A Three Headed Dog Like Cerberus and The Hound of The Baskervilles Reincarnated

June 13, 2018 at 11:47 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

A Three Headed Dog Like Cerberus and The Hound of The Baskervilles Reincarnated

Renfield R. Renfield MP for Tewkesbury In The Cotswolds had just received a phone call from his parliamentary Executive Assistant In Charge of Constituency Affairs Mirabella Francesca Franconia the former Spanish flamenco 💃🏻 dancer.

Senorita Franconia suggested that Renfield come to Tewkesbury in person to help out one of his constituents a middle aged widow by the name of Mrs. Margaret Lewis.

Mrs. Lewis owned two dogs – a Welsh corgi and a Dachshund- who had recently both become demonically possessed.

The corgi named Friendly and the Dachshund named Bashful had recently taken to playing around with a Ouija board and as a result of this nefarious new habit, they had both ended up becoming demonically possessed.

Bashful went from being a Dachshund to becoming a giant spectral wolfhound who was able to bark in a medieval form of Norwegian to the veterinarian that it was a reincarnation of the Hound of the Baskervilles who had given Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson much trouble.

Friendly the Welsh corgi went from being a corgi to possessing the body of a gigantic Saint Bernard who happened to have 3 heads- one was the head of a Rottweiler who growled in ancient Babylonian, one was the head of a Bassett hound who whimpered in ancient Egyptian and the third was the head of a chihuahua who yelped in a very peculiar form of Parisienne French and ancient Aztec.

A veterinary psychiatrist who was brought in to determine whether the dogs were demonically possessed or just mentally ill opted for the former explanation after all four of his limbs were bitten off by the Rottweiler head.

That and the fact that both the corgi and the Dachshund had not previously known how to read or speak long dead languages.

Mrs. Lewis had gotten in touch with her parish priest the Church of England vicar Rev. Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds the rector of Saint Swithin’s By The Floodwaters Parish Church.

Father Aidan was going to perform an exorcism on the dogs and Senorita Franconia thought it might be a good idea if Renfield as Mrs. Lewis’ local MP helped in the exorcism.

Renfield agreed and said he’d drive right down to Tewkesbury from London to participate in the exorcism.

Renfield met up with Mirabella Francesca Franconia on the streets of Tewkesbury:

Mirabella then escorted Renfield to the Saint Swithin’s vicarage where Father Aidan dressed in a protective suit of medieval knight’s armour stood waiting for them holding the two demonically possessed dogs on a gigantic iron leash.

Father Aidan took Mirabella and Renfield to a place on the other side of town as he thought the exorcism should best be performed outdoors due to the wild unpredictable nature of the two beasts.

The trio expressed disappointment when this sign greeted them at the place where Father Aidan intended to perform the exorcism:

“Well,” sighed Renfield, “it looks like we’ll have to take our demonically possessed dogs elsewhere.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday June 13th
2018.

73 Comments

  1. David Redpath said,

    Chris, coincidentally we had
    a very similar problem with our
    dachshund, Atilla the Hund.
    The local rector, after consulting
    Church of England dogma, refused
    to perform an exorcism. He
    informed us that Atilla,
    being a germanic hound, was barred from the ‘consecration of the pack’.
    But he kindly offered to have
    Atilla 🐕 put down, by firing
    squad 🔫, in compliance to
    church dogma. We declined
    his offer and eventually Atilla
    settled down after conquering
    much of central Europe.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      And of course it was Pope Leo the Great who talked the original Attila the Hun out of attacking the city of Rome as depicted in the famous painting by Raphael.

      Future historians will take note of the unsuccessful efforts of Pope Francis to talk Attila the Hund out of sacking Rome as depicted in a future Far Side cartoon by the ghost of Gary Larson.

      • David Redpath said,

        “What, me worry … Hell no!” ~ Pappa Frank

        P.S., Chris;
        The rector of the parish did at

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Pappa Frank was seen drinking from a Bavarian beer stein that bore the giant letter N. encircled by Roman laurel wreaths representing the Emperor Napoleon.

        Once Pappa Frank was seen drinking from this N. stein, that earned him the drinking moniker Frank N. Stein.

      • David Redpath said,

        … at least identify the demonic
        entity, manifesting itself
        through poor Attila the Hund,
        as ‘Megillah the Long Winded’.
        A yiddish speaking entity that
        takes the form of a crazed gorilla on crack cocaine
        (apparently the inspiration
        behind the cartoon character,
        Magilla the Gorilla).

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        And of course it was Magilla the gorilla 🦍
        that gave a Fay Wray lookalike
        the real thrilla in Manila.

      • David Redpath said,

        Yes, King Kong is a poor
        woman’s Magilla Gorilla,
        according to ‘Megillah the
        Long Winded’, speaking in
        Yiddish through our poor
        possessed dachshund, Atilla.
        But it all makes perfect sense
        to the Ashkenazi Rabbi
        next door who interprets
        for us.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        I wonder if that’s the same Ashkenazi rabbi who said that Donald Trump was the reincarnation of the Persian king Cyrus for which he needs to apologize to the ghost of the Persian king Cyrus.

      • David Redpath said,

        Yes Chris,
        Rabbi Netanyahu Horowitz,
        my next door neighbour, and founder of Yahoo, did liken Trump to Cyrus the Great.
        Being a cantor, he has since
        recanted, and now singing
        a different tune. He now believes
        Trumpis possessed by the ghost
        of Nebuchadnezzar 👻.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        And when Nebuchadnezzar’s ghostly footsteps pace across the Oval Office floor, the ghost of Al Jolson re-enacting his 1927 performance of a cantor turned jazz singer says, “You ain’t heard nothing yet.”

      • David Redpath said,

        Then, Christopher,
        according to Al Jazeera,
        we’ll all be down the Swamee,
        crying out, “Mammy!” 😢

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, we’ll all be sold down the river waiting for the day that Trump’s assa is in the cold cold ground.

  2. Fiery said,

    Chuckles 😁😁

  3. thebookwormdrinketh said,

    Ha ha ha! Too good!!

  4. ortensia said,

    I might try an exorcism on my dog……see if he stop snatching whatever vaguely look eatable 🙄

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yes, an exorcism might be the perfect answer for Kurt. 😂🤣

      • ortensia said,

        He is in a diet but obviously he finds the way to get mani snacks in between meals😱

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        He is indeed devilishly 😈 clever. 😉

      • ortensia said,

        Like mother like son🤣🤣🤣🤣😈he is my boy

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        This may explain why the traveling husband travels. 😂😂😂😂😂😂

      • ortensia said,

        😳😂

      • ortensia said,

        Like mother like son🤣🤣🤣He is my boy😈😂

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        When an exorcist shows up at your doorstep for the both of you, you’ll know the reason why. 😂😅😆

      • ortensia said,

        Lol.we don’t do religion in the house…..I’m safe😂😈😇

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        So if you start levitating up off the bed, start spinning your head around like Linda Blair and start spewing Habitant Québécois French pea soup 🍜 out of your mouth en masse, your family won’t really care.

        Provided of course the neighbours aren’t over watching.

        Otherwise they might start to talk. 🤣

      • ortensia said,

        No,my family is by now used to these performance of mine😂😂😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Maybe you can try it at the next Parent-Teacher school meeting and this will be one way of ensuring you’re not invited back. 🤣

      • ortensia said,

        But my girls teachers love me,I’m thinking more next school social event🤣🤣🤣🤣

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        😂😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣

  5. melanymoon said,

    I love your creative mind and sense of humor 😃 These stories are great!

  6. David Redpath said,

    That’s a bit beyond the Episcopalian pail, Chris!
    Frankly, I thought only
    El Dorado spring water
    sipped from the the Holy Grail would do,

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yes, it is quite a bit beyond the Episcopalian pail, that’s why when Episcopal bishop John Shelby Spong (who hasn’t been out in the sun for years and is deathly pale white in colour) drops into the Vatican to compare espousing of heresies with Pope Francis (singing “I’m more apostate than you are, I’m more apostate than you” in a theological version of that old musical Annie, Get Your Gun), while Papa Frank is drinking beer from a Bavarian beer stein inscribed with the Napoleonic N., Bishop Spong is drinking Jack Daniel’s Tennessee Whiskey out of a Communion cup and singing, “Oh, I’m lost somewhere between Jesus and Jack Daniel’s…”

      • David Redpath said,

        Sounds like quite a Musical, Chris. Like
        ‘The Rocky Horror Alter Boy 🎸’

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        And of course the words spoken by the priest that the Rocky Horror Altar Boy most dreads to hear, “Let’s do the time warp again…”

      • David Redpath said,

        “It’s just a jump to the left.
        Better hold your knees real tight!”

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        😂

  7. janowrite said,

    Heh! Medieval Norwegian! I’m calling Renfield, my schnauzers are sometimes possessed by poltergeists! 🙂 ***BTW please check my page today: Joey meets a vampire!

  8. doesitevenmatter3 said,

    Ha! *snort* Brilliantly funny and fun! 😀
    HUGS!!! 🙂

  9. David Redpath said,

    That’s the Swanee river
    where Swami Mether Zain
    is lighting candles
    in the Isis rain ☔

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      And in Memphis Egypt not Tennessee
      Horus stands where Elvis’ ghost should be
      and all can see the colour Purple
      as Seeing Eye replaces the dove called turtle
      and Prince sings Purple Rain ☔️
      while Isis strolls the plains of Spain.

      • David Redpath said,

        Will Theseus again
        come to the rescue
        and defeat the Minotaur
        upon the spanish shore?
        Will Isis cry 😢
        as doves fly 🐦
        and Horus returns to Hades
        forever, once more?

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        And behind Horus will shut forever Hades’ door
        while Raven croaks for the last time, “Nevermore”.

      • David Redpath said,

        And so goes Semiramis,
        codenamed
        ‘Little Miss Mysterious’,
        that Babylonian . . . . .

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Semiramis daughter of a mermaid 🧜‍♀️ who married Nimrod
        Their love affair was certainly very very odd.

      • David Redpath said,

        We, Semiramis the mysterious,
        gave Nimrod a motherly prod!?

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        With Poseidon’s trident, Semiramis made quite the point
        causing Nimrod to smoke history’s first joint.

  10. David Redpath said,

    On that
    Babylonian Brown
    Nimrod,
    the silly sod
    got sky high
    And built a tower
    so he could kiss 💋
    the Assyrian sky
    For try as he might
    Nimrod the numbat
    he could not fly

  11. Aak fictionspawn said,

    The line between demonically possessed and mentally ill can be very, very thin sometimes…. 😀

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      It can indeed. 😀

      One need only ask U.S. porn star Stormy Daniels because she once encountered such an individual. 😉

  12. Dracul Van Helsing said,

    Reblogged this on Dracul Van Helsing and commented:

    A vampire novel chapter I wrote this past June that ties in with some recent vampire novel chapters I have written.

    • David Redpath said,

      Just a quick update on Attila the Hund, Dracul.
      He is still most definitely possessed, and prefers to
      be referred to by his pet name, Flagellum Dei ( the
      Scourge of God ). Yet, he gets on well with our two
      other dogs, Spike the Impaler and Rufus the Ruthless.
      And he’s now given up all thoughts of conquering Italy.
      Apparently the alliance between General Flavius Aetius, and King Theodoric of the Visigoths, was too
      much for poor Attila. But he now ferociously attacks
      any stray Goths that happen to cross his path.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        I will certainly advise my goth vampiress students who take hands on Practicum lessons in the study of Tantric Sex Magic and The Kama Sutra from me to carefully avoid Attila the Hund at all costs.

      • David Redpath said,

        Most advisedly. I should imagine they’d be
        unable to run after such tutorials, and would
        be extremely vulnerable to Attila’s attack.
        Much like most of Eastern Europe.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, I’m afraid Dracul’s tantric sex lessons to the beautiful and lovely women of Eastern Europe have left that region particularly vulnerable to the intentions of Vladimir Putin, would be revived Ottoman Empire Sultan/Caliph Recep Tayyip Erdogan and Attila the Hund.

        Western Europe doesn’t have to worry as much because many western European women have been stricken with that irritating politically correct disease known as radical feminism that causes them to lose their looks by the month.

        In the City of Calgary, Alberta, Canada, because of its high altitude above sea level, this process has increased to the point where radical feminist Calgary women are now losing their looks by each one trillionth of a nanosecond.

        Thus Calgary would be particularly vulnerable to an attack by Putin, Erdogan and Attila the Hund if they wanted the place.

        Fortunately since there’s really nothing there but ugly women, no one wants the place.

      • David Redpath said,

        I now understand Dracul Van Helsing’s brave and
        selfless mission to repopulate
        the earth. Even if it’s to be
        in a transhuman fashion.
        Probably for the best, since
        the humans are behaving in an inhumane fashion to date.
        Keep up the good work, Dracul.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Thank you very much, David. 😂

  13. Tanya said,

    As always amusing, wit and sarcasm at it very best!

  14. Hyperion said,

    This was freakin’ hilarious and the commentary was equally as good. I have no words, only guffaws and a wet screen.

  15. George F. said,

    OMG! This is hysterical…you’ve outdone yourself. Love the chihuahua head! And I can’t help but wonder in growling in ancient Babylonian sounds any different from growling in any other language! LOL!

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Thanks very much, George. 😃

      I checked with the local veterinary ancient languages and phonetics expert.

      A growl in ancient Babylonian phonetically sounds like this, “GrrrrrrNebuchadnezzarrrrrr.. “

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: