chanting the Gospel passage of the day for a small group of Christians who worked in the palace – “Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother’s eye.” (Matthew 7:5)

“How’s your name spelled?” Bashar asked, “Horus? Would that be like the Egyptian god? It would. Well if you can drop around the palace tomorrow…”

After the coach and horse had picked up Draculina, Dracul went for a walk in the woods near the Inn.

There he came across the Greek goddess Athena looking pensive.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday June 23rd
2018.

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Pope Francis and The Satanic Sacrifice In Geneva

June 22, 2018 at 10:15 pm (Avatar Speaks, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Religion, The Supernatural, Theology, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Pope Francis and The Satanic Sacrifice In Geneva

Pan Goatee was walking around transit stops once again continuing his aesthetically inspired efforts in making the city more attractive by improving the visual appearance of its local transit system.

He had his laser machete and a karaoke headpiece with him.

He also had a can of gasoline.

As he started this evening’s slash and burn policy of ridding the city of its ugly females, he sang his own version of an old Wang Chung song from the mid-1980s:

I’d slash a million heads
to promote beauty
(Cuts off the head of an ugly looking girl)
So if you’re feeling low
cause you saw an uglo
(kicks the head away)
The blades I use are strong
They create beauty
But now the gasoline’s on
Light this head to Hell

(Pours gasoline over the head)

Rip it up
Slash down
Rip it up
Rid the world of its frown
Rip it up
Burn down
Rip it up
Beauty increases in town

Everybody slash ughs tonight
Everybody have fun tonight
Everybody slash ughs tonight
Everybody have fun tonight
Everybody slash ughs tonight
Everybody have fun tonight

Deep in the world tonight
(cuts off the head of a fat ugly woman)
The heads are going down
The blood will really flow
all the way across town

Rip it up
(cuts off the head of an even fatter and even uglier woman)
Slash down
Rip it up
Kick it down the ground
(Kicks head down the street)
Rip it up
burn down
Rip it up
Get out what’s inside of you
(takes off his Happy Days Fonzie black leather jacket and exposes a t-shirt that says GET IN TOUCH WITH YOUR INNER PSYCHOPATH)

Everybody kill ughs tonight
Everybody kill ughs tonight
Everybody have fun tonight…

On the edge of oblivion
All the world is Babylon
And all the love and everyone
A ship of fools sailing on
It’s the Voyage of the Damned tonight
Charon is hanging on

Across the nation
massive constipation
Everybody Ex-Lax tonight
An enema that cuts through the grime
I don’t consider it a crime

. . .

The ghost of the late Iraqi President Saddam Hussein had somehow managed to escape the fires 🔥 of Tartarus when Hades (the Greek god of the Underworld) had his back turned.

Hades at the time was taking some giant lobsters out of a bag that were a gift to him from his brother Poseidon the god of the sea 🌊.

Hades was planning to roast the lobsters at a massive shake and bake that he was planning at one of the world’s largest volcanoes 🌋 during the next month.

Saddam’s ghost was currently in the city of Istanbul because he had heard that the Vietnamese government in Hanoi was going to name Ho Babylon Minh (the vampiress granddaughter of the late Vietnamese leader Ho Chi Minh) the Vietnamese Ambassador to the revived Ottoman Empire.

Saddam who had spent time roasting away on a spit in Tartarus was a little behind (in the opinion of Truman Capote’s ghost) in his knowledge of the world’s current affairs.

He was not aware that Turkey’s 🇹🇷 despotic and demagogic President Recep Tayyip Erdogan had not yet formally proclaimed the revival of the Ottoman Empire with himself (Erdogan) as the new Sultan of Constantinople and the new Caliph of the new Global Islamic Caliphate.

Erdogan was hoping to do extremely well in the Presidential and Parliamentary elections this coming Sunday June 24th (the Feast Day of the Nativity of Saint John the Baptist) and then he’d announce the creation of the revived Ottoman Empire with himself as Sultan and Caliph.

As Hades rummaged through the bag of lobsters looking for a psychic lobster to eat first, Persephone noticed that Saddam’s ghost had gone missing.

She immediately sent the 3-headed dog Cerberus up to Earth to find Saddam’s ghost and bring him back to Tartarus.

. . .

Pope Francis was in his bedroom in the Vatican discussing the difference between dreams and reality with the ghost of Swiss psychoanalyst Carl Gustav Jung.

Why Pope Francis had asked Hades to temporarily grant Dr. Jung’s ghost a dispensation to leave Purgatory for a while was there was something that the Jesuit pontiff wished to discuss with the well known expert on dreams.

The matter had been bothering Father Jorge Mario Bergoglio (as Pope Francis was known to close associates) for the past 24 hours.

Ever since he had returned to Rome from Geneva.

The pontiff had spent the Summer Solstice in Geneva attending 70th anniversary celebrations for the World Council of Churches.

After the celebration, Francis had been invited to attend what was called “a non-Anglican Evensong service” in an abandoned and desolate Catholic Church on the outskirts of Geneva.

During the service, Francis saw a 16-year-old beautiful young Russian girl (who was said to be both a virgin and the youngest living (until then) female relative of the old Russian Imperial Romanov family) sacrificed to the satanic idol image of Baphomet while Vladimir Lenin’s ghost looked on and applauded.

During the sacrifice of the Russian girl, the Baphomet appeared in person and sang those old Cat Stevens lyrics, “I’m being followed by a moonshadow, moon shadow, moonshadow” as he played the song on an electric guitar 🎸 while a werewolf howled outside the very unusual looking stained glass window depicting the image of Judas Iscariot.

“What I want to know,” Francis asked Jung as he wiped his glasses, “was this just a dream I had or did this actually happen?”.

Jung took off his own pair of spectral glasses 👓 and wiped them with his spectral handkerchief, “I’ll need to discuss this further with one of my colleagues. Preferably Sigmund Freud.”

Francis got on his Hermes Trismegistus smart phone and dialled Hades’ private number to ask him to give Sigmund Freud’s ghost a temporary dispensation from Purgatory.

“Awwww, shit,” Hades cried as one of the lobsters pinched him on the buttocks with his claws when the Greek chthonic deity was distracted by the sound of Johann Sebastian Bach’s Jesu Joy of Man’s Desiring ring tone playing on his own Hermes Trismegitus smart phone.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday June 22nd
2018.

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Cherchez La Femme

June 21, 2018 at 9:52 pm (Detective story, Entertainment, Film, Mystery, Poetry, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Cherchez La Femme

It would take a long time for the sun to set on Sunset Boulevard tonight
Carson Cody Albion thought to himself
in the midst of cigarette smoke and haze of bourbon
in his Los Angeles private eye’s office
It being the Summer Solstice and all that

Long hours of daylight
The riff raff of the city wouldn’t have so many hours to steal, extort and murder
Bummer for them! Albion thought

Albion had been hired to find a woman
Cherchez la Femme
as the French would say

He’d been told that she only seemed to venture forth at night
by the man who had hired him
The man a Hollywood director intended to give la Femme a screen test

Yeah right!
That’s what they call it these days
Albion laughed to himself
The gumshoe had his office door open to try to keep things cool
Between the hallway fan and the office ceiling fan
Maybe a touch of the Norse frost giants
would help cool down the flames 🔥 of Hades
on this Midsummer Night in Los Angeles

Albion’s ice in his glass had melted
The penalty for drinking straight from the bottle
He reflected
Well he should go see the sun set on this solstice night
before he started hitting the night spots and lounges
where la Femme was said to hang out

Albion locked his office door and walked down the four flights of stairs to the office building lobby
He tipped his fedora to the cleaning lady and walked out into the night

The neon lights hadn’t started to shine yet
As he walked through his sector of the city
They wouldn’t really come on until after the sun had set
Maybe that’s why he preferred California winters to California summers
The temperatures were about the same
maybe slightly cooler by inches of degrees in the winter
but what was missing was the glow of neon at night
in the summer
Neon the blood that seemed to make this city feel alive

It pulsed like the beat of a drum 🥁
and summoned all to partake in the wildness of the night
It was there that this urban jungle became a jungle
The women danced and swayed like tropical 🌴 dancers
and the men sharpened their spears for the time it was necessary
to stab both friend and foe in the back

Albion saw the sun set
He whistled
and the nearest neon light
seemed to answer his call
flickering on like a woman stirring towards orgasm

Speaking of women, it was time to Cherchez la Femme
Several gin joints and several nightclubs later,
he found her
in a midnight blue evening dress

Her brunette hair
The touch of a foreign accent as she introduced her next song into the microphone
Romanian I believe the film director said it was
And when she sang, Albion thought that the moonlight had never serenaded the ocean 🌊 so beautifully
The City of Angels had been touched by an angel
Albion stubbed out his cigarette
and approached her
when she had finished singing her numbers

It was a Los Angeles night in the mid-1940s
Midsummer Night
and Orson Welles wanted him
Carson Cody Albion to locate a woman for a screen test

What Midsummer Night’s Dream did Mr. Welles have in mind,
Albion thought cynically to himself,
after all the man was married to Rita Hayworth?
Wasn’t the Love Goddess enough for him?

But enough of reflecting like Chandler’s Philip Marlowe,
Albion started heading in the woman’s direction
for he didn’t have all eternity to make a connection
La Femme flashed Albion a warm smile as she saw him approach
Her sharp incisors that hung from her top front teeth puzzled the private eye
What manner of woman is this? Albion thought
If Albion knew at the time he asked himself this question
he’d have realized that the woman did have all eternity.

-A private eye poem
written by Christopher
Thursday June 21st
2018

Dracul Van Helsing was in Romania.

He was trying to track down Dracula’s daughter the Countess Draculina on behalf of her father.

The Count since his Cadbury Rocher inspired vampiric resurrection had learned how to use the Internet.

He was trying to track down his daughter.

The only thing he managed to find on the World Wide Web was that his daughter had once done a screen test for Orson Welles back in the 1940s

Now Van Helsing had managed to track her to Romania her ancestral homeland.

He had heard that she had dyed her hair blonde.

He walked over to the window of his room in the old inn in which he was staying.

And watched the sun set on the Carpathian Mountains on this summer solstice evening.

He turned on the television to watch the news hoping to find out the weather.

And there he saw… Countess Draculina.

(Notice her vampiric incisors unless of course your eyes are focused elsewhere for some reason 😉)

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