Pan Goatee Beheads Fat Ugly Blimp Walking In Wrong Neghbourhood
Pan Goatee Beheads Fat Ugly Blimp Walking In Wrong Neighbourhood
Pan Goatee was taking a nice long walk through a part of the city where visible minorities and immigrants lived.
African, South Asian, East Asian, Middle Eastern and Latina women were so much prettier than the fat ugly blimps and anorexic dogs you’d see waddling (in the case of the blimps) or staggering zombie 🧟♂️ like (in the case of the anorexic dogs) throughout most white Caucasian neighbourhoods making them a severe eyesore and blight on the urban landscape.
Instead of following the wisdom of the great Greek philosopher Aristotle who taught the Doctrine of the Golden Mean, they preferred the pseudo intellectual nonsense of Eckhart Tolle (acclaimed a genius by one Oprah Winfrey) and the demonically inspired teaching of A Course In Miracles (acclaimed as divinely inspired by one Oprah Winfrey).
These pale faced white airheads (and it no longer covered blondes anymore but all varieties of hair colour among these fat and ultra thin imbeciles) applied these philosophies to their inner and outer personal lives resulting in an aesthetic nightmare for all of humanity (causing both Oscar Wilde and Friedrich Nietzsche to roll over in their graves).
Oprah had created a monster that, in these politically correct times, no one wanted to shove back in the dark recesses of the bedroom closet (where all evil ogres lurked).
Goatee was enjoying his evening when he suddenly noticed to his horror a fat ugly white blimp crossing the street (along with 10,000 chickens 🐓 inside her guts no doubt as well as 30,000 specimens of flatulent methane gas producing global warming causing beef cattle).
“Fuck,” Goatee’s Tridentine Mass Latin needed to be excused, “what’s a fat obnoxious ugly white blimp doing visually ruining the landscape of this lovely neighbourhood in which lovely minority women are supposed to walk beautifying the world with their presence?”.
Pan Goatee immediately ran up to the fat ugly white blimp and after unloading a rain of expletives and swear words in her fat repulsive ugly face (words that would probably even cause the profanity spewing so-called comedians on the cable TV so-called Comedy Network to blush profusely), he then cut off her head with his astral laser machete.
“In the name of God, go!” Pan Goatee exclaimed recalling the words that British cabinet minister Leo Amery spoke to then British Prime Minister Neville Chamberlain after Norway 🇳🇴 was about to fall to the Nazis in the spring of 1940.
Goatee then carved up the fat ugly white blimp into 666 quintillion pieces because he thought that was an appropriate number.
He then picked up a garbage bag from a nearby garbage can and swiping someone’s lawn leaf sucking vacuum cleaner sucked up all the blimp pieces into the garbage bag.
He then helped himself to a huge litre can of gasoline and drove to a neighbourhood controlled by drug gangs.
He broke into the neighbourhood’s largest drug den and market place selling house and dumped the blimp pieces inhabiting trash bag on the floor of what would be the living room in any normal house.
He then poured gasoline all over the trash bag and set fire to it.
The resulting fire 🔥 caused a 13-alarm blaze and the entire drug gang neighbourhood burned to the ground as the ghost of Pablo Escobar wept and Nero’s ghost played Beethoven’s Ode To Joy on his violin 🎻.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday August 30th
2018.
Pan Goatee Beheads Oprah Winfrey For Encouraging Self-Esteem Even Amongst Ugly Looking Women
Pan Goatee Beheads Oprah Winfrey For Encouraging Self-Esteem Even Amongst Ugly Looking Women
Pan Goatee could not believe the amount of dogs, cows and blimps that were out waddling and stampeding the city streets and sidewalks today.
And of course he was talking about two legged dogs, two legged cows and blimps with their elephant sized legs on the ground as opposed to blocking out the sun up in the sky and vastly increasing the amount of global warming across the globe through their massive body fat and heat.
Who the Hell left the cage doors and barn doors and Goodyear aerodrome doors open?
There were too many uglos for Pan Goatee’s laser astral machete to handle alone.
So he went into a Wal-Mart without any photo ID to buy himself an astral laser automatic machine gun with a thousand rounds of ammunition.
The only piece of ID he had on him was a written note from his psychiatrist that had on it written the single phrase, “This fellow is totally insane and mentally unstable.”
One clerk rang up the bill of sale, the other clerk packed up Pan Goatee’s astral laser automatic machine gun and rounds of ammunition into a bag and a third clerk invited him to buy an NRA membership which they were offering for $5 a year for today only.
Goatee accepted the membership discount.
“If there weren’t so many uglies around today,” Pan quipped, “I’d say today was my lucky day.”
“I know what you mean about uglies visually polluting the urban landscape,” the third clerk sympathized, “I lost yesterday’s breakfast, lunch, dinner, midnight snack and today’s breakfast simultaneously when I came to work this morning.”
“Hey, who up chucked 🤮 the equivalent of the entire Amazon River and Pacific Ocean basin in the men’s washroom?” The janitor’s voice echoed throughout the store.
Pan Goatee went outside, loaded his ammunition and began firing at the massive amount of uglies all over the city.
News media reporters and TV cameramen were too busy reading and analyzing the latest tweets from Donald Trump on their smart phones to film the shootings and the gunman.
When Pan Goatee had started to develop Lee Harvey Oswald elbow as a result of too much shooting with one arm and then Grassy Knoll Gunmen elbow as a result of too much shooting with the other, he went into a cocktail lounge for a drink.
While there, he happened to notice Oprah Winfrey sitting up at the bar.
Goatee approached the former TV show host.
He had run out of ammunition but he still had his astral laser machete.
“It’s all your fault, Oprah,” he told the multi-billionaire entertainer, “that we have so many ugly white women in English speaking North America this century. Telling all these fat ugly blimps to have high self-esteem and feel good about themselves even though they turned into fat ugly visually aesthetically challenged dogs, cows and blimps sitting on their ugly asses watching television all day.”
Pan Goatee immediately beheaded the talk show hostess with his astral laser machete.
“I won’t be back after this message,” were Oprah’s last words as her head rolled on to the floor and then on to the Persian carpet.
. . .
“Mister President,” one of Donald Trump’s White House aides informed him, “we have it on good authority that Oprah Winfrey has just been beheaded.”
“That’s good,” Trump tried to comb some seagull droppings out of his hair, “there goes one of my potential Democratic Presidential opponents for 2020. Anyone behead Dwayne The Rock Johnson yet?”.
“Not yet,” his aide answered.
“Pity,” Trump remarked as he drank a cup of Red Rose Tea which was only available in Canada but he managed to talk his butler and valet Lexington into smuggling some across the border for him.
. . .
Ellen DeGeneres was trying to find Nemo in her outdoor fish pond when she was informed by her gardener that Oprah Winfrey had been beheaded.
“How awful,” Ellen gasped.
“I see that the publishers of A Course In Miracles have had Ms. Winfrey’s head and body cryogenically frozen and have hired London’s Set Enterprises scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher to see if he can re-attach her head and body and then re-animate her,” the gardener read a news bulletin off his CNN News App.
“I hope he can,” Ellen said as Nemo came leaping out of the pond asking, “Where’s Dory?”.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday August 29th
2018.
A well-known anthropologist says that zombies 🧟♂️ probably don’t have the aesthetic sensibilities of Pan Goatee 🐐.
Sherlock Holmes and Jack The Ripper: A Haiku
Sherlock Holmes and Jack The Ripper: A Haiku
Holmes had Jack in lab
electrocuted him because
The courts would acquit
When you’re as important in society as Jack was, the Old Bailey would never convict.
So Sherlock Holmes took matters in his own hand.
Years later, Nikola Tesla would re-enact Holmes’ test for his friend Mark Twain.
But without using a living subject like the great British detective did.
Pan Goatee’s Pre-Homicidal Big Mac Attack and Calls For Pope Francis To Resign
Pan Goatee’s Pre-Homicidal Big Mac Attack and Calls For Pope Francis To Resign
DARPA contract assassin and genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee 🐐 was having a Big Mac attack.
So he went into a McDonald’s restaurant and ordered a Big Mac.
While enjoying his Big Mac and signing autographs asked for him by an adoring group of star struck fans who would be starting kindergarten in the fall, the satyr noticed an ugly looking woman by the pop machine.
The stupid bitch seemed to be taking her time figuring out how the pop machine worked (and she didn’t have the excuse of being an attractive looking blonde with a nice pair of knockers who generally do have such trouble with such simple mechanisms).
Finally the ugly looking bitch was shown by her children how you just had to push your cup against a lever and the pop poured of its own accord.
She finally left the restaurant.
“Thank God,” Pan Goatee took some blood pressure lowering pills, “her ugliness was starting to get on my nerves.”
But then the ugly looking bitch insisted on standing right outside the window where Pan Goatee was sitting totally ruining his view with this hideous blemish on the landscape.
Pan Goatee immediately jumped through the window smashing it into a thousand pieces and beheading the ugly woman with his astral laser machete.
Just then a cab pulled up to the parking space in front and the cab driver stuck his head out the window, “Anybody here call for a ride?”.
“Mom did but this half-man half goat beheaded her,” the ugly woman’s son explained.
Pan Goatee picked up the ugly woman’s decapitated body and threw it in the back seat.
He then picked up the ugly woman’s decapitated head and threw it in the trunk.
“You better drive her home,” Pan Goatee directed after snatching a $20 bill from one of the ugly woman’s kids and handing it to the cab driver, “Being beheaded and driving is like being impaired and driving. It doesn’t really mix and could lead to a major catastrophic traffic or pedestrian collision on our city streets.”
He then went back inside to finish his Big Mac.
Just then a fat ugly blimp walked by him finally wrecking his appetite for good.
Goatee threw the remaining pieces of Big Mac to a homeless man who was looking for bottles in the trash bin outside.
He then beheaded the fat ugly blimp and proceeded to cut her up into a trillion pieces.
“Certainly a lot of fat to go around there,” Goatee thought to himself as he wondered whether he might not have been a government auditor in a past life.
. . .
“Cthulhu has been eating quite a number of the residents of San Francisco,” one of Donald Trump’s White House aides told the toupee wearing President.
“What do I care?” Trump shrugged, “The people of California never voted for me and the people of San Francisco in particular never voted for me. Let them be cake 🍰 for Cthulhu.”
Trump took off his hairpiece and put on a Marie Antoinette wig to see how he would look.
“But Melania says unless you do something to stop Cthulhu’s non-vegan cuisine slaughter in San Francisco, she’s going to give a tell all interview to CNN News.”
“All right,” Trump changed his mind, “Send Gen. James Mattis out there and get him to ask Cthulhu what’s eating him that’s causing him to eat so many residents of San Francisco.”
. . .
Pope Francis was being told by several Cardinals and bishops that he should resign in the wake of the former papal nuncio to the United States’ 11-page document that the pontiff knew about former Cardinal Theodore McCarrick’s sexual misconduct and covered up for him.
Pope Francis sat in his office and pondered 🤔 the million dollar question, “What would Pope Alexander VI do?”.
Meanwhile Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal, who had taken over the Vatican on October 13th last year along with six Vampiric Knights-Templar, the Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow and Amourous Laetitia the personal black cat and familiar of Hecate the Greek goddess of witchcraft, was undergoing a severe anxiety attack in the wake of the possibility that Pope Francis might resign.
Allatallahbel was dealing with her anxiety attack in the only way she knew how.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday August 27th
2018.
Reblog of Edgar Allan Poe: Swinging Like A Pendulum Do
Here’s a short story I wrote almost 2 years ago.
It’s a short story featuring the late great TCM Turner Classic Movies host Robert Osborne:
Edgar Allan Poe: Swinging Like A Pendulum Do
It was an old movie from the 1930s on television. Johnson had heard of the film The Pit and The Pendulum based on a short story by Edgar Allan Poe.
But he wasn’t familiar with the 1930s version. He had only heard of a movie version from the 1960s with Vincent Price.
But this 1930s version was totally new to him and here he was a big classic horror movies fan. The Pit and The Pendulum from 1936 with Bela Lugosi and Boris Karloff.
Try as he might, he could not recall Karloff and Lugosi ever making such a film. Lugosi had made The Black Cat with Karloff. He had made The Raven. He had made Murders In The Rue Morgue. All based on works by Poe.
But Johnson had never heard of Lugosi doing a movie version of Poe’s The Pit…
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Actual Rings of Fire Beyond Smoke and Mirrors? Or Millstone Around Neck Midnight Swims?
Actual Rings of Fire Beyond Smoke and Mirrors? Or Millstone Around Neck Midnight Swims?
“It were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones.”
-Jesus Christ to His Apostles
as recorded in Luke 17: 2 (KJV)
“Where their worm dieth not and the fire is not quenched.”
-Jesus Christ to His Apostles
as recorded in Mark 9:48 (KJV)
“Why is she called the Sacred Riana?” Pope Francis asked Samhain Cardinal Salaman (who had been a professional stage magician prior to his being named to the Vatican College of Cardinals) after he and the Cardinal watched clips of Indonesia’s great female magician, mentalist and illusionist performing on America’s Got Talent.
Cardinal Samhain Salaman (the ex-magician) shrugged.
He genuinely did not know.
. . .
The defrocked former priest gulped.
And not because he was watching Pennsylvania Attorney-General Josh Shapiro discuss the Grand Jury report on priestly sexual abuse at a news conference in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania on CNN News.
He had just received word from a colleague of his (they had been involved in a group of 12 pedophile priests in the same city- part of a much larger pedophile network of priests in Pennsylvania that in turn were part of a much larger pedophile network of priests in the U.S. that in turn were part of a much larger global pedophile network of priests across the world) that 10 of their colleagues had been burned to death in their residences.
. . .
“Help us, Riana, help us,” the voices of children – both boys and girls called out to the long haired young Asian woman in the red dress and white silk tights as she tried to sleep.
The long haired young Asian woman saw sinister looking figures dressed in black robes approaching the children and asking in almost demonic sounding masculine voices, “Do you want to play?”.
“Avenge us, Riana, avenge us,” the children cried as they disappeared under the robes of the sinister men in black.
. . .
The defrocked former priest thought he saw an arm in blue emerge out of the mirror in his bedroom.
He also thought he saw smoke emerging from the mirror.
He walked over to the mirror and a long haired young Asian woman dressed in a blue dress and white silk tights reached out her right blue sleeved arm from the looking glass of the mirror and grabbed the defrocked priest by the throat.
Fire burned in the background in the mirror as the young woman stepped out from the mirror.
Soon other long haired young Asian women dressed in blue dresses and white silk tights emerged from the mirror as the fire in the mirror continued to expand.
The defrocked priest turned to get away when he noticed standing on top of his dresser was a long haired young Asian woman in a red dress and white silk tights who was holding a doll in one hand and with her other hand seemed to be directing the blue dress wearing long haired young Asian women to attack the pedophile defrocked priest.
The young Asian women ripped the pedophile defrocked priest apart as flames engulfed his entire house.
The next morning as the Fire Department and the police went through the blackened rubble of smouldering charcoaled remains, all that was found intact was a silver Crucifix, a statue of the Virgin Mary and a glimmering antique mirror that had carved wooden dragons, worms, snakes and flames around the edges.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday August 24th
2018.
Hitler’s Ghost Views Paris and The Eiffel Tower As Amadeus and Angelique Make Out
Hitler’s Ghost Views Paris and The Eiffel Tower As Amadeus and Angelique Make Out
Amadeus Emanon and his girlfriend the New Orleans vampiress Angelique Dumont were spending a romantic getaway in Paris France 🇫🇷.
The vampiress had stocked up on Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s special sunblock which prevented vampiresses from being fried to a crisp in the daylight sun.
They boated along the Seine River and lunched in elegant Parisienne street cafes as artists painted their portraits.
They watched someone wearing a Donald Trump mask dive into the river and announce to the world, “It’s official. I’m in Seine.”
They visited Notre Dame Cathedral and kissed under one of the gargoyles.
Not since the Hunchback of Notre Dame had lit up the night with Esmeralda the gypsy had the gargoyle seen such action.
Amadeus and Angelique then went to a spot with a great view of the Eiffel Tower and made out there.
Moments before, Amadeus had received a text message from his friend the British MP Renfield R. Renfield pointing out that today was the 79th Anniversary of the signing of the Nazi-Soviet Pact.
Renfield said he had just posted a message on the timeline of Vladimir Putin’s Facebook page to that effect and got a bunch of Russian 🇷🇺 expletives hurled at him in return.
And speaking of Nazis, Hitler’s Ghost had temporarily left the body of the grey wolf he was possessing and was walking in astral spirit form through the streets of Paris recounting memories of his glorious triumphal trip to Paris on June 28th 1940 after he had conquered the French nation.
He stood alongside Amadeus and Angelique as they looked at their tourist maps (fearing that Trump’s NSA would monitor the GPS on their smart phones) and stood looking out at the city before he then turned and gazed at the Eiffel Tower.
He then looked at Amadeus and Angelique who had dropped their tourist maps and were now kissing.
“Oh,” Der Fuhrer mused aloud to himself, “to be alive and young and in Paris.”
Coincidentally at that very same moment, Donald Trump was saying the exact same thing as he was watching an old reality TV show with Paris Hilton on Netflix.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday August 23rd
2018.
Cthulhu Threatens Vengeance On America For Sacred Riana Being Voted Off AGT: A Horror Poem
Cthulhu Threatens Vengeance On America For Sacred Riana Being Voted Off AGT: A Horror Poem
It was the city proud to be oh so happy and gay
not so the creature now dwelling in the Bay
San Francisco felt a shaking
and it wasn’t earthquaking
It was Cthulhu as mad as Hell
but not at Mel B. or Simon Cowell
Howie Mandel was likewise all right
but Heidi Klum got a fright in the night
A tentacle 🐙 grabbed her leg
and it wasn’t Trump taken down a peg
For Cthulhu was in love with the Sacred Riana
like King King showing Fay Wray his big banana
He was expecting his favourite magician to go all the way
not burnt to ashes like a voodoo doll on a hot summer day
For America had voted Riana out
as Heidi complained of leg pain worse than gout
And now America would pay a very high price
and it wouldn’t be tariffs on chicken fried rice 🍚
A creature from the Lovecraftian Mythos
was with the land of the free extremely cross
No need to worry about Putin, Iran or Kim
For America, Cthulhu now has it in
It will drown in blood
like a raging flood
Fake news or not
but tentacles 🦑 of death shall hit the spot
and of making the land great again, it shall all come to not.
-A comic horror poem
written by Christopher
Wednesday August 22nd
2018.
The Sacred Riana is Cthulhu’s queen
She ascended a fiery wall before commercial break scene
She was crawling up to be crowned the Queen of Hell
from the Beast like creature who at the bottom of the sea 🌊 does dwell
Dracul and Qonzilqointec On Feast Day of Saint Pius X
Dracul and Qonzilqointec On Feast Day of Saint Pius X
The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec was waiting for Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing.
She wore a low-cut short skirted red rose 🌹 decorated white mini dress and a pair of spiked stiletto high-heeled sandals 👡 whose colour matched her purse 👜.
As soon as Dracul saw her, he realized right then and there that he’d have to take her right then and there on the spot.
Qonzilqointec was expecting that (in fact she was immensely looking forward to it) and so she hadn’t worn any panties under her dress.
Dracul mounted her and they engaged in several hours of highly orgasmic tantric sex which had a major effect on the Ring of Fire around the Pacific Ocean 🌊.
Coincidentally 69 (yes, 69) major earthquakes hit the Ring of Fire and the area around the Yellowstone super volcano 🌋 was on high alert.
. . .
August 21st was the Feast Day of Pope Saint Pius X.
Pope Francis didn’t really relish celebrating the Feast as Saint Pius X had been a Pope who believed in the existence of Hell (much to Pope Francis’ discomfort).
Nevertheless he said a commemoration Mass today for the sake of appearances.
No telling what Cardinal Raymond Burke and Cardinal Robert Sarah would have said if he hadn’t.
Pope Francis then left the Mass for his meeting to discuss the environment and sustainable development for Earth 🌏 Mother Gaia with Lev Tomi the Secretary of the UN Secretariat On The Environment and Climate Change.
Lev Tomi was a vampire.
In his mortal life he had been the Russian Bolshevik revolutionary Leon Trotsky who had a falling out with Josef Stalin and was expelled from the USSR in February 1929.
It was on this date August 21st back in 1940 that Trotsky had been bitten on the neck and turned into a vampire by the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec in Mexico City.
The bite that changed him from mortal to vampiric immortal happened shorty after midnight 🕛 Mexico City local time on August 21st.
If he hadn’t been turned into a vampire, he would have succumbed to his head wounds from an ice pick attack to the head and died.
The ice pick attack happened on August 20th 1940 in Mexico City and was administered by Spanish-born Stalinist agent Ramon Mercader acting on Stalin’s orders.
Trotsky’s “death” was announced to the world as a way to prevent any further attacks on his person by agents of Josef Stalin (it also saved Stalinist agents the embarrassment of having to carry Crosses and Crucifixes and Holy Water as well as hawthorn wooden stakes on their person in an effort to dispose of Trotsky in his current state).
Trotsky changed his name to Lev Tomi and moved to New York City where he worked as a non-starving artist (since he didn’t have to pay to drink blood- his main diet).
When the United Nations was formed in 1945, he got a job working at the UN in New York and worked his way up to become Secretary of The UN Secretariat On The Environment and Climate Change.
“So,” Pope Francis asked Trotsky aka Tomi, “how shall we bring about a world global government to save Mother Earth 🌏?”.
Tomi aka Trotsky told him.
. . .
One of Israel’s leading Kabbalistic rabbis was giving an address in a synagogue on how various mystical rabbis throughout the centuries had predicted the arrival of an alien 👽 ET saviour from another planet who would be the ultimate blessed hope of the Jewish people.
The Mossad agent who was codenamed the Controller of the Golem sat in the front row of the synagogue 🕍 in a state of shock.
Never before had he heard such utter blasphemy.
His gentile guests the Byzantine vampiress Theodora and Prince Vlad Dracula of Wallachia and Count of Transylvania were likewise shocked 😳 😮 as they sat in the front row.
What was really disturbing the Controller thought to himself was that this same Kabbalistic rabbi (who had just prophesied the advent of an alien 👽 ET saviour from another planet) had numerous gentile disciples in America- most of whom were well-known supposedly “Christian” televangelists.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday August 21st
2018.
Qonzilqointec on an historic date-
in every sense of that word.
Dracul Van Helsing 
Justin Trudeau Wants To Discuss Donald Trump With Gali-Gula
August 31, 2018 at 10:36 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, International Intrigue, News, Politics, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (Donald Trump, Federal Court of Appeal of Canada, Gali-Gula, Justin Trudeau, Strawberry Fields Forever, The ET Gray Gali-Gula)
Justin Trudeau Wants To Discuss Donald Trump With Gali-Gula
Canada’s marijuana legalizing Prime Minister Justin Trudeau was having a bad week.
Yesterday the Federal Court of Appeal decided to quash the Trudeau government’s approval of the Kinder Morgan Trans Mountain Pipeline effectively delaying the project for years (and maybe even killing it).
In response, Alberta Premier Rachel Notley announced she was pulling the province of Alberta out of Trudeau’s proposed National Climate Action Plan saying the Federal Government seemed to have botched its handling of the plans to sell Alberta oil overseas by allowing it access to the nation’s West Coast ports.
Meanwhile all the pot-smoking flaky and nutcase radical environmentalists on B.C.’s Lower Mainland and Vancouver Island were having orgasms of pure joy over this court decision that will kill any chance of economic prosperity for Alberta or most of Canada for the next 10 to 15 years.
Indigenous First Nations leaders who served as useful idiots for the cause of political correctness and white liberal pothead smoking radical environmentalists were ecstatic as well.
Those indigenous First Nations leaders who were actually concerned about jobs and employment for their people were horrified as this killed chances for economic prosperity in both Alberta and B.C. as a result of jobs being created over pipeline construction now being gone.
A well-known Alberta based Canadian vampire hunter said that the Federal Court of Appeal’s decision was proof positive that the number one requirement for being a judge in Canada was to be a total imbecile.
World famous London Dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes issued a statement shortly afterwards that this means Donald Trump could then probably get a job as a judge in Canada 🇨🇦 should he forced to leave the United States 🇺🇸.
Meanwhile rumours were flying that various gay pedophile inclined bishops and Cardinals were thinking of leaving the United States for the safety of Pope Francis’ Vatican 🇻🇦 should a U.S. Department of Justice investigation into their activities start.
Then as another blow to Justin Trudeau, today the NAFTA Trade Deal with the U.S. might be dead.
Trump’s deadline for reaching a deal had come and gone today.
Trudeau’s Foreign Affairs Minister tried to put the best possible spin on it saying that talks would continue next week.
But when a supreme asshole was currently sitting in the Oval Office, what could one do, Justin sighed.
The supreme asshole and Twitterer-In-Chief had in fact given an off-the-record interview to Bloomberg News yesterday that was leaked to The Toronto Star today,
In the interview, Trump said that he would not be making any compromises at all with Canada and any deal with Canada would be “totally on our terms”.
The supreme asshole’s attitude meant that NAFTA was effectively dead in the water.
Anyone who said otherwise had been inhaling too much pot smoke 💨.
And speaking of pot smoke, Justin Trudeau was currently in his green house inhaling pot smoke that was being exhaled from his genetically created pot smoking desert 🌵 cactus plant named Strawberry Fields Forever (that had been genetically created for him by Set Enterprises’ Dr. Cadbury Rocher).
He was inhaling pot smoke 💨 in the hopes that this would enable him to see his little ET gray friend Gali-Gula that he always saw after inhaling pot smoke.
Gali-Gula was an ET gray from the planet Nibiru who was possessed by the ghost of the ancient earthling Roman Emperor Caligula.
Justin was very anxious to discuss the subject of Donald Trump with his little ET gray friend.
Unfortunately for Justin, Gali-Gula had become a big fan of the best of earthling music in recent years and as such he was currently in Detroit, Michigan attending the funeral of Aretha Franklin one of his favourite musical artists.
And the funeral service went on for 7 hours as was appropriate for the woman named the Queen of Soul.
Justin fell asleep 😴 waiting for Gali-Gula to show up.
While sleeping, he dreamed that the War of 1812 that Canada fought with the U.S. was being fought again.
. . .
It was nighttime and Donald Trump was sitting in the Oval Office waiting for the ghosts of Julius Caesar and the first Roman Emperor Caesar Augustus to show up.
Trump had first invoked the ghosts of Julius and Augustus Caesar in an ancient pagan Roman ritual he had performed this past Monday night shortly after attending a dinner meeting with evangelical Christian pastors and broadcasters telling them what a “devout believer” he was.
Trump was seeking advice from the ghosts of the two Caesars on how to go about making himself Emperor of America should it prove necessary.
Just like he was currently getting advice from the ghost of Chilean dictator Gen. Augusto Pinochet on how to stage a coup d’état should that become necessary.
One can never be too sure how the U.S. Congressional mid-term elections might go, Trump thought to himself.
After his meeting with the ghosts of the two Caesars, Trump would then be meeting with the ghost of the French Emperor Napoleon Bonaparte to discuss the groundwork for a possible military invasion and annexation of Canada should that become necessary (Trump’s 1st choice for such advice had been the ghost of Der German Fuhrer Adolf Hitler but he was currently unavailable at the moment).
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday August 31st
2018.
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