From The Fires of Attica To The Fire Within Panty Goatee

July 24, 2018 at 10:47 pm (Culture, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Literature, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

From The Fires of Attica To The Fire Within Panty Goatee

The ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith was absolutely furious with the efforts of the Byzantine vampiress Theodora (who in her mortal lifetime had been the Byzantine Empress Theodora the Monophysite wife of the Emperor Justinian) to overthrow Turkish despot Recep Tayyip Erdogan the would be revised Ottoman Empire Sultan who was Lilith’s ally in the war to eventually destroy the State of Israel.

As such, Lilith decided to attack the land of the people Theodora hoped would revive the ancient Byzantine empire at Constantinople- Greece 🇬🇷.

To that end, Lilith hired the evil Centaur archer Acheronus (named after Acheron the river of woe that flowed through the Greek underworld of Hades).

Acheronus was the antithesis of Chiron the good centaur archer (he who was called the “wisest and most just of all the centaurs” and became the constellation Sagittarius in the northern hemisphere and Centaurus in the Southern Hemisphere).

Acheronus dipped his arrows in a batch of Byzantine Greek fire an incendiary weapon used by the Eastern Roman Byzantine Empire that was invented and developed in the Empire around 672 AD.

The Byzantine Greek Navy used it in naval battles to great effect.

It provided the Byzantines with an immense technological advantage and was responsible for many key Byzantine military victories most notably the salvation of Constantinople from two Arab sieges.

Lilith, who was anxious to finally avenge the death of the high priest Caiaphas (who was once her one night stand lover and the biological father of her daughter Golgotha) by the Roman Emperor Tiberius, finally managed to get her hands on all the supplies of Byzantine Greek Fire to allow the Ottoman Turkish Sultan Mehmed II to finally capture and conquer Constantinople the capital of the Byzantine Empire on May 29th 1453 thus putting an end to the Eastern Roman Empire the successor empire of Tiberius’ Roman Empire.

Saint Mary Magdalene the woman Apostle of Jesus had gone to Rome to personally tell the Emperor Tiberius about the unjustness of Jesus’ trial and how an innocent man was crucified by the Romans.

Tiberius believed the Magdalene’s story and ordered the two Jewish high priests Annas and Caiaphas to be brought to Rome for trial.

Caiaphas died on a ship outside Crete while en route for trial in Rome.

As he stood on deck, Caiaphas felt a sharp pain in his abdomen and then his bowels split open on deck.

Before his soul left him, he groaned like a wild pig.

His tongue jutted out of his mouth the length of a span.

His body was then cast to the waves where it was eaten by sharks 🦈.

Annas survived the voyage and after trial by Tiberius was sentenced by the Emperor to receive over 100 lashes and then Annas was to be wrapped in the freshly skinned hide of an antelope after which he was to be left out in the hot noonday sun ☀️ until he died.

Lilith upon hearing the news swore vengeance on the Roman Empire.

She finally got her vengeance on May 29th 1453 with the fall of Constantinople to the Ottoman Turks.

As for Lilith’s planned vengeance against Theodora, Acheronus with his bow and his Byzantine Greek Fire dipped arrows wandered through the Rafina region of eastern Attica in Greece 🇬🇷 shooting his flaming arrows.

The resulting blaze struck like a flamethrower causing smoke inhalation and skin burns.

So far 74 people have been killed and many fled past hundreds of burning cars and houses to dive into the sea 🌊 for safety.

The resulting devastation is so bad that Greece’s atheistic Marxist Prime Minister Alexis Tsipras has declared 3 days of official national mourning.

. . .

“Such a tragedy,” Donald Trump remarked as he ate lamb chops and Greek salad with feta cheese.

“Are you referring to the wildfires in Greece, Sir?” Asked Lexington his English butler and valet.

“What wildfires in Greece?” The fake hair toupee wearing opponent of fake news shrugged, “I’m talking about my poor daughter Ivanka Trump’s clothing company being forced to go out of business due to poor sales.”

“A tragedy indeed, sir,” Lexington grimaced in pain and silently prayed that there was indeed a Hell for those who truly deserve it.

“I can’t understand why more of my supporters didn’t buy her clothes,” Trump thought about shooting off an angry tweet.

“Maybe most of your supporters couldn’t afford to buy her clothes,” Lexington suggested.

“Why couldn’t they afford to buy her clothes?” Trump retorted angrily, “I could afford to buy her clothes if I ever got the urge to turn Caitlyn Jenner.”

“Saints preserve us,” Lexington crossed himself.

. . .

The Black Jaguar (possessed by the spirit of a powerful sorcerer and also the spirit of Night Sun the Mayan jaguar god of the Mayan underworld) entered the men’s washroom where he ripped to shreds a man and a boy who were in the washroom.

The human sacrifices were necessary to help bring about the coming of the Night Sun (as it was called by the Mayans), the Black Sun (as it was called by the Nazis) and Nemesis (the darkened sun that provides energy to the planet Niburu) according to some sci-fi UFO 🛸 enthusiasts.

. . .

Panty Goatee (the genetically cloned twin sister of DARPA contract assassin and satyr serial killer Pan Goatee) was grateful to have been rescued by the Black Jaguar from the forced bow and arrow 🏹 (as opposed to forced shotgun) wedding in Jerusalem to the Baphomet.

Panty Goatee didn’t really relish losing her virginity to a hermaphrodite half-human half-goat creature.

She didn’t like having to walk down the aisle of chairs on the Temple Mount with a flaming arrow in her naked back that was pointed at her tender flesh by the bow of a sinister centaur named Acheronus.

Then Panty Goatee saw the man approaching and a fire 🔥 (but a sensuously pleasant one) burned inside her panties.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday July 24th


  1. Shreya Sukrity said,

    What to say about your writing…!!!
    Just awesome.
    “His body was then cast to the waves where it was eaten by sharks 🦈.” 😟😟😟

  2. ortensia said,

    An other burning tale💃🏻🔥❤️

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Thanks, Ortensia. 💕

      Glad it caught fire 🌋 with you.

      • ortensia said,

        Yep….had to hang my undies 😂😂😂😂that was gory sorry but I couldn’t resist🤷🏻‍♀️🤣

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Capital punishment for underwear. 😂😂😂😂

      • ortensia said,


  3. Hyperion said,

    What a lesson in history as we wind our way down the Byzantine labyrinth to Panty Goatee’s virginal fire. And now I must wait jealously as the girl of my dreams tells us about this mysterious man who has set Panty’s panties on fire.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yes, who has set Panty’s panties on fire?

      The question that has set the world on edge.

      As we wipe our computer screens with Lemon Pledge.

      • Hyperion said,

        With a micro cloth, rub a dub dub. My monitor always needs a good scrub. It’s clean as a whistle, don’t you see. Well, until round the corner comes Panty Goatee.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        And your computer screen protests, “I do like coffee and bourbon but I’m not a female porn star recipient…”

  4. Orvillewrong said,

    Go Panty Go !

  5. George F. said,

    Set her panties on fire…I’m assuming figuratively, not literally…it’s hotter for me that way! LOL!

  6. Apple Rae said,

    The historical facts you wrote in here were sooo interesting! Plus the Trump humour never fails to crack me up. 🤣 I could literally imagine him transforming to a total disaster, worse than Caitlyn Jenner 🤦🏻‍♀️ Panty Goatee is a hottie. She’s lucky to be saved from Baphomet indeed. 👌🏻😍

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Thank you very much, Apple. 😘

      Yes, Trump in drag would certainly cause Caitlyn Jenner and the rest of the Jenner/Kardashian to lose their appetite.

      To say nothing of the rest of the country and the rest of the world.

      Kanye West will be committing hari-kari live on stage (and then dead afterwards) while performing a rap song of extreme Kafkaesque existentialist angst.

      And Panty Goatee is very lucky 🍀 indeed to have been saved from the Baphomet. 😀

  7. David Redpath said,

    There are more things in heaven and Earth, Michelangelo, than are dreamt of in your fish tank 🐟.
    For neither the Donald
    nor the Horatio (timekeeper know
    when the Trumpet will blow

  8. shєrríє dє vαlєríα said,

    Is Baphomet too ugly for her?
    Heard stories that he is the magnet for the witches and he granted wishes of all kind.
    Panty Goatee is one sexy goddess I can imagine.
    Well, got fire under her panty! LOL

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yes, Baphomet is far too ugly for her. LOL !

      Yes, Panty Goatee is one sexy goddess with passionate fire in her panties. 😂

  9. thebookwormdrinketh said,

    I can’t get the image of Trump “turning Caitlyn Jenner” and wearing Ivanka Trump’s clothing…. 😂😂😂😂

  10. thebookwormdrinketh said,

    Oops… Was so distracted I forgot to finish my sentence!! “out of my head” 😂😂

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