Dashwood Forrest’s iPhone FaceTime Chat With Ivanka Trump

September 5, 2018 at 10:09 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

Dashwood Forrest’s iPhone FaceTime Chat With Ivanka Trump

Dashwood Forrest the owner of The Dashwood Forrest Art Gallery in London England was going to have an iPhone FaceTime chat with a good friend and good client Ivanka Trump the daughter of the U.S. President.

He had already dialled the number and Ivanka’s face appeared on his iPhone screen.

She appeared to be unaware that they had connected and was busy writing something down on a notebook.

She knocked the iPhone down on top of the notebook and Dashwood was getting an extremely close-up view of her writing.

Ivanka picked up the iPhone when she suddenly noticed she had a live connection.

“Dashwood, is that you?” She asked.

“Yes, it’s me, Dashwood Forrest, Dublin born and raised man about London town and gentleman Extraordinaire,” the Oscar Wilde admiring art historian replied.

Ivanka looked at her Rolex watch.

“I guess this was the time we said we were going to talk, wasn’t it?” She noted the time.

“It was,” Forrest answered.

“You didn’t by chance see what I had written in that notebook did you when I knocked my iPhone down on top of it?” Ivanka looked worried.

“No, the writing was a bit too close up for me to read anything,” Forrest answered.

“Thank God,” Ivanka looked relieved.

“Say, Mr. Forrest,” Mulligan the Irish zombie 🧟‍♂️ who was Dashwood Forrest’s living day manservant suddenly appeared in the room alongside Forrest holding a copy of The New York Times in one hand and a pint of Guinness in the other, “Did you read this anonymous editorial in The New York Times by some high-ranking Trump Administration official saying they’re working hard to protect the American people from Trump? I wonder who that person might be?”.

“Jesus,” Ivanka turned red and disconnected the call.

“Mulligan, I wish you wouldn’t wear that Nude Photo of Golda Meir t-shirt in public nor come barging into the office unannounced wearing it while I’m on FaceTime,” Forrest scolded, “you often frighten people off that way even more than your zombie 🧟‍♂️ look.”

Meanwhile at her desk, Ivanka wiped the perspiration off her forehead.

Meanwhile her father had just tweeted TREASON!

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday September 5th


  1. Fiery said,

    Love this satirical, twisted humour you do. Literally NO ONE else does this and that is unbelievable these days. Everyone seems to be a writer or poet or satirist or dare I say “blogger” . Uurgh.

    What else do you like to write? There must be other things swimming in that head. I mean , yes I’ve read different styles of yours but is there something else that’s really close to your heart that perhaps you only reveal in journals or on paper that never really sees the light of day ? Just a question .


    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Funny, you should ask that question, Fiery. ❤️

      45 minutes ago, I was just thinking about a movie I hadn’t thought about in years (probably because I haven’t watched it in about 10 years because I no longer have the video nor do they ever show it on television even though in my opinion it was the best romantic movie ever made in the 1990s) which is on my Top 10 list of my favourite movies of all time.

      The movie was the 1990 film Green Card with Andie MacDowell and Gerard Depardieu (the best movie that Andie MacDowell ever made in my opinion and she did some great ones- Groundhog Day as well as Four Weddings and A Funeral).

      I was thinking about the character played by Gerard Depardieu.

      How his anguish and heartbreak in the film seems to be my heartbreak and anguish these days.

      How his words throughout the film seem to eloquently express his heartbreak and anguish whereas I seem to have trouble these days finding the words to express my heartbreak and anguish.

      So I guess if you want to know what words I might express in a personal journal 📓 if I could find the words to express them, locate the movie Green Card 1990 with Andie MacDowell and Gerard Depardieu and watch it.

      It really is a true great motion picture which to my amazement very few people have watched or even heard of for that matter.

      Words like when he says to Andie MacDowell’s character of Bronte “You make me hear music again” or in a conversation he has with another man, he says of Bronte, “She has peace. I don’t have peace.”

      • Fiery said,

        My dearest vampire slayer,

        I love that movie. I’ll tell you , in the early 90s after my parents divorced, my dad had custody of me on the weekends. I was around 10 or 11. We used to go the video shop and I would always rent the same films. Green card was one. Groundhog Day another. Ghostbusters, lol, Licence to Drive (I was a fan of the Coreys- Haim and Feldman.) The back to the future films and others i can’t remember now but surely will. Labyrinth was another, the breakfast club… I love 80s and 90s films (and music, hence my thrusting of More than Words upon my WP followers yesterday. ) I haven’t watched green card for around 20 years but now I really want to! I wonder if Netflix or Amazon prime have it? I’ll check.)

        You seem very connected to emotions and thoughts beyond your own. You should just write without thinking and see what comes out. My little secret is, any poem.or story or whatever I publish here is NEVER planned. I open a new draft and write. The only exception was the little sizzler I wrote the day before yesterday which had been brewing in my head for weeks and I only let it out the other day. But I find that just letting raw words pour out always brings delight, sometimes heartbreak, sometimes love sometimes things I couldn’t even conceive of.
        I don’t wish to overstep any lines here, but we can write something together if you like, or if you don’t do that, just imagine you’re back in your 20s or teens and think what would that dashing young man would want to say. And just say it. Your readers adore you and would relish in something like that from you.

        Lots of love ❤️

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        I’m waiting to meet my Bronte like in the case of Gerard Depardieu’s character or my Christine Daae like in the case of Erik the Phantom the way his character was portrayed in Andrew Lloyd Webber’s The Phantom of The Opera.

      • Fiery said,

        The Phantom of the Opera…sigh…
        and so our similarities in tastes grows, dearest slayer of vampires.
        I adore it. It is my dream to go and see it live in the west end (Broadway of London, lol)

        I sing those songs at the top of my voice. On good days!

        What form do you think you’re Brontë will take?

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        I’m not sure what form my Bronte might take, Fiery.

        That’s interesting what you said about the West End London production of The Phantom of The Opera.

        Because my dad visited Greece back in the spring of 1991 touring the country by bus and then taking a cruise of the eastern Mediterranean visiting Crete and the city of Constantinople.

        But his flight from Canada to Athens was not a direct one so he stayed overnight in London both on his way there and his way back.

        But the spring of ‘91 was after the 1st Gulf War against Saddam Hussein had ended and a lot of people thought that the Gulf War would last longer than it did with the public fear of Saddam using missiles loaded with chemical weapons so consequently there were not many tourists visiting either London or the eastern Mediterranean that spring.

        Anyways on his overnight hotel stay in London prior to flying Olympia Airways to Athens, he took a walk through London’s West End theatre district and happened to see the theatre 🎭 where Andrew Lloyd Webber’s The Phantom of The Opera was playing.

        On a hunch he decided to ask the Theatre front desk whether there were any tickets available that evening.

        And because that portion of the theatre reserved for tourist patrons was practically empty (due to no bookings because of fears of the Gulf War), there were seats available.

        So my dad bought one and actually got to see a West End London theatre production of Andrew Lloyd Webber’s The Phantom of The Opera.

        I have one of the characters in my vampire novel the New Orleans songstress and vampiress Angelique Dumont occasionally playing the role of Christine Daae in the West End London theatre production of Andrew Lloyd Webber’s The Phantom of The Opera.

      • Fiery said,

        I find our little exchanges of moments so warming, my dear. Your dad must have seen the original cast with Michael Crawford and Sarah Brightman (Lloyd Webber’s inspiration for Christine, obviously)
        During the time you talk you about…gosh I was flooded with memories. My mother sued to leave me with her cousin and her husband at that time sometimes . Her husband was a soldier in the gulf war. She had cats and I am violently allergic to cats and yet my mother would still deem it okay to take me there, meanwhile I would suffer Asta attacks and cling to my inhaler for dear life.
        I think a year or so after that, our little select choir at school chose to showcase songs from Phantom and I fell in love with it then. Think of Me was a favourite, and All I Ask of You. And of course, The title song. I would desperately try to reach her high notes and sometimes succeeded.

        Very easy to share with you, vampire slayer


      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Wow! That would be something if he got to see Sarah Brightman.

        It was about 2005 or 2006 or so that a friend of mine who lived in Texas (that I met at the Journalspace blogging sight) recommended that I watch Sarah Brightman music videos on YouTube.

        I did and I fell in love with her singing.

        I think it was about 2009 that I discovered that Sarah had played Christine Daae in Andrew Lloyd Webber’s Phantom.

        But I never put 2 and 2 together and considered the possibility that it was Sarah Brightman that Dad saw as Christine in Phantom.


        That was really an historic production that he saw.

      • Fiery said,

        Right! It must have been her.
        Just read your latest post. Hilarious and genius wrapped into a van helsing shaped package

        I always like to read my favourite friends’ first post and I couldn’t find it on your blog. Can you give me link? It’s just something I have always done .

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Here’s the first blog post I ever wrote here on WordPress way back in June 2007:


      • Fiery said,

        Perfect. On my way

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Hope you enjoy it. ❤️

      • Fiery said,

        I meant “used to” and ” asthma attacks”. Gosh, typos do change the meaning of things sometimes! 😂

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        I click post before finishing my comment.

        And speaking of cats, Andrew Lloyd Webber’s Cats was probably my mother’s favourite musical.

        So that’s all quite interesting. ❤

      • Fiery said,

        Gasp!!!! Old Possum’s Book Of Practical Cats by T.S Elliot which much later in life I found out was the basis for Cats. It was an absolute favourite of mine, it was all dog eared by the time I was about 13 from reading it so much. Keep talking , dear and we may end having been anciently linked by some king or queen dipping their feet in the Mediterranean or the Pacific by mistake, giggle

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Speaking of the Pacific and T. S. Eliot, when I first moved to Vancouver in the autumn of 2012, I was sitting having dinner in the Cactus Club restaurant which is right on the beach at the City of Vancouver’s English Bay on the Pacific Ocean.

        On the table I was sitting at, I had my notebook 📓 open and I was busy doing some writing while I looked out at the ocean and ate at the same time.

        There was an elderly woman sitting at the next table who kept looking at me while I was doing this.

        When she paid her bill, she got up and came over to my table and asked, “Excuse me but are you a writer?”.

        I said Yes, and she said, “I thought so and I expect you’re a very good writer as well.”

        I said, “Well, I certainly hope so,”

        She said, “I think that’s the case. Because I was looking at you and the way you stared out at the ocean and the way you observed everything as you were writing in your notebook brought back many memories for me from when I was a young woman. You see I only ever encountered one other human being who stared and observed in the very exact same manner as you did before writing something in your notebook. And that man was my boss. I worked for him as his secretary when I was in my early 20s having fled from my native Denmark to England in the early 1940s with the outbreak of war. My boss was a writer. Have you ever heard of T.S. Eliot?”.

        Of course I had.

        “You worked for T. S. Eliot?” I was shocked.

        “That’s right,” she nodded, “and as I say, you’re the first person I’ve encountered who reminds me of him.
        I wish I could stay and talk to you for a while longer. But I have to get to sleep early tonight. I’m flying back to England tomorrow.”

        So that was one meeting I’ll never forget.

        Being told by T. S. Eliot’s former secretary that I was the first person she had ever encountered since Eliot that reminded her most of Eliot,

        That would certainly be something to be as great a writer as he was.

      • Fiery said,

        Wow!!!!! Wow!!!!!!!!! I love that! Oh my gosh… unbelievable. I like you even more now. That’s such a prescient moment in your life and I feel so privileged to know it.
        So I’ve written something slightly out of character for me today, and I am giving you a nod in my little preface because it’s about vampires, kind of (!) and I just wrote it in the space between our previous comment and this one. I hope you like it! ❤️

  2. Orvillewrong said,

    Trump is trumped by one of his own!

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yes, quite literally, justice in the end.

      The product of one’s loins kicks one in one’s loins. 🤣

  3. Hyperion said,

    Waaa haaa haaaa! The visuals are enough to make Pan Goatee cringe. I do like that while the GOO is tweeting his clever tweets of State positions on current affairs, the underground resistance led by the GOO family is making inroads into expressing a different view which always results in someone getting fired and another scandalous book published.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yes, it’s the Imperial Rome of the Caesars all over again.

      While the Emperor was busy giving the ancient Roman equivalent of firings (sending signed written Imperial edicts to various important Empire officials telling them to commit suicide), the Emperor’s family was busy plotting behind his back.

      • Hyperion said,

        History repeats itself once again. We have incorporated much of old Rome in our lives, including the nefarious dealings of the Senate and the bawdy buggery of the bathhouses.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Now all that remains is for a would-be Emperor to be stabbed on the steps of the Capitol prior to addressing the Senate.

      • Hyperion said,

        Which would usher in Lord Bernie and the brutal crackdown on the Hildebeast and the Deplorables she sought to disenfranchise from the book of life. All the political problems solved, Lord Bernie would then bring about a more lucious civilization based on sex, drugs, and rock n roll music. If one is going to live in a dystopia, it might as well be fun. Bernie, Bernie, he’s our man. If he can’t do it, nobody can. Gooooooo Bernie!

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        He should ask the Governor of Vermont to make him an honourary colonel in the Vermont State Militia.

        A Col. Sanders running for President would be a shoe-in among the electorate.

      • Hyperion said,

        Brilliant idea! Also, we should insist Bernie hang out with Renfield in the hot tub and the visits to various clubs known for their bunnies and then some refinement from Dashwood Forrest and viola! We have the perfect politician to lead the country to its Romanesque future. Bernie for Emperor!!!

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        And then he can lounge in America’s equivalent of the Isle of Capri and play with “little fishes” in hot water swimming pools like Tiberius did.

      • Hyperion said,

        Dang! I think I want the job now. My famous quote will be like the Queen of Hearts, off with their heads. That should keep things rolling along smoothly. 😁

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Very much so. 😀

      • Hyperion said,

        Of course, I would load my cabinet with all of the folks down at Set Enterprises and make Pan Goatee the Secretary of Offense where his job will be to eliminate all offensive people starting with ugly journalists opposed to my Vampiric Republic. 🧛🏻‍♂️😆

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        An excellent idea.?🤣

  4. ortensia said,

    I loved this one,the sarcasm is amazing as much as the imaginary….and …welll….how nice would be to have trump trumped 😂😂😂😂

  5. Apple Rae said,

    I agree with Fiery, no one does this kind of humour in the most extraordinary way other than you. You’re one of those writers that always keep me wondering like how do you do it? All that wit and humour, where do they come from? I am jealous of your mind, to be honest 🤩 thanks for always making me smile and laugh with your writing, Chris 😍 Very well done ♥️

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Thank you, Apple. ❤️

      I really appreciate your comment. 😍

      Glad that I am always able to make you laugh and smile 😊.

      Many many thanks. 💕

      • Apple Rae said,

        You’re welcome, Chris. Keep making us happy with your posts! You’re doing great ♥️

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Thanks so much, Apple. ❤️

  6. David Redpath said,

    Good to hear from Mulligan again. I was
    concerned at his rate of disintegration.
    A bit like the Trump Administration.
    A famous revolutionary once said
    that the Tree of Freedom needs the
    occasional watering with the bucket
    of Treason.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yes, Mulligan was really falling to pieces for a while there.

      Particularly after he landed on top of that Hamas suicide bomber at the opening of the U.S. Embassy in Jerusalem.

      But fortunately Set Enterprises’ Dr. Cadbury Rocher got him put back together again.

  7. David Redpath said,

    …. Or was it the blood of martyrs?
    Anyway, I’m sure Ivanka is ready
    willing, and able, to give those tree
    roots a good splashing.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yes, Ivanka will splash those trees with the buckets of both.

      What Julia Augusti Filia was to Caesar Augustus, Ivanka will be to the Donald.

      • David Redpath said,

        Perhaps even Nimrod and
        Semiramis in reverse …
        No, even for Donald the Duck,
        that would be too Ivankan perverse!

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        It would indeed.

  8. velvetscreams said,

    Woah!😂….this is my best so far!…that sarcasm tho

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