Pan Goatee’s Continuing Aesthetic Cleansing and False Flag Chemical Attack In Syria

September 4, 2018 at 10:38 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel, war) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Pan Goatee’s Continuing Aesthetic Cleansing And False Flag Chemical Attack In Syria

DARPA contract assassin and genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee was riding the public transit train 🚊 when he noticed a stupid looking fat ugly white blimp boarded the train with her equally stupid looking heavyset white boyfriend.

What a travesty! Goatee thought to himself.

Proof positive that the decline of civilization was upon us.

He could well imagine the great Renaissance Pope Julius II (who commissioned Michelangelo to decorate the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel and hired a young man named Raphael as an artist to bring numerous artistic improvements to the Vatican) rolling over in his Michelangelo sculpted tomb.

Oh well, at least this allowed him to see the direction his papal successor Pope Francis was going when he got around to kicking the bucket.

Pan Goatee realized that such a horribly and repulsively ugly looking couple would produce multitudes of equally repulsive ugly looking children.

And while the progeny of such a horrible to contemplate union would probably result in the final nail in the coffin of the ludicrous ideas of the white race supremacist theory, for the sake of aesthetics and the end of visual pollution in the world (a subject totally ignored by Pope Francis in his environmental encyclical Laudato Si), he Pan Goatee the 21st Century Saviour of the Human Race (a title that America’s Twitterer-In-Chief had reserved for himself) would have to stop such a union in its tracks.

Pan Goatee went up and beheaded the ugly looking couple.

Later when Pan Goatee was sitting on a public transit bus 🚎, the bus was about to leave when the stupid low-IQ holding bus driver stopped to let a repulsive fat ugly white blimp on the bus (a blimp who could easily win elephant hands down the Ms. Fat Ugly White Blimp Ugliness Pageant in what was a city of mainly fat ugly white blimps).

Pan Goatee immediately went up and beheaded the fat ugly blimp saying aloud the prayer, “Lord, deliver us from all ugliness.”

A prayer that had been composed by the great Renaissance Pope Julius II.

A prayer that had been omitted from the lectionary of Pope John XXIII’s Second Vatican Council that resulted in the past 60 years of bad theology and the past 20 years of lousy aesthetics in that part of the world’s population most heavily influenced by post-Vatican II neo-modernist theology.

After kicking the fat ugly blimp’s head off the bus and killing a Neo-Nazi Ku Klux Klansman with the hideous looking projectile, Pan Goatee then beheaded the stupid low-IQ holding white bus driver saying aloud the prayer, “Lord, deliver us from stupidity” – a prayer composed by one of Donald Trump’s ancestors (a prayer that went unanswered).

He then cut the stupid bus driver up into 666 quintillion pieces and put all the parts inside a non-City of Calgary approved garbage bag.

At that moment, Pan Goatee received a text message on his Samsung Galaxy smart phone from Australia’s leading poet that he should really start using environmentally friendly garbage bags that met with the approval of Pope Francis.

Oh well, Goatee thought to himself, he really didn’t have time to find an environmentally friendly garbage bag now because as one might now say of the late brainless bus driver’s remains, “Lord, he stinketh.” (A line that had been used originally by another one of Donald Trump’s ancestors- an Elizabethan-Jacobean theatre 🎭 critic after a negative 👎 review he wrote of William Shakespeare’s Hamlet).

Pan Goatee then went to another drug dealer gang controlled neighbourhood in the city and poured gasoline on the brainless bus driver’s remains and threw the bag through the window of the neighbourhood’s main drug selling house.

This caused a 32-alarm fire that burned down the entire neighbourhood and made roasted toasted very well done marshmallows out of drug gang members.

Once again Pablo Escobar’s ghost wept over the spectacle and Nero’s ghost stood there scratching his chin 🤔 wondering what tune he should play on his violin 🎻 as this had been happening so often lately, he was starting to run out of fresh tunes for his audience.

. . .

Donald Trump was sitting at his desk in the Oval Office looking immensely depressed.

He wasn’t immensely depressed because of what journalist and writer Bob Woodward had reported about him Donald Trump in the investigative reporter’s latest book.

He was depressed because he hadn’t been invited to attend Aretha Franklin’s funeral last Friday.

As such, he missed out on the opportunity to ogle Ariana Grande’s shapely and lovely derrière.

Why should Crooked Hillary’s husband get to have all the fun?

Meanwhile on the Twitterer-In-Chief’s desk, a severed charcoal burnt human hand was desperately trying to get Trump’s attention by pointing at a certain spot on the globe of the world on Trump’s desk.

. . .

Meanwhile in the province of Idlib, Syria 🇸🇾, a radical Islamist militant terrorist group (acting on the orders of Donald Trump’s, Emmanuel Macron’s and Theresa May’s intelligence agencies) was preparing a chemical weapons attack against civilians in the region to give the 3 western leaders an excuse to bomb the Hell out of Damascus in a last ditch western effort to drive Bashar al-Assad out of power.

Unbeknownst to Donald Trump, a 300,000 man Russian military force was in the Mediterranean (a sea 🌊 that Trump was unable to locate on the globe of the world) heading straight towards Allied forces aimed against Syria 🇸🇾.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday September 4th


  1. David Redpath said,

    Perhaps Nero’s ghost should
    play ‘livin’ la vida loca’ on
    his fiddle 🎻?
    As Enrique Martín Morales, commonly known as Ricky Martin, was Pablo Escobar’s 
    second favourite export to
    the U.S., after the Mexican
    marching powder, of course.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      That’s an excellent idea, David.

      Nero can play Livin’ La Vida Loca on his violin 🎻 and Ricky Martin can go to Parliament Hill in Ottawa and sing at the opening of the Canadian Parliament a paraphrased version of one of his old hits, “A little bit of marijuana in my life, a little bit of cannabis by my side…”

      • David Redpath said,

        “Just me, and Justin Trudeau,
        doing some blow 🎶
        A gift from Pablo Amigo.
        Just don’t tell Sophie …
        things could get a bit Grégoire!”

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Excellent, David. 😂🤣

  2. Hyperion said,

    I suspect Pan Goatee with all his skill and public servitude will find himself trying to drain the fathomless ugly pool with a teaspoon. What he needs is a secret DARPA weapon that can sense genetic abhorrations and automaticallly vaporize the host unless Pan Goatee chooses manual override. Next, he needs to surreptitiously hide the machine on every Google maps car driving in every city of the world. That should get results. Next, we slip Panty Goatee inside the Swiss Guard at the Vatican and soon afterward all the Pedoes are found choked to death with the littlest mermaid themed panties. And for the GOO and his minions we need a regular cameo from Sherrielock Holmes to keep the GOO and staff whipped into shape. Just my two cents on world affairs.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      I think your two cents worth on world affairs are the trillion dollar solution to the major problems facing the world, Daniel. 😀

      • Hyperion said,

        LOL, I am so happy to contribute meaningful dialog on geopolitical exasperations and the GOOey situation we are all faced with.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        I much prefer gooey situations caused by certain Virgin Radio celebrity endorsements on TV commercials than GOOey situations caused by the toupee wearing bozo in the Oval Office. 🤣

      • Hyperion said,

        Oh I agree. If one must be gooey then let it be as a result of Virgin Radio and not Deflowered Butt News (DBN) out of the swamp (yet to be drained as promised)

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        ROTFLMFAO! 😂🤣

  3. Orvillewrong said,

    Every city should have its own Pan Goatee, bring beauty back into the world!

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