3 Hours of Darkness Over Arctic Russian Siberia

July 25, 2018 at 10:39 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

3 Hours of Darkness Over Arctic Russian Siberia

“Well, I’ve arrived back from Oxford,” British MP Renfield R. Renfield announced to his friend Amadeus Emanon as he walked through the front door of the colossal West London mansion of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set where the Transhumanist parliamentarian lived.

He had a huge smile on his face as he walked through the door.

A week of blow jobs delivered by a group of sexy beautiful young female coeds at Oxford will do that to a guy.

“Did you hear about the 3 hours of total darkness over Russian Arctic Siberia in Siberia’s far north in the Russian republic of Yakutia (also called Sakha) last Friday July 20th?” Amadeus asked between mouthfuls of hot dogs 🌭.

“I heard about that while watching the BBC News App on my smart phone between mouthfuls of Desiderata performing oral healing and Lana performing oral healing,” Renfield replied with a smile 😀 brighter than the moon.

“What do you think caused that?” Amadeus asked as he spilled mustard, relish and ketchup all over his white dress shirt.

“Well, what I was told last Tuesday July 17th at Oxford in their safety deposit box room in their Archives might explain it,” Renfield blew his nose into his handkerchief emblazoned with the Whore of Babylon on it.

“And what were you told in that room?” Amadeus asked as he proceeded to wolf down 20 more hot dogs 🌭 despite the abstract painting the hot dog ingredients were now painting 🎨 on his white dress shirt.

“I’m sorry, I’m under oath not to reveal it,” Renfield replied.

“Shit, what a bummer!” Amadeus remarked as Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster had another vision of the Donald Trump-Vladimir Putin meeting as he meditated while performing yoga 🧘‍♀️ in his aquarium at the Set Enterprises lab 🔬.

. . .

As Pan Goatee was in the City of Calgary assassinating more of Justin Trudeau’s supporters in the city on orders of DARPA’s acting head Dr. Faustus Imhotep as well as someone at the highest levels of the U.S. government, he was in a McDonald’s restaurant to try their new Australian 🇦🇺 Egg and Cheese Burger as part of their summer International Cuisine Menu.

It was then that he saw two ugly women sitting with some loser of a guy in a booth at the back of the restaurant.

One was a fat ugly blimp so Pan Goatee beheaded her first.

He then beheaded the thin ugly woman who was obviously visiting the city from out of town.

As for the loser male who was dating both women in the greatest horror film ménage a trois of all time, Pan Goatee pulled out a gun and blew his head off.

Pan returned to the front counter and cash register up front as a Rihanna lookalike wearing a short skirt walked through the front door and stood in line.

“Tie me kangaroo down, sport,” Pan Goatee happily sang as he picked up his Australian Egg and Cheese burger 🍔.

. . .

Amadeus Emanon noticed the combination French impressionistic and abstract Picasso cubist masterpiece he had on his previously white dress shirt.

Just then his smart phone went off.

Amadeus answered.

It was his girlfriend Angelique Dumont the New Orleans vampiress and songstress who worked in West London’s theatre district.

She had phoned to say that she wouldn’t be able to make their date tonight.

Amadeus felt relief as this shirt he was wearing was the only clean white dress shirt he had for their fancy restaurant dinner date that they had planned this evening.

Amadeus said, “Yes, definitely some other time.”

“So, why can’t Angelique make your date tonight?” Renfield asked as he returned from the kitchen where he had made himself a tuna fish sandwich.

“She ran into a woman the two of us met last Friday in Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s office at Set Enterprises,” Amadeus explained, “The woman’s name is Panty Goatee and was recently genetically cloned in a DARPA lab. Apparently she was being forced to marry the Baphomet at a wedding on top of the Temple Mount in Jerusalem last Wednesday when she was rescued by a Black Jaguar. The Black Jaguar teleported both himself and Panty to Set Enterprises so that Dr. Cadbury Rocher could medically treat Miss Goatee for severe shock.
Anyways Panty Goatee underwent another shock last night when she had her first adult orgasm after she had encountered a blonde Adonis while sitting on the sidewalk steps of an entrance to a park. So Angelique is staying with her tonight.”

“Panty, what a most intriguing name,” Renfield wiped off his laptop screen with some tissues and a spray of Lemon 🍋 Pledge.

. . .

Persephone the Greek Goddess of the Underworld waits in a London cemetery as the midnight 🕛 hour approaches.

She’s awaiting the arrival of a blonde Adonis.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday July 25th


  1. Apple Rae said,

    I super love it whenever Pan Goatee kills ugly people just like that, just because. 😂 So they’ve never met? I’m excited to see how Pan Goatee will react once he sees her, I’m guessing he will love her lol

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yes, Pan Goatee is quite the Charlie Chaplinesque serial killer.

      He always kills with a humorous touch. 😂

  2. Apple Rae said,

    I mean Renfield* not Pan Goatee lol sorry typo 🤣

  3. Orvillewrong said,

    Amazing as always!

  4. 3 hours of darkness | marketing businesses said,

  5. velvetscreams said,

    Hmm…rihanna look alike gotta be charming…and i guess pan gotee wont kill her like he killed the 2😭

  6. David Redpath said,

    We no longer play the
    Rolf Harris version of
    ‘Tie me Kangaroo Down,
    Sport’ in Australia after recent Rolfing revelations.
    His song, ‘Jake the Peg’
    (sadly, one of my personal
    favourites 😢) has now a
    whole new interpretation
    … diddle-iddle-iddle-um.
    It’s was that ‘extra leg’ that
    caused ‘Jake’ all the trouble
    … diddle-iddle-iddle-um.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      I hadn’t heard that Rolf Harris got busted for some sort of sexually inappropriate behaviour.

      It wasn’t widely reported in Canada.

      His songs used to be popular in Canada in the ‘70s and ‘80s but since then haven’t heard anything about him,

      • David Redpath said,

        All very sad. Art Galleries
        took down his paintings.
        And I particularly like his
        version of ‘Stairway to Heaven’.
        No longer being played.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        That is very sad.

  7. Henry Lewis said,

    I’m fascinated by the world your mind inhabits!

  8. shєrríє dє vαlєríα said,

    Sounds like the blonde Adonis is a naughty creature.
    Do we need to call for Sherrielock Holmes then?

  9. thebookwormdrinketh said,

    “performing oral healing” 😂😂😂🍻

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