Pan Goatee Beheads Ugly Airhead, Pope Francis Blows Baphomet and Renfield Gets Tip On Syria Chemical Attack

September 7, 2018 at 10:58 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Spy Tales, Vampire novel) (Allatallahbel, Donald Trump, Pan Goatee, Renfield R. Renfield, Syria, The Baphomet, The Vampiric Knights-Templar, Vampiress Priestess of Baal)

Pan Goatee Beheads Ugly Airhead, Pope Francis Blows Baphomet and Renfield Gets Tip On Syria Chemical Attack

Pan Goatee was walking down the middle stairwell of the public transit train station when a typical stupid ugly looking white woman in this city tried to race him down the stairs on the other stairwell.

Pan Goatee ran like Hermes after he got a hot poker shoved up his ass by Hephaestus (things that now go on at modern Establishment Democratic Party conventions during the after hours) and beat the ugly looking white woman down the stairs.

“You can’t outrun me, you stupid ugly looking thing,” Pan Goatee shouted back at the product of faulty genetics without bothering to look at the putrid mess.

He then boarded the train.

He was shocked to see the ugly looking thing follow after him on the train and then in an act of blatant airheadedness actually sat next to the genetically created satyr serial killer.

Pan Goatee immediately beheaded the ugly creature for such a blatant failure of a female IQ test.

He then cut her up into 666 quintillion pieces.

Looking around for a garbage bag, he couldn’t see any so he stole a University student’s knapsack instead.

He threw all the pieces inside the knapsack while the University student said aloud, “Well, at least I’ll have a far more interesting excuse this time than the dog ate my homework for not completing last night’s class assignment.”

Goatee then stole a container of gasoline as he didn’t have any cash on him and he had gone over this month’s DARPA Credit Card Amount of $650 million.

He then set fire 🔥 to the knapsack containing the pieces of the ugly looking creature and hurled it through the window of yet another drug house in a drug gang controlled neighbourhood.

This time Pabo Escobar’s ghost had to drop ghostly spectral Artificial Tears 😭 in his eyes to start bawling 😭 over the fire 🔥 as he had developed a bad case of dry eyes 👀 as a result of too much crying 😢 over the many fires in drug gang controlled neighbourhoods that Pan Goatee had started lately.

As fire trucks 🚒 arrived on scene to fight the 66-alarm fire 🔥 in this neighbourhood, Nero’s ghost speaking into his ghostly microphone announced to the spectators of the massive blaze, “I’d like to specially dedicate this next tune to Pan Goatee” and proceeded to play on his violin 🎻 the tune to that song by The Supremes, “Whenever you are near, I hear a symphony…”

. . .

“Some bad news, Mr. President,” a White House aide who had been forced to sign a loyalty oath in blood that morning spoke to Donald Trump.

“What is it?” Trump asked, “Another gutless anonymous editorial by someone accusing me of being mentally unbalanced?”.

Trump proceeded to comb his toupee into an Emperor Napoleon Bonaparte looking hairstyle and then held a small black comb under his nose to make it look like he was sporting an Adolf Hitler moustache.

“No, the CIA is complaining about cutbacks to their programs,” his aide said.

“But I thought I increased spending for the CIA’s budget as well as the military budget and the ICE budget to say nothing of extensive tax cuts for the nation’s top 1% earners,” Trump looked shocked, “the only programs where I massively cut spending were programs for the poor, the sick and the elderly.”

“No, the CIA is complaining about cutbacks to their covert non-government funded black ops programs whose funding is provided by the Colombian and Mexican drug cartels,” his aide explained, “The Colombian and Mexican drug cartels are upset because they think you ordered DARPA contract assassin Pan Goatee to burn down drug gang controlled neighbourhoods in Western Canada.”

“But I gave Pan Goatee no such order,” Trump exploded and blew the honey coloured red spider monkey fur toupee off his head, “I sent him as an Emissary of Peace to deal with wealthy Western Canadians who have been donating large sums of money to Prime Minister Justin Trudeau’s Canadian Federal Liberal Party. It’s part of my ongoing NAFTA negotiations. I never even mentioned drugs.”

. . .

Pope Francis had been instructed by Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal to perform an act of obeisance to Baphomet the half-goat half-human half-male half-female entity who was worshiped by the Vampiric Knights-Templar.

Holding on to his twisted Crucifix episcopal crozier whose image resembled the Frankenstein monster more than it did Jesus Christ, Pope Francis knelt down in front of the Baphomet who stood at the High Altar inside the papal chapel.

Baphomet’s male sex organ then became erect as the entity thought about Caitlyn Jenner.

“Now you must give the Baphomet a blow job as part of your obeisance,” Allatallahbel ordered as she sprinkled her High Priestess dress with the blood of innocents.

“What?” Pope Francis’s face turned ashen white.

One of the Vampiric Knights-Templar played the Boy George song Karma Chameleon on a pair of Scottish bagpipes.

. . .

Renfield R. Renfield was being interviewed by BBC News on Barack Obama’s criticism of Donald Trump.

“I think it was for the most part justified,” Renfield answered, “the only part where I’d disagree is where he says that the Republican Party have been the ones responsible for all the divisiveness and paranoia in America the past few decades. The Democrats have been largely responsible for much of the divisiveness and paranoia as well. Ever since South Dakota Sen. George McGovern (described by his Democratic Presidential primaries rival Washington Sen. Henry “Scoop” Jackson as the candidate of “amnesty, acid and abortion”) won the Democratic Party Presidential nomination in 1972, the Democrats have become a gang of abortion loving, hashish loving degenerate and perverted far left-wing bozos which has produced an opposite extreme in the Republican Party in its Tea Party wing. If I had been there, I’d have given O’ Bummer the raspberry he so richly deserved at that point.”

When Renfield had finished the interview, he was handed a package 📦.

He gave it to a New York Times reporter to open thinking it might be a return present 💝 from Russian President Vladimir Putin whom he had recently sent a package.

The fake news correspondent opened it and no explosions took place.

“A whole bunch of documents,” said the reporter.

Renfield looked at the documents.

They were plans detailing a plan by a rogue branch of Britain’s MI-6 to launch a chemical weapons attack on civilians in the Idlib province of Syria and then blame the government of Syrian President Bashar al-Assad to justify an all out western assault on Damascus to overthrow Assad.

As Renfield looked at the documents and the dates on it, he realized he’d be racing against time to prevent an attack on Syrian civilians.

– A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday September 7th
2018.