The Ariana Grande Concert Tickets: To Bill’s Or Not To Bill’s?

September 2, 2018 at 11:53 pm (Commentary, Culture, Fashion, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Music, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

The Ariana Grande Concert Tickets: To Bill’s Or Not To Bill’s?

Former U. S. President Bill Clinton saw the hostile look on Hillary’s face.

Oh God, what had he done now?

At that moment, Bill wished he had a wash cloth to wipe the stain off his blue trousers.

“I was going through the desk drawer when I noticed these tickets to an Ariana Grande concert,” Hillary seethed, “did you buy them?”.

“Oh, they may have been a gift from somebody,” Bill put his finger on his nose, “I didn’t know what they were.”

“Oh really?” Hillary smirked sarcastically, “I noticed you couldn’t keep your eyes off Ariana Grande’s short skirted ass when she sang (You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural Woman at Aretha Franklin’s funeral this past Friday.”

Bill was thinking to himself that Bishop Charles H. Ellis III was certainly feeling himself a natural woman that day and envied the pastor.

The former President’s thoughts returned to the screeching voice that seemed to be unnatural to this world.

He quickly put the Taco Bell burrito 🌯 he had been eating back in his pocket.

“Well, what about it?” Hillary’s voice sounded like fingernails scraping on a blackboard, “The whole world noticed how you were ogling Ariana Grande’s skirted ass at Aretha’s funeral.”

“I did not have my eyes ogling at that woman’s skirted ass,” Bill protested, “I was just enjoying her performance.”

“Oh, is that what you call it?” Hillary smirked again,” “I was watching you . I noticed you couldn’t keep your eyes off her ass the whole time.”

“You make me sound like that rising new British MP Renfield R. Renfield,” Bill protested, “Most unfair is that comparison.

Renfield would most undoubtedly agree.

“And what about the date on these Ariana Grande concert tickets?” Hillary asked, “I noticed they’re for the same night that you said you couldn’t accompany me to the Illuminati Deep State Conspirators’ Club dinner meeting. You told me something else had come up. Is this what came up?”.

Hillary waved the concert tickets at him.

“Of course not,” Bill felt his nose again.

“What was it you had to attend that night then?” Hillary asked.

“I can’t remember,” Bill answered.

“You can’t remember?” Hillary chortled like an owl in a hurricane, “and what about having your eyes on Ariana’s ass the whole time she was singing last Friday?”.

“That’s not true,” Bill protested, “at one point, I exchanged words with Rev. Jesse Jackson.”

“I imagine you two were probably exchanging lustful fantasies with one another,” Hillary seethed.

“That’s not true,” Bill felt his nose again.

Meanwhile at Rev. Jesse Jackson’s house, the good minister was trying to explain to his wife the tickets to the Ariana Grande concert she had just found in his coat pocket (coincidentally for the same night as the date on the concert tickets that Hillary had found).

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday September 2nd

What would probably have been Bill and Jesse’s favourite view if they had attended the Ariana Grande concert.
And if the night had turned out the way Jesse wanted, would Bill have spent the rest of the evening singing that old 1980s Rick Springfield song, “I wish that I had Jessie’s girl…”?


  1. David Redpath said,

    I’m sure Bill would’ve gone off
    like a Manchester suicide bomber,
    and blown a Clinton Corsage
    a mile wide.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      I’m sure he probably would have, David.

      And Ariana would have to go to the nearest dry cleaners to get her dress steam cleaned.

  2. velvetscreams said,

    Haha…i watched the video of bill checking out ariana and pointing fingers and also the so called pastor getting a feel of Ariana’s private part. So insulting!😥…but no one heard what he said😂…he might have been admiring her talent indeed😂…lovely writeup dracul!…ariana totally looked like snack🌹🍺🎁….

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Thanks very much, Velvet. 💕

      Yes, Ariana totally looked like snack all right.

      That’s probably why the pastor had Taco Bell on his mind when he greeted her. 😂

      • velvetscreams said,

        You are welcome dracul…certainly that’s the reason😂

  3. Orvillewrong said,

    And where was the great orange orifice whilst all this lust was going on. Its not like him to miss out!

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      No, indeed it wasn’t, Malcolm.

      That is indeed the trillion dollar deficit mystery.

      Where WAS the Great Orange Orifice while this was going on?

      I may have to ask my friends at DARPA this very question.

  4. Henry Lewis said,

    Hilarious! Nasty men using a public funeral to get off. Possibly it would be timely to discuss proper funeral attire for performers as well. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not blaming the victim (errr, Ariana), just sayin’. Is there any aspect of American culture that isn’t on it’s last gasping breath?

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Currently and sadly, Henry, I can’t think of any aspect of American culture that isn’t on its last gasping breath.

  5. righteousbruin9 said,

    The ghost of Aretha is already plotting a next move. As for Ariana, well her fiance looks like he can handle himself. The dress? No, women should not be required to babysit “grown men” by dressing in Victorian attire. She wore what was comfortable on a summer day, in Detroit. I get tired of people my age lecturing young folks on what is proper, when the problem comes from our generation’s lack of self-control. Yes, I work with young women every bit as lovely as Ariana Grande, and I manage to keep my eyes and hands to myself. It’s a maturity thing.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Very proper and mature of you too, Gary.

      Yes, I’ve been told how hot and humid and sweltering the summers can get in Detroit.

      Ariana no doubt didn’t want to swelter in the heat.

      She probably had no idea that 3 grown older men were going to go into heat as a result.

  6. David Redpath said,

    “Let’s Make Groping Great Again”
    ~ Bishop Minnie Me
    in a Desdemona TuTu
    Yes Please Ellis III

  7. Hyperion said,

    As a mature male in a decadent society of P-grabbers, I am forced to stay relevant or be irrelevant. Because if this, I pretend to ogle Ariana Grande’s snackable bootie while dreaming of going to Taco Bell. I’ve found that being a lecherous ole bastard makes one hungry. LoL, great satire of the former Lecher in Chief and head Hecate of the Illuminati’s Screech Owl Department. As for the GOO, he had a certain Estonian Woman of Viking Shieldmaiden descent pounding on his head for spooging on their 72 inch home entertainment system when Ariana’s bootie appeared six times its actual size on the screen. It appears America is hell bound to elect P-Grabbers for Prez. Something Hilary should keep in mind on her next twelve attempts at becoming Hecate in Chief for America.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      The first time I saw or heard of Ariana Grande was back in 2014 when I was living in Vancouver at the time.

      There was a radio station in Vancouver called Virgin Radio (which was 94.5 FM on the radio dial) which was constantly showing a TV commercial that had a whole bunch of contemporary pop stars (who I had never heard of before) saying the name Virgin Radio.

      I found the name Virgin Radio rather interesting because if that was strictly the audience they were playing to, they would have a very small audience (if any at all) in Vancouver.

      Yet they claimed to be Vancouver’s most popular music station,

      Unless by the name, they were trying to appeal to something in most Vanouverites’ pre-marijuana haze fog smoke filled memories.

      Anyways the contemporary pop stars who appeared in this commercial for Vancouver’s ironically named Virgin Radio ended with Ariana Grande appearing on the screen with her sweet melodious genuinely virginal sounding angelic voice saying, “Virgin Radio.”

      I found myself having to wipe the television screen after every time she appeared and wondered if a certain part of my anatomy really shouldn’t apply for the job of being a major league baseball pitcher or the 21st Century Robin Hood of archery 🏹 able to hit the bull’s eye on the target 🎯 in the Nottingham Sheriff’s Tournament everytime.

      Coincidentally for some reason, I started listening to Vancouver’s 94.5 FM radio station after seeing those commercials featuring the lovely 😊 Miss Ariana Grande.

      I suppose that’s why I was so angry… I mean… Renfield was so angry… when a radical Islamist suicide bomber attacked the Ariana Grande concert in Manchester.

      And the result was Renfield led a group of British Army Welsh Brigade Gurkhas to attack an ISIS training camp in Libya 🇱🇾 with the Gurkhas tying detonative explosive wires to the terrorists’ tiny testicles and then blowing them up simultaneously after a holographic image of Renfield appeared to them in the sky with Renfield reading a typical Renfieldian poem giving the terrorists the verbal raspberry they so richly deserved and then a plane ✈️ skywriting in the sky over their heads the words NO 72 VIRGINS FOR YOU and the wires were then detonated.

      Of course this attack on the ISIS terrorist camp in Libya 🇱🇾 led to Renfield being elected in a landslide victory in the constituency in which he was running in the British general election last year.

      Future historians will no doubt be amazed at the correlation between Ariana Grande appearing on TV commercials for Vancouver’s Virgin Radio 94.5 FM Music station and Renfield’s election to the British Parliament and ISIS terrorists entering the afterlife without the equipment necessary to satisfy 72 dark eyed virgins.

      • Hyperion said,

        Little did Ariana know her impacts on history and the future of the world by spotlighting Richard Branson’s Virgin Radio. Some would rise to their finest hour and others would prove they had little or no balls for the Virginesque Siren.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        That is indeed an excellent summation of Ariana’s impact on world history. 😀

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