Dracul and Draculina and Athena

June 23, 2018 at 10:54 pm (Avatar Speaks, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Dracul and Draculina and Athena

After Dracul Van Helsing went to the TV studio where the Countess Draculina had been broadcasting, he let her know that her father Dracula was back from the dead and was now one of the living Undead again.

The old Transylvanian Count and Wallachian Prince had been in Syria fighting alongside the Kurds against invading Turkish forces.

Now he was wandering the streets of Istanbul along with the Byzantine vampiress Theodora and the Israeli Mossad agent code named the Controller of The Golem.

They were campaigning for opposition political parties running against megalomaniac President Recep Tayyip Erdogan and his Islamist party which were intent on restoring the Ottoman Empire.

Both the Presidential and Parliamentary elections were being held tomorrow in Turkey.

Now on this Saturday night, the trio were taking a break from campaigning and were enjoying a dinner of lahmacun and drinking Turkish coffee in an Istanbul cafe while they watched a wrestling match going on outside in the street between Cerberus the 3 headed dog of The Underworld and the ghost of Saddam Hussein.

Saddam’s ghost lost.

His ghostly arms and legs had been bitten off by Cerberus’ 3 heads.

Cerberus belched 3 times- one for each head.

The 3 Furies (aka the Erinyes aka the Eumenides) showed up in leather skirted dominatrix outfits and driving a combination black hearse and ambulance.

They picked up the howling Saddam and his separated limbs and stuck them in the back of the hearse/ambulance and headed back to the Underworld of Hades.

“You don’t see that everyday,” Dracula remarked to Theodora and the Controller of the Golem.

Coincidentally Draculina said the same thing to Dracul Van Helsing as she orgasmed for the umpteenth time as the vampire hunter gave her a lesson in tantric sex from the Kama Sutra.

Dracul and the vampiress weather forecaster were back in Dracul’s room in the old Carpathian Mountain inn.

A horse and carriage then showed up at the inn to drive Draculina to Bucharest Airport where she’d catch the evening flight from Bucharest to Istanbul.

“I’ve been to Istanbul before you know,” Draculina remarked as she put her dress back on, “my mother was Turkish you know.”

“I didn’t know that,” Dracul adjusted his tie, “so your father was a Wallachian Prince who’s best known in history for impaling Turks and yet your mother was Turkish.”

“Yes but he impaled her with flesh and not wood,” Draculina put on her pantyhose, “and that instrument gave her pleasure unlike the stakes my father used on the Turkish warriors.”

“I understand the same could not be said for Isis and Osiris on the night they conjugally conceived Horus since Isis couldn’t find Osiris’ phallus after Set had cut him up into 14 pieces and so they were forced to use a phallus made of wood,” Dracul reflected aloud.

“Ouch,” Draculina winced.

“No wonder they’re always showing the Eye of Horus everywhere,” Dracul noted, “what is mistaken for Illuminati symbolism is actually the Egyptian deity advertising for a good ophthalmologist somewhere who can actually get the splinters out of his eye.”

Meanwhile in Damascus, Syria, Syrian President Bashar al-Assad received a phone call on his Hermes Trismegistus smart phone.

“Yes, I did study ophthalmology in London,” Bashar replied to the caller’s question.

“Splinters eh?” Bashar took notes.

In another one of the palace rooms, the head of the Syrian Orthodox Church was chanting the Gospel passage of the day for a small group of Christians who worked in the palace – “Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother’s eye.” (Matthew 7:5)

“How’s your name spelled?” Bashar asked, “Horus? Would that be like the Egyptian god? It would. Well if you can drop around the palace tomorrow…”

After the coach and horse had picked up Draculina, Dracul went for a walk in the woods near the Inn.

There he came across the Greek goddess Athena looking pensive.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday June 23rd


  1. velvetscreams said,

    The last line keeps me wandering what dracul will do with athena😌

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yes, that is definitely the question to wonder, Velvet. 😌

      What will Dracul now do to make Athena happy?

  2. Hyperion said,

    The Chinese learned long ago to coat all wooden phalluses with 50 coats of lacquer. Then when party goers were busy polishing the wood, no one got splinters. This is why the Chinese thought westerners were barbarians. They never used protection with their phalluses and that made all the ladies and eunuchs cringe.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      A very wise people the Chinese.

      They used gunpowder for fireworks and rockets instead of killing people.

      And coated their wooden phalluses with 50 coats of lacquer.

      And some bozo who wears a red spider monkey fur toupee actually thinks he can win a trade war with China 🇨🇳.

      The Chinese will use this idiot’s phallus as a toothpick instead of a chopstick and pick up a slice of Wisconsin cheese with it in celebration after they’ve liberated the dairy 🥛 farmers of that state.

      • Hyperion said,

        The Great Orange Trumpster is playing a masterful game Chris. The whole world has fallen for his ruse. See, first he gets the world over confident by thinking all of the American government and 75% of Americans are idiots and while they laugh and poke fun, The Great Orange One, the Supreme Orange Commander in Cheesery suddenly takes over the entire world while Rome is busy guffawing at the latest liberal news media. The Irish used it to take over New York and win the Presidency way back in the 60’s The Oracle of Oranges thinks he can do it too.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        The Chinese are currently working on a recipe that combines Peking duck 🦆 with the French duck a l’Orange.

        Xi is looking forward to making a Mandarin orange 🍊 of the great U. S. Imperialist running dog (after all they do eat dogs in parts of China 🇨🇳).

        And Xi (happy in English) is he who is called to the supper.

      • Hyperion said,

        I think the only thing Xi has to worry about is if Erdogan, Baby Kim, and Putin get to the table first, then there won’t be anything but table scraps for Xi to gnaw on. Of course there is a big cry for the European Union to be invited to dine on the Peking Duck l’Orange and Tipsy Trudeau is waiting by his mailbox to see if the mailman will deliver his invite. I suspect a large rump roast is in the wings to cover the overflow from the main table.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        A very large rump roast indeed. 😂🤣

      • Hyperion said,


      • Dracul Van Helsing said,


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