Wedding Crashers and The Third Temple

July 19, 2018 at 10:57 pm (Avatar Speaks, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

Wedding Crashers and The Third Temple

Peter Whitstable the Fox Mulder of Interpol was staying in an old English country inn on the hunt for two demonically possessed dogs who were busy terrorizing the English countryside.

He received a phone call from an Interpol operative in Israel 🇮🇱 who had an unusual matter of a paranormal nature to report.

He had seen a wedding being performed on top of the Temple Mount in Jerusalem.

The officiating clergyman at the wedding was recently installed Vatican Cardinal Samhain Salaman (a former professional stage magician).

The groom was Baphomet (the hermaphrodite half-human half-goat entity who was worshiped by some Knights-Templar back in the Middle Ages).

The bride was Panty Goatee the recently genetically cloned twin sister of world famous DARPA contract assassin and satyr serial killer Pan Goatee.

Panty was topless at the wedding but wearing a black scarf around her shoulders that covered both her breasts as well as black leather gloves on her arms and a long red skirt instead of a white wedding dress.

On her head instead of a white bridal veil, she wore a pair of large painted black goat’s horns.

The virginal young clone Panty Goatee had been ordered to marry the Baphomet by Dr. Faustus Imhotep her boss at DARPA.

At the moment when Cardinal Samhain Salaman asked Panty Goatee, “Do you take this hermaphrodite half-man half-goat to be your legal wedded spouse from this night forward…?”.

At that moment a Black Jaguar leapt on the Temple Mount interrupting the ceremony by snarling in a form of ancient Mayan.

Cardinal Salaman felt under his cassock and pulled out a smart phone (much to best man Dr. Faustus Imhotep’s relief).

He then googled for an ancient Mayan language translation app to download but, by then, it was too late.

The Black Jaguar stood up on his hind legs and then grabbed the black scarf, black leather gloves and long red skirt wearing Panty Goatee with his front legs and then carried her off into the night of the Jerusalem dusk.

A shooting star 🌠 fell from the sky over Jerusalem.

. . .

Former U.S. President Bill Clinton was having trouble sleeping.

He decided to go downstairs to the refrigerator and pour himself a glass of milk 🥛.

As he tip toed down the stairs, he noticed his wife Hillary Rodham Clinton (the 2016 Democratic Party Presidential candidate) standing in the dimly lit living room by a black coloured burning candle and dressed in the robes of a Haitian voodoo high priestess. A group of 13 men in gray and black coloured suits, ties and jackets were kneeling on the floor in front of her paying her obeisance.

Bill very stealthily tip toed into the kitchen, quietly opened the refrigerator door and instead of a glass of milk he grabbed himself a can of Budweiser beer and equally stealthily tip toed back upstairs and into his bedroom where he quietly closed the door.

As quietly as possible, he tried to open the can, then put the beer to his lips and wondered what the Hell was going on?

. . .

Amadeus Emanon heard the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s antique phone ring in the kitchen of the colossal West London mansion.

He picked it up.

It was his good friend British MP Renfield R. Renfield calling.

Renfield was still up in Oxford.

“I’ll be in Oxford a few more days,” Renfield said as he splashed around in a hot tub with several hot looking young female Oxford summer student coeds.

“Say, I was going to ask you, why the Hell do you suppose Donald Trump invited Vladimir Putin to Washington DC this fall?” Amadeus queried.

“Well,” Renfield smiled as one of the coeds licked his kosher sausage, “the man is either fully clinically insane or if there’s method to his madness, the Jared Kushner Middle East peace plan is definitely a go and Trump would most definitely need Vladimir Putin’s backing for the plan to go ahead.”

Amadeus watched on the kitchen television as Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu officially declared Israel “the nation-state of the Jewish people” after winning a vote to do so in the Israeli Knesset.

“What do you think is going to happen next in the Middle East?” Amadeus asked.

“Well,” Renfield watched the Netanyahu announcement on the BBC News App on the Samsung Galaxy S8 smart phone located in the bikini between one coed’s two breasts, “we’ve got the U.S. Embassy now in Jerusalem, we have just had Netanyahu proclaim Israel the Nation-State (it was just State before) of the Jewish people and next on the agenda I suspect is the building of the Third Jewish Temple on the Temple Mount.”

“But won’t the Arabs object to that?” Amadeus was incredulous.

“Not necessarily,” Renfield remarked as a text message from Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman came in on his smart phone.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday July 19th


  1. Apple Rae said,

    So much happenings! I missed a lot from your vampire novels ugh but nevertheless I’m back! Lol. Panty Goatee and what she’s wearing was so hilarious! I’m glad the wedding didn’t push through lol she’s too much for Baphomet 😂

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yes, I’ve missed your wonderful comments at WordPress the past little while, Apple.

      Glad to see you’re back. 😀

      Yes, Panty Goatee would definitely be too much for the Baphomet. 😂

  2. Orvillewrong said,

    Just awe- inspiring!

  3. Silent Hour said,

    If I ever get married in a church, I’ll dress just like Panty!

  4. velvetscreams said,

    😂…i loved the panty goats dress…my friends wedding is coming up and so i guess i have an idea for her clothing now😂

  5. David Redpath said,

    Will Baphomet just have to
    go consummate himself?
    Will Panty Goatee seek consolation
    in the arms of Oprah Winfrey?
    Will the Third Temple be
    built in time for Passover?

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      These and other questions will be answered in the next exciting episode of Nights of Our Lives aka The Eternally Young and The Restless.

  6. David Redpath said,

    Thanks Van Helsing.I was concerned the Knights Templar
    would not get their deposit
    back for the reception hall.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      That would indeed be a shame if they didn’t.

      A line of Merovingian blood might have been spilled on the floor causing Robin the Boy Wonder to say, “Holy grail, Batman!”.

      • David Redpath said,

        Yes, Clovis sure had a lot
        of gaul, shedding blood
        on the dance floor, and all.
        And the Templars holding
        a wedding reception at a
        German beer 🍺 drinking hall.
        In Jerusalem, that is not
        the done thing.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes especially when they start singing the Horst Wessel Song in the German beer 🍺 🍻 hall.

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: